Need thoughts from a xOW :)

[LilGirlandOW]

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

[SoleMate]

You can appreciate the interlude and move on to a 1:1 r/s with an available man. Just be aware that no single man will ever romance the *&^%$# out of you like a MM does - and a single man will never throw you under the D-Day bus either.

[Mount]

First, affair is not normal, that is why you feel abnormal, lonely...etc

 

Second of all, he is your man, if he wants to be yours or if he is really yours, he is playing house with you.

 

Plain and simple.

 

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

[HopingAgain]

I felt so sad reading your post, because I have been where you are in my first marriage. It was an abusive situation and right afterwards I briefly fell for a MM who was my former high school ex. My self esteem.was destroyed and I needed that validation BADLY. The problem was, it was external validation, and not real.

 

This feels incredible to you because your MM is making you feel the complete opposite of what your ex did, wanted and worthy. But this comes with a darkside, because you have already been conditioned to accept abuse, the MM knows you will put up with being his woman "on the side". The minute you start pressing for more from him, he will likely show you another side. It just really sounds like you need time to heal, I know I did. You deserve more than a man who is going to give you false promises and theb pull the rug from under you.

[angelcake]

Sweetie the fact of that matter is that he is not "your man". As much as he gives you, you are not his #1 because you are hidden. He still goes home to her. As hard as it is, you need to decide if you are comfortable being an option to him.

 

Never say never about giving him a day to leave. In time, you will be ate up with frustrations and you will be ready to put a timeframe upon him. Ultimately you are NOT getting what you need, and the stress is not worth it. You deserve to be with a man who will shout from the rooftops how much he loves you. Don't settle for less.

[LilGirlandOW]

I felt so sad reading your post, because I have been where you are in my first marriage. It was an abusive situation and right afterwards I briefly fell for a MM who was my former high school ex. My self esteem.was destroyed and I needed that validation BADLY. The problem was, it was external validation, and not real.

 

This feels incredible to you because your MM is making you feel the complete opposite of what your ex did, wanted and worthy. But this comes with a darkside, because you have already been conditioned to accept abuse, the MM knows you will put up with being his woman "on the side". The minute you start pressing for more from him, he will likely show you another side. It just really sounds like you need time to heal, I know I did. You deserve more than a man who is going to give you false promises and theb pull the rug from under you.

 

I agree whole heartedly, I feel like I already see/am in the darkside at times. I'm not capable of pressing for more, I'm starting to think thats the problem maybe... but i've never been the kind of person to put myself first, or ask for anything. As a child I was selfless and self sacrificing, and often praised for that from people i respected, teachers, parents, etc, as being an honourable trait. And yes it felt good to be praised for being as such, but you give a piece of yourself away everytime.... till your just a shell of a person searching for those proverbial pieces of happiness, through a hot uncomfortable desert, squinting into the horizon and not knowing what you'll find... if you'll even make it out alive and if what you see on the horizon is paradise or a mirage that will just keep you wandering and wandering.

 

Its just one of those nights for me i guess. Tomorrows a new day

[Journee]

I am so sorry you are hurting.

 

(((hugs)))

 

I know the pain you feel and you do deserve so much more.

[LilGirlandOW]

I am so sorry you are hurting.

 

(((hugs)))

 

I know the pain you feel and you do deserve so much more.

 

Thank you, really means alot xo

[Summer Breeze]

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

 

I understand the feeling where you become dissatisfied with things as they are. One day what he was able to offer wasn't as much as I wanted and I ended it. It's hard and it hurts but it's the best thing you can do for yourself. The problem is you are the only one who will recognize when you are there. Right now you're uncomfortable and though things are still 'good' with him your possibilities with him have no way to turn into realities with him. There comes a point where you recognize your decision has nothing to do with him. It's all you baby. You will be as selfish as he is and you'll find your power in the R. It's not easy but keep coming in here when you need us -- both for getting to that point and support when you have.

[cocorico]

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

 

It's a long time since I was an OW, but I suspect my advice then would be the same as now. If you are not getting what you want or need from an R, then you should not be in it. Whatever kind of R it is.

 

This guy has been good for you, has helped you transition from an abusive M to a space where you recognise you want and need more. That's great, and those memories will help you remember him in a positive light years from now. But it sounds like you have outgrown the limitations of your R. It is "perfect" in some ways, yet you are left wishing things were different. Have you told him this? You say you won't give him a timeframe to leave, but does he know that you are close to leaving him? And, if he did leave her, would that make the R truly perfect for you - or would there still be something else missing?

