I believe in second chances..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

update*

 

we decided to meet up next Friday to "talk about things", instead of this week, we both got a lot of stuff going on between now & then so that's probably the best day.

 

she lives about 30-45 min away from me but she said she is going to be in my town next Friday for a spa appointment and then we are going to meet up after...

 

will see what happens then.

[TaraMaiden]

Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

And.....*Yawn*.

 

What the hell are you actually playing at?

 

All this indecisiveness, uncertainty and frankly load of ridiculous mind-gaming could have been over and done with ages ago....

[BC1980]

I do hope this works for you, but I am fearful that it is too soon. That is what is making me worried for you. I just hope that she doesn't change her mind again a month later. I am wishing you the best no matter what happens.

[btyoung21]

you can go NC @ anytime, it doesn't matter, will it get your ex back? im not sure @ this point, then again no one ever knows, its really to get your sanity back and to let your emotions cool down so you can approach this correctly & logically..

 

& also give them a chance to miss you

 

+100

 

Emphasis on letting emotions cool down and approaching it correctly and logically.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Lather, rinse, repeat.

 

And.....*Yawn*.

 

What the hell are you actually playing at?

 

All this indecisiveness, uncertainty and frankly load of ridiculous mind-gaming could have been over and done with ages ago....

 

 

hey, no one said this would be easy.. its not like we can just go back to the way things where...its probably best to give it as much time as possible in between anyways...cant win if you don't play the game >_<

 

I will know exactly where we stand next week, whether or not she flakes on me or not, because if she does, then I really, truly am done. promise you & myself that. if she doesn't, then I am going to ask her straight up, where do we go from here? if she wants to be just friends I will tell her I cannot accept that and hope she understands & will then respectfully remove her from my life..again , if she says she wants to try and work things out, then we will take things slow and go from there...

 

I don't see why she would have sent that apology email, hung out with me a few times, went to six flags, emails back & forth @ work and texts me outside of work if she didn't want to try and work things out...if she was over me, whats the point of all this then? remember, we broke up in june, went 40+days NC and now its 3 months later... its not like we just broke up last week.. ya know?

Edited September 6, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

+100

 

Emphasis on letting emotions cool down and approaching it correctly and logically.

 

 

exactly, its unrealistic to expect someone to be completely over someone, even after 3 months or more of NC, especially if it was a LTR, let alone a 6+ year LTR lol but you will be in a much better position even after 30 days or so of NC...but until the dumper contacts you with the 180' the longer the NC, the better..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

well I may or may not have blown it, but tara inspired me with what she said & a lot of people in my real life suggested I just straight up ask her how she is feeling and where we go from here. it really is getting old at this point and im sick on feeling like im limbo, & after 7years with the girl I think I deserve to know whats up. So I sent her an email:

 

"Hey, i'm just going to be straight up with you, I cannot pretend like everything is all good with me and our current situation, because its not. You know I care about you, and you know after the amount of time we were together, & everything we’ve been through together, good & bad, that my feelings for you haven’t changed. I felt our relationship & what we had was pretty dam special, and there really isn’t anyone else in the world (other than maybe my sister) who really knows me like you know me. We really never had any problems before this past year, and we really didn't even try to fix anything, when we easily could have put some effort in and changed things. . With that being said, I cannot be “just friends” with you, Its actually harder trying to act like its all good with you everyday than it was when we weren’t talking & I was trying to just let you go (because that’s what you said you wanted at the time). So what I need to know is how you really feel, and what you hope to see happen between us, I really am not trying to pressure you @ all, I know you got a lot of stuff going on in your life, I am just doing this for my own sanity..and so I know where to go from here. if you want to try and work things out between us, take things slow and go from there, you need to let me know, but if your just looking to be friends & on good terms with me , just know that I don’t hate you and will always care about you, and I hope that eases the stress you have had about how things happened.. but I really cant have you in my life as just a friend..at least not until I really have moved on and have let you go, & I hope you understand why. So just let me know.."

 

how she responds (or lack of) will determine where i go from here, i just couldn't deal with another week of pretending like its all good , so whether or not I've blown it , I feel it needed to be put out there @ this point, its about me now, not her, and i feel i deserve to know either way and if an honest email like that ruins my chances, then it really wasn't meant to be.

 

gulp*

Edited September 6, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[lylat333]

I don't think you blew it, I think you're being 100% genuine and imo there's nothing wrong with making how you feel crystal clear at this point.

 

If I cared about someone and received such an email, it would certainly be enough for me to drop my guard down and also level with the person.

 

I think you worded it well so don't worry about that. I agree that if this honesty were to get shot down you're barking up the wrong tree and will be able to get out of this place you've been in. Wishing you the best.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well she left work early because she wasnt feeling well yesterday, we texted back and forth a little bit after she left and she said she would reply back to the email

 

She hasn't replied back yet, the suspense is killing me, but Im hoping I will know where to go from here by the end of the weekend.

