need advice what to do about my husband not wanting sex with me anymore!

[soclose2dend]

i know this question is asked alot here but i am asking it again. my husband and i have been married 7 years, things for the last 2 years have went downhill and even though i have tried and he say he has i don't see things looking any better. infact it has been a month since we have had sex. He rather fall asleep on the couch watching espn. my husband is 27, works alot of hours, touch and kiss me all the time and tell me that he loves me but in my mind i just can't see going a month w/o no sex.

this isn't the first time it has happen, he would break the no cycle sex only when i mention it to him. once i asked if he was having an affair he stated no but he was masturbating and claimed that he would stop and things would be ok....naaaa,

i'm at the point where i don't think this relationship that is on paper as a marriage is fair. right now one person in the relationship needs it not getting meant... i am 32 and i still like to have fun...is it me?

i tried the romatic junk (all the time) that don't work, i make sex dates (that don't work), I have just given up. i just a crush to my self esteem when i go to all the trouble to make something happen and he falls asleep during and once he could keep it up ...this is when i found out again that he had (he say..i don't believe) that he had masturbated the night before.

i am so tried of it...it is just not fair. what else is left for me or us to do. i am so close to looking somewhere else but things are just not safe out there anymore.

HELP!!!!

[Rightlymia]

are you sure he's not cheating?????

[soclose2dend]

i ask , he says no but has been know to lie about other things.

[whichwayisup]

OK I know EXACTLY how you are feeling right now. Except mine (as far as I know) isn't masterbating. Right now things with us are okay, but in the past we went MONTHS w/o sex. I am 33, so I know I got lots of activity left in me and I haven't hit my HIGHs yet with the sexdrive...My hubby isn't the most sexual person but I know he does love me. Stress, daily life in and out DOES play a factor. Men get TOO lazy in a daily routine so you have to shake it up baby!! Flirt with him, fool around with him. MAKE him want you. If you put in that huge effort he won't be able to say no! Don't give up, I know how much it hurts at times to be sexually rejected. Try not to internalize it and make it about you because chances are it has nothing to do with you...It's something in his head or he's just not feeling good about life...Depressed at all? Just wondering.

 

Anyways, hang in there and feel free to PM me, anything I can do to help just let me know!!

[only1life]

No expert here, but have had a few related issues in the past....

 

Best thing you can do is be sure to let him know how you feel, and how important this issue is to you! Does he know how you feel on this? Don't worry about who's fault it is, just work on fixing it, and the best way is to communicate.

 

Once he sees how you really feel, if there is a real "amount of desire" difference between you two, (most relationships do have a difference) then go to a bookstore, there's a ton of books that deal with putting fun back into a relationship. Of course, it will take efforts on both of your parts. Hopefully he will be willing to work on it with you.

 

In any event, don't let yourself go elsewhere for satisfaction. Notice all the posts here with a common theme? Learn from them!

 

Honest Communication! Start now!

[SoleMate]

I recommend a book, The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. It has very practical, tested, specific suggestions on how to deal with this.

 

The problem often goes deeper than just "boredom" that can be solved with a new piece of lingerie or a new position. As you state, lack of sex in marriage can be isolating and discouraging and self-esteem-destroying in a way you can only understand if you have experienced it. Get two copies of the book, and let him know that you love him, but you feel that there is a crisis, and reading the book is your #1 request of him. If he reads it, good. Start using the ideas, and there will be a good chance of getting on track. If he refuses to read it...then you know you have a major problem. As in, "this can't last much longer" kind of problem.

[Grinning Maniac]

I think I'll be the one to be bold and ask... how much are you weighing these days?

[whichwayisup]

Yeah that's real nice GM. Ya know what, I'm perfectly shaped, good bod and all, and still not getting it as much as I would like. Just add to HER issues eh with remarks like that?

 

Why do you blame HER when it seems like it is something going on with HIM??

[soclose2dend]

Grinning Maniac, at least you got me thinking, but I am sure it is not that. I'm a fitness competitor so I must say that my body is tight! But we talked last night and things hopefully will start looking better. whichwayisup, seems you are right...he does have alot of things on his mind. we both do. The book is a good idea, will have to get us a copy. thanks guys even you grinning maniac

[ndnh]

I am in the same situation. My H and I have talked about this, he's seeing a doctor tomorrow. There are things that I don't understand. When first confronted about why we aren't intimate, he replied "I just don't have the desire to do it". After some time, we discussed it again and this time he says that he has a physical problem. Next night his excuse is a mental problem (depression). Next night he is mentally fine (refuses counceling!), it's all physical. I just don't know. I feel like he's keeping something from me. Five years ago, he had an affair with a girl we worked with, she got pregnant, he confessed. We were separated for 4 months, he was seeing her. We decided to work it out. Everything was fine until about a year ago. That's when sex kinda dwindled down to almost non-existant. Maybe once every other month, and lasting about 10 mins. Then less frequent than that.

We have been having sex nightly for about a week now! WOW. But I feel he is just trying to pacify me for the time being. I know he is not telling me something, possibly he had another affair and is feeling guilty. I don't know anymore. Am I crazy? Should I just accept this change? Please help.

[Confissledone]

From what you've said, you love your husband and he loves you...right? All what is simply happening is that he's losing sexual appetite for you from what I can see, unless he's getting it elsewhere (Let's hope not)

What my suggestion to you is that check out a certain website which I cannot give the URL over the boards, and this website talks about 'Hotwifes' I dont know if you're familiar with that term but I'll explain it breafly and you decide whether you want to check out the website or not.

 

Well, you husband loves you and you love him but he will not have sex with you. You can become a 'hotwife' which means you have the freedom to have sex with other men without having emotions, you still love your husband and he simply lets other men do what he no longer does for you. I dont know if you've ever considered that but if all you want is the pleasure, you might want to consider this.

 

Just my point of view, not trying to tell you to go do it.

 

Good luck