 

My advice would be to think about whether the R would truly meet all your needs if he left her, and if not, break it off. But if it would, and it you would continue the R under those conditions, then I would tell him that. That thanks to his love and care, you have grown and healed and are now ready for a full-time, one on one R and you'd like it to be with him, but if he is not currently able to offer that, then you'll need to find it elsewhere. He loves you, right? That means he wants the best for you, too, and he will either do what he needs to be with you only, or tell you that he is unable to at present.

 

You do not have to set a timeframe, but you do need to let him know where you stand. He has been great for you to this point, but that does not leave you eternally beholden to him. Your first duty is to yourself. Failing that will set you right back in that abused space from which you worked so hard to escape. As he loves you, he will understand that. Look after yourself.

[Goodbye]

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

 

 

Why won't you give him a timeframe by which to leave? He says he wants to leave his wife to be with you, yes? I did it to set parameters around the relationship for ME. I needed to have a date by which I was forced to make a decision if he could not. You don't need to view it as an ultimatum, but rather as a moving on date.

[Silly_Girl]

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

 

Argh. Tough one.

 

I had a wonderful relationship with an MM. I can look back on it and smile. It was great, a new dynamic for both of us. It was the right thing for us, at that time, given our experiences and relationship history to then. I am very glad we met and fell in love.

 

We did have almost a year in an exclusive relationship. I loved it. I did not miss the aspects people sometimes put forward as the stereotypical 'excitement' of an affair. Having a partially hidden relationship didn't turn me on in the slightest. Shagging someone who was married to someone else was a negative, not a positive etc etc.

 

He took a job on the other side of the world, and having been LDR/affair for a year I could not sign up for more of the same. More being restricted, having to plan, feeling lonely at bedtime, wanting to pop out for a late-night walk together etc. So we split up.

 

Thank goodness we did because I have met someone since then and am soon to be married. It's that regular/reliable/accessible/coupley set-up that I craved previously. And now I have it I value it every single day, partly because I know how tough it is to live without that but still be in love, and partly because he's just a bloody amazing guy and I'm very lucky.

 

I need to be with someone who is investing in a life with me, who is free to spend time with me and who can make plans without needing to think for even a second. I love the public stuff, I love that we have lots of friends and we socialise as a couple with them. That stuff matters to me so much. So, if those things matter to you too I would recommend you move on. As has been said, if it's not giving you what you need and expect in your relationships then take the relevant action.

[Silly_Girl]

Every moment he is there he is with her. Playing happy married man, or even having a normal marital spat. He is sitting there watching a movie with her, preparing dinner, chit chatting about this and that..etc etc etc. with you it's all a fantasy. You are his escape from normalacy. You give him that extra bit that makes him feel good.

 

I genuinely don't believe this is always the reailty.

[latergater]

I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever.

 

BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship.

 

When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person.

 

And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will.

 

What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know..

 

Advice?

 

I feel for you and I too have been there. Trust me. I was with my exMM for two years and i had known him since i was about 10 years old. He was my best friend and i miss him every single day.

 

Here's the thing. You keep speaking to the things he does for you and the way he makes you feel. Well what about the things you do for him? He is getting the best of two worlds ...his wife and a hot fitness model on the side. I mean, I'm a straight woman but sign me up! I'll take two!!

 

Here's the other issue. You deserve more and you want more. If you are asking the question it's because you are questioning what you want and deserve. Letting go is so hard. Trust me. Had it not been for his wife finding out about me, I would probably still be in touch with him today; we spoke everyday, all day via text, etc just checking in and so forth. i loved this guy to pieces. He said he loved me. He was my best friend and confidant and said he wanted to leave his wife for me. We were as close as I'd ever been to another human being.

 

But, the moment the wife found out about me (he had been screwing around on me prior to this so the sexual affair had ended. We were still very close however) our relationship/friendship was tossed to the side. He hasn't contacted me since other than to respond to a message I sent to him asking him if he was sending me spam. Nope ..not a single phone call or text after two years of love, best friends status, promises, and everything else he proclaimed.

 

I bring this up because I would hate for a dday to come, at some point, in the future and have him to the same thing to you as my ex did to me. You really don't know someone until the chips begin to fall.

