Guys only talking about themselves instead of getting to know you

[sayitasitis]

Been texting a guy lately and all he does seems to talk or tell me about himself. Besides the how are yous, he doesn't really ask about me or follow-up questions about what I said.

 

It seems quite a few guys I met have a tendency to focus on themselves rather than finding out more about me.

 

I lose interest in these people. I know there will be some of you that say I should tell them how I feel about them not showing enough interest in me but I find that redundant.

 

It seems to be an inherent issue. And even if they ask questions after I say something about it, I'm going to feel that it's forced instead of them showing genuine interest.

 

What's with guys these days?

 

With such guys, do you still give it a try or next?

[miss_jaclynrae]

I would next.

[Maleficent]

Well.

Are you asking him questions about him or are you just talking about yourself?

[Treasa]

Next.

 

When I first started dating my narcissistic ex, I first told him I liked him (he was shy), and then we spent three hours in the middle of the night that night while he talked about himself, his ex, etc. I should have gotten out at THAT point.

 

Lesson learned.

 

I love hearing about others. I really do. And I love talking. But you have to know when to switch to the other person.

[sayitasitis]

I'm the one always asking the questions and follow-up questions because I'm curious.

 

I do talk a little about myself but after a while I don't even feel like sharing anymore because I feel like I'm talking to a wall.

 

Wouldn't mind listening to someone yakking about themselves if at least I feel like he's showing some interest in knowing about me.

[hppr]

Been texting a guy lately and all he does seems to talk or tell me about himself. Besides the how are yous, he doesn't really ask about me or follow-up questions about what I said.

 

It seems quite a few guys I met have a tendency to focus on themselves rather than finding out more about me.

 

I lose interest in these people. I know there will be some of you that say I should tell them how I feel about them not showing enough interest in me but I find that redundant.

 

It seems to be an inherent issue. And even if they ask questions after I say something about it, I'm going to feel that it's forced instead of them showing genuine interest.

 

What's with guys these days?

 

With such guys, do you still give it a try or next?

 

Could be that you are attracted to men who are self-centered. Also the questions or comments you make might not be open-ended.

[sayitasitis]

Could be that you are attracted to men who are self-centered. Also the questions or comments you make might not be open-ended.

 

I'm not attracted to these men. They approached me. I didn't approach them. And I'm losing interest because of their narcissism.

 

Anyway, if the questions I made weren't open-ended, then that's worse. The guys just talked free flow.

[Maleficent]

Hmm maybe you are asking way too many questions?

 

Sometimes, when a man only asks me questions, I get bored and just answer the questions.

 

Maybe he wants to ask you questions but you just keep on asking and having him talk more about himself...

[Emilia]

I'm the one always asking the questions and follow-up questions because I'm curious.

 

I do talk a little about myself but after a while I don't even feel like sharing anymore because I feel like I'm talking to a wall.

 

Wouldn't mind listening to someone yakking about themselves if at least I feel like he's showing some interest in knowing about me.

That last sentence made me laugh out loud

 

Totally concurr

[sayitasitis]

Hmm maybe you are asking way too many questions?

 

Sometimes, when a man only asks me questions, I get bored and just answer the questions.

 

Maybe he wants to ask you questions but you just keep on asking and having him talk more about himself...

 

Oh. I should have elaborated.

 

That may be true at the beginning. But after knowing their narcissism, I've stopped asking or initiating. They still write to tell me about themselves though. Now I believe they just like to know someone is reading what then write about themselves. They really just want an audience.

[crude]

If someone is THAT into themselves, it's best to leave them to themselves. They're better off alone, thinking about themselves and occasionally checking themselves out in the mirror. It's not only men like that though, believe it or not, some women are heavily into themselves too. ps I love overusing the word "themselves".

[Maleficent]

Oh. I should have elaborated.

 

That may be true at the beginning. But after knowing their narcissism, I've stopped asking or initiating. They still write to tell me about themselves though. Now I believe they just like to know someone is reading what then write about themselves. They really just want an audience.

 

Hmmm. But then again...

