M30USA Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 but the truth is that this was a blessing in disguise: nobody to live up to, let down, or emulate. Ya, I think of it that way but lacking a father figure in life made me someone too nice (weak as far as the worldly way of doing things is concerned) to drink, have casual sex e.t.c Why would you want to do what everyone else does when, if you take the words of Jesus literally, the majority of humans are going to hell? (I apologize if this is offensive, but I'm merely referencing Jesus' own claims in Matthew 7.) Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 .......hey I am seeking the help of married christians on this one; Is it possible to avoid head-butting with other guys trying to lure a chick and just become a spectator in the dating game as doing so [head-butting] makes me sway in my faith?I mean, I at times struggle to come to terms with the christian belief that God will bring your wife to you one day, I feel like one has to be 'less' christian in order to date successfully cause I hear that weak man don't breed.My Pastor told me that God will provide a GF but the likelihood of that seems unrealistic. Hey Introvert, It seems that a lot of unmarried Christians and non-Christians are dolling out their two cents, so I might as well chime in lol When you use the word "chicks" it makes me wonder if you are ready for a serious relationship? Couple of questions: 1) What is your ministry? The purpose of Christian marriage is to work together for the Lord. If you haven't declared a ministry you aren't setting yourself up as a leader, i.e. head of household. If you don't have a ministry/vision what standard will you apply for determining how a woman would fit into your life? 2) How much time do you waste a day? So many guys spend way too many hours in front of a computer screen; social media, video games, internet forums etc. Doing nothing profitable for the Lord. Limit yourself to 30 minutes a day of recreational screen time (i.e. time on a computer that is not related to work). 3) What are your career plans? Vids for you: A bit longer and Driscoll can be harsh, but some men need brutal honesty: 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 When you use the word "chicks" it makes me wonder if you are ready for a serious relationship? Yes I want to be in a serious one, I am using that word probably due to inexperience (I have never dated since I was born lol) 1) What is your ministry? Christian Home Group. . 2) How much time do you waste a day? Little. 3) What are your career plans? Business man. Vids for you: Thanks for the vids Off Topic: are you a pastor or something? Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Why would you want to do what everyone else does when, if you take the words of Jesus literally, the majority of humans are going to hell? (I apologize if this is offensive, but I'm merely referencing Jesus' own claims in Matthew 7.) Strong word there, Amen and Amen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Sounds like the place to start is looking further at why you do not think you will be able to find a suitable relationship by following the faith. It's just difficult, try and put yourself in my shoes and see.I think I need prayers... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Im not 100% sure where I stand on religion. In fact on of those reasons is stuff like this - If I set my heart on something I go get it, if I have to fight for it, i'll fight. Does that make me a sinner?? Cause I don't think it makes me a bad guy! If you like a girl and want a family then there's nothing wrong with that right? So why cant you fight for her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 When you use the word "chicks" it makes me wonder if you are ready for a serious relationship? Yes I want to be in a serious one, I am using that word probably due to inexperience (I have never dated since I was born lol) No problem, that is how you learn. A wife is a blessing from God. A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. 1) What is your ministry? Christian Home Group. You have a good base. Keep doing your ministry, and pray and seek to cultivate it further. Questions to ask yourself (not something you necessarily have to any here; more for your own edification) 1) What is your life vision? (At 20, this may be difficult to know.) 2) How would a wife improve that ministry? 2) How much time do you waste a day? Little. Good job. 3) What are your career plans?Business man. Good start, but too vague. What specific skills are you cultivating that will allow you to provide a wife and family a stable home life? You stated you are broke. If you want a wife/family, getting out of debt and being able to provide should be your primary goal at this point. Again, these are not things you have to answer here Off Topic: are you a pastor or something? Teacher. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Competing with other guys. competition is part of the world.....i think it comes down a bit to coveting....wanting what others have.....I am 44 this year and never married.....been in long term relationships but never married.....not that i didnt want to be......I believe in marriage...not for the sake of it......but for the sake of standing in front for god and this i love and saying...i am with this person for life...that is what god has said is right...luckily god knows my heart and that i am true...... when you compete.......you lose sight of what god wants and it becomes a prusuit of what you want......never compete......for love...if it is true love that woudl stand the test of time.....it isnt out of competition that you get it........i wish you love and happiness in your future ...married or unmarried.... i like the words in the serenity prayer....i think they are fitting....... