I believe in second chances..

[Simon Phoenix]

Haha no offense tara but I'm not the one with 20,000 something posts & a 4 year membership on here...maybe if you had a more positive attitude about things & thought outside of the box sometimes... you yourself wouldn't be on here.

 

Thanks tho!

 

Don't be an *******. She stays on here because she's trying to help people.

[KeepItBoosted]

Good godDmn man, I literally just spent way too long reading this post.

Tara you were spot on with everything.

Buddy, you should've quit while you were ahead at like page 3 or something.

This is bad man, like really bad, you are continually setting yourself up for one disaster after another. I may not have the extra 2 years on your relationship but I was a little older(22, she was 20) and basically same situation. She needed a break blahblahblah, you know what that break was, to go out and do whoever she wanted while stringing me along like you were(are) for 2 months. I listened to my gut, I felt there was someone else and my gut was right. You said in the beginning that you felt you should just NC completely and move on, you should've went with that feeling and never looked back. I loved my ex with everything I had, she came crawling back through one of the texts i actually read. I deleted that and all subsequent and future texts she might send. You are that guy, the guy who will always be there try and fix the broken pieces after some other guy had had your lady in every position, especially all your favorites, and then doesn't want anything to do with her afterward.

I am not trying to be an *******, dck, whatever...I am seriously trying to help man. Because I know people on here have opened my eyes and I would have been in the same exact position your in if I didn't find this community.

 

You should've listened to Tara's advice. Ultimately you are going to do what every you want as is evident, so I sincerely wish you the best of luck man. We'll be here when this goes up in flames.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Hey here's the truth about loveshack..

 

It's full of bitter heartbroken people with bias opinions about how love should be and what shoulda coulda woulda happened....without really knowing the whole situation or any individual person...or their relationship.

 

You wouldn't be on loveshack unless you had some sort of issues you are dealing with..

 

Seriously done with all the negativity on here, maybe no one really wants anything to work out for anyone & their ex? I duno.

 

Just wanted to keep you all updated but f--- it seriously. Hope you all find love, happiness and a way off of loveshack eventually.

 

But yea, I'm done. Thanks all.

Edited September 19, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

I would say most of it is good advice, but, yes, there is some bias. Ultimately, people will have to choose what they are going to do themselves.

[lylat333]

LifeGoesOnMan, don't let a few people whose advice you don't like ruin everything. It's not all negativity, people here are trying to help each other.

 

I feel the same way sometimes, but I like to hear from everyone. When I first came onto this site, some of Tara's posts were among the first I saw and though she didn't write it, the NC guide she had linked in her signature was so huge for me. I had never even heard of NC, and it was the post that made me feel there is something I can do to get out of the soul-crushing depression. I wanted to win my ex back too, but thankfully it was still sound advice that kept me afloat and prevented me from making more mistakes than I otherwise would have amidst all the confusion and second-guessing.

 

I don't want to bite the hands that feed us, and that post count is very intimidating. Tara, you have a wealth of experience to draw on which is so valuable but the posts that come off as, "what a hopeless dumpee" or "this is painfully obvious" are not very helpful.

[TaraMaiden]

The post 'came off that way' because I don't mince words, and that's precisely what I meant.

 

In cases such as this, I'm always reminded of the Paul Simon lyric, "A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest".

 

That's precisely what the OP has done.

 

And for my part, it grips my schytte when many of us spend time, effort, consideration and considerable thought in constructing an escape route and rescue plan for people who insist they want to follow it, only to have them turn round and basically ignore the good advice which has come to them via the consideration and care of others.

 

Hope that explains it.

[lylat333]

I get it, I'm just of the opinion that there are times words must be tailored a bit in order for the other party to understand them.

 

I don't think people should be talked down to or babied. But, when someone is hurting and confused, bluntly trying to smack sense into them doesn't serve them any good and may even be counter-productive. It may take multiple times before they begin to take it to heart.

[Simon Phoenix]

I get it, I'm just of the opinion that there are times words must be tailored a bit in order for the other party to understand them.

 

I don't think people should be talked down to or babied. But, when someone is hurting and confused, bluntly trying to smack sense into them doesn't serve them any good and may even be counter-productive. It may take multiple times before they begin to take it to heart.

 

Everyone has their own ways of doing it. We don't need to tell people how to give advice on this site -- Tara does her thing and it's up to the person she's giving advice to if they want to take her wisdom or ignore it. But throwing out cheap shots like the OP did to her and to other posters on this forum is pretty out of line IMO. Tara wants to help this guy, even if that help comes off as frustrated, and doesn't deserve to be insulted by the OP.

