I'm So Destroyed

[murphomatic]

Hey Anna .. the affair hasn't just been online. They've met in person several time and have slept with each other. I wish the marriage was salvageable, and I gave her ample opportunity to agree to fix things with me, but sadly - it is not possible. If you read through this thread, you'll see how twisted she is and why our broken marriage can't be repaired. Mostly because she doesn't it want it to be fixed.

 

As others have observed on here - she has never loved me. I was just a meal ticket for her, and she used me until she found another man who caught her eye.

 

As far as the kids, she has severed the relationship by convincing them they don't want to have one with me.

 

I'm convinced that my wife has a serious mental disorder that causes her to lie about things compulsively. She has a serious hang up with image and perception. She is a master gas-lighter as well. Over the course of our relationship, she would often reference conversations that we NEVER had..and then feign concern for my "memory issues" when i didn't recall the discussion...

 

I don't think she'll ever have a successful relationship with anyone until the dishonesty is addressed .. I believe her lies run so deep, that she actually believes them herself.

Edited July 21, 2013 by murphomatic

[murphomatic]

The more I think about this, the more it frightens me. She's going to lie to the judge about me, and she's going to have the kids do the same to back up her story. I'm not sure what lies she will tell, but her MO is always she's the victim of some abuse. There's no direct evidence of any abuse because I never abused her or the kids in any fashion. But how does one defend themselves against lies that come out of a sweet and innocent looking woman and her two adorable children? The fact that the kids don't want to talk to me indicates that she has gotten deep into their heads. The fact that she's telling her friends that having the affair was her only escape from me indicates she's setting me up.

 

I'm scared to death about what she's going to do to deny my access to the kids and to extort as much money as possible out of me.

 

If karma is real, I could use a HEALTHY dose of it right now. I treated my family like gold, and I took the -best- care of them.

[turnera]

I'm scared to death about what she's going to do to deny my access to the kids and to extort as much money as possible out of me.

murph, no judge is going to give you access to HER KIDS after you're divorced. Not unless you raised them from birth, and MORE than 3 years.

[dichotomy]

The more I think about this, the more it frightens me. She's going to lie to the judge about me, and she's going to have the kids do the same to back up her story. I'm not sure what lies she will tell, but her MO is always she's the victim of some abuse. There's no direct evidence of any abuse because I never abused her or the kids in any fashion. But how does one defend themselves against lies that come out of a sweet and innocent looking woman and her two adorable children? The fact that the kids don't want to talk to me indicates that she has gotten deep into their heads. The fact that she's telling her friends that having the affair was her only escape from me indicates she's setting me up.

 

I'm scared to death about what she's going to do to deny my access to the kids and to extort as much money as possible out of me.

 

If karma is real, I could use a HEALTHY dose of it right now. I treated my family like gold, and I took the -best- care of them.

 

 

I believe I warned you of this earlier in this thread right? I told you to discuss it with your lawyer? did you?

 

So I will say it again - be prepared for war from this psycho bitch. Claims on your Violent tenancies? Abusing her kids ? Abusing her? Stealing money? Child support? Continued payments on home and health care? Psychiatric testing? Polygraph testing? Restraining order for her kids form you? Testimony from her family and friends against you? testimony from her kids teachers? Summons for your emails, phone and other records (including computer browsing)....

 

Oh ya brother - be ready!

 

Who knows what she is telling her kids - it could be brain washing or simply "if we don't get something from him - we will all starve and be on the streets so say what I told you or your siblings will all suffer"

 

Are you prepared to hit back with nuclear options? Have you even considered what nukes you got to launch on your side.... and discussed them with your hit man lawyer. A good offense is a good defense. Arm your self.

 

Sorry to be harsh on you - but you need to man up and prepare for the worst. If it does not happen - great - but stop being a nice guy about this. That at this time you continue to be surprised at the real her, what she is capable of doing - concerns me.

Edited July 21, 2013 by dichotomy

[Steadfast]

murph, no judge is going to give you access to HER KIDS after you're divorced.

