I believe in second chances..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You can't expect her to just say she wants to reconcile if you straight up ask. She will probably still hedge about it and say she is unsure. So you, unfortunately, can't expect the result you want if you ask that.

 

Unfortunately, that's not easy and frustrating as h*ll. So is she worth waiting for? Is she worthy of your time? If so, you are going to ruin it by asking her the status up front.

 

This is like you are starting from scratch, and the old rules don't apply. You wouldn't ask someone the status of the relationship on a first date would you?

 

I just feel like since she was the one who reached out to me and sent me that email, basically saying she regrets everything, wishes we stayed together, misses me everyday, and she was the one who suggested we meet up in person to talk about things, it's gonna have to come up.

 

I understand this is like starting from scratch but this also isn't someone I don't know , ya know? Like we spent 7 years together, i feel it will be even more weird if we don't talk about it, or what is the point of this lunch? To just "catch up?". Doesn't make sense & I really feel like she is trying to reconcile or why would she send me that email, to "just be friends"?

 

& in the heat of the moment, I added in the reply to that first email a week ago saying there is no way I can be "just friends" with her, atleast not anytime soon, so I don't expect she is expecting that to all of a sudden be ok with me.

 

Sigh.

Edited August 21, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[Simon Phoenix]

God damn it. Stop pushing. Let her push. Do not ask her about the relationship.

[BC1980]

Act like you don't give a flying f&ck about the relationship. If she genuinely fears you may walk, her true intentions will come out in a hurry. If you show your hand and she knows she can get you back, she has reason enough to be wishy washy. That's how you find out if someone wants to committ without asking or giving an ultimatum.

[BC1980]

It's better if she realizes on her own, without a question from you, that she wants to be with you. Otherwise, she might feel later that you pressured her, ect. There is a time and place to question relationship status, but this lunch with her is not that place.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Update*

 

So today she had work and I was off, I planned on texting her to kinda break the ice through that communication means as well, so I waited until later in the afternoon and sent her a quick text asking how her teeth where feeling because she was telling me how she they have been hurting her after a dentists appt.

 

She replied back quickly and we have been texting back and forth causally, she keeps ending her replies with questions so it seems like she wants the convo to keep going.

 

Still playing it cool, nothing about the relationship, and we will see what happens tomorrow.

 

I'm gonna try and let her do most of the talking and see where it leads.

[Simon Phoenix]

Stop initiating. You really aren't grasping that concept. You are meeting her tomorrow. Just chill and stop pushing.

[TaraMaiden]

Have to agree with Simon here.

 

If you think you're 'playing it cool' you have absolutely no notion of what 'playing it cool' is.

 

I'm afraid you're coming across as a sycophantic loyal little puppy.

 

And I'm guessing she sees this too.....

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Ok ok, I got it lol

 

It's all good, I just wanted to see how she would reply and how she would go about the convo.

 

Will let you guys know what happens tomorrow.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok ok, I got it lol

 

It's all good, I just wanted to see how she would reply and how she would go about the convo.

 

Will let you guys know what happens tomorrow.

 

It's not all good. You need to stop. You know you are seeing her tomorrow, just shut up and talk to her then.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It's not all good. You need to stop. You know you are seeing her tomorrow, just shut up and talk to her then.

 

Lol ok I got it!

[BC1980]

You have to stop initiating contact with her. Even if she texts you first, I wouldn't just immediately respond like I was sitting there waiting. It's kind of a game in a sense, but, in all honesty, it's to protect your heart as well. Don't give so much right now if you get what I am saying. Just sit back right now. I would be extremely careful about how much of my heart I invested at this point.

 

Don't answer next time she calls. Let it go to voicemail and call back later. She broke up with you, so she can't have such complete access to you at this point. I know it's really hard because all you want to do is have things go back to the way they were. That is just not an option anymore, so you need to play the cards you have been dealt. Even is she suggests getting back together, don't jump at the chance right away. I know you want to, but I would say take it slowly.

