bubbaganoosh Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I don't know why your having a sad day because the divorce papers have been filed. I read everything from the first page to the last and I have to tell you that your about to be liberated. Friend. The woman doesn't have a honest bone in her body. She blames you for everything and refuses to take any kind of responsibility for her pi$$ poor behavior. It's real easy to point a finger and let some one else be the patsy. That's you. Time to come in from the fog and just face the fact that you made a big mistake. We all make them but the one thing you must do is not make the same mistake again. I'm talking from experience when it comes to that. I sit back at times and try my best to kick myself for some of the DUMB CHOICES I MADE WHEN IT COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS so don't think for one minuet that your the only one who has made one. She get pi$$ed because you post her actions on FB. Maybe if she would have had better morals and values, she wouldn't come off looking like a low life. That's her problem, not yours. Be different if you posted a lie but you didn't. You got another chance to enjoy your life. Take advantage of it. Some people aren't as lucky to get a second chance. Your getting good advice here and support from a lot of people on the forum, the only thing you have to do is take it. No one is trying to steer you wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 No, I moved out on father's day. I have not been supporting her in any way since .. I did buy dance lessons for our daughter, but that has been the only financial offering from me. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 Thanks Nyla.. much needed and appreciated. The latest fun has been her accusing me of stealing $2k from her..apparently she had an envelope of cash in her top dresser drawer... I never knew about it, but it has come up missing and she is telling everyone that I stole it...along with some meds for her ADD (aderol). I've never taken anything and I'm an honest guy. I'm confused why she would do this. This is another manipulative tactic. It's designed to stir up drama - and that way her bad behavior gets overshadowed by the new drama. Expect more from her. It's her way of turning the tables on you. Silence is the fastest way to make it go away. The only way drama survives is when folks keep feeding it more energy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 This is another manipulative tactic. It's designed to stir up drama - and that way her bad behavior gets overshadowed by the new drama. Expect more from her. It's her way of turning the tables on you. Silence is the fastest way to make it go away. The only way drama survives is when folks keep feeding it more energy. Good. I've been NC with her since Friday. She hasn't tried contacting me, but I will ignore her attempts should she try to reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I'd bet she never had the money. Why would she leave that much money laying around? And IF she did - I'd be wondering how much other money she's pilfered away while you didn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 I'm doubting it ever existed also. I make really good money, and she was supposed to handle getting the bills paid, etc. But she mismanaged the money quite a bit, and our credit card debts continued to increase every month. Logic tells me that any cash she was supposedly squirreling away would've (or should've) been used to pay down our debts. I never would've believed she is as wicked as she has turned out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I'm doubting it ever existed also. I make really good money, and she was supposed to handle getting the bills paid, etc. But she mismanaged the money quite a bit, and our credit card debts continued to increase every month. Logic tells me that any cash she was supposedly squirreling away would've (or should've) been used to pay down our debts. I never would've believed she is as wicked as she has turned out to be. That's brutal man. You ought to take care of your own finances from now on. Or at the very least sit down with whoever your partner is to do it with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 That's brutal man. You ought to take care of your own finances from now on. Or at the very least sit down with whoever your partner is to do it with them. I totally agree .. but man... I trusted her. She was my wife... she always presented herself as a straight and responsible person, ever since the beginning. Having a rough night tonight. I'm so awestruck by this. Just a month ago, I was a generally happy husband and daddy, nice house, cars, dog, cat and garden. I just don't understand how it all went so terribly wrong. I miss my kids in a way I can't even describe. My wife and I, we had our minor issues, but I loved my life, kids and wife. I wasn't ready for the dream to end. At least, not into this. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 I'm so awestruck by this. Just a month ago, I was a generally happy husband and daddy, nice house, cars, dog, cat and garden. I just don't understand how it all went so terribly wrong. I miss my kids in a way I can't even describe. My wife and I, we had our minor issues, but I loved my life, kids and wife. I wasn't ready for the dream to end. At least, not into this. No one ever is Murph. You have to come to grips with this. That doesn't mean you have to like it, but accepting things the way they are is a huge step towards getting back on track to the future. That, is what we make it. We -all of us- must accept that life will at some point throw us a curve; or three. Life isn't fair, even to the honest and sincere. The question is; how to we recover and move on? That begins with accepting that bad things happen to good people, that events that are beyond our control occur, and realizing that the people we hold dearest in our lives have the potential to hurt us the most. We become wiser, stronger and more intuitive, or we allow the injustice to destroy our character and make us bitter. You must make this choice too. You will mourn, but strive to be productive. Ponder ideas that will allow you to stay in the kids lives. If a custody agreement cannot be reached, remain in the picture by remembering birthdays, holidays, even starting a savings account for them. Kids are only kids for a short time. They'll be adults for much longer. You can be a big part of their lives if you want to. Know this! Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 My wife and I, we had our minor issues, but I loved my life, kids and wife. I wasn't ready for the dream to end. At least, not into this. Dude, you need to read your first post in your "Rushing Head-long into The 20s She Never Got".... there was no dream. She married you to help her rise her kids and support her financially. She didn't have much interest (if any at all) in you on romantic level. She had the other guy for romance and passionate sex... you were just money making drone. Actually, you don't even know if it was really her first rodeo. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 Dude, you need to read your first post in your "Rushing Head-long into The 20s She Never Got".... there was no dream. She married you to help her rise her kids and support her financially. She didn't have much interest (if any at all) in you on romantic level. She had the other guy for romance and passionate sex... you were just money making drone. Actually, you don't even know if it was really her first rodeo.I know .. and that's such a crappy realization, but I know that's what's real now. Still sucks all the same... Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 hi Murph! You will continue to mourn the relationship you thought you had; then in time, the one you wished you had, and dammit! Why didn't we have it? that's all normal and a part of the process. Don't let the what ifs and the resentments intrude too much if possible. Just keep concluding that while there is always room for improvement in ANY relationship, cheating repeatedly is about the worst fix there is. Be proud you did not cheat. be you. And keep getting busy with friends and family, hobbies, new goals and interests. And remember the stages: Shock,, denial, anger, depression, bargaining, forgiveness and acceptance of what has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 I've been NC with her since Friday. She has called me twice, once yesterday and once again an hour ago. I have ignored both calls. This is hard because I want to see the kids, but don't think I can right now lest she use them as tools to manipulate me. Soon... I will see them soon. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 See the judge ASAP and ask for scheduled visitation if they are minors. If you ask - you're likely to get it. If you don't ask - you will continue to be at her mercy. Take action. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 I've been NC with her since Friday. She has called me twice, once yesterday and once again an hour ago. I have ignored both calls. This is hard because I want to see the kids, but don't think I can right now lest she use them as tools to manipulate me. Soon... I will see them soon. good! And yes you will! Start a journal? Diary? Where you talk to the children.....how much you miss them. Start writing. And financially, you must take care of you first. BUT, if you could spare some money, why not invest it for them. Something they cannot touch until the age of maturity. Someday, you could choose to gift it, with your journal of missing them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Great idea, spark. Beach - I have asked for visitation in my divorce petition. Hoping this pushed through quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 You can ask to see the judge now if she's not allowing you to see your kids. Be PROACTIVE instead of reactive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Certainly... however the unique aspect of this situation is that the kids are not mine, biologically or legally. So she can tell me to get bent all she wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 is that true? You have been a stable part of their lives for a long time and wish to continue to be. It doesn't hurt to ask and make your case. otherwise, I'd worry you may be extorted financially with seeing those children USED as the dangling carrot. In which case, you have to bow out and revert to privately investing on their behalf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 Yeah.. it's true. Our son, I was planning to adopt this month since his father isn't in the picture. But, then I found out about her sleaziness....much too early for her tastes, I'm betting. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 If you want any type of visitation or custody, you're going to have to request it. What does your attorney say? Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Yeah.. it's true. Our son, I was planning to adopt this month since his father isn't in the picture. But, then I found out about her sleaziness....much too early for her tastes, I'm betting. I know how much you love the kids. If you had adopted this boy - you would know the full extent of pain and manipulation. You would be paying child support + medical + future college costs.... AND,,,, she could still play with your ability to visit him. Happens all the time with divorces and bio kids. Speaking of medical...I assume your carrying the kids on your insurance? Not sure if your insurance will still allow this after divorce give the kids are not legally dependents any more. You have gotten off easier than some. But I know what being a dad, a dad to these kids means to you. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 You should be able to get a temporary order for visitation before the divorce proceedings finalize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 I know how much you love the kids. If you had adopted this boy - you would know the full extent of pain and manipulation. You would be paying child support + medical + future college costs.... AND,,,, she could still play with your ability to visit him. Happens all the time with divorces and bio kids. Speaking of medical...I assume your carrying the kids on your insurance? Not sure if your insurance will still allow this after divorce give the kids are not legally dependents any more. You have gotten off easier than some. But I know what being a dad, a dad to these kids means to you. Yes .. I've always dreamed of being a dad, and this opportunity I've had to be a dad to these kids as been a honest-to-god dream-come-true. And I know if I had adopted my son, I would be in a world of financial hurt right now. She was banking on this - she was planning that I would adopt him before I found out the truth. She is so devious and horrible. A vile, vile person. I am still carrying them on my health insurance through my employer, however I will not be able to cover them once the divorce is final. For now, a statutory restraining order has been issued just by the nature of me filing for divorce that prevents me from removing my wife (or the kids) from my insurance. Right now, I will continue paying for all 3 of them until the divorce is granted. I would cover the kids, but I hate the fact I have to cover her for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author murphomatic Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 The kids are no longer communicating with me. They won't answer my calls or respond to text messages. I'm certain she has instructed them not to. I seriously can't believe what a vile and vicious person she is being. Link to post Share on other sites
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