 

It would have to be written into the settlement/disillusion and approved by her. Don't be surprised if she grants you visitation later; it could be a way for her to benefit financially. Otherwise, you probably won't pay a dime.

 

I'm not a lawyer. Talk to yours about this.

 

Murph, you're going to need to become a bit cold-hearted about this to properly deal with it. You can't keep her from saying anything to anyone. You couldn't stop her if the children were your biological kids. The critical thing now is how you respond. The truth will come out at some point; it always does. She is setting herself up. She's too shortsighted to care, but that attitude seems to carry over into everything she's doing. Why would any situation with you be any different? You're seeing her pattern.

 

Promises are only as good as the people who make them.

 

Stop whining about fairness and being taken advantage of. In the grand scheme you've gotten off pretty lightly. I know you care and no one likes being used and having their feelings discarded. Know and understand that life isn't fair. Facts and fairness are not, and never will be the same. Fact: no matter how good it seemed to be, you took a risk with this woman. In that way, your blind trust betrayed you. Don't expect fairness in return for giving, love or care. That's a fools game and one people enjoy exploiting.

 

An old saying: "No good deed goes unpunished"

 

Kids are only kids for a short time. As adults they'll be free to interact with whomever they choose. By then, it's almost a certainty they'll have figured her out. Until then, don't blow it by seeking what's beyond your rights.

[karnak]

Don't worry, Murph.

 

As long as you remain honest with yourself you have nothing to worry about.

 

The most important thing:

 

NEVER SHOW FEAR!

[murphomatic]

Great video of my cheating wife running her lover across the finish line at the Missoula marathon on 7/14.

 

 

I seriously can't believe this woman.

 

Evil.

[2sunny]

Why are you torturing yourself by watching current videos of her running?

[murphomatic]

I don't know..

[troubadour]

Murphomatic, GOOD JOB.... you know what I am talking about.

 

Had you shown this face from the beginning, the outcome of the whole situation could have been different. But don't worry.... there is a life after a divorce.

[murphomatic]

Torturing myself a bit is driving me to be angrier about this. This worthless 2-bit whore is lying to her own children, and setting up to take me for whatever she can get her hands on.

 

She's going to be really surprised when her own brother and sister show up in court, and testify against her.

 

Nobody has ever held her accountable for her actions her whole life.

 

That time is over. I will become the fncking reaper.

[aliveagain]

They travel the country doing this? The old couple 2520 and 2521, the retired Walmart greeters beat them across the finish line. Don't you just wish you could get your money back? I'd rather be on a Harley driving down the Oregon coast. Did he run the whole race without a shirt? Notice how she takes his arm up in victory, nice.

Edited July 22, 2013 by aliveagain

[BrokenPrincess]

They travel the country doing this? The old couple 2520 and 2521, the retired Walmart greeters beat them across the finish line. Don't you just wish you could get your money back? I'd rather be on a Harley driving down the Oregon coast. Did he run the whole race without a shirt? Notice how she takes his arm up in victory, nice.

 

Did you watch the whole thing?! I saw some, no shirtless guys...about how far in are they?

[Steadfast]

Torturing myself a bit is driving me to be angrier about this. This worthless 2-bit whore is lying to her own children, and setting up to take me for whatever she can get her hands on.

 

She's going to be really surprised when her own brother and sister show up in court, and testify against her.

 

Nobody has ever held her accountable for her actions her whole life.

 

That time is over. I will become the fncking reaper.

 

Best to step away and refocus murph. Use your anger to free yourself from this unfair situation. Please drop the role of punisher. It's a dead end.

[GorillaTheater]

Best to step away and refocus murph. Use your anger to free yourself from this unfair situation. Please drop the role of punisher. It's a dead end.

 

And don't depend too heavily on witnesses, especially when they're testifying live, and most especially when they're her family members. Witnesses can be very unreliable under the best of circumstances, and this ain't it.

 

Hope for the best and plan for the worst when it comes to them.

[murphomatic]

Did you watch the whole thing?! I saw some, no shirtless guys...about how far in are they?