 

This is chess if you want her back. You might even decide she isn't worth going to these lengths. Wouldn't that be something?

[Antares]

Just be careful.

 

My ex started texting me after a few months of NC. We had a few great text conversations and finally a phone call just last week.

 

The phone call lasted over 2 hours and was amazing. We fell right back into our rhythm and laughed and teased each other just like before.

 

After about an hour she finally asked me if I was dating anyone. I played a bit coy at first...letting her dictate the flow of the conversation. She mentioned how she had been on a few horrible dates and told me the break up was really rough for her. She said she missed me everyday, and wanted to call me, but fought herself not to do it. And then she finally gave in.

 

She asked me if I ever thought about her or the BU. I said that I did, and that it was probably for the best at the time. It was healthy to do so. But ... I also thought that there were things we could have done differently and tweaked things to make it work better.

 

And then she disagreed. She said that that she wanted to move forward not backward. She told me that she never really felt comfortable with me (kind of strange considering we dated for 4 months, and she just got done admitting that she cried over me after the break up for weeks, missed me and then reached out to me first...weird, huh?)

 

She was crying at this point. She's a really shy and sweet girl...who I honestly don't think she intended any harm. She just fell to her emotions.

 

She said that I was one of the most genuine and wonderful guys she's ever met. And admitted that she knew we couldn't be friends, she knew that I couldn't ever do that with her (and w/o me ever having to even say it). We managed to bring the conversation back to lighter things and both said our goodbyes.

 

And that was it. If I wasn't in a good place, personally, that would really screw with my head. At the end of the day, there's not much to analyze.

 

So be wary. She could literally say every perfect thing, invite you to talk about it...and then run away in the opposite direction.

[golk]

Listen man, you are treading on a very fine line right now. I was in basically the same position about the beginning of July. My ex came out of nowhere and started talking to me again and saying all this nice stuff. Guess what I did? BLEW HER OFF! The first few times she suggested hanging out I declined or said maybe. She would text me once a week for about three weeks asking. Finally I agreed and we hungout at her place.

 

Here is the important part. Act like you don't care! I know you'll probably be dying inside, excited and all that, but really act kind of cold and distant. Like you don't care if you'll ever talk again. You can be nice, just don't be a b****. And DON'T text her first or suggest hanging out for the first few times. This is important. You have to show her that you'll be fine without her and that she messed up by wanting the relationship to end. She f***** up.

 

My ex and I have been hanging out now for about 1.5 months and she has told me she wants to marry me, have kids one day, be together forever blah blah. She wants to date and we talk everyday. So if you play your cards right and be patient, you never know what could happen.

 

I'll tell you that there will be problems that arise and that's what I'm dealing with now. Basically just keep your guard up and keep your cards close to your chest. DON'T run back to her or she'll be gone before you know it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Update*

 

So we went to lunch, seems to went well, kept it casual, had some laughs, didn't feel awkward at all.

 

I did ask her if she meant everything she said in that email, and she got a little teary eyed and said she did, I took her hand and said I forgave her for what happened, and said ya know its not always rainbows and butterflies, that relationships take work, she agreed, then we changed the subject, talked abit more , everything was cool.

 

As we where leaving I just asked what she was doing with the rest of her day, said she had some errands to run but asked if I wanted to hang out later, I said yea if she wanted too, maybe go see a movie or something, she agreed but then texted me a couple hours layers saying her mom wanted to take her out shopping for a new laptop for her birthday (which is tomorrow) & asked if I wanted to do something another day and I said yea its cool let me know, she said she would and that it was nice seeing you today with a bunch of smiley faces etc and I said same to you and left it at that.

 

Guess we will see what tomorrow brings..

Edited August 24, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

I know it's hard to still be in limbo. I really really do and feel your pain. Don't have any advice tonight. Just keep playing it cool is all.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I know it's hard to still be in limbo. I really really do and feel your pain. Don't have any advice tonight. Just keep playing it cool is all.

