I believe in second chances..

[TaraMaiden]

So, now?

 

Change it.

 

Everybody creates their own Karma.

She's doing it too.

 

But karma is a personal factor, not one we can attribute, or 'blame on' anyone else.

Karma is not a static, solid, unchangeable process.

 

If you want a better life - make it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

So, now?

 

Change it.

 

Everybody creates their own Karma.

She's doing it too.

 

But karma is a personal factor, not one we can attribute, or 'blame on' anyone else.

Karma is not a static, solid, unchangeable process.

 

If you want a better life - make it.

 

well I think I've been doing pretty good, I haven't called, texted or email her (except those two 2 letter responses). I've been looking for new jobs, I've been trying my best to not pine or look at her @ work, and just ignore her all together.

 

ive been going out and hanging out with my friends on a regular basis, trying to do the things I use to do and keep my mind off her. I feel ive been making progress, she isn't always on mind nor am I wallowing like I was.

 

not sure what else I can do, other than just letting time pass and going day by day doing my best to move on.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

btw..here's a funny story

 

so im on POF, just browsing through, and I see a girls pic that I thought was attractive, I click on her profile, and low and behold, its my OTHER ex (i was the dumper in this case) who I was with before this last one of 7 years lol

 

so i say what the hell, i might as well message her and say whats up, and after a few playful jabs on her part about us breaking up, i said we should we hang out soon since its been so long (about 6 years since i even talked to her) & i ended up getting her number..again & we are suppose to hang out on Saturday this week.

 

 

 

LIFE IS FXCKING WEIRD...

and i wonder if she always believed in 2nd chances! lol

[LifeGoesOnMan]

quick update

 

I have like no attraction to my other ex lol

 

so yea

 

but over 30 days of no contact with current ex (other than those two 2-letter responses to those 2 emails- which im not counting)

 

woo-hoo

 

still hurts.

Edited August 13, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I also made a facebook, I had a myspace but deleted it and never felt the need to have a facebook while I was with my ex, probably one of the reasons why our relationship failed, because I made her my life.

 

lesson learned, & im trying to reconnect with everyone I lost touch with..

 

and I do feel better each day, little by little.

 

but working with your ex, while trying to maintain no contact AND your sanity at the same time must be some extreme test i've been given by the universe to determine just how much I can take..

 

do I crack, or become stronger than ever?

 

I am hoping the latter, after all, I haven't died yet.

[btyoung21]

LifeGoesOnMan,

 

Been following your thread and it's hard for me to read everything that has happened. My ex of 3 years lived, bathed, worked and did everything with me. Its hard to let go of something that has been a part of your life for 7 years. It feels like she was family to you.

 

Anyway, I may sound like an idealistic idiot. But I believe in second chances, with the right timing, right words, right actions and favorable circumstances she may come around. Right now, treat time and space as your friends and work on yourself, family and close friends.

 

Someone is suffering out there like you are (me), but well get thru this eventually.

 

Good day,

Ben

[BC1980]

I know it's hard. I had a particularly rough week myself after feeling okay for about a month. I'm definitely better after 4 months, but I still have those moments. Sometimes, I think I'm okay. Then, I'll get smacked with some memory, and it hurts more than ever.

 

I just don't want to be one of those people who is still stuck on someone years later and never moved on. I wish I could just snap my fingers and eliminate any feeling towards him, but it just doesn't work that way.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

LifeGoesOnMan,

 

Been following your thread and it's hard for me to read everything that has happened. My ex of 3 years lived, bathed, worked and did everything with me. Its hard to let go of something that has been a part of your life for 7 years. It feels like she was family to you.

 

Anyway, I may sound like an idealistic idiot. But I believe in second chances, with the right timing, right words, right actions and favorable circumstances she may come around. Right now, treat time and space as your friends and work on yourself, family and close friends.

 

Someone is suffering out there like you are (me), but well get thru this eventually.

 

Good day,

Ben

 

hey man, your right, she basically was family, that's why its been so hard for me. I do feel better everyday tho but im sorry to hear you too are going through the same thing.

 

I gotta say NC is the best thing I've done since this started, although its only been a little over 2 months now since the break up and a little over 1 month of NC, I do feel I've come a long way compared to where I was a few weeks ago. NC works, I can feel it each day, my old self coming back and this sappy heartbroken fool melting away, its definitely a work in progress though.

 

seeing her everyday just slows the healing down, and to be honest when I see her, the only way to describe how I feel when I see/make eye contact/walk by her is the feeling you get when you where very young & see that girl you like in school, that overwhelming rush of butterflies/nausea, its like I get paralyzed almost, pupils dilate and then I get light-headed lol (keep in mind I'm like 20ft away from her all day everyday)

 

and through all that, I am STILL getting better each day, NC is the only way to go, although my situation prevents me from practicing the traditional NC which would make this a whole lot easier, I'm assuming you can do it that way.

