Why is that the Married Women don't want to let the MM go out of spite and spite ..

[bambiwboone]

Alone? I see this allot. I know this isn't always the case. But I have read it on here and other forums that the married women no longer is interested or in love with the MM but hell over high water will not let them with the OW. Which I think is absurd. To the point they will divorce their husband and will allow them with any other women but the current OW. I don't understand why they can't do the husband a favor, walk away, especially if the MW is not happy or already is has a boyfriend. Any thoughts on this?

[Journee]

I'm actually really confused by your question.

 

Is the MW a BS? Or is she a cheater too?

 

If the MW and MM get a divorce ,how can the MW (or BS) influence who the MM sees?

 

Since when are men these helpless sheep that cannot make decisions for themselves? If one wants to be with someone ,they will. Any excuses they make are just that...excuses.

 

Why is anyone accepting this she won't "let" me crud? Are these MM powerless? If they are not happy they can feel free to hit the door too. It works both ways.

[Furious]

Alone? I see this allot. I know this isn't always the case. But I have read it on here and other forums that the married women no longer is interested or in love with the MM but hell over high water will not let them with the OW. Which I think is absurd. To the point they will divorce their husband and will allow them with any other women but the current OW. I don't understand why they can't do the husband a favor, walk away, especially if the MW is not happy or already is has a boyfriend. Any thoughts on this?

 

Is your MM unable to walk on his own, is he bedridden?

[lifelesson101]

I have said this before in other post: Regarding my situation my ex-husband is happily with the OW, and I am happy for them, they are great together. Every situation is different - even affairs, regardless of how many similarities are there with other affair scenarios.

[bambiwboone]

I'm actually really confused by your question.

 

Is the MW a BS? Or is she a cheater too?

 

If the MW and MM get a divorce ,how can the MW (or BS) influence who the MM sees?

 

Since when are men these helpless sheep that cannot make decisions for themselves? If one wants to be with someone ,they will. Any excuses they make are just that...excuses.

 

Why is anyone accepting this she won't "let" me crud? Are these MM powerless? If they are not happy they can feel free to hit the door too. It works both ways.

Sometimes men stay because they are comfortable. They are nothing but scared to start a new chapter.

[bambiwboone]

I have said this before in other post: Regarding my situation my ex-husband is happily with the OW, and I am happy for them, they are great together. Every situation is different - even affairs, regardless of how many similarities are there with other affair scenarios.

I agree with this, every affair is very different and i can only think of the few situations that I can think of.

[Journee]

Sometimes men stay because they are comfortable. They are nothing but scared to start a new chapter.

 

 

OK then you agree that it's the MM's issue he isn't leaving. He is scared or comfortable. It has nothing to do with his wife forcing him to do anything. He is not held captive. He is right where he wants to be. Why would a wife or husband just not care if their partner is disrespecting them with an affair? Do you honestly expect for someone to hand over their husband to you? You can no more control the spouse of your lover than you can your lover. Blaming his wife isn't going to make a difference. He is where he intends to be if no one makes him decide.

[Spark1111]

Sometimes men stay because they are comfortable. They are nothing but scared to start a new chapter.

 

So it begs the question as to why someone would want a spineless, comfortable coward too afraid to start a new chapter of happiness AND allows his wife to control who he would see in the future while she herself has a boyfriend?

 

Did I understand that correctly?

 

I personally would run away from such a man. I certainly wouldn't date him.

 

Because this situation shouts dysfunction and I would have to wonder why a man would even enjoy such a scenario to feel comfortable in it.

 

I mean, WHAT IS THE EMOTIONAL PAYOFF for HIM to stay and be controlled by a wife who has a boyfriend?

[SidLyon]

Alone? I see this allot. I know this isn't always the case. But I have read it on here and other forums that the married women no longer is interested or in love with the MM but hell over high water will not let them with the OW. Which I think is absurd. To the point they will divorce their husband and will allow them with any other women but the current OW. I don't understand why they can't do the husband a favor, walk away, especially if the MW is not happy or already is has a boyfriend. Any thoughts on this?

