Long distance love--does it work?

[J_L_C]

For those of you who know me, you know my story. I am here to ask a question unrelated to me and my ex.

 

Do you think a long-distance relationship can work when two people live in different countries? Here is the back story. My ex met a girl while on vacation. He lives in Canada and she lives in Venezuela, however they met in the Dominican. They spent 10 days together and this was over 2 months ago. He told me he is flying to see her this week because he absolutely fell in love with her when they met. This will be the second time they've seen each other. He is already hoping she'll move here. Personally, if I were her, I'd be a little bit freaked out by how quickly and intensely he has fallen.

 

I can see how some long-distance relationships may work if the two people started off in the same place, but I'd imagine it would be pretty difficult to initially establish something when they live so far apart. It just seems as though there would be so many obstacles to overcome in order to make it work. He says "the love is there so we're going to make this happen".

 

My other question is this: Does he REALLY love her after only spending 10 days with her? Apparently they talk every night.

 

I am wondering if I could get some objective opinions on this. Again, I would hope this post doesn't turn around into why I'm still hung up on him. This is just something I am asking you all to avoid please.

 

So, do long-distance relationships like this stand a chance? Could they really evolve into something serious?

[miss_jaclynrae]

For those of you who know me, you know my story. I am here to ask a question unrelated to me and my ex.

 

Do you think a long-distance relationship can work when two people live in different countries? Here is the back story. My ex met a girl while on vacation. He lives in Canada and she lives in Venezuela, however they met in the Dominican. They spent 10 days together and this was over 2 months ago. He told me he is flying to see her this week because he absolutely fell in love with her when they met. This will be the second time they've seen each other. He is already hoping she'll move here. Personally, if I were her, I'd be a little bit freaked out by how quickly and intensely he has fallen.

 

I can see how some long-distance relationships may work if the two people started off in the same place, but I'd imagine it would be pretty difficult to initially establish something when they live so far apart. It just seems as though there would be so many obstacles to overcome in order to make it work. He says "the love is there so we're going to make this happen".

 

My other question is this: Does he REALLY love her after only spending 10 days with her? Apparently they talk every night.

 

I am wondering if I could get some objective opinions on this. Again, I would hope this post doesn't turn around into why I'm still hung up on him. This is just something I am asking you all to avoid please.

 

So, do long-distance relationships like this stand a chance? Could they really evolve into something serious?

 

 

 

I met my ex husband about 2 weeks effort he left the country on a deployment. We were crazy about each other from the get go an it was amazing. We were apart for 6 months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We divorced after 4 years for other reasons, but I can tell you and we deeply lived each other.

So yes, I really think it can happen.

[KatZee]

You really need to stop focusing on your ex, what he's doing, and who he's with. Seriously.

 

Do LDR's work? Some do, some don't. Just like some relationships work, and others don't.

[Carenth]

Yup I think it can work and my relationship thus far is proof of it. I'm from Australia and am planning to move to Canada to be with my girlfriend in the coming months. Already have my working visa just got to tidy up things on this end.

 

However I have known my girlfriend a lot longer than two months that seems pretty quick.

[J_L_C]

Just for fun, read my story: Sherlock Holmes Couldn't Figure This Out

 

I thought it was a bit extreme to profess his love after only spending time together for 10 days. They do talk face-to-face on Skype as if they were together though. Does that make a difference?

[J_L_C]

LDRs are like other relationships except the distance factor. when they are on different continents that's quite an obstacle. once is awhile a success but its not easy.

 

 

in her example, the ex is more predator than boyfriend. dangerous situation. I hope she realizes what a slime ball he really is and cuts him loose.

 

Took me a year to figure that out and I spent every day with him! Something wrong with someone who is in love after only spending 10 days with someone, talking on Skype and texting. He's already hoping she will move here.

[Minneloa]

For those of you who know me, you know my story. I am here to ask a question unrelated to me and my ex.

 

This question has *everything* to do with your ex and your ongoing inability to take the focus off him and turn it to taking care of yourself, your mental health, and your healing. You are not asking for "objective" opinions here; you are feeding your obsession, once again. Please don't ask us to help you do this, especially given the extreme despair and anguish of your other threads.

