I believe in second chances..

[lylat333]

im just tired of playing games, I feel NC is a game in a way, cancelling making her wait, is a game, etc etc trying to make her chase me is a game too.

 

I treat people the way I would like to be treated, that's all.

 

I am just gonna give her a shot to try and explain herself and let her talk and see what she says.

 

& like I said, I will be fine with whatever that is.

 

NC isn't a game for me... yes a big part of why I implemented it was because I thought it was the best way to get her back but I honest to god really needed to heal. (she started to completely ignore me anyway, and I have not once received a single solitary breadcrumb for over 90 days now) Blocking her on FB and not e-stalking her or trying to be in contact with her has done wonders for me. The thought of taking a peek to see what's going on in her world is not something I want to put myself through.

 

Canceling a phone call is not playing a game! Not if you really don't think it's a good idea. But, you do think it's a good idea which is why you want to pursue it.

 

It's not about trying to get her to chase you... it's about getting her to cut the BS and stop messing with you. It's about getting her to do something MEANINGFUL and have her jump through a damn hoop or two and allow herself to be vulnerable instead of you always being the one who has to worry about being rejected or glossed over.

 

If she doesn't say anything meaningful, DON'T come back with a spiel about how you feel and all that. Just listen and then walk away, and maybe the next time she tries to set up some bull like this you won't even bother. I really do believe if a dumper is repentant you won't be able to keep them from spilling their guts, they will put it right in your face.

Edited October 29, 2013 by lylat333

[LifeGoesOnMan]

NC isn't a game for me... yes a big part of why I implemented it was because I thought it was the best way to get her back but I honest to god really needed to heal. (she started to completely ignore me anyway, and I have not once received a single solitary breadcrumb for over 90 days now) Blocking her on FB and not e-stalking her or trying to be in contact with her has done wonders for me. The thought of taking a peek to see what's going on in her world is not something I want to put myself through.

 

Canceling a phone call is not playing a game! Not if you really don't think it's a good idea. But, you do think it's a good idea which is why you want to pursue it.

 

It's not about trying to get her to chase you... it's about getting her to cut the BS and stop messing with you. It's about getting her to do something MEANINGFUL and have her jump through a damn hoop or two and allow herself to be vulnerable instead of you always being the one who has to worry about being rejected or glossed over.

 

If she doesn't say anything meaningful, DON'T come back with a spiel about how you feel and all that. Just listen and then walk away, and maybe the next time she tries to set up some bull like this you won't even bother. I really do believe if a dumper is repentant you won't be able to keep them from spilling their guts, they will put it right in your face.

 

 

I understand , & I am giving her the chance to do this. This really is the last chance she has with me (chuckle if you want lol) but I'm dead serious. If she doesn't try and make things right when we talk, and I mean admitting she was wrong and ****ed up everything to my face and letting me know she wants to work things out with me, then it's over, for good and I will not be looking back or responding to anything else again.

 

 

This is her last shot at a 2nd chance. Promise you.

[Simon Phoenix]

I understand , & I am giving her the chance to do this. This really is the last chance she has with me (chuckle if you want lol) but I'm dead serious. If she doesn't try and make things right when we talk, and I mean admitting she was wrong and ****ed up everything to my face and letting me know she wants to work things out with me, then it's over, for good and I will not be looking back or responding to anything else again.

 

 

This is her last shot at a 2nd chance. Promise you.

 

Until the next one.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

NC is a game if you use it to TRY to get back your ex. I feel bad for people who see contact that way.

 

(btw, I'm not saying you feel that way).

 

So when are you meeting her? I don't think I remember...

 

I used NC to get my sanity back, which I did. However NC is also the silent game in alot of ways too, and at this point I feel I don't need to play the silent game anymore.

 

She said she wants to meet up Saturday if I'm free.

 

I have to work til 4 and told her we can meet up after I get out.

[Mariposa10]

I used NC to get my sanity back, which I did. However NC is also the silent game in alot of ways too, and at this point I feel I don't need to play the silent game anymore.

 

She said she wants to meet up Saturday if I'm free.

 

I have to work til 4 and told her we can meet up after I get out.

 

The only one playing games is her!! I wish this girl would CHOOSE to be single for awhile and THEN later contact you.

 

 

Good luck!

