Best ways to approach & flirt with men?!

[intherealworld]

Hello LS world

Just to preface this; I'm 3 weeks out of a breakup, together for 6 months total & got pretty serious, but ultimately had a mutual breakup due to him having major health complications that put him out of a job, went broke due to medical bills, & had to move back in with his parents. We are actually on good terms w/ each other now, but don't really talk regularly.

 

I'm not sure if I'm ready to immediately start looking for another relationship as I'm still in the healing process, but I'm definitely ready to start talking & hanging out with available guys. But honestly, I've never really been that great at approaching guys. I always let them approach me, which they do in droves, but it's always the ones who are out for a hookup or casual relationship w/ sex on the regular. When I consider the alternative, approaching guys myself, I'm always afraid that either they are not single, or I'll come off as trying to "pick them up"/hook up with them & that's not what I'm after. So it's kind of a catch 22. This is why I met my last bf online, because most guys out at bars & such seem to only want to hook up. But I'm trying to expand my options because maybe just waiting til a random creep approaches me is not the best gameplan.

 

My question to the guys here, is what is the best approach for a woman to use to "hit on" you without coming across as being out for sex (in any situation, not just at a bar/out at night) What kinds of things have girls said/done to get your attention that left a good impression on you? Are there any ways to tell if a guy is available when he's out with friends? If it helps I am 24 and consider myself well above average in attractiveness. Any tips or pointers would be greatly appreciated

Edited June 11, 2013 by intherealworld

[Zio Corda]

Well, first let me just say that you have a huge advantage. There still aren't that many girls who are willing to approach guys, so I really admire your willingness to put yourself out there! And your reason for doing so makes perfect sense. I regularly encourage girls who are having trouble finding a guy to stop complaining about it and start making things happen.

 

The other benefit to this advantage is that few if any guys have their guard up the way women do, and if you're as attractive as you say you are, you're going to face very little resistance or rejections.

 

The tricky part is as you say, not coming off as looking for a hook up. If you approach complete strangers in single settings (bars, clubs etc.) that's probably exactly what they're going to think. So I recommend looking elsewhere.

 

Best places to look for a decent guy:

1. Amongst your circle of friends, or friends of friends.

2. At non-singles gatherings like meet ups for hobbies and interests.

3. At any other non-singles place: stores, museums, art galleries, libraries, sights, fairs, markets etc.

 

Basically what you want is to 'accidentally' meet someone in a setting where they're not intentionally looking to meet other singles.

 

As for what to say. Just talk! Ask about them, answer their questions about you, and then if you like them ask them out for coffee. No need to make it any more complicated than that.

 

My wife got my attention by laughing at something I said. After that she was just always showing me that she had more than just a 'friendly' interest in me. I've always been naturally shy with girls I like so I'm eternally grateful that she made her interest obvious. Although she swears it wasn't intentional and she was more shy than me...I don't believe her

[chuzzbug]

The rules of approaching people are actually quite simple. It's their consequences that are difficult to digest.

 

Most people think about "approching" someone with the hope of not being rejected.

 

But ask yourself this. Do you want to be rejected by the person that is wrong for you?

 

Yes!

 

Do you want to be rejected by the person that's right for you?

 

No!

 

Ok, so it's no longer just about rejection. It's not being rejected by the person that's a good match - that's important.

 

Ok, so how do you find the person that's a good match?

 

You say and do things that you want a good response to. If you get a good response, then they're good match.

 

For example, let's say a guy you see has a t-shirt on and the shirt says "dog". Now thing of the guy who is just your type. What kind of question could you ask to check whether he's your type?

 

"Is there a leash to go with that?"

"I hope it's not little and mangy."

"I like them big."

"Slobber on me, hairy fellow."

 

Each of those is the right approach, but selects a different guy.

 

I don't mean to turn this into tactical instruction sheet. Just to recap, there's only one thing you need to remember: be yourself. The rest will fall in place.

 

Good luck.