 

You see you portrayed two extremes behaviours. Asking all the questions and asking no questions.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem to me like you are having conversations...not 'real' conversations anyways...

 

At first you were asking all the questions and you suddenly stopped so the guy is probably freaking out thinking you've lost interest. And so he just keeps talking about him and his day and what he did.

 

Once I had a Skype date with someone I had met online and the guy was just sitting there going hmmmhmm, yes, ok. and as soon as I would stop talking there would be this awkward silence. So I just kept talking....

 

 

In the end - it all depends on whether or not you like him. If you do like him though, I would suggest having a talk about this...

[TheGuard13]

Maybe be more interesting?

 

Volunteer more about yourself?

[normal person]

Maybe be more interesting?

 

Volunteer more about yourself?

 

I disagree, she shouldn't have to volunteer the information. Lots of people have the tact not to talk about themselves unless asked. To me there's almost a slight arrogance in assuming people care that much before they even ask. That's something I don't really understand.

 

If you're out with someone, it should be assumed that there's at least a mutual interest in learning more about each other. If the guy makes no attempt to ask a question, isn't at all curious about her, and can't seem to imagine how he comes off when all he does is talk about himself endlessly, he lacks basic social skills. When I'm interested in someone, I want to know everything about them; what makes them tick. If this guy can't be bothered to reciprocate a question, he's not worth the OP's time in my opinion. I'd move on pretty quickly if I were her.

[Keenly]

I'm the one always asking the questions and follow-up questions because I'm curious.

 

I do talk a little about myself but after a while I don't even feel like sharing anymore because I feel like I'm talking to a wall.

 

Wouldn't mind listening to someone yakking about themselves if at least I feel like he's showing some interest in knowing about me.

 

 

 

I am confused. You ask him questions. He answers.

[Els]

Eh, wouldn't really be my type.

 

Are you allowing silence to linger a little, though? I used to have a relative that literally did an interrogation: she'd ask question after question without any break in between, and then complain that people aren't 'opening up' to her. Not saying that that is necessarily what you're doing, just something to be aware of.

 

If you're giving him ample space to ask, and he just takes that space to talk MORE about himself rather than ask about you... yeah, not a good sign.

[normal person]

I am confused. You ask him questions. He answers.

 

He doesn't reciprocate any of the questions, doesn't stop talking about himself, and displays little to no interest in getting to know her. I'm confused.

[Gottabestrong]

I usually 'next' them.

 

Luckily I have not run into too many men like that in the past, but I've been on the odd date where a guy did not stop talking about himself for 90% of the time we were together. Even if I did not ask any questions! It used to annoy me, but nowadays I get a little amused by it, I just let them prattle on and wonder at what point they will realize that I have not said a word in over 20 minutes. Luckily that makes me loose all interest in them and I don't care if they ever want to see me again.

 

Though to be fair, there is this one guy that I went on a few dates with in March and even though he seriously held up about 95% of the conversation, I still hang out with him on occasion, because he is very educated and actually has interesting things to say. But I am definitely not interested in him romantically.

[serial muse]

I disagree with those who are suggesting your conversational style is at fault, OP. Sounds like you're being polite and doing your best to foster conversation; these guys just aren't getting it. That's on them.

 

So, yeah, I think the problem is more about the type of guys you've gone out with recently. You seem to have run into a string of self-absorbed guys; but of course, lots of guys aren't like that at all - which is to say, I don't think it's a modern problem or anything.

 

Can you think of the common connection between these dudes - i.e., where are they approaching you? And when they approach you, do they ask you questions about yourself or in anyway telegraph that they're going to be self-absorbed? Is it possible that you're responding positively to an initial approach that, unfortunately, has this downside? Just some thoughts.

[FitChick]

Information is power. Listen very carefully and learn.

[SJC2008]

I'm like you I always meet women who only focus on themselves and hardly ask antything about me. I'm talking about spending dam near a whole date talking about themselves. You need to find somene who beleives in balance, something very hard to find for both sexes.

Edited June 11, 2013 by SJC2008

[sayitasitis]

Hmm maybe you are asking way too many questions?

