The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 .......hey I am seeking the help of married christians on this one; Is it possible to avoid head-butting with other guys trying to lure a chick and just become a spectator in the dating game as doing so [head-butting] makes me sway in my faith?I mean, I at times struggle to come to terms with the christian belief that God will bring your wife to you one day, I feel like one has to be 'less' christian in order to date successfully cause I hear that weak man don't breed.My Pastor told me that God will provide a GF but the likelihood of that seems unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I am not married but i am a christian......can you define what you mean by headbutting other guys?....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 My Pastor told me that God will provide a GF but the likelihood of that seems unrealistic. Which is why you should use common sense as opposed to blindly believe what you are told. Maybe the thread should be 'gullible men don't breed' 4 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) .......hey I am seeking the help of married christians on this one; Is it possible to avoid head-butting with other guys trying to lure a chick and just become a spectator in the dating game as doing so [head-butting] makes me sway in my faith?I mean, I at times struggle to come to terms with the christian belief that God will bring your wife to you one day, I feel like one has to be 'less' christian in order to date successfully cause I hear that weak man don't breed.My Pastor told me that God will provide a GF but the likelihood of that seems unrealistic. A few things: 1) There's nothing wrong with not marrying. Paul even recommended it if you are able and strong enough to do it. Jesus, the son of God, never married. 2) The world's system operates very much like Darwinism. Even Christian women cannot help but be attracted to worldly and powerful men. It has to be this way. Just like it has to be that men, often to their detriment, are attracted to physically beautiful women. In both cases it's for the benefit of ensuring survival of offspring. 3) The system of the kingdom of God operates exactly the opposite. As it's written, the last shall be first and the first shall be last. As it's written, the meek shall inherit the earth. As it's written, he who loses his life for the sake of God's kingdom shall save it--and he he saves his life now shall lose it. 4) Does this mean to never marry? No. Paul said we do not sin by marrying. But it definitely compromises your ability to please God. Paul said this very thing. These are not my words. You will spend most of your life trying to please her rather than God. Unfortunately, pleasing women (as you are aware from your OP) involves focusing on worldly pursuits which are often sinful and opposed to the will of God. Edited June 12, 2013 by M30USA 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I am not married but i am a christian......can you define what you mean by headbutting other guys?....deb Competing with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I am not married but i am a christian......can you define what you mean by headbutting other guys?....deb It's important to define WHAT guys are competing FOR when it comes to "getting the girl". Typically it refers to getting the best salary, higher status, and the "it factor". All these things, while giving you success with women, are vain and will all pass away. Unfortunately, on the flipside, if you "compete" for repentance, humility, righteousness, purity of heart, and true faith in Christ (as opposed to worldly faith), then you will not have success with the ladies UNLESS she is highly mature and lives in the Spirit. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 How old are you? I think what your saying here is age old debate about the fact that "bad boys" get the girls and a lot of other things in life over nice guys? Or that nice guys finish last? Well there is some evidence that gals (particularly younger ones) do tend to fall for them, but often they end up learning at some point not to marry them. You did not think being a nice guy, a man of God would shower you with women and riches did you? I think you need to understand that being a christian male does not mean being meek, or week,asexual, or waiting for God to Provide. Strength and confidence and even some swagger are ok. Not sure - just guessing here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Which is why you should use common sense as opposed to blindly believe what you are told. Maybe the thread should be 'gullible men don't breed' Buddy, I would like to keep my christian values and at the same time find a date but as you know I appear weak cause I can't do what non-christians do...get it? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 but as you know I appear weak cause I can't do what non-christians do...get it? Can't do what? Causal Sex? Drugs? Drinking? Violence? Stealing? I am not sure what others are doing to look strong. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 In the realm of spirituality, I was fathered by a very mild-mannered man who was very devout in his faith and he managed to be married for all but seven years of his adult life, dying in his second marriage at 69, and fathering three children. By the standards I've faced in my life, he was 'weak', in that I've had to be far more aggressive, assertive and forceful in my relations or attempts at relations to become successful. Still, even with that, perhaps being unsuccessful at having children labels me as 'weak' in modern times, true to the saying of 'only the strong survive'. Times change. People change. Along the way, I had to let go of a lot of what he taught me about women and relationships, relevant to spirituality and the precepts regarding treatment of our fellow humans. It is what it is. There's the ideal and then there's reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Have to admit, the thread title caught my eye. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 How old are you? Yes. I think what you saying here is age old debate about the fact that "bad boys" get the girls and a lot of other things in life over nice guys? Or that nice guys finish last? Ya. Well there is some evidence that gals (particularly younger ones) do tend to fall for them, but often they end up learning at some point not to marry them. You did not think being a nice guy, a man of God would shower you with women and riches did you? Well, I thought at least I would be able to get a partner. I think you need to understand that being a christian male does not mean being meek, or week,asexual, or waiting for God to Provide. Strength and confidence and even some swagger are ok. I get it, I guess I have to change my mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Which is why you should use common sense as opposed to blindly believe what you are told. Maybe the thread should be 'gullible men don't breed' Buddy, I would like to keep my christian values and at the same time find a date but as you know I appear weak cause I can't do what non-christians do...get it? It's really important not to follow the crowd...that is weak IMO. Following the crowd will get you and attract what you don't want, no matter what the subject is. Do what you know to be right and surround yourself with those that are like-minded. As a child, I knew priddy much how I wanted things to go- then took a wrong turn adopting the worlds ways...for me they don't work. After spending almost a quarter of a century in "clean up" I've now adopted the idea of not caring what anyone thinks and wondering were all of the people are to help with the "clean up"...have you ever noticed when it's time to clear the table, everyone tends to disappear? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 In the realm of spirituality, I was fathered by a very mild-mannered man who was very devout in his faith and he managed to be married for all but seven years of his adult life, dying in his second marriage at 69, and fathering three children. By the standards I've faced in my life, he was 'weak', in that I've had to be far more aggressive, assertive and forceful in my relations or attempts at relations to become successful. Still, even with that, perhaps being unsuccessful at having children labels me as 'weak' in modern times, true to the saying of 'only the strong survive'. Times change. People change. Along the way, I had to let go of a lot of what he taught me about women and relationships, relevant to spirituality and the precepts regarding treatment of our fellow humans. It is what it is. There's the ideal and then there's reality. I respect your honesty here more than I respect a professing Christian who waters down the Scripture to make himself feel like he's following them well. The truth is that the way of truth is HARD. I think we've posted many times on here about the gate to heaven being narrow and the path being hard. The meaning of narrow is more similar to "constraining" or "tight". It means you literally have to struggle and make a deliberate attempt to get there. Please note I am not referring to deeds or going good. I'm merely talking about the DAILY CHOICE of living in the spirit and denying the flesh. God is the one who does the work in us and ultimately gets us through, but it still doesn't change the fact that we must struggle to reach heaven. Scripture says our salvation must be worked out "with fear and trembling". I only bring this up because many people DO realize the gate is narrow/constraining, and they just decide its not for them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I've now adopted the idea of not caring what anyone thinks and wondering were all of the people are to help with the "clean up"...have you ever noticed when it's time to clear the table, everyone tends to disappear? Great example of how times have changed, in many ways. I was socialized to 'help out', like exactly in the example you forwarded, and the response from women generally is, perhaps jokingly, 'you'll make someone a fine wife someday' and, from the men, 'that's women's work, what are you doing?'. I just smile and keep doing what I do. I'm fine with being outlier now. Took a long time and a lot of spiritual introspection to get there. If the ladies of my generation look upon such perspectives as being unworthy of 'breeding', I accept their determinations as the divine gifts they are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Great example of how times have changed, in many ways. I was socialized to 'help out', like exactly in the example you forwarded, and the response from women generally is, perhaps jokingly, 'you'll make someone a fine wife someday' and, from the men, 'that's women's work, what are you doing?'. I just smile and keep doing what I do. I'm fine with being outlier now. Took a long time and a lot of spiritual introspection to get there. If the ladies of my generation look upon such perspectives as being unworthy of 'breeding', I accept their determinations as the divine gifts they are. Dang son. Again, I respect your nonconformity. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 .......hey I am seeking the help of married christians on this one; Is it possible to avoid head-butting with other guys trying to lure a chick and just become a spectator in the dating game as doing so [head-butting] makes me sway in my faith?I mean, I at times struggle to come to terms with the christian belief that God will bring your wife to you one day, I feel like one has to be 'less' christian in order to date successfully cause I hear that weak man don't breed.My Pastor told me that God will provide a GF but the likelihood of that seems unrealistic. Personally, I wouldn't bother with the luring tactic and instead just be yourself. Sounds like the place to start is looking further at why you do not think you will be able to find a suitable relationship by following the faith. I would be interested to hear what sort of challenges you are facing. God's way does work and has worked for many within finding their partner. Do you know what you are looking for in a partner? Do you really feel that women see you as weak because you are a Christian? Is that how it is where you live or something? Take care, Eve x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 I am turning 20 in two weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Since I grew up fatherless I have many challenges but I think the biggest of them is being flat broke. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 [quote How old are you? 20 in two weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Since I grew up fatherless I have many challenges but I think the biggest of them is being flat broke. I, too, grew up fatherless. It definitely has impacted me in some negative ways. However, if there's one benefit, it would be that it forced me to examine the world through my own eyes. I had no real father to emulate. For my early years, I suppose you could say I was a bit slow to develop my identity, but the truth is that this was a blessing in disguise: nobody to live up to, let down, or emulate. They say that anything worthwhile takes a long time to develop. I hope this is true in my case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 If you trust your pastors advice why not ask him for further instruction on the matter? I am not used to talking to him, after all I am highly introverted. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 If you trust your pastors advice why not ask him for further instruction on the matter? I am not used to talking to him, after all I am highly introverted. You should read the book called "The Introvert Advantage". Instead of viewing your personality as a limitation, you should realize it's actually a very powerful advantage. Not to sound elitist, but introverts make up some of the finest human beings who've ever lived. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 but the truth is that this was a blessing in disguise: nobody to live up to, let down, or emulate. Ya, I think of it that way but lacking a father figure in life made me someone too nice (weak as far as the worldly way of doing things is concerned) to drink, have casual sex e.t.c Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 You should read the book called "The Introvert Advantage". Who is the author? Link to post Share on other sites
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