 

And I'm being a bit hypocritical when I say this, but you should probably stop criticizing posters for being too harsh. You do this a lot in threads and it's a bit obnoxious. The value of sites like this are the different approaches and methods people use to come up with and make points. Some are harsh, some post with kid gloves, some mix it up. All have value and all have a common goal, so please stop trying to play posting police. I have never bagged on you for trying to be the nice guy, so don't bag on others for playing the heavy.

[lylat333]

I don't want to be misunderstood, no one else's approach is wrong in general. I'm sure we agree varying viewpoints are welcome and helpful. I've seen those hurting respond positively to more "tough love" posts, and that's a good thing.

 

I said the same thing you did, everyone here is trying to help each other. I only singled out the posts where I feel like it goes past "tough love" and people getting their kicks out of struggling dumpees. I try to be cognizant of my own posts and not go too far the other way.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't want to be misunderstood, no one else's approach is wrong in general. I'm sure we agree varying viewpoints are welcome and helpful. I've seen those hurting respond positively to more "tough love" posts, and that's a good thing.

 

I said the same thing you did, everyone here is trying to help each other. I only singled out the posts where I feel like it goes past "tough love" and people getting their kicks out of struggling dumpees. I try to be cognizant of my own posts and not go too far the other way.

 

I would stop doing that. You have your approach, other people have theirs. No one gets their "kicks" out of people in pain, at least not on this website.

[heartshaped]

Hey here's the truth about loveshack..

 

It's full of bitter heartbroken people with bias opinions about how love should be and what shoulda coulda woulda happened....without really knowing the whole situation or any individual person...or their relationship.

 

You wouldn't be on loveshack unless you had some sort of issues you are dealing with..

 

Seriously done with all the negativity on here, maybe no one really wants anything to work out for anyone & their ex? I duno.

 

Just wanted to keep you all updated but f--- it seriously. Hope you all find love, happiness and a way off of loveshack eventually.

 

But yea, I'm done. Thanks all.

 

I gotta tell you, I'm not heartbroken at all, and I am extremely happy. I did work things out with my ex, but I was the dumper.

 

No one here knows you or your relationship completely, but we all give advice as best we can with the facts provided. I don't think that people want things to work out or don't- people on loveshack are just honest. Brutally so sometimes, but if you want people to lie to you or sugarcoat things to spare your feelings talk to your friends or family.

 

Truthfully, I think she's dropping breadcrumbs. You were together for a long time, she's lonely, and you're there and comforting. As a woman and as someone who has been in her shoes, that 'let's be friends and see where this goes line'? is just that- a line.

 

I'll guarantee you in a few weeks when things start getting to relationship-y for her she'll pullback. She doesn't want a relationship. She just wants the comfort you can provide. She's dropping breadcrumbs and the only way to make it stop is to put your foot down, but you won't because you love her.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

hey all, wanted to apologize for what I said a month ago or so, was just really tired of all the negativity when I was just trying to do my best to stay positive about everything.. but I realized it really was just for my own good, so I am sorry for discrediting a lot of you and disregarding your input and advice..

 

"its remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity"

 

 

anyways.. thought I would let you all know I have closed the book on my ex, found out she had still been talking to and seeing the other dude these past couple months while she was still talking to me, texting me, emailing me, hanging out, etc.. so I told her in person that I cant pretend like that's all good with me, that I am not going to just take a backseat as her buddy and hope her feelings are gonna change, and that I have to do whats best for me now and that's by letting her go and moving on..because I just cant realistically be friends with her while I still have feelings for her and she is ****ing someone else at the same time..

 

so that's what I have done, I cut all contact with her, she finally got the rest of her **** out of my house and I haven't talked to her in over a week about anything other than getting her **** out of my house and work related stuff I had no choice but to talk to her about...

 

now for some good news:

 

I met a girl off okc, who gave me fb info, we talked on fb for a couple days, I suggested we go out sometime, she gave me her number, we went out to dinner & played pool a couple weeks ago, had an awesome time, I hung out with her this past Saturday, we went to a shooting range (her 1st time) & out to the movies, we made out multiple times throughout the date and we have been texting/talking everyday past couple weeks..

 

plus she a major upgrade compared to my ex, girl just finished her masters degree! and shes gorgeous, with nice curvy body and beautiful eyes, so we will see what happens from here, she is suppose to come up to my apartment this weekend

 

life really does go on...if you let it...man

 

thanks again all, will always have a special place in my heart for loveshack.org in helping me get through this dark time in my life (especially you tara, believe it or not) whether or not I agreed or wanted to believe everything that was being said, I have finally woke up, just took a few months lol

 

sometimes letting go is the only option you have and the best thing you can do for yourself

 

I wish everyone peace with their own personal demons & situations and with time we will all find that happy place we where all at once again.

