Journee Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I dont think I'm better than anybody, not even his BS,,, if I alluded to that in previous posts thats not what I meant, her and I are different thats all. Myself and other OW and xOW like yourself are the same in some sense, even if you dont know your MM is a MM, continuing an A with a MM or starting an A with a MM is an obvious sign that something's wrong with myself, yourself, and any other OW/OM. Something is lacking that makes us "game" for the game I'm not trying to pretend I'm the supreme queen of all woman here, lol I read previously that you and I had some things in common. I was also in very abusive relationships both physically and mentally. I am sorry to read that you were too. To him I was never good enough. I had to lose weight ,then I was getting too skinny. My hair was too dark ,then the highlights looked "silly on mixed girls". I was too happy...I was depressing him. I didn't wake him up to go to the gym like such and such. I was not as rich as him or the women he would prefer to be with. I would never find someone to "put up with" me. I was lucky he even had anything to do with me..... Before that Dbag I was with a man that terrorized me. He would hold knives to my throat. Kill animals in front of me if I made him mad. He raped me ,suffocated me. It was awful. I hate that you were also hurt like that. What I hate also is seeing you put down another woman like that and saying that a choice wouldn't be hard because of this or that. You are taking the hurtful role on of someone that is cruel. Things like pretty ,sexy , her being "butch" are subjective. Not rules or common knowledge. You putting her down like this and also helping him to betray her is so hard to see. He is abusing his wife emotionally and mentally in order to have an affair (in my opinion). You are helping and bragging about it to boot. I hope that one day you look back on this and realize the truth of what it is. That you never lower yourself again to put down another human being that has not done anything to deserve your hateful comments. You have went from someone being treated terribly (I also think you are still being treated shabbily. You deserve so much more than this situation you have found yourself in) to treating another person terribly. So hard to see. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 That's a bit harsh given the OP's post above this one. Why is it harsh? (Simple question, I'm not disagreeing). I never put her down, never called her names. Just said what I said straight up. Maybe that's why it's harsh? What I said is true. She comes off as if she thinks she's better than the BS, saying that the choice between them isn't hard in her eyes, etc. She is also still the secret relationship. That's all. I didn't call her names. He is still married to his wife, and until they are divorced/the affair is exposed (or) they have a normal relationship, I just think it's naive of her to think that she's better. If she says that isn't what she meant, that's cool, I'm still gonna say what I said... Sorry if I offended LGaOW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Oh I didnt mean it shouldnt be that hard cause I'm better, I meant because we are in most every way VERY different types of people, there's going to be a judgement day very soon,, I'm grooming myself for it by the minute, and a choice will have to be made, it might be hard for him to leave one of us behind (or maybe it'll be easy) but when he has to decide he is choosing between two very different women is all i meant.... different neither one better, just differnt. And I said I'd pick me as a joke, lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 and hey who knows maybe he picks her, we can remian friends, we were friends before lovers, if there is no d-day... I wonder whats the chance he'd set me up with one of his SINGLE friends? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I am so in love with my MM, he says likewise, and we have the perfect relationship 'so to speak' we are in contact everyday, throughout the day and see eachother most days, he says he's leaving her and wants to be with me forever. BUT, somedays, I miss the normalcy of a regular relationship, where theres only two people involved and not three, and somedays I get lonely, and want more out of a relationship. When we first started the relationship, I had a terrible self- esteem.... just getting out of a horrible 10 year marraige, I felt I was ugly cause thats what my xhusband would say, even though i was a fitness model, i thought i was basically worthless cause thats what my xhubby did to me after years of physical and emotional abuse. Now the first relationship post marraige is with with a MM, who has done wonders for my confidence, hes so supportive and just a great man. I cant thank him enough for how he has helped build me up as a person. And as much as I'd love the fairytale ending, its been 8mnths and I'm itching for more out of a mate, I do believe I'm his #1, I come before her always, thats not the problem,,, the problem is she's there too. I dont feel guilt, maybe thats sad, but I just dont, and I wont give him a time frame to leave her, I never will. What I'm asking is, what would you do if you were me? keeping in mind how hard it is to walk away from the first person who you truley felt loves you and for whom you love so much, we've never fought or anything, its all great, but then its not somedays, cause another woman is playing house with my man.. i dont know.. Advice? LilGirl - I get where you are coming from. For me, I was very explicit in the beginning of the affair about intentions, timeframe, etc. I think you need to have a clear, frank conversation with him on what his thoughts and plans are for your relationship. I think you need to figure out your deal breakers, a timeline that you are okay with and whether or not you can be a OW and for how long. Yes I understand how hard it is to walk away but I would look at the positives of what you gained from this relationship and use it as a stepping stone for your next one. It is hard getting out of a marriage, especially a bad one. Kudos for that! You know that there is a saying, some people come into our lives for a season, a year or a lifetime. We can have valuable, meaningful relationships that don't necessarily mean they are meant to be forever. But talk to him, see where the two of you are, and stay true to yourself and what works best for you. It is time to be your own best advocate in your relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Well then I stand corrected? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 She comes off as if she thinks she's better than the BS She actually clearly said she feels the opposite. I have no reason to doubt her but certainly haven't read all her posts She is also still the secret relationship. She knows that. Doesn't necessarily mean the feelings and the relationship aren't genuine. Not starting a fight, it was just an observation. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 She actually clearly said she feels the opposite. I have no reason to doubt her but certainly haven't read all her posts She knows that. Doesn't necessarily mean the feelings and the relationship aren't genuine. Not starting a fight, it was just an observation. All I said was that she came off like she was better than the BS. She was listing off their attributes, like it was a competition. When I made the posts, I hadn't read her responses. I just posted my own. I'm just making my observations. As for the bolded--- yeah, I know. Never said otherwise. I already responded to her, I stand corrected, so... Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 All I said was that she came off like she was better than the BS. She was listing off their attributes, like it was a competition. When I made the posts, I hadn't read her responses. I just posted my own. I'm just making my observations. As for the bolded--- yeah, I know. Never said otherwise. I already responded to her, I stand corrected, so... I thought the same. Looked to me like she was rattling off a list of seemingly negative attributes of the BS. Yet mentioning only seemingly positive characteristics about herself. You were not alone in you observation Sweet Pea. I'm glad OP clarified or would continue to think this was her intention. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 I caled her a feminist "butchy" bra-burning cop.... not sure how thats a negative... most people like that are proud to be like such, maybe butchy isnt the right word.. thats why i put it in "..", I mean by that is she dresses very manly-ish(?), with a very short haircut, she's a "fight for your equal rights" kinda woman, almost to the point of being an activist, and shes a cop. I'm the exact opposite, period. If your saying those are bad qualities of her, then so be it... I see it as facts, I've interacted with her post-starting the A, and these are observations I made. Who's hotter? who the f*%k cares, its all your taste Who's smarter? Who knows... Its all apples and oranges, cause we are different in everyway as night and day. All I know is I'm prepping myself in baby steps, cause thats all i'm capable of right now, to either throw in the towel or if he actually is unhappy and leaving possibly starting a real relationship with him... Its been 8mnths and I cant see going on with this for years, no freakin way, not cause of guilt, or right over wrong,,, but cause I'm starting to think I'm better than being training wheels to them repairing their marriage which from how i take it is the tool alot of MM use the OW for, the OW gets/keeps MM happy, he in turn uses his happiness to keep BS happy, and they live happily ever after, at the expense of the OW. When the A started I felt worthless and such, my MM and I have in a sense been eachothers training wheels, we do love eachother and are in love, he is honest that he loves her too for giving him his children, but is not in love with her... hasnt been for a long time, you can love the wife and be in love with the OW, falling in love is easy, as is falling out of love Link to post Share on other sites
Journee Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I caled her a feminist "butchy" bra-burning cop.... not sure how thats a negative... most people like that are proud to be like such, maybe butchy isnt the right word.. thats why i put it in "..", I mean by that is she dresses very manly-ish(?), with a very short haircut, she's a "fight for your equal rights" kinda woman, almost to the point of being an activist, and shes a cop. I'm the exact opposite, period. If your saying those are bad qualities of her, then so be it... I see it as facts, I've interacted with her post-starting the A, and these are observations I made. Who's hotter? who the f*%k cares, its all your taste Who's smarter? Who knows... Its all apples and oranges, cause we are different in everyway as night and day. All I know is I'm prepping myself in baby steps, cause thats all i'm capable of right now, to either throw in the towel or if he actually is unhappy and leaving possibly starting a real relationship with him... Its been 8mnths and I cant see going on with this for years, no freakin way, not cause of guilt, or right over wrong,,, but cause I'm starting to think I'm better than being training wheels to them repairing their marriage which from how i take it is the tool alot of MM use the OW for, the OW gets/keeps MM happy, he in turn uses his happiness to keep BS happy, and they live happily ever after, at the expense of the OW. When the A started I felt worthless and such, my MM and I have in a sense been eachothers training wheels, we do love eachother and are in love, he is honest that he loves her too for giving him his children, but is not in love with her... hasnt been for a long time, you can love the wife and be in love with the OW, falling in love is easy, as is falling out of love Remember the bolded part then. Many long term relationships ebb and flow. IF he is that fickle in that he can just fall in and out of love on a whim ,then you may be in for quite the heart ache. IF DDAy hits ,he could find himself in love with his wife once again and out of it with you. I just hope you know you deserve better. Also ,calling a woman "butchy" is not a compliment in my neck of the woods. If is means feminists where you are from ,sorry if I misunderstood. I have just never heard that to be something a woman really would want to be called whether or not she is feminist. You are entitled to say that about her though. Your story ,not mine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
krazikat Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 I caled her a feminist "butchy" bra-burning cop.... not sure how thats a negative... most people like that are proud to be like such, maybe butchy isnt the right word.. thats why i put it in "..", I mean by that is she dresses very manly-ish(?), with a very short haircut, she's a "fight for your equal rights" kinda woman, almost to the point of being an activist, and shes a cop. I'm the exact opposite, period. If your saying those are bad qualities of her, then so be it... I see it as facts, I've interacted with her post-starting the A, and these are observations I made. Who's hotter? who the f*%k cares, its all your taste Who's smarter? Who knows... Its all apples and oranges, cause we are different in everyway as night and day. All I know is I'm prepping myself in baby steps, cause thats all i'm capable of right now, to either throw in the towel or if he actually is unhappy and leaving possibly starting a real relationship with him... Its been 8mnths and I cant see going on with this for years, no freakin way, not cause of guilt, or right over wrong,,, but cause I'm starting to think I'm better than being training wheels to them repairing their marriage which from how i take it is the tool alot of MM use the OW for, the OW gets/keeps MM happy, he in turn uses his happiness to keep BS happy, and they live happily ever after, at the expense of the OW. When the A started I felt worthless and such, my MM and I have in a sense been eachothers training wheels, we do love eachother and are in love, he is honest that he loves her too for giving him his children, but is not in love with her... hasnt been for a long time, you can love the wife and be in love with the OW, falling in love is easy, as is falling out of love Lilgirl, the whole line "i love her but i'm not "in" love with her" is a very common line used by MM. As is the whole bit about sexless marriage, kids, money, etc. Focus on you...and you dont seem happy being an OW...do whats right for you and remember, talk is cheap... Link to post Share on other sites
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