 

in regard to your optimistic view on us getting back together, I don't know man, I mean I can see an advantage in us working together because she has to see me everyday, progressing and getting over it and back to my old self, which is who she fell in love with to begin with, but im sure as the cliche' goes, she's probably not gonna come back until I myself have moved on and then I wont want her, and if that's the case, so be it. Its all about me right now.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I know it's hard. I had a particularly rough week myself after feeling okay for about a month. I'm definitely better after 4 months, but I still have those moments. Sometimes, I think I'm okay. Then, I'll get smacked with some memory, and it hurts more than ever.

 

I just don't want to be one of those people who is still stuck on someone years later and never moved on. I wish I could just snap my fingers and eliminate any feeling towards him, but it just doesn't work that way.

 

im sorry your still hurting you helped me a great bit with your kind words of wisdom and encouragement when I was really down so ill try and do the same for you

 

it does get a little bit better each day, slowly but surely, you WILL get over it, if I can work with & see my ex who I was with 24/7 for almost 7 years everyday, see her, hear her, smell her body spray and NOT COMMUNICATE with her, and STILL feel better with each passing day of NC.. you can & will make it.

 

what I've come to realize is, its not worth the emotional beatdown you give yourself everyday, once they are out of your life, they cannot cause you pain, the only pain you feel is the pain you cause to yourself by letting it get to you like it does.

 

When I start longing for her or thinking about the good times, I try and scold myself, in the 3rd person, to just stop, to stop with the sappy bs, the feeling bad for yourself, & to get over it.

 

I realized if my 18 year old self saw out how my 26 year old self was acting, he would have kicked the **** out of me lol

 

in reality..this planet has like over 5 billion people on it or something. seriously he or she is not that special. they aren't, and neither are your emotions or "feelings", Everyone has them and they are natural reactions to fellow loving emotion from others. But you WILL love again, and so will he or she. There is someone better out there for you, you just haven't met them yet! again, this is a plant with billions of people, one person is not that special, ****, millions actually aren't that special.

 

so cheer up, focus on you, NC NC NC NC (for however long it takes) let the universe/faith decide, everything happens for a reason and here's to new beginnings! *cheers*

Edited August 15, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

As luck would have it, my ex reached out on Friday..

 

In brief, she wrote me a long email basically apologizing for everything, saying she regrets everything, she wishes we stayed together and tried to work on things instead of just breaking up. That she misses me everyday, that she still had strong feelings for me, should have focused on all the majority of good instead of dwelling on the bad and that she messed up, that she wasnt over me and wishes we did things differently.

 

I waited til I got home to reply, naturally kept my guard up, but told her I wished we did things different too, that we did invest A LOT into our relationship, but that if she is happy with where she is now, then I'm happy for her.

 

She replied back, basically reiterating everything she said in the first email, and suggested we meet up and talk about things in person..this coming Friday (when I'm off again)

 

The ball is in my court again now, or so it appears and this does sound like the "180" everyone was talking about.. I just feel she is scared to be rejected or doesn't know if I even want her back, so she didnt speak the "lets get back together" words yet, and she was under the impression I hated her due to NC for over a month and not even looking at her at work..

 

Oh boy.

[iouaname]

Congrats!

[Simon Phoenix]

I'd be wary of this.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I'd be wary of this.

 

I am planning to keep my guard up, let her do the talking and see how she is really feeling in person, but I mean why would she do this now? This complete turn around from what she was saying a couple months ago, if she wasnt feeling like she wanted to get back together?

 

I've come a long way compared to where I was a couple months ago, but I can't deny that I still love her, and this really feels like the opportunity to reconcile...

 

What else do I need?

[jerryh]

Congrats man delighted to hear, thread carefully and enjoy yourself!

[BC1980]

It's that old saying of not knowing what you have until it's gone. That's why she did it. It's just that once a person can't have something (she saw you moved on in her eyes), they want it. As simple as it sounds, it's true.

 

Don't go running back to her with open arms. Not after what happened. You need to stay in control of your emotions no matter how good it would feel to just go back. Because it won't be the same. She's gotta prove her intentions. Take it slowly. Don't tell her you love her, ect. when you meet her. Just act like your life is wonderful.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It's that old saying of not knowing what you have until it's gone. That's why she did it. It's just that once a person can't have something (she saw you moved on in her eyes), they want it. As simple as it sounds, it's true.

 

Don't go running back to her with open arms. Not after what happened. You need to stay in control of your emotions no matter how good it would feel to just go back. Because it won't be the same. She's gotta prove her intentions. Take it slowly. Don't tell her you love her, ect. when you meet her. Just act like your life is wonderful.

 

It's weird because she sent it as soon as I was actually starting to let her go for real, but she pulls me right back in lol and that's my plan, to take it slow, and let her do the talking, although it's killing me not to text or call her, I'm sticking with my guns somewhat lol

 

will be interesting to see what happens at work this week..

[BC1980]

She is only testing the waters right now. Do not text her unless she texts you first, and do not be more emotionally avaliable to her than she is to you. You've gotta stay calm. The burden is on her at this point. If she knows she can have you back easily, she will lose interest.

