I'm So Destroyed

[worldgonewrong]

With this stark realization, no .. I don't think it is possible to fix this. No matter how hard I try.

 

In time, you'll take comfort in the fact that it's HER mess, not yours.

Yes, you've been affected by it, but ultimately it will never be a mess for which you take blame; that thought will eventually be very liberating to you.

[Spark1111]

With this stark realization, no .. I don't think it is possible to fix this. No matter how hard I try.

 

It's NOT your job to try, Murph.

 

You did NOT do anything wrong. You were faithful, honest, devoted and supportive. You took care of, supported and loved a single mom with two kids from two different dads who do not seem to care about them.

 

Her anger at that brief FB outing is called DEFLECTION. It makes you the bad guy for telling the truth, not HER for DOING IT.

 

Think about how perverted THAT IS.....

 

There is NO shame in telling the truth, is there? No, of course not!

 

The fact that she is flying off, with her kids in tears, is just further evidence of how JUSTIFIED she feels in HAVING affairs.

 

I'm sorry. You need to drop the kids at HER friend's house, or parent's house, pack up your stuff and move OUT while she is gone.

 

Leave the key under the mat and a note on the door for HER family.

 

Do THEY know? They should. Today.

[GorillaTheater]

With this stark realization, no .. I don't think it is possible to fix this. No matter how hard I try.

 

Time to start tackling, or at least planning to tackle, the practical part of separating finances and consulting a lawyer or three. Are you up to that yet? Understandable if you're not, but this is the kind of mind-shift you need to be working towards.

 

Detach the emotional hose, because you hooked it up to the wrong person, and view her and everything she does from 50,000 feet.

[Janesays]

With this stark realization, no .. I don't think it is possible to fix this. No matter how hard I try.

 

Murph, my heart breaks for you because a couple of years ago I WAS you. Two step children and that lost and hopeless feeling that comes along with watching your life unravel right before your very eyes. Trust me, I know what it's likes to feel so discarded, like you were nothing more than a bag a trash left on the curb to haul away. Wondering what you did wrong, wondering how you can fix it, wondering if this is the beginning on the end. Maybe there is something WRONG with you? What makes you so unlovable? Are you re-watching every moment you spent together with critical eyes looking for the crucial mistake or slip up that could have prevented all of this?

 

Well, you're wasting your time because it is all BS. I promise you.

 

I couldn't see it when I was in the thick of it, but my divorce was the very best thing that ever happened to me. I didn't even realize how badly I had been treated throughout my entire relationship, how much constant stress I was living under, how used and manipulated and lonely I had ALWAYS been (not just when we were divorcing, but during the ENTIRE MARRIAGE) I didn't realize how bad this man treated me....until I met a man that treated me well.

 

I didn't realize that the marriage was awful until I was done with it. And I didn't realize how wonderful life could be until I made a better one for myself. A brighter future. A happy loving trusting relationship. A family of my own. If my ex hadn't done me the KINDNESS of cheating on me and leaving me, I'd still be there. Trapped. With him.

 

This isn't the beginning of the end for you. THIS IS STRICTLY THE BEGINNING.

 

Oh God, I know what it is like to feel like the happiness was just sucked completely out of your world. But that wasn't happiness you were feeling. That was just a picture your wife twisted into a false sense of security.

 

When this divorce is done and over with, you will come face to face with true happiness, meet your REAL soul mate, have a family that can NEVER be stolen from you, build a REAL LIFE based on love and harmony and respect and compassion. I promise you.

 

You've just got to shed the dead skin, first. That's all this woman is, too. Dead skin.

[1FootOut]

Marathon??

Do you really care about the money?

I would CANCEL the tickets for that trip, refundable or not!

In the midst of a blow to the marriage like this, what is the significance of a marathon?

I think she wants to escape being there when her family comes so that she can avoid owning what she has done to the family. How selfish.

 

Think hard....DON'T ALLOW THAT TRIP!

[murphomatic]

Time to start tackling, or at least planning to tackle, the practical part of separating finances and consulting a lawyer or three. Are you up to that yet? Understandable if you're not, but this is the kind of mind-shift you need to be working towards.

 

Detach the emotional hose, because you hooked it up to the wrong person, and view her and everything she does from 50,000 feet.

I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday.

 

Presently, she is telling me that the way I reacted (punched a hole in a way and broke a picture on DDay) was not okay and that my mood swings are unacceptable and difficult for her or the kids to keep up with. I find this incredibly ironic. She really doesn't get it, does she?

[GorillaTheater]

I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday.

