I believe in second chances..

[Simon Phoenix]

I gotcha. Don't think she is gonna go anyways, and I'm done trying..

 

For real this time.

 

There is no way this is true. You'll find another excuse to contact her for non-work related reasons. You aren't going to end this until you are shot, f--ked, powderburned and snakebit (sorry, that's a great line from Good Morning, Vietnam that I rarely get to use).

 

I just reread this thread. You were doing awesome, and then on page 5 you just turned into a mess. Makes me sad.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

There is no way this is true. You'll find another excuse to contact her for non-work related reasons. You aren't going to end this until you are shot, f--ked, powderburned and snakebit (sorry, that's a great line from Good Morning, Vietnam that I rarely get to use).

 

I just reread this thread. You were doing awesome, and then on page 5 you just turned into a mess. Makes me sad.

 

.i know, I fell off... Let you guys down lol this is my first real break up of a real relationship so I'm all over the place but I really have had enough at this point.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I deleted her number from my phone. And I never had to memorize it so now I can't contact her again unless she contacts me.

[BC1980]

You will reinforce the connection by leaving her alone. The same rules don't apply here as when you were together.

 

Good job with deleting the phone number. You learned quicker than me. If she really misses you, she will come back. But do your own thing now, and don't get caught up again in these mind games. Don't be too hard in yourself. We've all done the same thing.

[RangerJeremiah]

Dude, grow a pair and move on. This thread is hard to read, it's so pathetic.

 

It's ok tho, 90%+ of this message board have Ben in your exact position.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Dude, grow a pair and move on. This thread is hard to read, it's so pathetic.

 

It's ok tho, 90%+ of this message board have Ben in your exact position.

 

Lol maybe I needed that, but gimme a break, it's not easy to just try and forget & move on after all this time...she was basically my life past 7 years...fxcking bitch, whatever I'm going out to the bar now

[LifeGoesOnMan]

No.

That's not good.

 

You're being friend-zoned.

 

Look, what is it you want form us?

And I'm not being confrontational.

I'm asking, really.

 

Let's re-cap...

 

You were strung up by her.

You asked for advice on how to move on.

We gave you NC.

You took it up and ran with it.

Then basically lobbed it over the sea wall, and did a complete U-turn - AGAINST ALL ADVICE - and now you're back to square one asking "dumb" questions about something you're puzzled about.

 

Does the phrase 'Groundhog Day' mean anything to you?

 

I gotcha. Pretty clear now.

[RangerJeremiah]

Didn't mean to sound like a dick... We are all here for eachother.

 

Hang in there bro. It only gets better, truly. Better things will come your way.

[BC1980]

Let me tell you what is worse than being alone. Being with someone who is uncertain about you. Be glad that she freed you from that. She freed you to find someone who is certain about you.

 

I'm speaking from experience here. I've played this game you are playing. It only leads to misery. Trust me, in the end, you will be the one running.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Let me tell you what is worse than being alone. Being with someone who is uncertain about you. Be glad that she freed you from that. She freed you to find someone who is certain about you.

 

I'm speaking from experience here. I've played this game you are playing. It only leads to misery. Trust me, in the end, you will be the one running.

 

Yea, I am starting to realize this now.

 

It's just hard for me to get over the fact that she doesn't even seem to care or have any interest in what I'm doing or how I'm doing..I just don't understand how someone can just disconnect from someone like that...it's pretty cold.

 

In regard to the bar, there where so many girls, but I am so off my game (it's been 7 years!), I don't even know where to start... And it's sorta depressing.

[BC1980]

You might not be ready to date for awhile, and it does seem cold to disconnect. She might just be acting that way, or she might have started detaching months ago. You will never know, and it does no good to ask questions like that. 7 years is a long time. You are not going to feel like dating for awhile, and that's okay. The best advice I can give and the thing that helped me the most is to focus on yourself. Reinvent yourself after 7 years. Tons of people here will tell you this is also what helped them.

[BC1980]

I know you wish things could be the way they were, but that is not an option. Even if you did get back together, it would be different. You have to come to terms with that, as hard as it may be to do so.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It's just hard. The girl is always running through my mind. I keep telling myself to just fxcking stop it already and that she doesn't care about you and to just move on but it doesn't help much..but I am trying to keep myself occupied, I'm taking 2 months off from school to help relax and do the things I want to do.

 

Of course she is planning on coming by the apartment today to grab a few things that where left behind after I packed up all her *****

 

another dagger to the heart.

[marqueemoon4]

Relationships are a double edged sword.. we as humans need them, and when they're good there is nothing better. When they go bad there is no worse internal pain. I'm sorry man.. I hope your break can help you move towards feeling better.

