I'm So Destroyed

[BetrayedH]

You came out of the other end of this thing and for what it's worth, you sound better than you ever have.

 

Keep your chin up, bro. Better days ahead, sans wacko crazy bitch.

[murphomatic]

Thanks you guys. I DO feel better - I feel like I can live my life without being under her thumb. She kept a constant watch on me for any assets or earnings that she might be able to tap into. She fought and delayed things so that she could get the maximum time under my medical coverage. Now - I don't have the tapeworm to feed any longer.

 

The brighter days have only just begun.

[dichotomy]

If there is no permanent drain or connection on your money, time....no child support no alimony ....then yes today you are free and you will move on and upwards from here on.

 

And from all I have read from your posts - I don't see such a happy future for her.

[Debanked]

Just read your story. Congrats on being free and moving on. The $ is just minor blip in life. You'll look back on this and laugh one day.

[Oldspiceywolf]

I just caught up to this thread this morning.

What a painful experience

My condolences you did great Murph... When you wrote about her demands and self representation I cried for her, she's a nutball and I'm sorry for her kids.

Good luck on your rebuild somehow these experiences open our eyes to the world that really surrounds us, at first you thought you were living the dream until you awoke into a nightmare!

You are a class act Murphomatic!

[Ap22]

I did a somewhat ****ty thing. I made a post to Facebook announcing my discovery. Scarlet Lettered her. I realized about 15 minutes later that it was probably not my best idea and deleted it, but plenty of people saw it.

 

She actually had the nerve to say by me doing that, it would reduce our ability to reconcile. I believe she's right ... but that same time, I hurt so badly.

 

I did the same thing. I wanted to world to know what she had done. I did end up deleting it after a while too. My wife didnt say anything about me doing it. I just had to scream out to the world and that was the best way to hurt her on Dday.

 

I feel for you, especially considering today marks 3 weeks exactly from me finding out about her affair.

[Chi townD]

Hey Murph! Keep us updated on how your life is going!

[murphomatic]

Well, it's been one year today. For those of you who are just starting into this journey, please know that it DOES get better!

 

Thanks again to everyone for all their support while I went through this. I don't know what I would've done without this community and all the encouragement I received.

 

I'm back to leading a happy life once again!

[drifter777]

Well, it's been one year today. For those of you who are just starting into this journey, please know that it DOES get better!

 

Thanks again to everyone for all their support while I went through this. I don't know what I would've done without this community and all the encouragement I received.

 

I'm back to leading a happy life once again!

I'm really happy for you! Your case gave you no choice but divorce and I know it still was a very tough road for you to go down. But you did it and are well on your way to recovery!

[Chi townD]

Anything new happen since the divorce? How's life treating you now? Is everything good?

[spanz1]

she congratulated my wife on becoming engaged to me, my wife replied "Well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do." I was just another business transaction.

 

 

Also it has become apparent that her infidelity stretches back to before we were even engaged. She was sleeping with her married boss when we met (and had been sleeping with him for years - even cheated on her previous husband with him. Apparently her meeting and dating me was supposed to be her "out" from the relationship with her boss a la "look, I have a boyfriend now and we can't screw around anymore" - but that didn't really work) and she continued to sleep with him up through and even past our engagement, and likely into our marriage. There's one other guy I suspect she's slept with, and then of course - the latest swing d!ck that she bought all the presents for and boned all around the country on my dime.

..

 

it sounds like you knew before you married her what a cheater she was. WHY are you attracted to women like that? You are somewhat submissive, in that you had divorce papers drawn up, but want to wait a week to serve them.

 

if I were you, I would try to figure out what it is about MY personality that sucked me into this situation in the first place. You do not want to make the same mistake twice

[Spark1111]

How are those children of her's? Are you able to have any contact?

[murphomatic]

it sounds like you knew before you married her what a cheater she was. WHY are you attracted to women like that? You are somewhat submissive, in that you had divorce papers drawn up, but want to wait a week to serve them.

 

if I were you, I would try to figure out what it is about MY personality that sucked me into this situation in the first place. You do not want to make the same mistake twice

I take some exception to this post. I did NOT know of her cheating prior to our being married. In the end, I found out details that stretched back to our dating life, but there's no way I would've married her had I known she was a cheat and a liar. It was only long after we were separated that I discovered the full truth.