 

I know it's difficult to walk away because you love him. Trust me. You are preaching to the choir. But you need to be honest with yourself. Is this really really what you want or is the fear of being alone holding you back? Fear is our biggest challenge. C'mon fitness model! Any man would be thrilled to have you ...now get out there and find him!

Edited June 12, 2013 by latergater

[ScarlettKaren]

But, the moment the wife found out about me (he had been screwing around on me prior to this so the sexual affair had ended. We were still very close however) our relationship/friendship was tossed to the side. He hasn't contacted me since other than to respond to a message I sent to him asking him if he was sending me spam. Nope ..not a single phone call or text after two years of love, best friends status, promises, and everything else he proclaimed.

 

I bring this up because I would hate for a dday to come, at some point, in the future and have him to the same thing to you as my ex did to me. You really don't know someone until the chips begin to fall.

 

Agreed. There is nothing like the hit by the bus ending. It is as if he no longer exists after being central to my world. Take the opportunity to say what you need to, the good and the bad. But most of all say goodbye. There will still be pain, but you won't live in a hole of unknowns that won't be answered and haunt you.

[LilGirlandOW]

thank you everybody who replied, today was a much better day for me. I saw my MM, he immediatly knew something was bothering me as I'm always very cheery and bubbly but when he came over after work I was the exact opposite. We talked about "things" and he agreed that i deserve more and that with his new promotion and chaos in his personal life that his actions in moving forward in our relationship were kinda not happening, but he says he absolutely wants, needs and appreciates me, and that he needs to put forth action to leave his marriage, which in our conversation (today and in the past) i didnt ask him to.... never would, wouldnt want him to leave her & jump into a fulltime relationship with me and hold resentment later on if he felt his did it because he was pressured. So I expressed my feelings, and he his, without setting a time frame, i'm just gonna go with if he doesnt start taking steps, even small ones its probably not gonna happen, and I'm going to leave. We'll see what happens right.

 

See me and her, are like night and day in everyway, physical apprearances aside, she's a feminist 'butchy' bra-burning cop... I'm a free spirit, ubber feminine, hippie entrepreneur who's old fashioned in the way that i believe a woman should take care of their man almost in the same way you would your child, lol. Odd yes, but thats how my gramma raised me, and thats how i want to be, even prior to my crazy marraige.

 

Soon he's gonna have to make a choice, since we are no where even close to alike in anyway at all..... it shouldnt be that hard, not saying I'm a better woman, or mate cause its all what your looking for, but we're different, me, I'd pick me, lol but i'm a little bias, lol

 

Cheers all and thank you for the feedback and support!

[Baby123]

As an AP whose married man left the BS, I'd say it was very naive to make a checklist of yours and hers qualities and compare. Firstly your MM is likely to have exaggerated her bad qualities and secondly despite me being younger and physically more attractive to maybe the majority of people, it does not come down to that. Although the MM chose me, as a gf a potential future W, it has become apparent that in other ways I fall short of what she can offer, family, a network of friends and a very long history. If it was a choice between you and her you might 'win' but you and his family and friends, which includes her, are you as sure?

[TheOW]

He wont leave so its probably best to get them thoughts out ur head.

 

How do I know this ? I am the younger pretty fitness instructor, carefree, cheery girl everyone wants, and he was the happily married man who was a little bored after 30 years.

 

He loves me but it is not enough to leave his whole entire life for, he will wake up and the guilt, deceit and lies will consume him or his wife will find out and thats when the reality and the bubble bursts. Its not just his wife he is leaving, its his friends, family, colleages, monies, house, routine and his reputation. This is where men and women differ as i believe women are too willing to sacrifice all these for the name of "love" men dont.

 

He loves the thrill of me/you we have great young bodies, we are carefree, active, give them all the attention in the world, we go out our way to please and pleasure them in bed even when they dont ask for anything from us, we admire and compliment them, we make them feel like the luckiest men alive but it will become too much for him at some point.

 

I wish you well but it will end in tears for you and the heartache is unbearable at times

[tryingto]

We talked about "things" and he agreed that i deserve more and that with his new promotion and chaos in his personal life that his actions in moving forward in our relationship were kinda not happening, but he says he absolutely wants, needs and appreciates me, and that he needs to put forth action to leave his marriage, which in our conversation (today and in the past) i didnt ask him to.... never would, wouldnt want him to leave her & jump into a fulltime relationship with me and hold resentment later on if he felt his did it because he was pressured.

 

LilGirl,

 

I hope you don't see my response as "unsupportive". I see so much of my 3-year A and exMM in your post above. I guess it's really true that many As do have such similar themes.