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. dotn make love about the chase.......the competition.....so in my opinion...head butting other guys out of the way....isnt the way to go.theres no trophy when you stand up and get married no crowd cheering...its you and god and those you love.....theres no competition there......deb 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Sounds like the place to start is looking further at why you do not think you will be able to find a suitable relationship by following the faith. It's just difficult, try and put yourself in my shoes and see.I think I need prayers... You got it Brotha! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Competing with other guys. competition is part of the world.....i think it comes down a bit to coveting....wanting what others have.....I am 44 this year and never married.....been in long term relationships but never married.....not that i didnt want to be......I believe in marriage...not for the sake of it......but for the sake of standing in front for god and this i love and saying...i am with this person for life...that is what god has said is right...luckily god knows my heart and that i am true...... when you compete.......you lose sight of what god wants and it becomes a prusuit of what you want......never compete......for love...if it is true love that woudl stand the test of time.....it isnt out of competition that you get it........i wish you love and happiness in your future ...married or unmarried.... i like the words in the serenity prayer....i think they are fitting....... God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference. dotn make love about the chase.......the competition.....so in my opinion...head butting other guys out of the way....isnt the way to go.theres no trophy when you stand up and get married no crowd cheering...its you and god and those you love.....theres no competition there......deb TDIB, I could write a really long message or book on the points you brought up and the reasons of why what you said is soooooo true- great post! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 The bible, or your pastor, do not have the knowledge and wisdom on how to attract the women you want. You will have to do specific research for that. For example, if you are in school right now, for a specific degree, you arent praying for the degree to come are you? No, you are studying in these subjects required for the degree, so you can get the job you want. You have to do the same thing with women when you are clueless. Research and practice will figure out the type of women you want. By the way, the type of woman you want now, will not be the type of women you want 8 years from now. YOu do your research, you can easily be able to compete with the strong guys for the woman you like. BTW try looking in other church groups, widen your circle, at least you can broaden your search. But many women live by emotions, not biblical rules. If there are guys in your group that are attracting these women you like, its emotionally, they make the women feel things that the like, and you have to figure out what that is. Bible wont tell you that. Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I mean, I at times struggle to come to terms with the christian belief that God will bring your wife to you one day, I feel like one has to be 'less' christian in order to date successfully cause I hear that weak man don't breed I don't think there's anything "weak" about Tim Tebow! Or Denzel Washington, Marky Mark, Bono or the countless others who stand firm in their beliefs. THAT is attractive! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Unfortunately, pleasing women (as you are aware from your OP) involves focusing on worldly pursuits which are often sinful and opposed to the will of God. I don't think that's true. Women who don't have a focus on God can be driven by an attraction for worldly power. But I think most women are "pleased" by being cherished, which is how God instructs husbands to treat their wives. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I mean, I at times struggle to come to terms with the christian belief that God will bring your wife to you one day, I'm a christian too. But God won't bring you ****. You have to do it yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I'm a christian too. But God won't bring you ****. You have to do it yourself. SDA, you crack me up... "a man who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing:p:p:p:p ((((((((hugs SDA)))))) This means you have to go hunting! LOL, ladies don't trip on me, this is a term a really good friend used to use, refering to men as hunters... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Teacher. ...and a freaking good one! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I, too, grew up fatherless. It definitely has impacted me in some negative ways. However, if there's one benefit, it would be that it forced me to examine the world through my own eyes. I had no real father to emulate. For my early years, I suppose you could say I was a bit slow to develop my identity, but the truth is that this was a blessing in disguise: nobody to live up to, let down, or emulate. They say that anything worthwhile takes a long time to develop. I hope this is true in my case. Wow, totally powerful dude... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Hey Introvert, When you use the word "chicks" it makes me wonder if you are ready for a serious relationship? Got a question for you love:) not trying to put you on the spot, just curious, does certain wording indicate certain things? If so, I'm in BIG trouble! Is it the slang? If so, I'm n really big trouble! Link to post Share on other sites