 

You say you see this allot and that you've read it here on "Infidelity" and on other forums - is that right?

 

Personally I don't recall a married woman (I assume you mean a BW), saying here that she stayed with her WH just out of spite for the OW, so perhaps you can point us to these numerous posts that you say are here.

 

If in fact you've seen it on other sites, then I suggest you ask those wives there, who are actually doing what you claim they are doing. Frankly I don't believe you anyway, but I apologise in advance if I've missed them.

[Spark1111]

Alone? I see this allot. I know this isn't always the case. But I have read it on here and other forums that the married women no longer is interested or in love with the MM but hell over high water will not let them with the OW. Which I think is absurd. To the point they will divorce their husband and will allow them with any other women but the current OW. I don't understand why they can't do the husband a favor, walk away, especially if the MW is not happy or already is has a boyfriend. Any thoughts on this?

 

well, why can't the MM walk away?

 

I suppose this can happen and does....the wife doesn't REALLY want him, but she'll be damned to let any other woman have him. She competes, wins and then contemplates divorcing him.

 

The question remains: WHY does he allow it?

[Lillyfree]

Alone? I see this allot. I know this isn't always the case. But I have read it on here and other forums that the married women no longer is interested or in love with the MM but hell over high water will not let them with the OW. Which I think is absurd. To the point they will divorce their husband and will allow them with any other women but the current OW. I don't understand why they can't do the husband a favor, walk away, especially if the MW is not happy or already is has a boyfriend. Any thoughts on this?

 

i fail to see how anybody could be controlled by anyone to such an extent.

 

it's particularly absurd to think of such a scenario where a woman would control her ex-husband and dictate whom he's allowed to be in a relationship with post-divorce :/

[waterwoman]

Have you also considered the possibility that in the majority of cases they BS loves their H and doesn't want to lose them?

 

I can honestly not think of one example on here of a BS who hung on to her H to spite the OW.

[waterwoman]

BTW if they do do that - hang on to spite the OW, then I agree with you, it';s absurd.

[underwater2010]

I think the simple truth is that if MW/MM truly wanted to be with AP, they would make it happen come hell or high water.

 

You cannot make someone do something that they don't want to do. And that is coming from a BW.

[CantgetoveritNY]

Alone? I see this allot. I know this isn't always the case. But I have read it on here and other forums that the married women no longer is interested or in love with the MM but hell over high water will not let them with the OW. Which I think is absurd. To the point they will divorce their husband and will allow them with any other women but the current OW. I don't understand why they can't do the husband a favor, walk away, especially if the MW is not happy or already is has a boyfriend. Any thoughts on this?

 

I don't control my WS, not in the slightest or I would not be in this predicament. However, I do harbor great hatred for the AP. Not just spite. He pursued my wife relentlessly and brought down horrible consequences to my family. I wish he would die of a painful venereal disease.

 

So no, I don't wish them well and hope he ends up with her. Far from it. He broke the law in his pursuit and I'm prosecuting him. I've dredged up dirt on him to show my WW. Not hard to do BTW since he is a true dirt bag. I don't care who my WW ends up with as long as it is not him. Not that I control her but I can have influence.

 

So I guess I fit your profile. Do you fault me for feeling this way about him?

[Spotme]

If I had wanted to punish either H or my former pretend friend the OW out of spite, I would have packed his bags and dropped them off at her house on DDay.

 

Serious answer: I have not read of these people you speak of and would think that a reconciliation based on spite would not last terribly long today when most people have other options, but I do have a friend whose grandparents lived just such a situation. The W took back the cheating husband but did not forgive him and essentially shunned him while allowing him to stay in the marital home. He felt he deserved the punishment and stayed for decades until he finally hung himself. That being said, the W was in all ways a horrible abusive person to everyone and was likely mentally ill which was simply dealt with within the family (this story dates back several decades, so even less tolerance in society for mental illness should be imagined on the reader's part - also divorce was frowned upon in their religion and more by society at the time).