 

Yea definitely tough, I just wanted to jump across the table and pounce on her lol but I did my best to keep it causal and relaxed, just caught up on alot of things, she did most of the talking and i gotta say it was nice, even though I just want things back to the way they where.

 

It's her birthday tomorrow, so I'm just gonna text her a simple happy birthday message and see where it goes from there, she did mention she had no plans for her bday and didnt want to go to a party one of her friends where having so I'm not sure what will happen there. Sigh. Just want to be with her, as sappy as that sounds lol

[LifeGoesOnMan]

brief update*

 

so i sent her a "Happy Birthday!" text around noon, she replied back shortly, saying "thank you )" and i didnt reply back.

 

i asked her what she was doing for her birthday yesterday @ lunch, she made a point of saying she had no plans, and that she didnt want to go to a party her friend was having tonight. Its killing me because i want to see her, but im assuming i shouldnt even ask whats she doing again, nor imply i want to hang out.

 

sigh. just gotta be strong, im not gonna text her again, she knows im at work but she didnt say anything else other than thank you so whatever i guess.

[BC1980]

This is tricky. It's just terrible timing that her birthday came up right now. You don't want to look desperate by asking her out, but you don't want to look like you don't care either. I honestly don't know what to say. Got no advice on this one.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

This is tricky. It's just terrible timing that her birthday came up right now. You don't want to look desperate by asking her out, but you don't want to look like you don't care either. I honestly don't know what to say. Got no advice on this one.

 

i know man, im not sure how i should go about it, my gut is telling me not to say anything else until she does & i also feel like if she wanted to see me today she would have made that clear.. right?

 

it is her 1st bday without me in 6 years , and we normally go on vacation around this time together for her birthday, so im guessing she is a little emotional today too..

 

ugh man.

[BC1980]

I think that it's probably best to play it safe and not say anything else about it. If anything, she will miss that you are not there with her, which is a good thing. She broke up with you, so the burden is now on her. You are not obligated at this point to take her out for her birthday IMO.

 

I know it's tough, but stay strong.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I think that it's probably best to play it safe and not say anything else about it. If anything, she will miss that you are not there with her, which is a good thing. She broke up with you, so the burden is now on her. You are not obligated at this point to take her out for her birthday IMO.

 

I know it's tough, but stay strong.

 

 

yea, well I was left alone on my bday too this year.. so I don't feel obligated to take her anywhere, I just wanna see her.

 

& I didn't reply back @ all after she said thank you, and that was like 3 hours ago. she didn't ask me how I was doing or anything, so I'm not gonna say anything @ all until she texts me again I guess, as much as I want too..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

on the other hand, this ***** is really starting to wear & bring me down again.

 

I was all good until she sent me that email, and I fell right back into this emotional roller coaster...

 

@ this point I just want to be happy, that's all. being with her makes me happy, but if its not the same for her, then wtf man, I just want clarity & certainty, good or bad, ya know?

 

just so I can know where to go from here....I don't understand why she had to go & do this unless she did want to get back together, and if she does, why cant she just come out and say it? we where together almost 7 years!

 

& if she doesn't, well then that's just cruel..& doesn't make sense sending me an apology email, regretting everything, saying she messed up and wished we stayed together..

 

whyyyy

Edited August 24, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm going though the same thing right now with my ex.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Brief Update*

 

So I didn't ask her anything about wanting to hang out last night or imply I wanted too, but we did text back and forth a little bit about a laptop her mom bought her and other related things, said our good nights and that was it.

 

I'm not gonna text her today unless she texts me first, kinda hard to gauge what she's feeling right now , unless she just wants to take things slow too.

 

I don't know anymore

[BC1980]

It's like you were going full steam ahead with a relationship, and you were suddenly halted. Now, you try to pick up somewhere, but it's not as natural anymore. I get it. Trust me, I get it. You are always paranoid and afraid to open up.

 

You situation has so many similarities to mine.