 

Presently, she is telling me that the way I reacted (punched a hole in a way and broke a picture on DDay) was not okay and that my mood swings are unacceptable and difficult for her or the kids to keep up with. I find this incredibly ironic. She really doesn't get it, does she?

 

No, she doesn't, and it doesn't matter. At this point she's just trying to justify her crap behavior. It's only worth a chuckle if that.

 

50,000 feet.

[drifter777]

I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday.

 

Presently, she is telling me that the way I reacted (punched a hole in a way and broke a picture on DDay) was not okay and that my mood swings are unacceptable and difficult for her or the kids to keep up with. I find this incredibly ironic. She really doesn't get it, does she?

 

The key here is do you really get it? I know it's easy for many of us to tell you to walk away from your cheating wife and I know how hard this actually can be. What you need to do is restrict your emotional reaction to what's happening right now without too much thought about the future. The reason for this is that you can only imagine the future based on how you think things might progress. Focus on the here and now. She cheated and you caught her. She doesn't care about your feelings with regard to her cheating; she feels entitled to screw whoever she likes whenever she likes and you don't matter. Right now you either accept what she is doing or you tell her you will not tolerate her slutty behavior. The choice is hers from that point. If she goes to "run" in some meaningless race you have your answer. If she keeps telling you it's your problem and you need to understand she was and is entitled to have a fling now and then because she didn't do it when she was younger, you have your answer. At the point you have your answer, you need to actually do something about it. If you accept it, then just do that and try to live with your current situation. If not, you need to walk out the door and file for divorce. Either way it is your decision and you are entitled to live your life the way you want to.

[dichotomy]

Presently, she is telling me that the way I reacted (punched a hole in a way and broke a picture on DDay) was not okay and that my mood swings are unacceptable and difficult for her or the kids to keep up with. I find this incredibly ironic. She really doesn't get it, does she?

 

uh oh..did I just read between the lines - mood issues/children/unacceptable? Please include this possible (maybe my imagination) "unacceptable behavior around my kids) reference with your lawyer asap. This woman maybe gearing up for a nasty battle and retaliation in court. Is alimony possible with such a short marriage were you live? Maybe a judge will issue temporary martial support order for her.

 

Get ready - I don't think she is done abusing you emotionally.

[murphomatic]

I guess my daughter punched the wall in dance class yesterday and hurt her hand. My wife has informed me that this is a result of the poor example I set for her, and that the kids are suffering from my actions.

[GorillaTheater]

Don't engage.

 

The hell with her and her thoughts on anything, especially as they regard you.

[96nole]

I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday.

 

Presently, she is telling me that the way I reacted (punched a hole in a way and broke a picture on DDay) was not okay and that my mood swings are unacceptable and difficult for her or the kids to keep up with. I find this incredibly ironic. She really doesn't get it, does she?

This woman is majorly broken. She is throwing all the blame on you. Don't believe a damn word of it.

 

No this cannot be fixed.

You cannot fix her.

You cannot help her.

You cannot save her.

Sadly, you will not be the last one she does this with. I don't think she is capable of love. People are merely objects to be used to her liking. This is why she can so easily leave for the weekend. This is why it is so frustrating for you.

 

As she re-writes your history together, she will make you out to be a terrible, violent, and vindictive man. She will use this story to suck in her next victim. He will most likely be a "night in shining armor" who will show her he is different from you and all the other terrible men that have been in her life. Then she'll show her true colors to him as well. Years from now, you'll see a trail of destruction behind her.

 

Get this woman gone from your life. Don't try to figure her out. You can't figure out crazy.

[96nole]

I guess my daughter punched the wall in dance class yesterday and hurt her hand. My wife has informed me that this is a result of the poor example I set for her, and that the kids are suffering from my actions.

Wow! I hope you know they are acting out because of HER actions. Not yours. Again, don't believe a word out of her mouth.

 

Your wife is starting to sound like the mother of my step-brother and step-sister. Please do yourself a favor and run. I feel bad for the kids. They are going to have issues later on in life.

[BetrayedH]

I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday.

 

Presently, she is telling me that the way I reacted (punched a hole in a way and broke a picture on DDay) was not okay and that my mood swings are unacceptable and difficult for her or the kids to keep up with. I find this incredibly ironic. She really doesn't get it, does she?

 

Be prepared for her to keep spinning the tale in as many desperate ways as possible to avoid taking responsibility for her actions. Apparently she expects you not only to eat the shi t sandwich she has served you but also expects you to smile about it. Spark is right that this is deflecting. Soon, it will be your fault that you're divorcing (as if the affair wasn't a factor).

