JohnM Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I made another thread in the relationships thread when I was ending the relationship which can be found here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/399100-cheating-gf-future Anyhow, she has been staying back with her mum for about a week now, we had lived together up until the break on Tuesday when I told her to head back. She still has all her stuff here and has keys still, she can't drive etc so I just said to pick her things up in small trips when she can. As a result I have seen her here at the flat two or so times. I've been trying to keep it amicable but its becoming difficult. Its been a tough week and I'm focusing on just getting myself right and sorting my own affairs out. I had some tough moments of reconsidering what I am doing and the path of breaking up but I'm working through it a day at a time. She keeps on apologizing and attempting to rekindle things, and I keep on repeating the same points to her. That what she did is something I can't just get over and that I dont feel the same and cannot 100% trust her as I once did. After 3 years together and working through tough times its always going to be difficult to simply draw a line under it, its hard to essentially switch off my feelings for her and I think its best to minimise contact. We have been friendly together, but she is clearly wanting more and is trying to win me back over. She tried to get me to kiss her earlier and I had to rebuff her advances and put her straight. It sucks, because I just want to be able to continue to at least be friendly rather than this descend into being angry and resentful towards each other. She wants me to get angry at her really, so she can feel like I have gotten it out of my system and start to let my emotions rule me. But I know I need to stick to being calm and collected so that I can think logically and not do anything stupid that I would regret. Ah, its tough. Just hoping she'll start to lose the love and hope she has over the next couple of weeks and this will start to get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
maturityassets Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Just don't give into her game. You're exactly right, she wants to see if you give into your anger so she can justify what she did. If she sees you angry she will just say "well he wasn't right for me anyway". Just avoid contact honestly. She wants to keep you around because she doesn't want you giving yourself to someone else. They will desperately try to keep you around. My ex tried anything. Ask if we could still text or call every night. If we could be friends with benefits. Even used my dislocated shoulder as an excuse that I keep her updated on that. After a while though, I just sort of exploded in anger. Glad I did, its really shallow and immature of them to believe that they can keep us dumpees around. I'm not saying go off on her, just keep your calm like you said. But do be angry in private and vent that anger in anyway necessary like posting here Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnM Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 Think she partly wants to be told off and gotten angry and the other half is to make me more emotive and likely to screw up and kiss her leading to other nonsense. True on the keeping around, she is pretty honest about wanting to win me around and I presume she'll be like this until either of us find someone else I suspect. I don't have alot of anger over this, whether im repressing that I don't know. But I tend to just take problems in and soothe them out. I think through it all, take any lessons out of it and process it out once I'm done thinking on it. I've just slowly begun to erase the feelings I had for her, I'm keeping some of it fresh to remind me I'm doing the right thing for now but I'm feeling good and the isolated feelings are passing to me just being happy that its only me I have to look after now and I have greater freedom. Think I'll be venting any anger playing football, running and doing weights. May as well do something positive with it, picking up some new plates for the bench today Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 It's definitely going to be tough, but you sound like you're on the right road to recovery. Hats off to you. Having read your other thread, I honestly believe you made the right decision (and I'm not one to suggest breaking up a LTR lightly! ), and the way you handled the breakup sounded just right. Mature, no drama, just doing what you needed to do. All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnM Posted June 15, 2013 Author Share Posted June 15, 2013 It's definitely going to be tough, but you sound like you're on the right road to recovery. Hats off to you. Having read your other thread, I honestly believe you made the right decision (and I'm not one to suggest breaking up a LTR lightly! ), and the way you handled the breakup sounded just right. Mature, no drama, just doing what you needed to do. All the best! Thanks Elswyth I'm reinforcing that decision everyday, now I'm just trying to manage the kind of connection I should have with her so to speak. I'm keeping my distance and think maybe once a week seeing her wouldn't be terrible. I'm at no point offering any false hope to her and have stated I'm sticking with that decision. Not sure how long she would hold onto trying to win me over though, and whether I should go with the harsh no contact route until feelings have subsided. That would require telling her a more immediate picking up of her remaining stuff and giving me the keys back, wheras Im quite relaxed about it atm and can arrange to not be in the flat when she does so. Link to post Share on other sites
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