how many is too many?? here we go again

[overly worried?]

This relates to the posts a while back about "one night stands: how many is too many" and I just wanted others' opinions on the following situation:

 

A couple of my friends were telling me that I shouldn't be dating this guy because he used to be a "player", that he had slept with a dozen girls, and that he was only after one thing. Well he didn't treat me that way, so although I mentioned it to him, I didn't think too much of it until last night.

 

I was sitting there talking to my boyfriend, when out of the blue, he said "25". I asked him what he was talking about, confused. He then told me that it was the # of sex partners he had over the past 3 years. About 7 of them were one night stands, and the other 18 varied from a short-term to long-term basis.

 

I told him to stop talking, that I did not want to know! If I had wanted to know, I would've asked him. He said he just had an urge to tell me, and that he knew people were probably saying things about him to me. And he wanted me to know all the good AND the bad about him.

 

Why did he tell me this??

 

I remembered the posts on people's pasts and before I felt that a person's past was none of my business and that it should not affect anything. But I don't think I was ready to hear that he had sex with 25 girls. Does that sound like a high number?

 

He said he ended this in July, about a month before we became friends. Even though I'm not a virgin, we haven't had sex yet and so tonight I told him that I wouldnt have sex again until I was married. I said this mainly to see his reaction. Did he want me to be #26?? But he said that was okay and he wasn't looking for just sex.

 

This whole situation brings up some questions:

 

-25 partners = very promiscuous?? Should this be a red flag?

 

-I know people change, but can a person change so quickly and go from having a lot of sex to no sex at all?

 

-What do I do about the girls and guys assuming that he's already had sex with me and that I'm just a number on his list? Or is there even anything I can do about that?

 

-Why did he tell me this?

 

-I know this shouldn't matter at all. I'm trying my best not to be judge him or let it affect us. This was his past, it was before he met me. It has nothing to do with us. But he's only 26. Why do I all of a sudden feel insecure and wonder whether he may go back to his old habits? How do I stop it from bothering me?

 

I think I'm just making a big deal out of nothing, since I just found out. After a couple days, I think I'll be back to normal.

[Tony T]

I don't think you're making a big deal out of this...but I think you're making a big deal out of the wrong thing.

 

Whether a guy has slept with 25 girls or 25000 isn't the issue here, as long as he is disease free. The issue is him bringing it up to you out of nowhere. Just how old is this guy? Anybody who just brings up the number of their sex partners, totally unsolicited and out of nowhere, is either very immature, very insane, or on drugs.

 

If this guy didn't understand that mentioning this up would cause problems for you, he has got to be some kind of dense.

 

I would hang in there, hold to your no sex stance for a good while, and see what direction this goes. It is possible for him to stop his promiscuous ways, surely. But for how long, there's no telling.

 

I think, if he is telling the truth, that having slept with 25 girls in three years is a sign that during that period he was not interested in any kind of meaningful, long term relationship.

 

It's also a good sign that he is a normal American male who enjoys sex and was lucky enough to find 25 chicks to score with.

 

This is one where you are going to have to keep your eyes wide open for a while. Don't forget, he has the phone numbers of 7 girls who are willing to sleep with him for the night.

[Pat]

I think this guy is somebody to be careful about.

 

It's not relevant that he's had 25 relationships, but rather, the fact that he felt compelled to tell you. You have to ask yourself why he shared that with you. Even though he says, because you would have found out, that is not a good reason.

 

It seems that he's very proud of his sexual conquests. And since you are a virgin, you will be hurt in a deep way, by having sex with this guy. Even if he tells you that he is in love with you, or that he's looking for something else in life and that he's changed.

 

As women, we get attached very deeply with the person we have sex with. And its hard to explain, its almost always like that. As men, it is totally different. Men dont' get even 1/20th the attachment that we do.

 

Yes, I think you should be concerned and move on.

[sandy]

My opinion is he is male and young and it was easy for him to get it for what ever reason, so being male he took every opportunity to score , now he is looking for more of a relationship having sowed his wild oats so to speak , he told you so you wouldn't find out later its something you should talk about with him with minimum detail , and for health reasons he should be tested for peace of mind sake for both of you , he obviously cares about you and respects you more then the others, which leaves me to believe you are a special person that he holds dear and cares about , the most important thing to a relationship is communication.

 

you need to know where you stand and what you mean to him ,and what his intentions are . Past is past, but it does come back to haunt us all at times, good or bad .

 

If he is honest and doesn't seem to be hiding anything ,I wouldn't worry about it , but If he shows signs of dishonesty, question everything (and do not sleep with him)

 

Good luck hope it works out for you

[Taressa]

Yes, 25 priors would be quite a shock.

 

Allos yourself the sweetest gift of time to test this experienced man. Time will prove his character and his intent; with patience you will see if he feels love or lust for you.

[overly worried?]

Thank you all for your responses, they helped quite a bit!

 

He said he'd never told anyone that, and he just wanted to be completely honest with me about everything. You all are right, I just need to give it time and see how things go.

 

Thanks

[vi]

sorry to say this, but 25 girls? thats way to many.

 

the average guy sleeps with 6 people in his life.

 

and you say this guy is only 26, if he's averaged 8

 

girls per year, how many more girls will he have sex

 

with in his lifetime? yes u think he's changed and he

 

wants u for u, but if he's been able to get that many

 

girls, maybe whatever method he used to score with them,

 

he is using to score with you. besides, u can just find

 

a guy thats only had a couple sex partners in the past.

 

that way, sex will be something special to both of u.

 

to this man, its just gonna be sex. ive met guys like

 

this. they dont change overnight or over a week or even

 

over a couple months. maybe hes diffrent but be on guard.

 

he can find a sleazy girl thats been with that many people.