Play dates, am I over reacting?

[tbf]

I will continue to feel the way I do until he and I can discuss a way that will make this better or just a middle ground of some sort.

Why bother? The only person you can control is yourself, since you've already discussed this with him and he's told you flat out that he won't amend his behaviour. So control yourself. Walk away from a lifetime of hurt.

[Geiss]

This guy sounds like a douchebag. Sure she is a lesbian and he hates her. The guy is such a liar. You never know he could be cheating on you now. Why doesn't he ever let you come over to these play dates? I can't believe some people are siding with the guy on this one.

 

He tells you that the women is flirting with him. Then they exchange numbers. They start texting each other. They go for drinks. He doesn't tell her that he has a girlfriend until later on. Then they start the play dates.

 

He sure sounds like he hates the "lesbian" and her daughter. He hates the 5 year old daughter. What kind of ******* is this guy? And if she is a lesbian how did she get pregnant? Did she adopt or get a sperm donor?

 

Then he does these play dates behind your back. And says it's none of your business? It's none of your business that he is going to see another woman without telling you. What a bunch of BS. And they smoke pot together. He smokes pot with someone he hates? And drink while watching the kids? Does he drive home afterwards with his kid in the car while he is drunk and stoned. Oh but it's none of your business. Then he is aloof and dismissive of your feelings. What a catch.

 

You should drop this guy. He doesn't sound like he respects you very much. You are definitely not overreacting. Just because he has a kid doesn't mean he should put you on the back burner. This guy is a ****ing tool.

[sarah16]

I've gone round in a similar way with my boyfriend.

You won't win. ie, you won't be able to force him to act appropriately.

 

He's walking all over you. Why? Because he thinks he can.

 

If you mainly wanted validation that he is out of line, he is.

 

He's not respecting you, he's not respecting his child. Obviously he doesn't even respect himself.

 

This is not happening because you are incompatible. It's happening because he isn't acting with integrity.

 

Your solution? What is your integrity? What are your values? You respect your own values by having personal boundries. You will only feel safer when you enforce your boundries.

 

It's really hard. I am learning this, too, with my boyfriend. You have to do it, though. This is about how you live your life. The way he is dragging you down.. it that how you want to live your life?

[Lady_Rainicorn]

Update: We spent some time away from one another (about two weeks, he said he needed alone time) While on his alone time I asked him to think of a resolution, a compromise. I don't think he did this, b/c when we saw one another this past weekend we argued, he said that I don't care about his son and he's not changing anything. He doesn't listen, obviously...I never told him the play dates had to stop, I just told him that I don't support them and that he could do something to include me (not all the time) in them, instead of telling me it's none of my business. Well he didn't agree to this, so I told him that this wasn't what I wanted and it's best we just move along. I walked out and he bombarded me with texts, then called and said, "what can i do? I will do it."

[2sunny]

He's just simply - not nice to you!

 

I would never find his behavior acceptable!

 

And to correct someone who posted - guys answer in one word responses - that is not true! A healthy, interested man responds with lots to tell... And then asks me about MY day as well! Seriously!

 

Men that shut down emotionally or avoid intimacy answer with "fine" or "good".

 

I don't see this guy adding positive energy to your life!

 

I'd be quick to inform him "it is over dude!"

[Simon Phoenix]

And to correct someone who posted - guys answer in one word responses - that is not true! A healthy, interested man responds with lots to tell... And then asks me about MY day as well! Seriously!

 

Men ask you about your day because they know they'll get in trouble if they don't.

[2sunny]

Men ask you about your day because they know they'll get in trouble if they don't.

 

That's not true - and so unfair to the decent men who ask with genuine interest.

[Simon Phoenix]

That's not true - and so unfair to the decent men who ask with genuine interest.

 

Trust me, it's not untrue. And I'm speaking for most men, not all men. I thought this was common knowledge -- really didn't think someone would get hot and bothered by it.

[BeyondtheClouds]

Are you two exclusive?

 

If not, start dating other men.

 

If so, this is the time to become transparent with one another. Can you access his cellphone and vice versa? Does he leave it on that table at hom? does he ask you to answer his phone when it rings?

 

I agree with dasein. While parents should know the family members of the kids that their children play with, they do not have to become friends and see each other independent of the children. And really, if your bf were trying to integrate you more into his life, he would have suggested that may be you take the son over to the other child's place and get to know this woman.

 

It sounds to me as if your bf likes having you around for gf purposes but also likes keeping his options open while he "samples" other women even under the guise of "doing it for his son."

 

Even if he never has sex with this woman, do you really want to play second fiddle to her? She gets to go out with him one on one. That's a date. HE probably pays for her. Does he pay for all his dates with you? And then she gets to go home to her other partner. You're stuck with him (if you two are officially exclusive)

 

Like that kind of life?

Edited June 21, 2013 by BeyondtheClouds