Edited October 14, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

hey all, wanted to apologize for what I said a month ago or so, was just really tired of all the negativity when I was just trying to do my best to stay positive about everything.. but I realized it really was just for my own good, so I am sorry for discrediting a lot of you and disregarding your input and advice..

 

"its remarkable how similar the pattern of love is to the pattern of insanity"

 

 

anyways.. thought I would let you all know I have closed the book on my ex, found out she had still been talking to and seeing the other dude these past couple months while she was still talking to me, texting me, emailing me, hanging out, etc.. so I told her in person that I cant pretend like that's all good with me, that I am not going to just take a backseat as her buddy and hope her feelings are gonna change, and that I have to do whats best for me now and that's by letting her go and moving on..because I just cant realistically be friends with her while I still have feelings for her and she is ****ing someone else at the same time..

 

so that's what I have done, I cut all contact with her, she finally got the rest of her **** out of my house and I haven't talked to her in over a week about anything other than getting her **** out of my house and work related stuff I had no choice but to talk to her about...

 

now for some good news:

 

I met a girl off okc, who gave me fb info, we talked on fb for a couple days, I suggested we go out sometime, she gave me her number, we went out to dinner & played pool a couple weeks ago, had an awesome time, I hung out with her this past Saturday, we went to a shooting range (her 1st time) & out to the movies, we made out multiple times throughout the date and we have been texting/talking everyday past couple weeks..

 

plus she a major upgrade compared to my ex, girl just finished her masters degree! and shes gorgeous, with nice curvy body and beautiful eyes, so we will see what happens from here, she is suppose to come up to my apartment this weekend

 

life really does go on...if you let it...man

 

thanks again all, will always have a special place in my heart for loveshack.org in helping me get through this dark time in my life (especially you tara, believe it or not) whether or not I agreed or wanted to believe everything that was being said, I have finally woke up, just took a few months lol

 

sometimes letting go is the only option you have and the best thing you can do for yourself

 

I wish everyone peace with their own personal demons & situations and with time we will all find that happy place we where all at once again.

 

I am so glad you are in a better place. My ex was doing the same thing as yours, so I know how hard it is to let go. Anyway, enough about the ex.

 

I'm glad you have met someone new. Good for you. I'm really happy for you because I know you have been through the wringer. You're right Life does go on for all of us.

[Mariposa10]

Thanks for the update!! And don't forget us!!

[lylat333]

Really happy for you, OP. Look at you, moving on to bigger and better things. You're coming out on top after fighting for over 4 months!

 

I know you must have learned so much from this. Really happy for you and wish you the best with the girl you met, wherever it goes.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry it didn't work with your ex, but it seems like you are coming out ahead, which is awesome. Best of luck.

[TaraMaiden]

Well it's about time!!

 

It's all cool.

 

I know I was a bitch at times, but you know, sometimes beating a buddy round the head with a 12" skillet is really a kindness!!

 

Play it cool, relax, enjoy, and Dare.

Dare to enjoy, dare to live, dare to engage, and dare to risk.

A life lived safely is one of tedious predictability.

 

Have fun!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Really happy for you, OP. Look at you, moving on to bigger and better things. You're coming out on top after fighting for over 4 months!

 

I know you must have learned so much from this. Really happy for you and wish you the best with the girl you met, wherever it goes.

 

yea its been quite a roller coaster ride these past few months, with plenty of ups & downs, its still somewhat unreal to me, especially after 7 years with her

 

but like Buddha says: “Everything that has a beginning, has an ending. Make your peace with that and all will be well.”

 

and yea, i kinda like this girl im talking to now, we have a lot in common and shes a pretty cool chick, of course im not gonna rush into anything but i am enjoying her company so far!

 

thanks again for your support & kind words

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Sorry it didn't work with your ex, but it seems like you are coming out ahead, which is awesome. Best of luck.

 

yea, its a shame, but then again, not really, all I see now when i look at her is the other guy, and his dick, and i don't want to see that lol

 

what really did it for me was going on her fb through a friend who was friends with her and seeing everything for what it was, i saw the pic of her and the other dude, status's about where she has been with him past few months, (confirmation of a bunch of lies she was telling me even after she sent me that whole apology email which was just a bunch of bull****) & although it sort of opened up healing wounds again, it was very, very clarifying..

 

after seeing that, the fog kinda just lifted and I confronted her the next day about everything, and told her i just cant do this anymore

 

she gave me the whole waterworks and wanting to be friends and see what happens, but she really just wanted to have her cake and eat it too, which is just not gonna happen, not my cake atleast

 

 

**** her.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well it's about time!!

 

It's all cool.

