PKitten Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hi guys, Two months ago, I started talking to a guy online. He was moving to my state from across the country. Well, we got along well, and were talking everyday & late into the nights. He was intelligent, witty, well-read, and artistic. I was really drawn to him. A couple weeks later, he started his drive down. On his way down to his final destination, he stopped by to see me. This was our first real meeting. (He said I was "even hotter" than in my pics, so it's not like my pics were misleading.) There was physical chemistry and we were intimate the first night & during his 2-day stay here. I felt sexual chemistry was great. He commented on it, too. We continued to talk online, even after he arrived at his final destination. About a week after our first meeting (a month after we had started talking online), some friends and I went down to his city for a festival. I stayed with him and we spent that weekend together. On the drive back, even my friends could tell how smitten I was by him. Problem: We live about 6 hours apart. I wanted to know how he felt about long distance relationships, cause I obviously liked him, and I wanted him as a boyfriend. So, a couple days after we returned, I asked his opinion. This is what he said: 1. He doesn't like long distance - he's done it 2x before in long relationships that were established before the distance was a factor, and he didn't like it & felt like it was wasted time - he continued... he usually tends to spend a lot of time with the person he's dating, so if he's in a long distance relationship then he by default becomes kinda solitary. 2. He's new to the city - He want to meet new friends - It's easier for him to become friends with girls, and that usually happens by meeting then for "dates" 3. He likes me, but the distance is an issue for him MY RESPONSE: I've been in a Cali-Texas distance relationship, and it worked. Finally, I managed "I see, ok, well, I have to go." Well, I was destroyed. But I like him so much I don't want to lose him completely, so right after the phone, I emailed him this: "Hey About what we talked about today... I have real feelings for you, xxxx. I can't help that. I just don't want to get caught up in those feelings, if there is no possibility of things going anywhere. That's why I wanted to know how you felt about the distance thing. I understand you're new to xxxx & want to meet new friends. I wouldn't expect anything else. I don't want you to feel like your existence there is even remotely stagnant. I hope you don't think I'm trying to keep you from meeting new friends. All I wanted to know was how you felt about me, and if you thought there was a viable possibility that something would happen. I guess I don't consider distance to be that much of an issue, since I travel all the time. If I like someone enough, I make the effort and it becomes even more of a nonissue, but that's just the way I'm wired. Perhaps I was too hasty in bringing this up, but I wanted to get your thoughts on the matter and you were honest. I suppose now that I know how you feel, I have an idea about where I stand, and I appreciate that. I still like you a lot. :-P " He never responded, or even alluded to the email. Ok, this email is ridiculously long as it is... Long story, not so long... Here we are 2 months since we started talking & 1 month after he told me he didn't want to do long distance. He doesn't want me, but I want him. He exhibits jealousy when I talk about other guys or if I'm online late at night & it crushes me when I think about him meeting other girls. I just can't get myself over him. Just when I think I'm almost there, I lie awake in bed thinking about him with another girl and I'm crying. I even tried to set him up online with a girl, who really seemed his type & also new to the city, just so that maybe I could let go knowing he was dating someone. I know they talked. BUT, now I find myself wondering where he's been, if he's been with her, what they did, etc. I've never been the jealous type before. I still get excited when I get to talk to him, but then I get angry or heartbroken when I realize what I want is never going to happen. I have other guys who are interested in me, but I don't want them... I want him... I just want/need to move on, but I can't let go. Someone help me, please. How do I get over this? Any help is appreciated greatly. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 The woman I'm in love with lives ten thousand miles from me. Is it killing me? Definitely. If something is meant to be, it will work, regardless of the distance. You should put the distance out of your mind...and focus on the other factors that are keeping this from becoming a reality. The distance might just be clouding the water. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PKitten Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 I agree that if it is meant to be & you both put in effort, it can work. My problem is that he doesn't want to try to make it work. Therefore, I'm left alone, trying to get over him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PKitten Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 How do I get over him? He doesn't want me... That is the true issue at hand. Link to post Share on other sites
dizi Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Weird, you must be online right now, because you deleted your last post! I know how you feel. Been there. I tell a lot of people this...the only way to get over someone is to stop talking to them, to people they know (in your case that's easy) , and DON'T fall for, "Do you wanna come over for the weekend?" He never responded to your email and you still talked to him. He sounds like he's after one thing. You don't. If you did, you'd have it made, probably. "I have other guys who are interested in me, but I don't want them... I want him... " Well, go out with other guys! Don't waste your time waiting around for him to "figure out" that you two are meant to be, by all means! "I still get excited when I get to talk to him, but then I get angry or heartbroken when I realize what I want is never going to happen. " Don't torture yourself. Don't bother with him. He may have been the best lay, best looking, whatever...You're a pretty girl, and sound like a sweetie. You can do better. Don't sell yourself short. He's a jerk-didn't care enough about your feelings to respond. You don't need that. Am I right or am I right? C'mawn! I know it's hard, but he's not worth your tears. I'm a friggin broken record. Take care... Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by PKitten How do I get over him? He doesn't want me... That is the true issue at hand. You don't. It happens by itself, and it takes time. Meeting someone new usually helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I'll do a long distance relationship with you and make you forget him. I know what you are feeling. Sucks to keep thinking about someone when you know logically you shouldn't. Emotions/feelings blow. Link to post Share on other sites
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