[J_L_C]

Just a bit extreme? Try extremely creepy. no the Skype doesn't make much of a difference. just hope she gets the hell out sooner rather than later. if I were to guess he's very crafty with words and has a knack for sucking people in.

 

 

I'll give your back story a look. thankfully you got away from this creep.

 

You are exactly right! He's a smooth talker and draws people in. That's what happened with me! Didnt see the creep in him

Til the day it was done.

[amkxoxo]

As a girl, I like to have hope that anything can work out. Currently I am dating someone long distance and hope it will last. I always think, why not try it because every situation is different so just because one didn't work doesn't mean another won't. From a guys perspective...This is what my current beau said to me when talking about long distance relationships. (We've been dating for 3 months and long distance for almost a month) He said to me "Your like a nice bottle of wine. You open it its fresh, exciting, and you love drinking it. But you can't finish it on your own right now, but don't want to throw it away and waste it. So you put the cork in it and set it aside for further use." So in short, if its meant to be, it will be. It might work now, or it might not, but that doesn't mean it will never work in the future. Timing is key.

[Carenth]

Starting to think this thread has very little to do with the viability of long distance relationships. It seems more like someone wanting their ex that they aren't over to crash and burn (for whatever reason). Not trying to be mean just how I see it.

[HopelessRomantick]

Yea they "CAN" work, I know from experience. I had a 2+ year relationship with a Filipino and who is the reason for my suffering for the past 10 months since she broke it off.

 

But I believe we were among the few couples who knew how to make an LDR work and know this.... it takes 110% honesty, 110% trust, 110% communication, 110% effort from both. We spent hours and did EVERYTHING together on Skype. We had backup methods of communication too. I could go and on with advice on how to do it. And remember, there is no physical aspect involved which adds a whole other obstacle not to mention cultural differences.

[HeavenOrHell]

Some LDR's work, some don't, same as any other r/ship.

[HeavenOrHell]

You need to try and move on, obsessing over your ex and his gf is going to prevent you from moving on, what your ex does now doesn't concern you.

 

 

 

Took me a year to figure that out and I spent every day with him! Something wrong with someone who is in love after only spending 10 days with someone, talking on Skype and texting. He's already hoping she will move here.

[MidwestUSA]

Just for fun, read my story: Sherlock Holmes Couldn't Figure This Out

 

It's not fun, it's sick. Winky faces don't make it all okay. The fact that you keep recommending it to others is sick. Your obsession over this guy is going to kill you. Are you seeking professional help?

[Emilia]

So, do long-distance relationships like this stand a chance? Could they really evolve into something serious?

Sure if they are working towards making it 'near distance'. I think they don't work when people keep it long distance

[Els]

Starting to think this thread has very little to do with the viability of long distance relationships. It seems more like someone wanting their ex that they aren't over to crash and burn (for whatever reason). Not trying to be mean just how I see it.

 

For real...

 

Nothing to see here, folks, move along...

[justwhoiam]

For those of you who know me, you know my story. I am here to ask a question unrelated to me and my ex.

I don't know you... but you gave mixed signals. You posted the title of another thread here, so I read it. Yeah, at times I just can't mind my business. But only on loveshack. IRL I do mind my business. I swear.

You wanted him to seat you down and talk things through. The guy was not stupid. You needed it written on the wall. And even then, it didn't work. That's why he was exasperated and started to resort to cursing. I suspect even relieving himself in front of you had the purpose to make you run away fast. Like you could have been disgusted by it. After all, he had a girl around the corner to get into his picture. Again, it didn't work. You're turning into a stalker. But as you said, let's move on.

 

Do you think a long-distance relationship can work when two people live in different countries?

Yes. This condition/category pertains to most LDR couples in here.

 

It just seems as though there would be so many obstacles to overcome in order to make it work.

Sure. So what? People can go through some sacrifice to obtain what they want.

 

Does he REALLY love her after only spending 10 days with her?

It could be falling in love at a very early stage. It could be infatuation. Feelings can grow from there even more. Attraction can be powerful if you mix exotic with erotic.

