I believe in second chances..

[golk]

If you want this to work in your favor and you decide you're going to meet with her (sounds like you already have your mind made up), then I stronglyyyyyyyy suggest going and JUST hearing her out. Let her talk, take it in, don't open up to her, act indifferent, don't tell her you miss her and you still care and all that. Basically play it cool while being polite and don't act like you're invested at all. Try not to rush things this time.. Best of luck!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I believe in second chances as well, but when the timing is right. I don't think the timing is right right now. She's been bouncing back and forth, how can anybody found that attractive?

 

Anyway, good luck. Keep us posted.

 

 

I feel ya, and I believe someone just needed to say something to her, because I don't believe she really had anyone to talk too this whole time to tell it to her like it is.

 

I think my sister woke up her up a little too, and I know she has been bouncing back and forth with being undecided about what she wants or how she feels, but I have a strong feeling she had too much pride/ego about admitting she was wrong and fxcked up.

 

besides its evened up now in regard to us seeing other people in between as well.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

If you want this to work in your favor and you decide you're going to meet with her (sounds like you already have your mind made up), then I stronglyyyyyyyy suggest going and JUST hearing her out. Let her talk, take it in, don't open up to her, act indifferent, don't tell her you miss her and you still care and all that. Basically play it cool while being polite and don't act like you're invested at all. Try not to rush things this time.. Best of luck!

 

 

this is exactly what I was going to do, because I have said all I have had to say over the past few months.

 

and its not like I'm going to just stop what I've been doing these past few weeks either OR just take her back at the drop of a hat.

 

she's got a lot of explaining to do.

[Mariposa10]

I feel ya, and I believe someone just needed to say something to her, because I don't believe she really had anyone to talk too this whole time to tell it to her like it is.

 

I think my sister woke up her up a little too, and I know she has been bouncing back and forth with being undecided about what she wants or how she feels, but I have a strong feeling she had too much pride/ego about admitting she was wrong and fxcked up.

 

besides its evened up now in regard to us seeing other people in between as well.

 

I don't believe in "someone just needed to say something to her." She has to be the one to realize it. If you were not able to wake her up, do you really believe your sister was?

 

I'm glad to hear you were able to date a little bit. But like I said, I just don't think the timing is right. Indecisive people should be left alone for months. I don't like it when people encourage this behavior...

 

Now, I'm curious, what are you gonna do with the other girl?

[Simon Phoenix]

im just gonna go and see what she says...she isn't with this guy exclusively, and im not with this new girl exclusively either. I have enjoyed this new girls company & all, but I cannot deny that I still have strong feelings for my ex and its not like im still pining over her or anything either.

 

I've come a long way believe it or not, compared to my pathetic wallowing self a few months ago, plus ive had two combined stints of almost 70 days of NC

 

im good with whatever she says tbh..

 

& like the name of this thread says, I still do believe in second chances.

 

Oh no. Not another leap down the rabbit hole. I mean, maybe if this conversation happened next summer it'd be better, but you are just going back into the same cycle. This, once again, will not end well, because it's a pattern. And you fall for it every time.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I don't believe in "someone just needed to say something to her." She has to be the one to realize it. If you were not able to wake her up, do you really believe your sister was?

 

I'm glad to hear you were able to date a little bit. But like I said, I just don't think the timing is right. Indecisive people should be left alone for months. I don't like it when people encourage this behavior...

 

Now, I'm curious, what are you gonna do with the other girl?

 

 

I don't believe my sister changed her mind at all, no, but I do believe someone other than me talking to her and trying to talk some sense into her gave her the courage to admit she was wrong and fxcked everything up (which she did, not to me yet,but my sis forwarded me the emails between them and I saw everything she wrote to my sister) and may have opened her eyes a little bit.

 

& yes I know, and like I said, I just want to hear her out and see what she says and where her head is at etc etc.

 

as far as the other girl goes, like I said, i do like her and all, but we aren't exclusive or anything, so its not like im doing anything wrong by going and talking to my ex.

 

who knows whats gonna happen

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Oh no. Not another leap down the rabbit hole. I mean, maybe if this conversation happened next summer it'd be better, but you are just going back into the same cycle. This, once again, will not end well, because it's a pattern. And you fall for it every time.

 

 

I know what your thinking, and I was thinking the same thing when I read the email she sent me, but this time I am not going to let my guard down and open up to her about anything, at least not just yet and im not going to beat myself up over anything I may not want to hear.

 

she wants to talk so im just gonna let her talk.

