Fiancee got lap dance...

[ChessPieceFace]

doesn't mean Im bitter. Awww, the poor men with their fragile egos

 

Actually, that fraction of a sentence alone shows that you are bitter.

[sweetkiwi]

Actually, that fraction of a sentence alone shows that you are bitter.

So :lmao: coming from you!!!

[The Way I Am]

Blah blah blah, more excuses pulled out your a** to justify your selfish desires.

 

Make assumptions much?

 

It is the same thing. At the clubs Ive been to, the random men grinding on you, its the same thing. But hey man, don't call me out on it! Theres no need to create conflict where there is none! Its just a grind, he never kissed me and I never wanted more, get over it!

 

I don't let random men grind on me when I'm in a club whether I have a boyfriend or not. When I was younger and single, I remember once I was really attracted to a guy I met at a club. We got a little crazy but didn't get quite as physical as what a stripper would, but it was more personal than a stripper.

 

In contrast, I've had lap dances from both male and female strippers. It's a person paid to entertain you. Completely impersonal.

 

Seems to me like maybe you're justifying your selfishness. Are you trying to make it seem harmless that you let guys grind on you at clubs while you're in a relationship? Not assuming, just asking, because "the lady doth protest too much".

 

Just because I call men out on their self serving bullsh** doesn't mean Im bitter. Awww,, the poor men with their fragile egos cannot handle a strong woman...

 

I'm a woman, and a strong one at that. Judging by your insecure, irrational arguments, much stronger than you.

[Babolat]

But am I right by thinking that if he really didnt want her on him, then she wouldn't have been on him?!?!?

 

She is a stripper, it's how she makes her money....

 

I too would be uncomfortable in this situation and would probably say No. However, I am sure the stripper could care less and did it anyway for the laughs, embarassment and wait....the money.

[The Way I Am]

My posts aren't irrational and insecure. Having an opinion that doesn't match 100% with yours does not = insecurity and irrationality.

 

What you stated wasn't an opinion. You flat out disagreed with the simple fact that the reverse of a man having a lap dance from a stripper is a female getting a lap dance from a stripper. You claimed that instead, the reverse of a male getting a lap dance from a stripper is a female having a guy grind on her at a club. That's irrational and a double standard.

 

You could hold the opinion that both a lap dance from a stripper and grinding on random people are unacceptable, but it's a double standard to compare one act for one gender to another act for another gender and say "these are the same".

 

And you assumed that I was a male and hurled around a bunch of man-hate, which shows your insecurity the same way misogynists show their insecurity and weakness when they hurl their hate.

[Auguria]

Uh... THE lap dance question...

Well, for me, my perception of what an honest, open, transparent and loving relationship is founded on respect... And boy, do I have an impressive high dose of self-respect, self-esteem, pride and yes, ego, too. I do not frequent, I am not intimate, and most certainly will not be in a relationship with someone frequenting strip bars. I do think I deserve much better than a man who pays women to see them naked. No, thank you.

 

Also, the line of argument that somehow these strippers do not care about the men they dance for, they do it for the money... etc...etc is not impressive. Frankly, I do not care one bit what the intentions of the lovely ladies are. Not one bit. I do not feel threatened by them. They will not have a better body than mine, nor a prettier face. I trust that I am all my man wants and that his inflated crotch, enjoying the "forceful, embarrassing" ride ( ) is just that ... a sexual response deprived of any emotional attachment to the darling in his lap. My dislike of my man frequenting strip clubs is, thus, not rooted in my supposed insecurity. Au contraire. It is rooted on the deep security that I know what I want and need.

 

What to say to the argument that my man is being mercilessly pressured

by his friends? ... Well, I certainly, do not need a high school boy. I would like to think after all that my man is a MAN, and that if he doesn't want the damn dance, he will not get the damn lap dance. It's really not a difficult concept.

 

So yes. I would prefer no strip clubs and no lap dances for my man. No compromises either. If there's something my man should know is that I don't compromise when it comes to my self-respect and values. Ever.

I would also lose all respect for my man. It is a sleazy thing to do.

 

Dear OP. Talk to him. See if it is salvageable. But do not think you are wrong to feel the way you feel.

[Auguria]

What you stated wasn't an opinion. You flat out disagreed with the simple fact that the reverse of a man having a lap dance from a stripper is a female getting a lap dance from a stripper. You claimed that instead, the reverse of a male getting a lap dance from a stripper is a female having a guy grind on her at a club. That's irrational and a double standard.

 

You could hold the opinion that both a lap dance from a stripper and grinding on random people are unacceptable, but it's a double standard to compare one act for one gender to another act for another gender and say "these are the same".

 

And you assumed that I was a male and hurled around a bunch of man-hate, which shows your insecurity the same way misogynists show their insecurity and weakness when they hurl their hate.

 

-- What makes these two actions so irrationally not alike? Is the financial transaction?

[Auguria]

She is a stripper, it's how she makes her money....