 

As far as the divorce papers, I had them drawn up and was electing to play nice. I didn't have her served as that could have been embarrassing. I told her she could come pick up the papers from my attorney at her convenience. I was largely hoping at the time that she would want to attempt to reconcile. I wasn't aware of the depth of her infidelity at the time and still loved my wife despite what had happened.

 

I'm not sure how the kids are - I have no contact with them. Maybe someday they will reach out as adults, and I'll be there ... But for now, those relationships have been terminated courtesy of their mother.

 

I've been dating a lady who has been a friend for several years over the course of the last year, and I've been very happy with my life. I basically started over...but this time with a better partner.

[NateGrey]

Read the entire thread..this is a good case of what you should do when you find out someone has been cheating, even if kids are involved. The FB thing was epic, and as far as I am concerned if she was mentioning it more then 4-5 days after the event..then that already was her dwelling on the wrong thing way too much. The fact that she apparently brought it up after that for a long time speaks volumes. She should be glad you deleted the post, you could of left it up for good.

 

Some said you shouldn't of done the FB post. That is like saying I should not of had a triple bacon cheeseburger last night for dinner. It's not the healthiest thing to do, but as long as you don't do it every night there is no harm.

 

As hard as it is..it is probably good you have no contact with the kids for now. As adults they can make up their mind on their own, but who knows what lies this woman has probably been feeding them about you since you left? Do you know if she is dating anyone now?

[happyman64]

Murph

 

You deserve to be happy with a well adjusted woman.

 

That has no std's I might add.

 

Glad you moved forward with your life.

 

HM

[sweet_pea]

Yay, I'm happy for you! Thanks for coming back and giving us a little update. All the best

[martaldn]

Read all your story in one go..very touching and sad. You have been a honest brave man all the way and you will get your reward for it.

Karma will get her but you dont need to be there to enjoy that moment.. U deserve much better than this.

Take care of yourself and wish you all the best OP

[murphomatic]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. NateGrey - you asked if she was dating anyone now .. I know that she's been through a few guys since we separated.

 

One of them (who was dating her as our divorce was finalized) reached out to me back in August. Apparently she had cheated on him back in March. I heard through the grapevine back in March that they'd split up, and I didn't know details, but I suspected infidelity was the case (the grapevine told me he had cheated on her, but knowing what a liar and sociopath she is, I figured it probably occurred the other way, and this was simply the lie she was telling people to curry favor and do what she does best: play the victim card).

 

Anyway, I sent him a simple message in March after hearing this tripe, stating "hey man - I don't know you and you don't know me, but I'm sure you've been through the wringer. I hope you're okay." He replied and asked me to not contact him, that he was hurt and trying to move on with his life. He wrote me again I'm August apologizing for not wanting to communicate back in March. I told him he didn't owe me an apology for anything and we had a long conversation about how their relationship went down. It wasn't unfamiliar...the lies and manipulations, and she ended it by cheating on him with one of his colleagues.

 

Maybe someday the kids will reach out. from what I heard from her ex boyfriend, the daughter never will - she's been sufficiently brainwashed into becoming a little version of her mom. The son - well, there might still be hope for him. Time will tell...

[Clay]

It just blows my mind just how screwed up cheaters are. I can't even wrap my head around it some days. It good you that you divorced her and moved on.

 

Just put this mess behind you and don't look back.

 

Clay

[happyman64]

Murph

 

The truth always comes out.

 

Their mother is a nut job ..

 

One day one of those kids will end up on your door step ringing your bell.

 

You will see.

 

HM

[aliveagain]

Thank you everyone for the kind words. NateGrey - you asked if she was dating anyone now .. I know that she's been through a few guys since we separated.

 

One of them (who was dating her as our divorce was finalized) reached out to me back in August. Apparently she had cheated on him back in March. I heard through the grapevine back in March that they'd split up, and I didn't know details, but I suspected infidelity was the case (the grapevine told me he had cheated on her, but knowing what a liar and sociopath she is, I figured it probably occurred the other way, and this was simply the lie she was telling people to curry favor and do what she does best: play the victim card).