 

No - the link should take you to the point in the video where they cross the finish. It's around the 4:06 mark in the video.

 

I will use my anger constructively..but she will not get to fleece me, and the people she has lied about (like her father) will know what she's been saying about them. I won't let her get away with her lies any longer.

[karnak]

Personally I'm not in favour of "vendettas".

 

But the truth should be revealed always. And wrongdoers need to be denounced so that they can't harm anyone else.

 

I've been the victim of some terrible folk in my lifetime. And if these kind of people had be denounced or exposed by those that knew their real character (and who didn't said a word), I wouldn't have suffered some terrible stuff.

 

Now I not only despise those who have wronged me, but also those who "protected" them with their silence. In my eyes one party is as guilty as the other.

[murphomatic]

I just want to protect myself and expose the truth to as many people as possible...particularly those who have been portrayed as wrong-doers in her life.

 

Best example is her father whom she claims raped her from the time she was 9 until she was 13. Never happened, but she tells people this. A lot of people, apparently, but when she told me - of course she said she doesn't tell anyone, and swore me to secrecy. That's how her lies work. Tell the massive, has-to-be-real story, and then shuts down all the communication channels so nobody will discuss it and say "hey...WAIT a minute."

[dichotomy]

When I say nukes, please understand I am talking legal, in the court room nukes.

 

While public humilation and attacks online, or with her supporters and friends, may feel good....and I am not saying she does not have it coming.....you got to keep focused on the courtroom until the divorce settled...for now. I worry about slander or defamation claims. Don't give her ammo.

[troubadour]

When I say nukes, please understand I am talking legal, in the court room nukes.

 

While public humilation and attacks online, or with her supporters and friends, may feel good....and I am not saying she does not have it coming.....you got to keep focused on the courtroom until the divorce settled...for now. I worry about slander or defamation claims. Don't give her ammo.

 

 

The courts, in most states, aren't interested in infidelity so thre are actually no "legal, in the court room" nukes. There are some who tried to sue but majority of those cases have been thrown out.

 

And as far as the OP tells the truth there are no legal bases for slander or defamation claims. Anyone can make these claims but they won't hold in the court of law.

[turnera]

All the judge is going to care about is who is the biological parent(s) of the kids, did one spouse support the other financially for a long enough time that the one needs to now continue to support the other long enough to allow them to get out and become hireable, and whether either parent (if both bio parents are involved) is being negligent or harmful.

[dichotomy]

The courts, in most states, aren't interested in infidelity so thre are actually no "legal, in the court room" nukes. There are some who tried to sue but majority of those cases have been thrown out.

 

And as far as the OP tells the truth there are no legal bases for slander or defamation claims. Anyone can make these claims but they won't hold in the court of law.

 

 

Whether it has an actual legal affect - it often mearly about telling the other side - if your going to make this measy - we will too

 

Things that come to mind

 

Exposure to STD's are a legal issue.

 

Child abandonment or mistreatments or mental/emtional un fitness to be a mother. He can make claims to child protective services - formally or anonymously

 

He could file a claim for part ownership in the home or other assets.

 

Depending on the state laws – estrangement of affection (or whatever they call it) against OM

[Steadfast]

Don't fall into this trap murph. You won't expose her by telling all and you won't protect anyone by keeping out of it. People, especially relatives will simply believe what they want to believe and the rest will assume your actions are typical of jilted spouse. I told you it's a lose-lose. Believe it.

 

Just get divorced and move on. What she brings onto herself will be much, much worse than anything you can inflict. Anything you do or say regarding her actions will be used to justify them. Revenge is for losers. Get a grip.

[murphomatic]

You're probably right. I'm not interested in revenge, but where I can thoughtfully point out her lies - I will.

 

She should not be able to lie like she does, and get away with it. The only reason she has so far is because nobody holds her accountable.

 

I will at least have some class in how I wilt her lies. No interest in appearing like the jilted spouse.

[murphomatic]

I should add that because nobody has ever held her accountable, it has created monster. This woman thinks she can go through life using people at her leisure, for her benefit, whenever and however she wants...without worrying about any consequences.