Eve Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Introvert - I have a stronger inclination towards introvertism than being an extrovert, plus I am far too sensitive.. I can sometimes over think things greatly; I cannot fully say that I do not care. Never thought God could use someone like me and His calling troubled me greatly because of this. What I have learned is it is about trusting God. Simple as that. Coming to the faith was the greatest decision I ever made and I do believe that I have gained everything I have through the faith. Everything. I too had a poor family background and now through me they are all saved. I was lonely for a time and prayed sincerely for a Husband and left it in the hand of God. He turned up 6 months later. He was not a Christian but I asked him to kneel with me whilst I prayed and he did. He saw the movement of The Holy Spirit and was baptised and is strong in the faith. We are soon to celebrate 14 years of marriage, 15 years together. He is the love of my life. God gave us this love and it bridges all gaps and trials. As for finances, I grew up poor but I am not poor anymore. I took my career seriously and God always provided. Always. H and I have seen some hard days but there is a rest that the Lord provides which is seamless. Help always comes in the most unexpected ways when Jesus is the first one in your life. Don't be discouraged. I came to the Lord at around your age and the past 20+ years have been amazing. Life is very short. Do not be deceived by the things of the world. It is all pointless questioning and carnality. By starting now you will be so strong in the Lord, so strong.. God's got a plan and He has your back. Stick with people who you can see have God in their lives and let them minister to you as you grow in the word and in faith. In my heart and prayers, Take care, Eve x 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) SDA, you crack me up... "a man who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing:p:p:p:p ((((((((hugs SDA)))))) This means you have to go hunting! LOL, ladies don't trip on me, this is a term a really good friend used to use, refering to men as hunters... I agree; (and thank you for your many hugs sweetheart) you are a wonderful girl. But sometimes, even after all the hunting, and you're sure you've found her, it doesn't work. You end up getting betrayed when the **** hits the fan Edited June 13, 2013 by skydiveaddict 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Coming to the faith was the greatest decision I ever made and I do believe that I have gained everything I have through the faith. Everything. I too had a poor family background and now through me they are all saved. I was lonely for a time and prayed sincerely for a Husband and left it in the hand of God. He turned up 6 months later. He was not a Christian but I asked him to kneel with me whilst I prayed and he did. He saw the movement of The Holy Spirit and was baptised and is strong in the faith. We are soon to celebrate 14 years of marriage, 15 years together. He is the love of my life. God gave us this love and it bridges all gaps and trials. As for finances, I grew up poor but I am not poor anymore. I took my career seriously and God always provided. Always. H and I have seen some hard days but there is a rest that the Lord provides which is seamless. Help always comes in the most unexpected ways when Jesus is the first one in your life. Don't be discouraged. I came to the Lord at around your age and the past 20+ years have been amazing. Life is very short. Do not be deceived by the things of the world. It is all pointless questioning and carnality. By starting now you will be so strong in the Lord, so strong.. God's got a plan and He has your back. Thanks Eve, your story is quite inspiring and it really shows that God is at work in your life............ya, HE has a plan for me........... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 God's got a plan and He has your back. Unfortunately many times His plan is to knock you flat on your back and see if you can ever recover. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 I don't think there's anything "weak" about Tim Tebow! Or Denzel Washington, Marky Mark, Bono or the countless others who stand firm in their beliefs. THAT is attractive! Hey just look at the men you are talking about, big people!I am just not 'holy than thou art' like them though I want to grow in spirit like them.See, I am a bit luke warm in faith, after all we all probably don't know how those guys dated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author The Introvert Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Unfortunately many times His plan is to knock you flat on your back and see if you can ever recover. mmmmmmh..... you just sound unchristian...are serious about that? Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Unfortunately many times His plan is to knock you flat on your back and see if you can ever recover. God does knock us on our back sometimes, but it's usually for the purpose of correcting us. Remember that God disciplines those he loves. However, the Bible does say that it's possible to continually harden your neck in response to correction for so long that you meet destruction which cannot ever be repaired (Proverbs 29:1). I don't believe this applies to the OP but I just brought it up in response to above post. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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