 

If she says she wants to work things out & take things slow I am going to make it clear that I need a commitment to only seeng each other and go from there,

 

if she doesn't want that and wants to still date other people or doesn't want to commit, I will let her know I cannot accept that and that will be that.

 

If she says she just wants to be friends and see what happens, I will tell her I cannot accept that and that will be that.

 

If she doesn't reply @ all , I am truthfully done with all this and will be moving on.

 

Wish me luck.

[jerryh]

Good luck my friend, you deserve a happy ending and you will get that one way or another, no matter what she says in the email!

[BC1980]

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

Last I heard from my ex 2 weeks ago, he was saying that he wanted to hang out and see what happened from there. But no commitment, and we could date other people. Of course, I immediately went NC.

 

Anyway, I hope that doesn't happen to you. I really hope so.

[Mariposa10]

Good luck. Let us know how it goes.

 

Last I heard from my ex 2 weeks ago, he was saying that he wanted to hang out and see what happened from there. But no commitment, and we could date other people. Of course, I immediately went NC.

 

Anyway, I hope that doesn't happen to you. I really hope so.

 

 

How are you feeling? Do you feel like you're ready to date again?

 

 

 

Good luck, OP!

[BC1980]

How are you feeling? Do you feel like you're ready to date again?

 

 

 

Good luck, OP!

 

I feel like I need someone fresh, which I can't believe I am saying. Even 2 months ago, I would have said I couldn't see myself without him. Change for the better.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well she still hasn't replied back when she said she would.. Day isn't over but it's getting late early..

 

I texted her this am basically saying I'm not trying to put you the spot but I need to know what's up, so if you could get back to me today I'd appreciate it..

 

She didnt reply to that either.

 

I wanted to know what the deal was before having to see her tomorrow @ work & having to go another week of uncertainty and pretending like it's all good

 

don't really understand her @ this point, if she doesn't want to get back together wtf is the point of not telling me, she can't possibly hurt me anymore than she did a few months ago, & if she does want to get back together wtf is she waiting for??? I'm not expecting to go back to the way things were but she has to tell me wtf is up!

 

Unless she just doesn't care enough or have this enough as a priority in her life to just leave me in limbo..

 

Emotionally exhausted @ this point.

 

You women confuse me to no end.

Edited September 8, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[TaraMaiden]

There's no confusion here.

She's yanking your chain because she can.

 

Because, basically, you've let her.

 

I'm sorry, but I've been watching this thread, commenting occasionally, and buddy?

 

I could see this a mile off.

 

She has you exactly where she wants you: Desperately hanging on for life to some dangling carrot to feed her ego.

The exhaustion, sad to say, is of your own making.

 

And yeah.

You're right.

I am saying exactly this:

 

I told you so.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

There's no confusion here.

She's yanking your chain because she can.

 

Because, basically, you've let her.

 

I'm sorry, but I've been watching this thread, commenting occasionally, and buddy?

 

I could see this a mile off.

 

She has you exactly where she wants you: Desperately hanging on for life to some dangling carrot to feed her ego.

The exhaustion, sad to say, is of your own making.

 

And yeah.

You're right.

I am saying exactly this:

 

I told you so.

 

I guess it is what it is then, good thing I have a few prospects to fall back on this time, just really wanted to try & work things out with her first...change of plans again.

 

Just when you think you know someone...& after 7 years too.. It's kinda ****ed up.

 

Cruel if you ask me, to go and **** around with someones head like that & leave them hanging who you supposedly loved & cared about...

 

Just wow

Edited September 8, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[TaraMaiden]

I tried to tell you.

Goddammit, I'm a woman, and I tried so hard to tell you.

 

Back to square one big time, friend.

 

You tell her you've had it being jerked around by her,

You're done sacrificing your good intentions, wholesome emotions and precious love to someone who's patently only interested in playing games.

You deserve better.

Tell her to never talk to you again.

 

And - yes, you've guessed it - go NO CONTACT!!!

[BC1980]

Yup, this is f*cked up. I am betting (and I really didn't want to be right) that she got lonely and wrote that email saying she was sorry, ect. I think she wanted to test the waters these past few weeks, and she is deciding against getting back together. That is just deplorable in my opinion. I hope I'm not correct, but I can't see why else she has taken so long to respond and ignored the text.

 

The only good that can come out of this is that you will finally be able to be done with this girl. I mean, after this stunt. . . . well, all I can say is that it's f*cked up and leave it at that.

