Juniper Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 i am soliciting advice/insight since i cannot seem to work my problem out in my head... my bf and i have been together for about 4 years. our first year was LD then we were able to move in together for 2 years. we were in a location (alaska) we did not like and our priorities were to get out of dodge. my job in alaska was not what i wanted and so that was another priority - to find me the job i always had envisioned having. we realized that this was going to mean we were going to be apart and it seemed fine at the time. so in june i moved to montana to get the job i went to school for. now we live 2500 miles apart. i thought i was okay... so here were are today, everything else is fine except my problem with this new female friend he has. he met her while he was out on the river and he never bothered to tell me about her till we were visiting last month (after 3.5 months!!!! ). he says he didn't tell me because i get jealous. i took it as if he was trying to keep it from me because he had an interest in her. i think he should have mentioned it over the phone instead of when we were visiting each other. it really threw me for a loop. and i am a jealous person (and i don't like it). so he ends up going to the bars with her and her friend - and i think this odd because we never go to bars - we think they are silly and stinky. but he goes and i am shocked that he goes, kind of out of character. and now he has hung out with her two times this weekend. we never really had a social life in alaska because we have each other and we are not party animals. and i, like him, wouldn't mind having a friend to hang out with! she is about 15 years his senior and he says he does not have an interest in her (b/c of her age). i believe that. he says that he does not want to throw our relationship away, in all he has invested, and will not cheat on me. i feel that even though he does not have an interest in her now (no matter her age), he may when he hangs out with her so often (relative term!). he doesn't believe so. i am trying to work it out in my head that maybe once a week with her is okay. but then i don't want to be his dictator. this is all so silly of me, i wish i could just relax. i just don't know how to work it out! i don't want to be telling him what he can and cannot do - so i don't. it's not a good thing for any relationship. how can i get over this? Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I know this must be difficult for you. But when you made your career choice, didnt it enter you head that this would leave him and you to the possibility of another relationship? Didn't you think that he would be lonely or you would be and then boom someone else would appear? I think you must have made the choice in your head that your career was in the end more important. About her, I would put my foot down and say me or her? And if he is that important to you ... run back and dont look back. But set your priorities. Regards, Overseas Link to post Share on other sites
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