 

I would like to share my experience and maybe offer a perspective I have gained during the last six months of NC. My exMM told me (volunteered without me ever asking) during our "getting to know each other stage" before anything romantic or physical ever happened that he was in the process of leaving his wife. Once we became emotionally/physically involved, I saw very little action was backing up the words of "I'm leaving". We had several identical conversations to the one your documented above.

Me: This is hard.

Him: I know. For me too. I love you so much. I just want to be with you.

Me: I deserve so much better.

Him: I know you do. If it just wasn't for ______ (insert excuse here), I could've moved out by now.

etc., etc., etc.

 

You stated above that your MM "agreed you deserve more". Of course he did! You seem very smart and I doubt you would be attracted to someone who was an idiot. What man in their right mind would respond to someone they care about, who is sad (maybe upset) by saying "No babe, you really don't deserve anything more than someone who is only there for you half time. You only deserve to share someone with another and not have a person who is committed to only you."

 

Looking back now I see each time I said "I deserve more" that was asking him to give me more. And we both knew for him to be able to give me more, he would have to leave. So in hindsight, I really did ask him to leave during those conversations. He did tell me he was leaving first and I never issued him an ultimatum. I never said leave her or I am ending our relationship but I did ask him to leave. And whether you want to see it or not... you are asking your MM to leave too.

 

After 3 years of "excuses" and once I realized I was hurting myself by remaining with him, I ended things. I just told him I couldn't do it anymore and that I had to put myself first. I never did issue a "me or her" ultimatum because by then I knew it would've been pointless anyway. If REALLY he wanted to be with me, wild horses couldn't have kept him from me.

 

I hope your MM is different because you do deserve someone who loves and is committed to only you.

[ComingInHot]

lilgirl wrote, " if he doesnt start taking steps, even small ones its probably not gonna happen, and I'm going to leave"

 

What "small" steps are you referring to? Not words. Steps.*

[spiderowl]

We talked about "things" and he agreed that i deserve more and that with his new promotion and chaos in his personal life that his actions in moving forward in our relationship were kinda not happening, but he says he absolutely wants, needs and appreciates me, and that he needs to put forth action to leave his marriage,

 

Excuses and vague expressions that something might change in the future ... Hmm. I think you're right not to put pressure on him because you'll never know if he left because that's what you did or because he'd fallen out of love with his wife. Also, having read this forum for a while, it seems some guys leave and then go back again hours/days later.

 

He hasn't left his wife, as yet, and he has you on the side. He would only 'need' to leave if you started to express dissatisfaction. Until then, he can coast along. Personally, I feel that if a guy wants out, he will get out and as quickly as he can - and you won't have to ask.

[Silly_Girl]

It's the reality in an affair. If an ow means more the MM will become SG and give her honest SO status.

 

No, not every affair sees the WS behaving in the way Smooch' described.

[LilGirlandOW]

.... And you are no more special than me. Your vagiba isn't made of gold, you are no more beautiful, smart, moral or whatever crap you want to tell yourself about why your situation is different than others. Because those excuses won't mean sh*t when you lose years on a jerk.

 

I dont think I'm better than anybody, not even his BS,,, if I alluded to that in previous posts thats not what I meant, her and I are different thats all. Myself and other OW and xOW like yourself are the same in some sense, even if you dont know your MM is a MM, continuing an A with a MM or starting an A with a MM is an obvious sign that something's wrong with myself, yourself, and any other OW/OM. Something is lacking that makes us "game" for the game

 

I'm not trying to pretend I'm the supreme queen of all woman here, lol

[sweet_pea]

It definitely comes off that you think you're better than his BS, you even said that you don't think the choice is hard (between you and BS).

 

Well, he hasn't left his wife for you. He married her for a reason, and is still married to her. She can't be all that bad. You are still the secret relationship, so until your relationship comes to light, and he picks you, I wouldn't be so confident that you're better than her.

 

This shouldn't be a competition.

[Silly_Girl]

It definitely comes off that you think you're better than his BS, you even said that you don't think the choice is hard (between you and BS).

 

Well, he hasn't left his wife for you. He married her for a reason, and is still married to her. She can't be all that bad. You are still the secret relationship, so until your relationship comes to light, and he picks you, I wouldn't be so confident that you're better than her.

 

This shouldn't be a competition.

 

That's a bit harsh given the OP's post above this one.