 

I too would be uncomfortable in this situation and would probably say No. However, I am sure the stripper could care less and did it anyway for the laughs, embarassment and wait....the money.

 

I don't think many women who have issues with strip clubs are really comforted by this argument. It is not so much about the stripper's intentions ( she is, after all, a nameless and faceless character) but more so about their men's intentions... There lies the dilemma.

 

Perhaps, many women, are afraid that their men's intentions is to be wanting to be turned on by another woman. Which, in some sense, is highly disrspectful to their partner. It makes them feel interchangeable.

[The Way I Am]

-- What makes these two actions so irrationally not alike? Is the financial transaction?

 

They're just not the same thing and people can have differing opinions on them. Just because you're not ok with strippers doesn't mean you're also not ok with clubs and vice versa. Several people here think the club thing is unacceptable but don't see an issue with strip clubs and wouldn't care if their SO went to one once in a blue moon. Several others think both are wrong. I know a guy who thinks that strip clubs are far worse than the club thing, because there's a lack of clothes.

 

So because different people can have differing opinions and feelings on one than the other, they're not the same.

 

You might feel that both of them are wrong, but that doesn't mean that every other person has to feel that way.

 

If you want to do either of those things, you need to be ok with your SO doing them or you have a double standard. If you're ok with one for both you and your SO, that doesn't mean you don't have to ok with your SO doing the other.

[The Way I Am]

?? huh?

 

A female getting a lap dance from a male is the same as a male getting a lap dance from a female. Nowhere did I ever say they aren't the same.

 

So "Blah blah blah, more excuses pulled out your a** to justify your selfish desires." is the way you agree with someone?

 

 

For your own reference:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/400838-fiancee-got-lap-dance-6.html#post5105779

[The Way I Am]

Most men get turned on my strippers, many want more (and a lot do...some strip clubs go further) But oh wait! SHes getting paiddddddd so who cares?

 

Yes, many men do have sex with strippers. Many also have sex with random women they meet in out in grocery stores, shopping malls, etc.

 

If you think your SO is the type of person who would have sex with a stripper, I don't know why you would date them. If I thought for a second that my bf would F a stripper just because she's there for someone's bachelor party, I wouldn't be dating him.

[Auguria]

They're just not the same thing and people can have differing opinions on them. Just because you're not ok with strippers doesn't mean you're also not ok with clubs and vice versa. Several people here think the club thing is unacceptable but don't see an issue with strip clubs and wouldn't care if their SO went to one once in a blue moon. Several others think both are wrong. I know a guy who thinks that strip clubs are far worse than the club thing, because there's a lack of clothes.

 

So because different people can have differing opinions and feelings on one than the other, they're not the same.

 

You might feel that both of them are wrong, but that doesn't mean that every other person has to feel that way.

 

If you want to do either of those things, you need to be ok with your SO doing them or you have a double standard. If you're ok with one for both you and your SO, that doesn't mean you don't have to ok with your SO doing the other.

 

Ah, but see. We're talking about two different things here. It is not the feeling or agreement that one might feel or not upon observing their partners receiving a lap dance or grinding in a strip club. It is about the comparison of action. Whether we like it or not, both actions are, indeed, the same. Genitals grinding with each other, sexual tension building up. Both actions are interchangeable.

 

As for the highlighted above, I might be way ahead, but I think that the inverse would not be very likely. Meaning that although some people might be okay with strip club but not with grinding in a club, very few people who don't agree with strip clubs would thinks that grinding in a strip club is okay.

So it is why when couples are confronted with strip club dilemma, I think, it is a dilemma about something much deeper. It is, indeed, in my view, a question about fundamental compatibility more than " Oh, it's just a girl, naked, touching my hard crotch, but I still love you babe" ...

[Auguria]

Yes, many men do have sex with strippers. Many also have sex with random women they meet in out in grocery stores, shopping malls, etc.

 

If you think your SO is the type of person who would have sex with a stripper, I don't know why you would date them. If I thought for a second that my bf would F a stripper just because she's there for someone's bachelor party, I wouldn't be dating him.

 

Interesting. I am curious: Why do you think men go to strip clubs? What is there possibly so enchanting about strip clubs that men are so determined to frequent them although it might make their partner uncomfortable?

 

In other words, what do men get out of strip clubs in your opinion?

[rainfall]

Yes, many men do have sex with strippers. Many also have sex with random women they meet in out in grocery stores, shopping malls, etc.

 

If you think your SO is the type of person who would have sex with a stripper, I don't know why you would date them. If I thought for a second that my bf would F a stripper just because she's there for someone's bachelor party, I wouldn't be dating him.

 

I know my man would not have sex with a stripper. That is not my issue with strippers and strip clubs. My issue is I do not want another women rubbing her naked body parts all over him. I find that disgusting and disrespectful.

