onthemend Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I could use some advice please. In every relationship I have I am either flying emotionally or am really depressed. They start off ok then gradually desend into a situation when I feel I would rather not have a relationship at all, because I can't cope with my emotions My last relationships have been with the wrong men ie not emotionally avalible, married etc.. But this time I think I have met Mr Right and am terrified that when I speak to him on the phone (as i did last night) that he can hear the desperation in my voice. I am so fed up with reading into things that possibly don't exist and constantly worrying. Has anyone else been like this and if so how did you get over it?? Yours in deperation Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Happiness is an inside job. You have to learn to be happy with yourself first, before you can be happy in a relationship. Too many people seek acceptance and extrinisic happiness, that's why they float around between relationships and always feel lonely. You have to be your own best friend, first and foremost, and have faith in who you are and know what you want. That way you know that you can offer someone else something interesting of yourself. If you cannot be happy and fulfilled while you're single, you're DEFINITELY not going to be able to be fulfilled while you're in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author onthemend Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hi Papillion, I am happy when I'm single -in fact I'm more happy then as I know I won't be running the gamut of emotions that I experience when in a relationship. I don't understand how to be on an emotional 'even -keel' all the time whilst seeing some one. Happiness does come from with in and I'm normally the most relaxed and un-stressed person until this happens. Its very upsetting! Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 You're nuts. (just kidding) I guess you just don't get the right type of guy, then Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 here are a couple quotes from writings in a book about cigars that Lars Tetens wrote (People reach for the unreachable and become depressed. There are no perfect cigars, just as there are no perfect relationships. Accept the imperfections and decide if you can live with them or not. If a cigar has a hard draw, to me it s like a person with a closed mind, not willing to grow, accept change. Now can I live with that and still grow and experience life myself?) and here's another one (One day after I told the rollers the downfalls of rolling cigars while angry, frustrated, depressed and other emotional states, one of them came to me smoking one of his favorite cigars. He asked me, "How do I get rid of my emotions?" My response was simple. "When that cigar lets go of you then I can tell you.") Lars is so right on http://www.larstetens.com/books/Lars_Tetens_Books.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Kelly, you sure are one of a kind... Link to post Share on other sites
Author onthemend Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hi KDWAS, Thanks for that, yes i suppose there is no such thing as the perfect relationship or cigar - but surely if the smoker enjoys that cigar then to him it was perfect? Or maybe I should read the book. Would it help explain my present nutsness Link to post Share on other sites
Orchid Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 It's really simple, and I know this sounds really cliched, but... you need to learn to love yourself. If you are attracting emotionally unavailable men, it's because you are emotionally unavailable to yourself. You can trust me on that. Every relationship you have is a mirror of how you relate to yourself. And how you relate to yourself is what you'll attract. Do yourself a favour and type in words like "self love", "self acceptance" into google, then read your heart out. I promise you'll see your missing link. One more thing... you have to be the right person to attract the right person. Link to post Share on other sites
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