 

Eventually you have to do as has been said - emotionally detach from her. Use your head to make decisions instead of your emotions. She dropped a nuke on the family and is upset you broke a picture frame. Seriously? Don't buy into it. If you were advising a close friend or family member what to do, what would you say? I suspect you wouldn't blame them; you'd be smart enough to realize that these were the consequences of her actions.

 

"Mood swings." That one cracks me up.

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Let me get this straight..... You outed her..... Boo hoo... There is another site that is adamant that this is done regardless of an PA or EA or proof..... And you are upset when you have an admission, an STD and have supported her, the kids and her "hobby".

 

What I really don't get is how damaged she is that she is going to a marathon, leaving you with "her" children and inlaws.

 

Take the kids out for dinner and have a long talk and see how they are doing and how they feel. She doesn't seem to care a whole lot about them.

 

You are being taken for a sap.

[murphomatic]

Let me get this straight..... You outed her..... Boo hoo... There is another site that is adamant that this is done regardless of an PA or EA or proof..... And you are upset when you have an admission, an STD and have supported her, the kids and her "hobby".

 

What I really don't get is how damaged she is that she is going to a marathon, leaving you with "her" children and inlaws.

 

Take the kids out for dinner and have a long talk and see how they are doing and how they feel. She doesn't seem to care a whole lot about them.

 

You are being taken for a sap.

Our son heads to Washington DC on a week long school trip tonight, so he won't be home. She made arrangements for our daughter's bio-dad to take her this weekend. I just had a long talk with my father in law, and family will go to his place. So, as it turns out - I will be alone this weekend.

[murphomatic]

Her friends are advising her to file a police report and restraining order against me..

 

OH GOD WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! /TEARS/

[Spark1111]

I guess my daughter punched the wall in dance class yesterday and hurt her hand. My wife has informed me that this is a result of the poor example I set for her, and that the kids are suffering from my actions.

 

bahahahahahaha! Sorry Murph, but you can't make this crap up!

 

You cannot get a restraining order from punching a hole in the wall of the house you pay for. threatening bodily harm? Yes. Physical assault? Yes.

 

But abusing a wall? sorry, not happening. I think you are allowed to do that.

 

NO MORE CONTACT with her or her friends.

 

did you block them all of them from FB? Change your status? Ask for help in finding an apartment? pack up your belongings? move into an hotel?

 

GET GOING MAN!

[Spark1111]

Her friends are advising her to file a police report and restraining order against me..

 

OH GOD WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! /TEARS/

 

HOW do you know this? Are you talking to these lunatics? You are not talking to her are YOU?

 

Her goal now is to lie to you, hurt you, and punish you so she can paint YOU the bad guy. STOP IT NOW.

[murphomatic]

I punched a hole in a wall and broke a picture on DDay...and that warrants this kind of response? I'm so confused.... :(

[murphomatic]

HOW do you know this? Are you talking to these lunatics? You are not talking to her are YOU?

 

Her goal now is to lie to you, hurt you, and punish you so she can paint YOU the bad guy. STOP IT NOW.

 

There is a check list on paper in the house that outlines these items. It is typical of her to make lists while she speaks on the phone.

 

I brought my son home from football practice and it was on the counter.

Edited June 15, 2013 by murphomatic

[sweet_pea]

I feel terribly for you! So sorry you are going through this!

 

When are you scheduled to meet up with a lawyer?

 

Gosh, I hope you can come out of this with the least amount of bruises as possible.

 

Please keep us all updated, we care about you!

[murphomatic]

Thanks sweet_pea. I have an appointment with an attorney on Monday. I hope I can survive until then.

[Spark1111]

There is a check list on paper in the house that outlines these items. It is typical of her to make lists while she speaks on the phone.

 

I brought my son home from football practice and it was on the counter.

 

nah, go outside and burn it. that was specifically left there to shame you.

 

have a print out of her emails and messages to her OM? Forward that to friends and family....HERS. And leave it on the kitchen table.

 

I did. No way was I going to be continued to be cast as the villian in this nonsense.

 

Murph, you need to find your anger and use it to galvanize yourself into action...

 

KEEP REPEATING...I did nothing wrong....SHE DID.

[Jonah]

The extra special part ... her friends are now lecturing me on my post to Facebook... telling me what a dick I am and how clueless I am to do something like that.

 

I took the posts off FB ... but

 

WOW.

 

For the love of good man stop waffling. You made the decision to post stick with it. Now they are all changing the subject on you. F that. She's done ruined it any way go find another gals kids to raise. If you are willing to do THAT... Hell, you can have your pick. Repost to Facebook but include the pictures and the texts. teach en to mess with ya.