 

Anyway, I sent him a simple message in March after hearing this tripe, stating "hey man - I don't know you and you don't know me, but I'm sure you've been through the wringer. I hope you're okay." He replied and asked me to not contact him, that he was hurt and trying to move on with his life. He wrote me again I'm August apologizing for not wanting to communicate back in March. I told him he didn't owe me an apology for anything and we had a long conversation about how their relationship went down. It wasn't unfamiliar...the lies and manipulations, and she ended it by cheating on him with one of his colleagues.

 

Maybe someday the kids will reach out. from what I heard from her ex boyfriend, the daughter never will - she's been sufficiently brainwashed into becoming a little version of her mom. The son - well, there might still be hope for him. Time will tell...

 

Is this ex boyfriend the one she ran across the finish line with arms held high together, he was shirtless? Look at how many men she's gone through since you married her, you dodged a bullet friend. The children are what makes me sad when I think about your situation, they lost an amazing father. Hope you got to keep the Harley? Continue to live an amazing life, cheating ex's hate that specially ex's that will never be happy regardless of their situation.

[No Limit]

Feeling really sorry for the children.

[snappytomcat]

I read your story from the beginning,you have come a long way congrats,sorry you had to go through such hell.im a bs I know your pain,you seem like such a kind person,and the kitty in your pic is very cute im an animal lover and know that they can be so comforting when your in pain,im glad you have moved on and found a nice wonderful person,i wish you much happiness

[A.Moscote]

Maybe this is a bit inappropriate, but I was able to find info about you & your ex-wife online when you were posting about in this thread before.

 

Sadly I have to agree with you, the daughter seems to be sponging in her mother's attitude & conducts. Putting own-self above others.

 

You, otoh, seem to be doing well. Glad of your new life. Congrats, keep on being a good guy, only much wiser now.

[murphomatic]

Is this ex boyfriend the one she ran across the finish line with arms held high together, he was shirtless? Look at how many men she's gone through since you married her, you dodged a bullet friend. The children are what makes me sad when I think about your situation, they lost an amazing father. Hope you got to keep the Harley? Continue to live an amazing life, cheating ex's hate that specially ex's that will never be happy regardless of their situation.

The shirtless guy she crossed the finish line with in Missoula, MT back in July of 2013 was her affair partner. I've never had any contact with him aside from a brief FB message where I thanked him for fncking my wife, and let him know she would be all his once she signed the divorce papers. I also gave him fair warning that she was going to work him like a mule. He didn't last long - his duration was end of April 2013 - August 2013. The boyfriend I had the lengthy conversation with - she started seeing in late August of 2013 and they didn't officially call themselves a couple until 12/2/2013 - the day of our divorce. He lasted until March of 2014. Funny thing - he sent me another message a few days ago. He was unpacking Christmas decorations to gear up for the season and as it turned out, she walked away with half of his stuff back in March. Poor guy ... decorations and stuff he had from his childhood that had nothing to do with her. She's insane.

 

Maybe this is a bit inappropriate, but I was able to find info about you & your ex-wife online when you were posting about in this thread before.

 

Sadly I have to agree with you, the daughter seems to be sponging in her mother's attitude & conducts. Putting own-self above others.

 

You, otoh, seem to be doing well. Glad of your new life. Congrats, keep on being a good guy, only much wiser now.

No worries. I haven't put anything out there that I would have trouble with people finding, so not inappropriate at all. I keep most of my stuff locked down pretty tightly, but I really don't have a bunch of skeletons in my closet - I'm just not THAT interesting of a dude. LOL.

 

I share the sentiment of sorrow for the kids here as well. It's going to be a tough row to hoe for those kiddos as they try to see out from underneath all the scarring courtesy of their psychotic mother. Her son will likely never trust a woman in his life, and her daughter has likely become a complete monster in the image of her mother. Frightening, really.

 

I feel bad for the kids and I wish things could've been different for their sake .. however I love my life now and I love the lady I'm with. They say the best revenge is a life well-lived.

 

Well, I am living quite well.