[veggirl]

well if you must meet her and whatnot, PLEASE STOP with the emotional emails/texts. You have sent like 5 "I need XYZ and if you aren't interested in that, leave me alone" type of emails. NO MORE OF THOSE. You think those make you seem strong and whatnot but they look so weak. They aren't straight forward, they are pleas for attention. PLEASE when you say you are just going to listen, ONLY DO THAT. ffs do NOT discuss your feelings or your "boundaries" (you lack them btw) or anything of the sort!!! No "this is your last chance" no "I can't be friends". NONE OF THAT.

[Mariposa10]

well if you must meet her and whatnot, PLEASE STOP with the emotional emails/texts. You have sent like 5 "I need XYZ and if you aren't interested in that, leave me alone" type of emails. NO MORE OF THOSE. You think those make you seem strong and whatnot but they look so weak. They aren't straight forward, they are pleas for attention. PLEASE when you say you are just going to listen, ONLY DO THAT. ffs do NOT discuss your feelings or your "boundaries" (you lack them btw) or anything of the sort!!! No "this is your last chance" no "I can't be friends". NONE OF THAT.

 

I strongly agree with this!! Ultimatums don't work... I learned the hard way.

[Simon Phoenix]

I strongly agree with this!! Ultimatums don't work... I learned the hard way.

 

They especially don't work when you keep putting them down and don't stick to them, like the OP has more times than I feel like counting. If you are going to say something, stick to it.

[veggirl]

They especially don't work when you keep putting them down and don't stick to them, like the OP has more times than I feel like counting. If you are going to say something, stick to it.

 

Word. Even if you really "mean it this time", you DON'T have to say it.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

 

You don't have to say "I'm done", you show it. If you mean it, JUST SHOW IT. Saying it is a plea for her to say "no, wait..." It is. You know it. Don't go down that road.

[golk]

well if you must meet her and whatnot, PLEASE STOP with the emotional emails/texts. You have sent like 5 "I need XYZ and if you aren't interested in that, leave me alone" type of emails. NO MORE OF THOSE. You think those make you seem strong and whatnot but they look so weak. They aren't straight forward, they are pleas for attention. PLEASE when you say you are just going to listen, ONLY DO THAT. ffs do NOT discuss your feelings or your "boundaries" (you lack them btw) or anything of the sort!!! No "this is your last chance" no "I can't be friends". NONE OF THAT.

 

This is great advice. When you send those emails you're really hoping deep down for some response. A glimmer of hope or maybe even a breadcrumb of attention but that really hurts your cause. Sending her nothing at all is a much better option especially because she probably now EXPECTS to get some long ultimatum or "Leave me alone" email from you.

[golk]

I used NC to get my sanity back, which I did. However NC is also the silent game in alot of ways too, and at this point I feel I don't need to play the silent game anymore.

 

She said she wants to meet up Saturday if I'm free.

 

I have to work til 4 and told her we can meet up after I get out.

 

Honestly at the point you're at and with a girl like the one you're dealing with, games are necessary. I say that because clearly NC isn't an option for you, you can't seem to stick to it. I mean REAL NC, not periods of NC until she talks to you next. SO if you're going to go through with this, again, I really advise you to man up and not lay anything on the table with her, not "I can't be friends", "no more games". Nothing. Don't go into this meeting expecting her to apologize or admit anything. Don't expect anything from it.

 

I'm betting you felt sane the last time she wanted to talk. Because when she said that, it gave you hope and made you feel like you had the upper hand. That's probably why you feel it now. Because you THINK you have the upper hand with this girl. But think about it, you just admitted that you already know that you want to get back together and you still really care for her. If she felt this way, you would be back together. But you are not. So obviously she does not feel this way. She has the upper hand and you are automatically much more invested in her.

 

It's up to you how you want to go about this meeting but you need to play your cards right. If you bit** up too many times (as my psychology guru buddy calls it lol) she will never respect you. You may have already passed that point, I'm not sure. BUT you need to stick to your guns this time. If you show her you will not take her BS then it will be a shock to her and she will have to make some real decisions about you. You're wasting a lot of time on this girl if you are going to let this trend continue. Cut the string she's got you on this time.

[flight E]

Objective: get ex back

 

Strategy: indulge her wimps: failure

 

Your strategy would have been lovely if deep inside you, you feel nothing and this was some kind of drama for you but from what you said it is not.

Your strategy is bound to fail because it flies in the face of human and female psychology. She cannot really respect you because you are not resolute and decisive. No respect no attraction.

 

On games, life is a game whether we like it or not. Pretend to be a saint but what makes us better than animals is our ability to be calculatedly be deceptive. Disagree all you want.

