Jump to content

Making ourselves smaller to make others feel comfortable

SpiralOut

By SpiralOut
in Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

SpiralOut Established Member

SpiralOut

Posted
Posted

I came across this quote and it really speaks to me.

 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Mariann Williamson -

 

 

Thoughts?

  • Like 1
Shepp Established Member

Shepp

Posted
Posted
I came across this quote and it really speaks to me.

 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Mariann Williamson -

 

 

Thoughts?

 

 

I dunno about being enlightened but I my experience I've noticed people who...play themselves down, say they cant do things do accumulate people to help them (I guess people who get a ego kick out 'saving the day') but I don't think its a way to gain respect as such.

I'm probably at the other end of the extreme to be honest, I don't really like to show any chink in the armour/weakness! I'd more likely be the fool who kills himself trying that holds his hands up and admits he cant do something.

 

I guess like anything the best lace to be is in the middle but stuff like that runs pretty deep!

 

But I agree with the quote, if you've got a voice, use it, if you've got something to say, say it.

  • Like 1
chuzzbug Member

chuzzbug

Posted
Posted

I agree with it. It's possible to be magnanimous without deprecating yourself.

 

In fact, a complement from someone who is a better person than I am is worth more than from someone who is less of one.

  • Author
SpiralOut Established Member

SpiralOut

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I agree with it too. I sometimes try to "not try too hard" with certain things so that I don't look like a "show off." It's like I try to fit into the "ordinary" mold so nobody gets mad at me.

  • Like 1
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

tall poppy syndrome....if you stand out if you seem to more than ordinary.....you get cut down....so it is better to put on the daisy suit...and be another daisy...than have your poppy stem attacked with a machete...deb

  • Like 1
Grumpybutfun Established Member

Grumpybutfun

Posted
Posted
I came across this quote and it really speaks to me.

 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Mariann Williamson -

 

 

Thoughts?

 

It would never occur to me to do this. Being small is being insignificant and if you need to do that then you are around people who are insecure. I believe in being the live out loud person that brings something to the world. Didn't know people actually did this!

Grumps

camillalev Established Member

camillalev

Posted
Posted

I agree 100%. Words to live by.

Shepp Established Member

Shepp

Posted
Posted
tall poppy syndrome....if you stand out if you seem to more than ordinary.....you get cut down....so it is better to put on the daisy suit...and be another daisy...than have your poppy stem attacked with a machete...deb

 

I like the daisy analogy but it's got to be better to have been the tall poppy and get cut down, than to of had the potential but never gone for it

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)
I like the daisy analogy but it's got to be better to have been the tall poppy and get cut down, than to of had the potential but never gone for it

 

i think you are right....poppies bring contrast to the field....but some times its nice for poppies to be part of the daisy chain....a chameleon grafted on daisy/ poppy..a doppy..............smilin.....i think sometimes it is good to recognize whether you are a poppy or a daisy....the common denominator is that we are all flowers and not one is prettier than another or less important.....even if poppies are taller....humility is important and the ability to see beauty in a chain of daisies.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
  • Like 1
  • Author
SpiralOut Established Member

SpiralOut

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I like the poppy in a daisy field analogy. It can be hard if you love daisies but they don't want to believe it or don't care. It makes me feel almost snobby for seeking out other poppies, but I need to. That's what I've been doing lately.

  • Like 1
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
I like the poppy in a daisy field analogy. It can be hard if you love daisies but they don't want to believe it or don't care. It makes me feel almost snobby for seeking out other poppies, but I need to. That's what I've been doing lately.

 

its not snobby to love other poppies...other poppies just get who you are how can you not love them....butcha have ta love the daisies too..:bunny::bunny:..even if they dont love you or understand what you are about they will get you one day........hugs....deb

Eve Established Member

Eve

Posted
Posted
I came across this quote and it really speaks to me.

 

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

Mariann Williamson -

 

 

Thoughts?

 

I see a couple of meanings.

 

1. There is no point in adopting a position to please someone else.

 

2. To be relieved when a person is willing to show who they are as a more informed decison can be made whether to bother with them or not.

 

Generally I follow the ideal to aim to make others feel comfortable foremostly as an act of civility. This mainly involves listening to them pretty intently and often mimicking behaviours they use to put them at ease. It is very subtle though..

 

What I have found is that this is a fair means to discern personalities and root out essentially negative persons... but there are only a few central relationships I would allow to have the power to influence who I am anyway.

 

Take care,

Eve x

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted

The more you have, the more people will want what you have.

 

Ever notice how old money conceals itself?

xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

One strategy is to stand tall, but control the light and shine it elsewhere. Spotlight someone else and build them up, without putting yourself down. The the most charming successful people I know have mastered that skill.

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted
One strategy is to stand tall, but control the light and shine it elsewhere. Spotlight someone else and build them up, without putting yourself down. The the most charming successful people I know have mastered that skill.
It's still a manipulative strategy, same as concealing yourself through self-deprecation.
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted
It's still a manipulative strategy, same as concealing yourself through self-deprecation.

 

How so?

 

I'd say it is not manipulative or self-deprecating if the appreciation of the other is genuine. Personally, I enjoy shining the spotlight more than being in it.

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted
How so?

 

I'd say it is not manipulative or self-deprecating if the appreciation of the other is genuine. Personally, I enjoy shining the spotlight more than being in it.

Then why would you call it a strategy? Strategies require conscious effort where if you're naturally a modest person, you wouldn't consider this a strategy.
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

Strategy may be the wrong word, but the approach feels right to me. Everyone is encouraged to stand tall :)

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...