 

Sometimes, when a man only asks me questions, I get bored and just answer the questions.

 

Maybe he wants to ask you questions but you just keep on asking and having him talk more about himself...

 

Errrrrr. He writes non-stop about himself. I don't even need to ask any questions anymore.

 

For the record, I did ask questions in the beginning, I still do one or two now. But I realized I never had to anymore. You should see the way he writes. It's like he's writing his own biography.

 

On the contrary, I wish he would ask me questions! Or follow-up questions when I volunteer information!

 

Hmmm. But then again...

 

You see you portrayed two extremes behaviours. Asking all the questions and asking no questions.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't seem to me like you are having conversations...not 'real' conversations anyways...

 

At first you were asking all the questions and you suddenly stopped so the guy is probably freaking out thinking you've lost interest. And so he just keeps talking about him and his day and what he did.

 

Once I had a Skype date with someone I had met online and the guy was just sitting there going hmmmhmm, yes, ok. and as soon as I would stop talking there would be this awkward silence. So I just kept talking....

 

 

In the end - it all depends on whether or not you like him. If you do like him though, I would suggest having a talk about this...

 

It's not a conversation. Because I don't feel valued. I'm not doing anything wrong. I've had perfectly normal conversations with other people. I'm not abnormal.

 

I didn't stop asking questions. I just ask fewer now because there's no need to ask questions. He contacts me non-stop on emails to talk about himself. We haven't spoken on the phone yet.

 

Maybe be more interesting?

 

Volunteer more about yourself?

 

I did volunteer information about myself. But they just fell into a vacuum. He never asked follow-up questions to show he's interested in the information I volunteered.

 

I disagree, she shouldn't have to volunteer the information. Lots of people have the tact not to talk about themselves unless asked. To me there's almost a slight arrogance in assuming people care that much before they even ask. That's something I don't really understand.

 

If you're out with someone, it should be assumed that there's at least a mutual interest in learning more about each other. If the guy makes no attempt to ask a question, isn't at all curious about her, and can't seem to imagine how he comes off when all he does is talk about himself endlessly, he lacks basic social skills. When I'm interested in someone, I want to know everything about them; what makes them tick. If this guy can't be bothered to reciprocate a question, he's not worth the OP's time in my opinion. I'd move on pretty quickly if I were her.

 

Thank you.

 

I disagree with those who are suggesting your conversational style is at fault, OP. Sounds like you're being polite and doing your best to foster conversation; these guys just aren't getting it. That's on them.

 

So, yeah, I think the problem is more about the type of guys you've gone out with recently. You seem to have run into a string of self-absorbed guys; but of course, lots of guys aren't like that at all - which is to say, I don't think it's a modern problem or anything.

 

Can you think of the common connection between these dudes - i.e., where are they approaching you? And when they approach you, do they ask you questions about yourself or in anyway telegraph that they're going to be self-absorbed? Is it possible that you're responding positively to an initial approach that, unfortunately, has this downside? Just some thoughts.

 

I've met a few people out and about. Some of them even shot me down when I talk about things they aren't interested in. To hell with them.

 

This particular one I'm still in contact is from OLD. We've only been emailing so far.

[TheGuard13]

I did volunteer information about myself. But they just fell into a vacuum. He never asked follow-up questions to show he's interested in the information I volunteered.

 

Maybe the information you volunteered wasn't very interesting to him.

[sayitasitis]

Maybe the information you volunteered wasn't very interesting to him.

 

Possibly. Though he never asked me anything about myself outside of the information I provided.

 

Actually if he found me boring, he could have stopped contacting me. Wouldn't have minded.

 

I think I shall help him do the honor though.

[Steph321]

My first date with my current Bf was like that. He talked about himself ALOT.. To the point where I was a bit turned off. However, I decided to give him a shot because of his persistence. Turns out the guy was terribly nervous and he was just bad at the whole first date thing since he hadn't really dated in awhile. He was also trying hard to impress me.

 

Don't give up so easily. There are some genuinely good guys out there that honestly don't have a damn clue.