[Invictus.]

I felt compelled to make an account after reading this thread and seeing how recent it is. First let me start off by saying that we are in somewhat similar scenarios about feelings of breakup, although mine was only 2 years long, it involved distance, and I am younger. I can honestly tell you now that when I pushed it off while I was at school for the last 2 and a half months I hardly thought about it and it allowed me to gather myself, recuperate quickly and forget about my ex.

 

She quickly started texting me and calling me when I made it back home, I could tell she was interested in seeing me again. She was the dumper, but I played it off very coolly and basically took over when she said she lost the connection and feelings she had for me. I said I don't blame her and being long distance made it difficult to really put in any effort. I avoided her when I came back home and always had excuses why I couldn't hang out as friends. I finally gave in not too long ago after she came over again and we hung out with one of her best friends for a short night, then I initiated contact a few days later and we went to a carnival together and just chatted, ate some food, she had been giving off a friendly vibe overall but I was confused why she was pursuing me so much otherwise.

 

Afterwards, she was telling me about these guys she met with her best friend at the beach. I didn't really care and we ended up hanging out more and meeting them later that night. Well, that's where the problems started again, these guys were pretty much ignoring me and exclusively flirting with the two. Needless to say, I was getting pissed off and I knew what they were after, regardless that we were broken up, it was bothering me that she seemed to be flirty back at them. I messed up and was kind of negative after they left saying how they were rude to me and I knew what they were trying to do. She didn't say anything really. She hugged me later and I said I had a nice time, she agreed she did too. I invited her to a movie only a couple days ago and we planned it for today. Since all that transpired, she has sort of avoided my texts and the other night she went out again but this time was not interested in inviting me along. I regressed somewhat back into my initial feelings from February and found this place.

 

I cooled down again now and realized how this is another game of cat and mouse. I can say with absolute certainty that the best thing for you to do is stay away and do not contact at all whatsoever, and maybe (that's a big maybe) she will come back to you one day. It will be the best thing for you and like another person said, it's a win-win. You will get better, and she will either come back or you will find someone better.

 

Apologies in advance for any grammatical or spelling issues. I typed this up quickly.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Relationships are a double edged sword.. we as humans need them, and when they're good there is nothing better. When they go bad there is no worse internal pain. I'm sorry man.. I hope your break can help you move towards feeling better.

 

Thanks for this, and it's very true.

 

By the way, she was suppose to let me know when she was going to be up here today to pick up the rest of her stuff (two cabinets and a computer desk) yesterday she said around 1-2 and said she would text me in the morning to let me know...but she never did, and it's past 2 o clock...I don't really want to text her at all to be honest, and I'm dam sure not lugging the rest of her ***** to her house after already doing it once with the majority of it. Wtf man. I don't understand, if she wanted it done, why hasn't she got the rest of her ***** yet? Still a bunch of stuff up here.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I felt compelled to make an account after reading this thread and seeing how recent it is. First let me start off by saying that we are in somewhat similar scenarios about feelings of breakup, although mine was only 2 years long, it involved distance, and I am younger. I can honestly tell you now that when I pushed it off while I was at school for the last 2 and a half months I hardly thought about it and it allowed me to gather myself, recuperate quickly and forget about my ex.

 

She quickly started texting me and calling me when I made it back home, I could tell she was interested in seeing me again. She was the dumper, but I played it off very coolly and basically took over when she said she lost the connection and feelings she had for me. I said I don't blame her and being long distance made it difficult to really put in any effort. I avoided her when I came back home and always had excuses why I couldn't hang out as friends. I finally gave in not too long ago after she came over again and we hung out with one of her best friends for a short night, then I initiated contact a few days later and we went to a carnival together and just chatted, ate some food, she had been giving off a friendly vibe overall but I was confused why she was pursuing me so much otherwise.

 

Afterwards, she was telling me about these guys she met with her best friend at the beach. I didn't really care and we ended up hanging out more and meeting them later that night. Well, that's where the problems started again, these guys were pretty much ignoring me and exclusively flirting with the two. Needless to say, I was getting pissed off and I knew what they were after, regardless that we were broken up, it was bothering me that she seemed to be flirty back at them. I messed up and was kind of negative after they left saying how they were rude to me and I knew what they were trying to do. She didn't say anything really. She hugged me later and I said I had a nice time, she agreed she did too. I invited her to a movie only a couple days ago and we planned it for today. Since all that transpired, she has sort of avoided my texts and the other night she went out again but this time was not interested in inviting me along. I regressed somewhat back into my initial feelings from February and found this place.