 

Let me tell you what I have learned the hard way and what Tara is saying. At a certain point, we are letting these people do this to us. We have to say enough is enough. We are responsible for our own well being. It took me 4 months to learn this lesson and finally go NC and stop responding to the plentiful breadcrumbs and false hope. I finally emailed him requesting NC, and the response was that he was still confused, didn't know the future, we might get back together, blah, blah, blah. I tuned it out at some point. It's been 15 days, and I'm out of the emotional hell I allowed myself to be in. I had no one to blame but myself. I am saddened but at peace. I really hope you will find peace however this goes. I have been rooting for you since the beginning.

[BC1980]

Well she still hasn't replied back when she said she would.. Day isn't over but it's getting late early..

 

She just loves to torture you doesn't she?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I tried to tell you.

Goddammit, I'm a woman, and I tried so hard to tell you.

 

Back to square one big time, friend.

 

You tell her you've had it being jerked around by her,

You're done sacrificing your good intentions, wholesome emotions and precious love to someone who's patently only interested in playing games.

You deserve better.

Tell her to never talk to you again.

 

And - yes, you've guessed it - go NO CONTACT!!!

 

I know, you did, and like I said , I suck sometimes lol I've become somewhat of a sucker for this girl, but I really am done, again. And I thank you for your support and your continued advice all though sometimes I just did not want to accept the inevitable, and thought maybe just maybe this was that "reconciliation" moment.. Ugh.

 

Well I did NC for 40+ days before, I'm sure I can do it again & this time it's indefinite.

 

Will never understand the games I guess, and why she can't just set me free with a simple "I just don't want to get back together" response.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Yup, this is f*cked up. I am betting (and I really didn't want to be right) that she got lonely and wrote that email saying she was sorry, ect. I think she wanted to test the waters these past few weeks, and she is deciding against getting back together. That is just deplorable in my opinion. I hope I'm not correct, but I can't see why else she has taken so long to respond and ignored the text.

 

The only good that can come out of this is that you will finally be able to be done with this girl. I mean, after this stunt. . . . well, all I can say is that it's f*cked up and leave it at that.

 

Let me tell you what I have learned the hard way and what Tara is saying. At a certain point, we are letting these people do this to us. We have to say enough is enough. We are responsible for our own well being. It took me 4 months to learn this lesson and finally go NC and stop responding to the plentiful breadcrumbs and false hope. I finally emailed him requesting NC, and the response was that he was still confused, didn't know the future, we might get back together, blah, blah, blah. I tuned it out at some point. It's been 15 days, and I'm out of the emotional hell I allowed myself to be in. I had no one to blame but myself. I am saddened but at peace. I really hope you will find peace however this goes. I have been rooting for you since the beginning.

 

I don't see any other reason either.. I will never "get it" when it comes to why she acts the way she does, or why she can't respect me enough just to tell me how she feels..

 

@least yours told you how he was feeling and al though you decided that's not acceptable to you, atleast you knew...

 

Mine can't even tell me how she's feeling..maybe I blew it my showing my hand too quickly & should have waited until Friday to "talk" but I let my emotions get the best of me and pulled the trigger too quickly...

 

But then again, if she loved me and did want to get back together, that wouldn't have mattered, right?

 

And thank you for following & supporting me throughout this whole ordeal, <3 we will all be just fine eventually.

 

Life goes on, man.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

She just loves to torture you doesn't she?

 

Apparently, or maybe she doesn't even know it.

[BC1980]

Apparently, or maybe she doesn't even know it.

 

I don't think my ex tortured me on purpose. He definitely tortured me, but, if I am honest, I allowed it to happen all the way.

[BC1980]

I don't see any other reason either.. I will never "get it" when it comes to why she acts the way she does, or why she can't respect me enough just to tell me how she feels..

 

@least yours told you how he was feeling and al though you decided that's not acceptable to you, atleast you knew...

 

Mine can't even tell me how she's feeling..maybe I blew it my showing my hand too quickly & should have waited until Friday to "talk" but I let my emotions get the best of me and pulled the trigger too quickly...

 

But then again, if she loved me and did want to get back together, that wouldn't have mattered, right?

 

And thank you for following & supporting me throughout this whole ordeal, <3 we will all be just fine eventually.

 

Life goes on, man.

 

I don't think it needs to be this much torture and game playing. I know some people say be patient, but at what risk? Your sanity? Putting your life on hold? It's not worth it.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well she did end up replying finally.

 

Long story short she is not ready to "take things slow", hopes maybe things will work out between us in the future, but says she has alot on her plate now and needs to take care of things. Wants to stay on good terms with me, understands if I can't just be friends and if I don't want to talk to her anymore.

 

I basically said I appreciate her honesty, and I understand if she is not ready to take things slow or be anything more than friends. said I hope everything works out for her too.

 

Starting NC again tomorrow.

 

That's that.