[The Way I Am]

Ah, but see. We're talking about two different things here. It is not the feeling or agreement that one might feel or not upon observing their partners receiving a lap dance or grinding in a strip club. It is about the comparison of action. Whether we like it or not, both actions are, indeed, the same. Genitals grinding with each other, sexual tension building up. Both actions are interchangeable.

 

Um... No. We are comparing how a person would feel about one action vs the other. The argument was that if a man is okay with strip clubs, he has to be okay with his gf dry humping guys on the club dance floor. Being okay with something is based on how you perceive it and feel about it. Neither men nor women have to be ok with their SO grinding in the club simply because they're ok with strip clubs.

 

If we follow the logic that they're one and the same, any man who's given permission by his SO to go to a bachelor party with a stripper is ok if the bachelor party decides instead to hit the club, and he gets freaky with a girl on the dance floor. "We agreed a stripper was ok. So why are you mad at me for grinding on that girl I met instead? It's totally the same thing."

 

If one partner agrees one is ok and the other partner thinks neither is, but neither can agree or get past it, then they probably shouldn't be together.

 

Interesting. I am curious: Why do you think men go to strip clubs? What is there possibly so enchanting about strip clubs that men are so determined to frequent them although it might make their partner uncomfortable?

 

In other words, what do men get out of strip clubs in your opinion?

 

I'm not talking about men frequenting strip clubs. I'm talking about an occasional visit to a strip club for a bachelor party, a 21st birthday party, etc. It's a social thing, and I think most men go for the exact same reason that I've ever gone to strip clubs. Initially because they've never gone before and want to see what the deal is. Then because someone wants to go or has never been before or, in the case of parties, there's a social expectation that there will be a stripper. They don't see it as a any kind of big deal that they need to be the wet blank over by refusing to go.

 

Men who frequent strip clubs are pervs. That's not a social thing. That's creepy and gross. I would never consider dating a guy who frequently went to strip clubs. I would dump him as soon as I found out. No matter how long we'd been dating, I wouldn't be able to date someone like that.

[Iama]

Stop making such a big deal out of it.

Didn't read thread, but he got a lap dance so what??? He also probably masturbates to porn sometimes. Who cares. He's not opening up chances to cheating and that's what's more important

[rainfall]

Stop making such a big deal out of it.

Didn't read thread, but he got a lap dance so what??? He also probably masturbates to porn sometimes. Who cares. He's not opening up chances to cheating and that's what's more important

 

 

If it is a big deal to her they need to reach a compromise together. She should not have to accept something she feels is cheating, disrespectful, disgusting. etc (whatever word she would use) to describe it.

[Simon Phoenix]

If it is a big deal to her they need to reach a compromise together. She should not have to accept something she feels is cheating, disrespectful, disgusting. etc (whatever word she would use) to describe it.

 

That's true, but if she didn't make that known before the fact, she can't be pissed to the point she was when she started the thread. It's not fair, because it's obvious that not everyone sees strip clubs in the same way.

 

Now if you make your disapproval known before and he acknowledges it, then decides to disregard it, then it's all on him.

[eddyctv]

Yes, many men do have sex with strippers.

 

Really? That's news to me.

 

You should reconsider the men you associate yourself with.

[ChessPieceFace]

Cheating:

 

a : anything and everything an individual is not absolutely willing to do directly in front of their partner

 

hope this helps

 

Pooping is cheating?

[Virgil876]

How comical that the same guys who are telling the OP what a psycho she is, and how SHE'S going to 'break up her family' because she's upset about her boyfriend, are the SAME ones who'd probably go ballistic if their girlfriends had a male stripper grinding his junk in her face and she was all turned on.

 

Hypocrites.

 

I also find it quite amusing that everyone is SO sure he told her the complete truth. Men never tell the REAL story if they can help it.

Trust no men!

[Virgil876]

My husband did the EXACT same thing as your fiance did!!! I am still hurt and livid by it. It is cheating in my book. The worst thing is that he was married to me at the time and did this. It still makes me sick thinking about it. No woman should be giving your guy a hard on but you!

I'm sure your husband has gotten hard ons from the pornos he has been watching on the computer, or his phone.

[Knoxpwns]

He got a boner, but that doesn't necessarily mean he enjoyed it. Thats *that* part of a guy. If you stimulate a guy there, he can't just go "Nope" and force a limp-d**k. That's just not how that part works, no matter who they are.

Edited August 8, 2013 by Knoxpwns

[The Way I Am]

Yes, many men do have sex with strippers.

 

Really? That's news to me.

 

You should reconsider the men you associate yourself with.

 

Yeah... I think you completely misunderstood my point and took it out of context. I said "many" not "a majority of" or "most" or "all". I'm sure many women have sex with male strippers as well.

 

The point is that you don't treat the person you're dating like they're the worst of the worst. If you think they might be, why are you dating them?

[Woggle]

After reading all these comments on another site of women high fiving each other over cheating I say get as many lap dances as you want guys. In what kind of world is outright cheating empowering but strip clubs are wrong?