 

I cooled down again now and realized how this is another game of cat and mouse. I can say with absolute certainty that the best thing for you to do is stay away and do not contact at all whatsoever, and maybe (that's a big maybe) she will come back to you one day. It will be the best thing for you and like another person said, it's a win-win. You will get better, and she will either come back or you will find someone better.

 

Apologies in advance for any grammatical or spelling issues. I typed this up quickly.

 

Thank you for reading and taking the time to post this. Your situation is very similar to mine, except the fact we where together as often as two people could be, literally, we lived, commuted, worked, and hung out together 24/7. Regardless I understand now that space is the best thing and whatever happens, happens. Just painful but ill be ok, it's only been about a month.

 

In regard to your situation with her fxcking with your emotions, I would thnk that's a pretty clear sign not to pursue it any further after all that time apart. Fxck that, if my ex ever did that to me I would have flipped, but then again I don't think I would have put myself in that situation, hanging out with other guys, fxck that.

[Invictus.]

Thank you for reading and taking the time to post this. Your situation is very similar to mine, except the fact we where together as often as two people could be, literally, we lived, commuted, worked, and hung out together 24/7. Regardless I understand now that space is the best thing and whatever happens, happens. Just painful but ill be ok, it's only been about a month.

 

In regard to your situation with her fxcking with your emotions, I would thnk that's a pretty clear sign not to pursue it any further after all that time apart. Fxck that, if my ex ever did that to me I would have flipped, but then again I don't think I would have put myself in that situation, hanging out with other guys, fxck that.

 

You're very right, I could feel that her emotional attachment was dying week by week, months before our break up. When they lose that emotional "spark" so to speak, it's just over man. The only thing she is trying to do now (like mine), is hold onto you as a back up or use you to make her feel better. I realized that my ex wanted to see me and wanted to contact me for one reason only, to see how interested I was in her still. It's nothing but a power grab on their part, I don't know if they consciously or subconsciously do these things but after your break up happened, it seems to be the same scenario.

 

Simplified interaction:

1.Texts and calls to chat, makes sure you're still interested

2.If you show no interest, pursues and repeats step 1 until bored.

3a. If you show interest, will either be satisfied for awhile and stop contacting, then back to step 1.

3b. If you show interest will deepen contact to next level

4. Will be friendly and either:

a. Bring you further down the rabbit hole by leading you on

b. Hurt you by displaying her lack of emotional interest in some way

 

From there you would probably stop contact to keep from regressing and hurting more. Then she will go back to step 1 again. That's what I've gotten out of this so far, so take it as you will.

Edited June 22, 2013 by Invictus.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

She's a real fxcking bitch, never bothered to text me today after she specifically said she would be coming up to get the rest of her *****....and we have been on good terms.

 

I don't fxcking understand.

[TaraMaiden]

There's nothing to understand - you're being played for a sucker!

 

She's got you where she wants you - in anguish and turmoil over her, while she goes on, carefree!

 

You know, your experience is invaluable and precious.

Look at it this way - when you start advising others about how vital it is to not break No Contact, and what being 'friend-zoned' feels like - nobody will be able to say it better than you.

because you are reaping the whirlwind my good friend.

You are bitter experience in the flesh.

 

You know.

 

You KNOW now, what all this advice has been about.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Ugh I hate reality but something I guess I just have to accept.

 

She's such a bitch.

[BC1980]

Next time you will know better. Don't get too down on yourself. What you did is something most people have probably done at some point. Lesson learned. Nothing good will come from hanging out with her. Now you see that it won't make here suddenly have an "aha" moment. It will be a slow, painful fade away. It's so much better to just cut it off now. It hurts worse when you fade away, drawing it out past it's life expectancy.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Next time you will know better. Don't get too down on yourself. What you did is something most people have probably done at some point. Lesson learned. Nothing good will come from hanging out with her. Now you see that it won't make here suddenly have an "aha" moment. It will be a slow, painful fade away. It's so much better to just cut it off now. It hurts worse when you fade away, drawing it out past it's life expectancy.

 

"I know, caught up in the middle, I cry, just a little, when I think of letting go.."

 

*letting go*

[LifeGoesOnMan]

thought i'd tell ya she finally emailed me this morning, saying sorry she didn't get a chance to come up and get the rest of her things this weekend, said she will come by this Friday in the am, if that's ok with me.

 

I just said "k" back and that's it.

 

really starting to hate the b--tch now, that's good right?

[Invictus.]

A lack of emotion would be best. Do not be angry, do not be sad, do not be depressed, any of those will subconsciously make her happy to know that you still care and she has power over you. If you really want to get back at her, just stop caring and enjoy yourself.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Invictus.
forgot a couple words