Mother in Law Problems

[momnky00]

I am having some soon to be mother in law problems that I really don't know how to react to. My mother in law tries to control everything my fiance does even down to when he eats. We had let them move in with us to help with his father who has dementia. We don't want to see him in a nursing home so we agreed to help. When they first moved in everything was fine. Now its not so fine. She will constantly ask my fiance what he had to eat, tell him he needs to eat before he goes to work at lunch and when he gets home. He's 33 years old he can tell when he is hungry. She acts as if she has to be the one who cooks for him. If I cook and make me and my fiance a plate she will catch my back turn and re do his plate. I can't stand that. I have two kids from a previous relationship and when my daughter and son are around they call my fiance dad! Their dad hasn't seen them in 4 years almost 5 years. So they think of him as dad. My fiance's mother had the nerve to look at my daughter and tell her that he was not her dad. She knows he isn't her real dad but geez you don't say that to a child. Another thing we take the kids to the lake to swim and fish we plan on renting a boat because the absolutely love it there. She has plainly told him he is not to get on a boat he knows nothing about water and isn't allowed to go. I can't stand this anymore. When she is at my house she brings a dog with her fine I have a 14 year old chihuahua. Her dog ran my daughter back to the couch she was screaming every breath the dog was growling and had a mean turn towards my daughter. I advised her if it happened again I would put her dog outside. She advised me the kids can go outside. She is always rude and just a plain b*tch with me when my fiance isn't around. The fathers day shirt my children made for him I found in a bag tied up with dog pee wiped up on it in her room. The only way I could tell it was wiped up was because you can see where she used her hand to wipe it up. Someone give me advice on what to do. I don't want to make my fiance mad, but at the same time I feel as if problems are going to persist in our relationship.

[Nyla]

I am having some soon to be mother in law problems that I really don't know how to react to. My mother in law tries to control everything my fiance does even down to when he eats. We had let them move in with us to help with his father who has dementia. We don't want to see him in a nursing home so we agreed to help. When they first moved in everything was fine. Now its not so fine. She will constantly ask my fiance what he had to eat, tell him he needs to eat before he goes to work at lunch and when he gets home.

 

He's 33 years old he can tell when he is hungry. She acts as if she has to be the one who cooks for him. If I cook and make me and my fiance a plate she will catch my back turn and re do his plate. I can't stand that. I have two kids from a previous relationship and when my daughter and son are around they call my fiance dad! Their dad hasn't seen them in 4 years almost 5 years. So they think of him as dad.

 

My fiance's mother had the nerve to look at my daughter and tell her that he was not her dad. She knows he isn't her real dad but geez you don't say that to a child. Another thing we take the kids to the lake to swim and fish we plan on renting a boat because the absolutely love it there. She has plainly told him he is not to get on a boat he knows nothing about water and isn't allowed to go. I can't stand this anymore. When she is at my house she brings a dog with her fine I have a 14 year old chihuahua.

 

Her dog ran my daughter back to the couch she was screaming every breath the dog was growling and had a mean turn towards my daughter. I advised her if it happened again I would put her dog outside. She advised me the kids can go outside. She is always rude and just a plain b*tch with me when my fiance isn't around. The fathers day shirt my children made for him I found in a bag tied up with dog pee wiped up on it in her room. The only way I could tell it was wiped up was because you can see where she used her hand to wipe it up. Someone give me advice on what to do. I don't want to make my fiance mad, but at the same time I feel as if problems are going to persist in our relationship.

 

Please use paragraphs. It is much easier to read and respond to your thread when you separate the text.

 

It sounds like your MIL is having a hard time letting go. She probably sees her intrusive behavior as simply loving her son. Sometimes mothers feel threatened by their children's spouses, so they try to stake their claim by being overbearing.

 

Your MIL had no right to tell your children that your fiancé is not their father! It is driving a wedge between your fiancé and your kids, when you are creating a loving blended family. The wiping up pee with the shirt your kids bought for their stepfather was an aggressive message.

 

Your fiancé should be standing up for you and helping to set boundaries with his mother. If she cannot be more respectful and less intrusive, your MIL will have to go. Nip this in the bud NOW before the vows are spoken.