 

More likely than trying to R purely out of spite, even if this claim is made, the BS is really filled with many conflicting emotions, including feeling so hurt that one wishes one could strike back, and feeling like "hey, I will hurt you, o person who hurt me, by denying you what you want." In the larger continuum, however, it is highly unlikely to be the driving force for their actions

[krazikat]

Kerilic, they cheat when they are weak, they reconcile when they are strong. My husband said yesterday that its nice to look at himself in the mirror again when he brushes his teeth. He had taken to looking away because he was not happy with the man he saw, yet was too weak to end it. Reconciling has been hard yet rewarding for him....redemption is a beautiful thing. The idea men stay with their wives out of duty or because they will lose everything is antiquated, divorce laws have changed and men no longer lose it all....furthermore, I am sad for anyone not willing to risk it all for the one they love, I know I am, that's how I know I love him.

 

Don't sweat it, stronger. The others have to tell themselves something to feel better about getting dropped by their soul mates when the wife finds out Those bus tracks hurt!

 

Us wives are, of course, holding mm hostage, begging them to stay, won't "let" them divorce us...and of course we never pack for them and tell them to leave for their "real love" and are really only like their mommys. Did you miss that memo?

[sweet_pea]

How is it that an OW/M can't make a WS cheat.... but the BS' can make the WS stay?

[So happy together]

I have to say, I don't think that BS in my situation held anyone hostage... and I don't think she would have stayed out of spite. I honestly think that she wants him now out of fear. Fear of change, fear of losing the financial security. Embarrassment. Everyone will 'know'. Even worse, she is afraid he will tell about not only his shortcomings but hers also.

 

But I do believe that if BS stays with MM/MW, that is their decision. I can't imagine how difficult it would be.

 

I also believe if MM/MW stays, there are a million other reasons too... but I sincerely do not believe that the BS keeps them 'hostage' as was put earlier. He could leave if he chose to.

[krazikat]

Because they want to feel like they're "winning."

 

I have to remind my ex-mm's BS (who tries to poke at me on Twitter) that "no one wants him honey."

 

Maybe they think their husband is a "prize."

 

Oh he is a prize alright...a booby prize.

 

A prize? Hardly. It seems that most of the BS who post here told their wh to kick rocks.

 

But I will say that in my situation it was ow who told me I won.

 

So some OW are the ones competing for their "prize" and also competing with bs when BS still is in the dark and has no idea the affair is going on at all...OW has that knowledge all along that they are with a MM who goes home to his wife, makes love to his wife, spends time with his wife.

 

...when dday happens it is headspinning for the bs...devastating...the OW is not the competition...mm is usually throwing ow under the bus, telling bs how much the love bs, begging to stay.

[So happy together]

A prize? Hardly. It seems that most of the BS who post here told their wh to kick rocks.

 

But I will say that in my situation it was ow who told me I won.

 

So some OW are the ones competing for their "prize" and also competing with bs when BS still is in the dark and has no idea the affair is going on at all...OW has that knowledge all along that they are with a MM who goes home to his wife, makes love to his wife, spends time with his wife.

 

...when dday happens it is headspinning for the bs...devastating...the OW is not the competition...mm is usually throwing ow under the bus, telling bs how much the love bs, begging to stay.

 

Usually? No. Sometimes? Perhaps. For me? Not even a little.

[krazikat]

Usually? No. Sometimes? Perhaps. For me? Not even a little.

 

Of course I can only speak from my own experience, what I have seen irl, and a bit of what I have read online and in research.

 

Unless the ws doesnt want to stay married to bs, then often they quickly dismiss the ap...unless of course the goal is for ws to keep both...then there is the chance of the A going underground...

 

But it seems as though there are many examples of ws driving the bus the ap is tossed under.

 

Your situation may be different...you definitely do make it sound as a true exit A...one where ws has no desire to stay in the marriage, so it would make sense that you did not experience this.

 

But it does happen, just be glad you didnt face it. Im sure getting those bus tracks hurt.