 

do long-distance relationships like this stand a chance?

Yes, definitely.

 

Could they really evolve into something serious?

Yes.

[J_L_C]

 

He broke the news one morning out of nowhere. Immediately I ran upstairs crying and it was within less than an hour that he was sitting across from me, wanking on it because I did not want to have sex with him. The guy JUST broke up with me. So I hardly think that was related to me not 'getting it'. It was just sick, weird and nothing can explain it. When I dump someone, I don't immediately get horny, try to get one last romp but when they say no, choose to finger myself off in front of them as they cry.

[TMichaels]

It was just sick, weird and nothing can explain it.

 

And so is your obsession with wanting to spend one more second of your time on this guy.

 

What's he have to do to convince you he is a Loser of the First Order?

 

If you don't get it by now, you need to seek professional assistance instead trying to address your issues through a public forum like this one.

 

Best,

TMichaels

[justwhoiam]

He broke the news one morning out of nowhere.

For many people, a break up comes out of nowhere. But he fell for someone else he had met, and at times he can just realize he's not in love with you. Period. If he was abrupt, maybe he didn't want to risk you could start thinking of winning his love back. Love was not there.

 

he was sitting across from me, wanking on it because I did not want to have sex with him.

It was up to you to stay or leave. If you didn't feel like going out while crying, you could have locked yourself up in the bathroom. Then pack your stuff and leave for good. While you keep going back to him. On and on and on. Pestering him, asking questions about his private (love) life.

 

I guess you need help to get over him and what happened with him. It looks like you can't make it on your own. That was almost a year ago.

[J_L_C]

I realize I'm not the only one going thru this, but it was traumatic for me in the worst way. I had never been with anyone who loved me that much and because of that, I never would have forseen it ending especially when it came out of nowhere. Some doctors have said I am experiencing PTSD but who knows.

[FitChick]

It won't do you any good reliving it over and over. You need to figure out what the lesson was so you don't repeat your mistakes with someone similar.

[Leigh 87]

Yes they can.

 

If you are truly invested in each other they work.

 

My parents did it for a few years. After they were happily married.

 

I would have done it with my ex, and he would have done it for me; no questions asked.

 

It is not ideal though, and there should be a plan to move to be together.

 

....................................

 

 

Sometimes they don't work. My friend from Belarus had a boyfriend she really liked, but after years of not being together (and her living in Australia) the relationship failed.

 

And it is getting really sick how you're obsessing over a guy who does not care about you anymore.

[Leigh 87]

I realize I'm not the only one going thru this, but it was traumatic for me in the worst way. I had never been with anyone who loved me that much and because of that, I never would have forseen it ending especially when it came out of nowhere. Some doctors have said I am experiencing PTSD but who knows.

 

 

I think you could be experiencing it.

 

If I fully felt my ex was deeply in love with me and then left out of NO WHERE, I would be in shock too.

 

Most break ups have some warning. And most men do not go from being IN love with a woman, to leaving them for someone else overnight.

 

I am sorry he shocked you. Please take some responsibility though! You have done nothing to move forward from him.

 

It has been A YEAR.

 

IF you had ignored him totally for this time and not wrote a single thing about him bar for the occasional inference to him (say, if you are relating to another persons story) then you could have been over him by now. With therapy, of course, as you need that. Lots of it.

[HeavenOrHell]

Be relieved that this idiot is out of your life, seriously.

 

I was left after 12 years with someone, no warning, nothing, was like a punch in the guts, we got back together, said he couldn't live without me, would never leave me again, but after 18 years altogether he left for good, that time I got warning, but getting warning doesn't make it easier, trust me.

 

 

 

He broke the news one morning out of nowhere. Immediately I ran upstairs crying and it was within less than an hour that he was sitting across from me, wanking on it because I did not want to have sex with him. The guy JUST broke up with me. So I hardly think that was related to me not 'getting it'. It was just sick, weird and nothing can explain it. When I dump someone, I don't immediately get horny, try to get one last romp but when they say no, choose to finger myself off in front of them as they cry.