 

I know I was a bitch at times, but you know, sometimes beating a buddy round the head with a 12" skillet is really a kindness!!

 

Play it cool, relax, enjoy, and Dare.

Dare to enjoy, dare to live, dare to engage, and dare to risk.

A life lived safely is one of tedious predictability.

 

Have fun!

 

lol im just glad you are as resilient as you are when it comes to dealing with heartbroken saps..

 

i do appreciate all the advice and guidance you have given me, just wish i did this and stuck with this months ago, wish i never replied back to that email either , but...you live & you learn

 

& if anything, im taking a wealth of information with me after dealing with this whole ordeal so i hopefully never make the same mistakes and know exactly what to do when this happens again in the future, because im sure it will!

 

but for now, im just going to enjoy life and let whatever happens..happen.

 

thank you again for your patience, not sure what i would have done without your persistent wake up calls, even if i didn't seem to be listening to them at the time... i was

[BC1980]

lol im just glad you are as resilient as you are when it comes to dealing with heartbroken saps..

 

i do appreciate all the advice and guidance you have given me, just wish i did this and stuck with this months ago, wish i never replied back to that email either , but...you live & you learn

 

& if anything, im taking a wealth of information with me after dealing with this whole ordeal so i hopefully never make the same mistakes and know exactly what to do when this happens again in the future, because im sure it will!

 

but for now, im just going to enjoy life and let whatever happens..happen.

 

thank you again for your patience, not sure what i would have done without your persistent wake up calls, even if i didn't seem to be listening to them at the time... i was

 

It's okay. Someone in my life told me I must enjoy banding my head against a brick wall because that's how I was acting. It woke me up, but we do have to live and learn. I had to make the mistakes to believe what everyone kept telling me.

 

We will know exactly what to do next time and how to cut out all the bullsh*t. So we can take that away from our experiences.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

well, like clockwork, the ex writes me an email on Friday, after almost another 30days of NC and after semi-dating this new girl for the past month.

 

she wants to "get together and talk about things".

 

I spoke with a few friends who suggested I just hear her out and see what she says...

 

however

 

I've learned over the past month that the guy she has been seeing the past few months is a complete scumbag, and when I mean scumbag, I mean the dude is on drugs, drugs that cause withdrawals, lives at home with his mom, who also pays his cell phone bill, scumbag in a nutshell.

 

I also learned my twin sister, who is my roommate and was my ex's, reached out to her by email just to see how she was doing , because at work she looks miserable (yes my sister also works with us lol) and she kinda opened up about everything, told my sister she wasn't over me, that she regrets what she did everyday, that she feels kinda trapped in this situation with this new guy, etc etc. basically says she's not happy and wishes she never did what she did..

 

my sister basically took it into her own hands to try and talk some sense into her, and then shortly after she did, the ex sent me the email asking to "get together & talk about things"..

 

I did wait a day or so to reply and just simply said "yea we can do that, when?"

 

and she wants to talk Friday next week.

 

NC never fails, whether you like it or not.

 

& the good thing is, I don't even know if I really want her back at this point anyways..

 

we'll see what happens.

Edited October 28, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[Mariposa10]

You're gonna meet her? This is bad. You should've waited a little bit longer or something. She's soooo using your as a backup... Is she still with this guy? What about you and the girl you're dating??

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You're gonna meet her? This is bad. You should've waited a little bit longer or something. She's soooo using your as a backup... Is she still with this guy? What about you and the girl you're dating??

 

 

im just gonna go and see what she says...she isn't with this guy exclusively, and im not with this new girl exclusively either. I have enjoyed this new girls company & all, but I cannot deny that I still have strong feelings for my ex and its not like im still pining over her or anything either.

 

I've come a long way believe it or not, compared to my pathetic wallowing self a few months ago, plus ive had two combined stints of almost 70 days of NC

 

im good with whatever she says tbh..

 

& like the name of this thread says, I still do believe in second chances.

[Mariposa10]

im just gonna go and see what she says...she isn't with this guy exclusively, and im not with this new girl exclusively either. I have enjoyed this new girls company & all, but I cannot deny that I still have strong feelings for my ex and its not like im still pining over her or anything either.

 

I've come a long way believe it or not, compared to my pathetic wallowing self a few months ago, plus ive had two combined stints of almost 70 days of NC

 

im good with whatever she says tbh..

 

& like the name of this thread says, I still do believe in second chances.

 

I believe in second chances as well, but when the timing is right. I don't think the timing is right right now. She's been bouncing back and forth, how can anybody found that attractive?

 

Anyway, good luck. Keep us posted.