 

Whether she plans it or not she is playing games with you. And you are pretending to be the saint but at the same time trying to manipulate her back to you. She wins all the time because you are the one more invested in this. At least that is the aura you put out.

 

Only way to make her feel anything and from there get her back is to make her invest more.

 

From personal experience with women, they fall for a guy who is less talk more action

 

In summary if objective is get ex back, the strategy is wrong. Don't meet her. But you said you must so meet her and say practically nothing with a bored look on you face; we all act in life. Even if she confesses her undying love just say: you will see and don't call her again or take her call until she shows some really action

 

Attraction can only come back when she has to invest in sometin that has value. That means you not being at her beck and call. Gudluck

[thora-tiki]

Like my wonderful buddy, BC1980, wrote:

 

«I think you should just tell her that you appreciate that she wants to talk, but you really need more time away from the situation.

Then, a sick part of me is curious as to what she is going to say...

 

Thanks for keeping us updated.»

 

I agree, especially with the bold part.

 

This is like a car crash, and we can't look away.

 

BC1980, make some popcorn, we'll meet at Mariposa10's, this thread is going to take some time.

 

I'll call lylat333 and ask him to come over when he is done at work.

Hah!

I think LifeGoesOnMan loves (the) drama.

 

Also, he is not confused or needs us to support him, find his way, give tips to how to handle meeting the idiot ex -

he is frightened.

This is the reason he is still in relationship limbo.

 

LifeGoesOnMan is frightened to do no contact more than a few weeks,

because that requires a risk.

 

Oh sh*t!

 

So LifeGoesOnMan says to himself (and us):

let's just settle for what I have now.

 

and he asks:

What if this was it? The best love I will ever find?

 

I say:

what if it is not?

 

To do no contact we have to put aside all doubts, and fears,

and past bad relationship memories.

I read this somewhere:

«A break up makes it easy to finally take that plunge and explore all these interesting thoughts about love.

 

What is love?

Love is something strong enough to stand the test of no contact, time, and evolution (change).

 

Your personal evolution could be the most liberating experience in your life.

 

If you want a great life, and real true love you have to be willing to take risks.»

But none of this matters to LifeGoesOnMan,

he has made up his mind.

Pass the popcorn...

[BC1980]

Did the meeting take place?

[TaraMaiden]

I'm sorry... you honestly care...?

[Mariposa10]

I'm sorry... you honestly care...?

 

You didn't ask me, but I do

[Blastoplast]

This thread is a textbook "how to not heal after a break-up" thread.

[TaraMaiden]

I see the OP hasn't been back.... I wonder what he's not telling us?

[ponchsox]

I believe in second chances too, with somebody else.

[McMike]

Wow. I love your optimism bro, but enough is enough! She played you like a fool, REPEATEDLY!!! Even if you guys get back together, which I highly doubt, it won't last long. She has lost all respect for you. Face the music and move on mate.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well...she wants to work things out, take things slow and eventually get back to what we had before...

 

 

*gulp*

 

 

(Sorry for the late response...been a hell of a week)

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Bzzzzt...

 

Post break up, you can't have the relationship you had before. Because the relationship you had before, is one that ultimately ended up broken.

 

You're such a puppet to her, I don't get it.

 

Sigh, I don't know why I bother to even post on this forum anymore.

[Blastoplast]

I think everybody wants the best for you, but you've literally only broken up less than a half year ago -- and it seems to me and most everybody here that this women has put you through an emotional meat grinder.

 

My only advice would be to take things very slow, date her like you're trying to win her over again -- like you've never known her before. Things need to change on both sides for it to work out, otherwise you'll be back to square one and even more devastated because you put more effort in.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well I think it's time for me to go now, we'll see what happens from here on in... One day & step at a time... And I hope to only come back here on good terms with good news in the future.

 

Thanks for all the advice, insight and for sharing your own personal experiences with me throughout these past few months. It really helped me get through the super dark times, so thank you.

 

Only advice I will give to all of you now is take everything you read here on loveshack.org with a grain of salt, do NOT listen 100% blindly to everyone's advice but try and apply it to your own personal situations & dilemmas to the best of your ability. only YOU know your situation best, just try and not look like a desperate needy sap (at least not in front of your ex or for her to know about...that's what loveshack is for! )

 

Love you all and hope you all find happiness, especially you pessimistic, bitter lovescorned f**kers <3

Edited November 8, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[strive]

I'm like everyone, I have serious doubts about this. But I truly hope you're successful this time. Come back in a few months and prove that we're wrong. Maybe a little hope isn't too bad.