secretsmile Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I've posted about the same thing before, but I need help again. I've liked my friend for more than two years already. No matter what I do, I can't seem to get over him and it's making me really sad sometimes. I did tell him I liked him through text a year ago. I wasn't planning to say it but it just slipped. This conversation ended quite well. He asked if we can still be friends and I was okay with it. However, as time passed, I fell deeper, and I don't know what to do anymore. There is nothing I can think of to stop this feeling I have. Should I try to talk to him about leaving a space between us and cutting all contact instead of just disappearing from his life/avoiding him just like that? More info: As to how he treats me, I guess you can say it's how normal friends would be with each other. He would always respond to my texts and all and he goes up to talk to me whenever he sees me. When I have problems he takes time to listen to me and gives me advice even if it takes a long time. I know he does this because he is a nice guy. After all, I thought he liked me before I told him I liked him, but turns out he is just being a good friend. I want to stay friends but I guess these feelings are affecting the friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 You need to stop this friendship and be away from him for sometime. He's being selfish keeping you as a friend while he knows you want more. As long as you interact with him, you won't stop hurting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretsmile Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 You need to stop this friendship and be away from him for sometime. He's being selfish keeping you as a friend while he knows you want more. As long as you interact with him, you won't stop hurting. Yes you're right. I've realised that it doesn't stop hurting. Is it a good idea to let him know or should I just stop contacting and replying his messages? How do I go about it when I bump into him? Link to post Share on other sites
Teknoe Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Sometimes we just need to check out for a while, without an explanation. Try going a week without initiating contact. If he contacts you, by all means be nice and respond, but keep a guarded distance. Go live your life. Maybe he'll come around, most likely he WILL NOT. But quit waiting around for a guy who, if he wanted to be with you he would have done so already. You're single, young and free. Go mingle! Plenty of quality guys out there who will treat you right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I want to stay friends but I guess these feelings are affecting the friendship. You need to cut him out of your life, you can't do this to yourself. This is not a friendship, it's unrequited love. You need to detach and find someone who returns your feelings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Is it a good idea to let him know or should I just stop contacting and replying his messages? Let him know about what? That you have feelings for him or you are going NC? You have already told him you have feelings, he wanted to be friends. If you still feel like there is a good chance for a relationship you can tell the reason for going NC. However please don't accept 'friends' offer again. How do I go about it when I bump into him? Just smile, say 'Hi', 'Good Morning' etc and pass quickly. Are you sure he is not keeping you as a second option? Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretsmile Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Let him know about what? That you have feelings for him or you are going NC? NC. We have a number of mutual friends and I am very close to some of them. I have thought about no contact for a while already, but this one thing keeps bothering me. Are you sure he is not keeping you as a second option? I don't think he is. He is just really nice to everyone I guess Link to post Share on other sites
rogerskevin Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 You need to stop this friendship and be away from him for sometime. He's being selfish keeping you as a friend while he knows you want more. As long as you interact with him, you won't stop hurting. Exactly as Kamini said, I’d advise to make a gap for some time and see how everything goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Immortality Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 The two of you are not friends: friendships are equal relationships where each receives their fair share of rewards. If someone views you as friends and you view them as more, it communicates a fundamental lack of value in you as a person. You do not command sufficient respect and interest to be worthy of their attention. By definition, no matter what type of interactions you pursue - you will be a second class human being to them. Move on swiftly and be wary of people with similar myopia. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 If you have close mutual friends, I think at least some of them may be aware of your situation. I agree complete NC would be impossible if you study or work at the same place, you are with the same group of friends etc. Keep the distance. Avoid spending too much time with him even as a group. What I mean is, you can be nice and polite to him, but not friends with him. I know that your heart tells otherwise. But don't let this crush take over the best years of your life. You know how you would feel when you see is interest in some other girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted June 17, 2013 Share Posted June 17, 2013 He's being selfish keeping you as a friend while he knows you want more. Wow, I am surprised at some of the responses here. As a guy, I have become friends with girls and had them express interest in me after being friends with them for 2 years. In particular, there was this one girl who I liked a lot, we got along well, but, in the end, I knew that I wouldn't want to "marry" her or be in a long term relationship. There were certain things that I felt were deal breakers in terms of a relationship with her and I didn't want to "Date" her just for the sake of dating her knowing deep down that I didn't feel like it could ever lead to a long term relationship. I was honest with her when she confessed her feelings for me. She responded in a very blunt rude way and I could tell she was hurt so I just left things for a while but I still made efforts to be friendly with her. She started dating someone 3 months later and tried to make me feel jealous. Her tactics/reaction made me realize that I made the right decision not to date her. As time past I got over her initial reaction and tried to re-establish a friendship with her but things have never been the same (been a few years now) and I am at the point of not even bothering to contact her again (when I invite her out I also invite out her BF, etc). Having said all of that I still care for her as a friend. She had a lot of different things comes up in the last 2 years with her family/etc and I think she is going through a depression but there is only so much I can do. Anyway, don't blame the guy in these types of situations. I don't think it is fair to just go silent and not respond to your friend if he wants to hang out/etc. If you really feel like you need to move on I think you should tell him that you need a break for a bit because your feelings haven't changed and it is too hard for you to be around him because you feel like you are holding out hope. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretsmile Posted June 22, 2013 Author Share Posted June 22, 2013 Anyway, don't blame the guy in these types of situations. I don't think it is fair to just go silent and not respond to your friend if he wants to hang out/etc. If you really feel like you need to move on I think you should tell him that you need a break for a bit because your feelings haven't changed and it is too hard for you to be around him because you feel like you are holding out hope. I agree with you. We've been good friends and I appreciate having him in my life. I think it is not right for me to just ignore him especially when he is still showing concern to me. I tried stopping contact for a while but he ended up asking how I was doing. Although I haven't found the right time to speak to him about it due to having a hectic schedule, I've decided that letting him know. Thank him for the friendship, say goodbye for now and maybe one day we can be friends again. Who knows what the future may hold. However right now it has to end first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author secretsmile Posted July 21, 2013 Author Share Posted July 21, 2013 Hi all, I just want to say thank you so much for your suggestions. Well, we talked about it and I let him know everything. I also asked him to not contact me anymore and I won't too... even saying hi. It went kinda well and we hugged each other in the end. I guess this will be goodbye for now. It still hurts a lot, but I hope I'll get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
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