 

You give in too easily, and it won't last long. This is a marathon, not a 50 yard dash. Remember, she has in no way committed to you, so you owe her nothing. For all you know, she might change her mind next week based on her history. Your biggest responsibility is to protect yourself.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

She is only testing the waters right now. Do not text her unless she texts you first, and do not be more emotionally avaliable to her than she is to you. You've gotta stay calm. The burden is on her at this point. If she knows she can have you back easily, she will lose interest.

 

You give in too easily, and it won't last long. This is a marathon, not a 50 yard dash. Remember, she has in no way committed to you, so you owe her nothing. For all you know, she might change her mind next week based on her history. Your biggest responsibility is to protect yourself.

 

Yup exactly, I've learned alot since this all started. And I don't want to jump the gun on anything at all, just been waiting for this and it kinda shocked me that it happened so soon, I wasn't gonna even think about trying to talk to her for another month atleast. But here we are now and well see..

[SmithJ]

Oh my god pleeease be careful. My ex did this as I was getting over him. He text me that he loved and missed me and needed to meet he even drove 3 hours to come to my apartment. We went on a date spent the night together and then he left early the next day. I asked what was going on with us and he said we cant be together but I'm perfect and he loves me. I sent him three texts a week ago today and he hasn't replied to any of them.

 

So now I'm hurt and used and back to square one. Just don't let her hurt you, you'll be right back to the beginning.

 

I think my ex does miss/love me but he's too selfish to have any form of commitment with me, he just wanted to check I was still there and I jumped to the bait.

 

Take it from someone who's been there. Please be careful

[Mcnulty]

Take it really slow mate. Don't dive in with too much, hold your cards close to your chest. I'm in the same boat, we're getting to know one another again and it's fantastic, but I'm very weary of showing too much and scaring her...it's a fine line, just keep taking steps back and assessing it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

thought I would give you guys a quick update

 

so we texted back and forth a little bit on Saturday morning about unrelated matters, but she did suggest meeting up on friday or whatever day worked best for me, I agreed, and we left it at that. we didn't communicate sunday & I guess she was sick on Monday so she called out.

 

I wanted to break the ice at work a little because we haven't really emailed back and forth @ all for over a month, so I sent her a quick "feeling better today?" email this am, and we have been emailing back and forth casually, mostly about our weekends and how smashed we got lol nothing about the relationship, and I don't intend to bring it up.

 

so far so good, playing it cool!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

so im gonna try and keep this updated day by day to let everyone know how things are going since you've all been so great to me and followed this thread closely throughout the past 3 months or so..

 

so yesterday I was the one to initiate contact @ work by emaling her asking if she was feeling better, since she called out on Monday, and we ended up emailing back & forth pretty much all day.

 

I kept control of the convo and made sure she was the last one to reply. didn't talk about the relationship @ all, just casual friendly/funny emails. I played it cool, and didn't really say goodnight or anything @ the end of the day. I didn't text her and she didn't text me after work and that was that.

 

today I am not going to email her until she emails me. Its killing me, and she looks so dam good today but I know I gotta keep control. I know she apologized in that email and said she regretted everything but I am really not too sure of how she is feeling or what she wants to see happen between us. She seems to have her guard up a bit, after all she doesn't have any idea what ive been doing these past couple months, and I blocked her account on facebook so I didn't have to see her page.

 

al though she suggested meeting up in person on Friday a few days ago, and I agreed, we haven't really "confirmed" it & I am off tomorrow and Friday.

 

I don't want to look needy or anything, so should I ask about it? I am not gonna see her until next Monday after today, unless we meet up on Friday.

 

again she was the one who reached out to me, so im torn on what I should do.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't reach out. She'll confirm it with you if she's serious about it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

update*

 

I waited until she emailed first this time & she did, "good morning, how are you?" we emailed back & forth causally again throughout the day..

 

well I really didn't feel like stressing over the fact if she was going to confirm meeting up on Friday or not, so I just told her I was off the next two days and asked if she still wanted to meet up on Friday, she said she did, asked if she wanted to do lunch, she said yes, would be nice, etc etc.

 

so we are meeting up on friday, to talk about things. I think im gonna just straight up ask her "what does she want to see happen between us?" and take it from there.

 

so tired of playing games and this non-sense, if she doesn't want to reconcile and just wants to be friends I will respect her decision but will let her know I cant be just friends with her at this time, and will just have to really let her go, for my own good.

 

will see what happens.

Edited August 21, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

You can't expect her to just say she wants to reconcile if you straight up ask. She will probably still hedge about it and say she is unsure. So you, unfortunately, can't expect the result you want if you ask that.

 

Unfortunately, that's not easy and frustrating as h*ll. So is she worth waiting for? Is she worthy of your time? If so, you are going to ruin it by asking her the status up front.

 

This is like you are starting from scratch, and the old rules don't apply. You wouldn't ask someone the status of the relationship on a first date would you?