[Simon Phoenix]

I know what your thinking, and I was thinking the same thing when I read the email she sent me, but this time I am not going to let my guard down and open up to her about anything, at least not just yet and im not going to beat myself up over anything I may not want to hear.

 

she wants to talk so im just gonna let her talk.

 

This is pretty similar to what you said the last time.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

This is pretty similar to what you said the last time.

 

 

true, except this time things are a little more even. I've been with another girl too now and have some options compared to last time where it was all or nothing.

 

on top of this, I told her last time that I had no interest whatsoever in being "just her friend" and if I couldn't have all of her, I didn't want any of her and I again stopped talking to her for almost a month.

 

so what else would she want to talk about now?

[Simon Phoenix]

true, except this time things are a little more even. I've been with another girl too now and have some options compared to last time where it was all or nothing.

 

on top of this, I told her last time that I had no interest whatsoever in being "just her friend" and if I couldn't have all of her, I didn't want any of her and I again stopped talking to her for almost a month.

 

so what else would she want to talk about now?

 

About being your friend and keeping you "around" just in case. Just like the last time. I'm sorry dude, I really think this is a "wash, rinse, repeat" cycle.

[lil hoodlum]

Seriously, if what she has to say to you is of any importance, why would she want to wait until next Friday?

 

I agree with others, let her stew in her own troubles. She wanted all of this and you didn't. She is still the one who is in the pilots seat.

[BC1980]

Mariposa is right. Indecisive people should be left alone for a good, long while, and you move on in the meantime. If she actually does want you back, I would not advise taking her back at this time. She needs months more to figure out what she wants. If she still really wants you several months down the line, she might get a chance to earn your trust.

 

Her actions are all over the place. I would actually advise you to insist on NC for at least 3 or more months even if she begs you back at this meeting. Confused people are bad news. This is the type of person you would marry, and she would divorce you in a few years.

[Never Again]

Seriously, if what she has to say to you is of any importance, why would she want to wait until next Friday?

 

I agree with others, let her stew in her own troubles. She wanted all of this and you didn't. She is still the one who is in the pilots seat.

 

Playing devil's advocate for moment: the harder something is to say, the longer people wait to say it.

 

Please note, I am NOT saying she wants to get back together. But if she feels guilt, or just plain ****ty with her life choices, it makes sense that she would wait even she only wants to talk to make herself feel better.

 

I agree with some others, OP. Even if she does want you back, she needs to wait before you should even consider it. She needs to get her head on straight.

[golk]

I don't believe my sister changed her mind at all, no, but I do believe someone other than me talking to her and trying to talk some sense into her gave her the courage to admit she was wrong and fxcked everything up (which she did, not to me yet,but my sis forwarded me the emails between them and I saw everything she wrote to my sister) and may have opened her eyes a little bit.

 

& yes I know, and like I said, I just want to hear her out and see what she says and where her head is at etc etc.

n

 

Your sister may have stirred some guilt in her causing her to write to you but she did not in any way "talk sense into her". After talking with my mother my ex did the same thing and wrote me. If this girl is still confused, and you should be able to tell when you meet with her by her actions/things she says, then you really should leave her alone. That is the best thing you can do for a confused person and for yourself. Everyone here is most likely right as of now. She's probably just trying to see if your there still on the hook etc etc.

 

My ex (whom I am currently dating again) did the same exact thing. Came around a few months post BU and basically did everything your ex did. She told me she was confused and all that but I kept trying with her and that's where I messed up. If you give someone the opportunity to take advantage of you, they will. It's human nature.

 

The second time my ex tried coming back again I made it MUCH harder for her and made her work for it. I really put her through the wringer to make her prove she was serious. I can guarantee that if I confessed my feelings, told her how much I care, or told her I wanted to date her anytime during that time period where I was making her prove it to me then we would not be together today. So again if you decide to go through with this and meet with her, barely talk at all. Seem interesting but don't explain yourself or be too eager to give out information. Always be vague. If I were you I would probably cancel the meetup and say another time because you're busy. It would probably leave her thinking..

[BC1980]

Your sister may have stirred some guilt in her causing her to write to you but she did not in any way "talk sense into her". After talking with my mother my ex did the same thing and wrote me. If this girl is still confused, and you should be able to tell when you meet with her by her actions/things she says, then you really should leave her alone. That is the best thing you can do for a confused person and for yourself. Everyone here is most likely right as of now. She's probably just trying to see if your there still on the hook etc etc.

 

My ex (whom I am currently dating again) did the same exact thing. Came around a few months post BU and basically did everything your ex did. She told me she was confused and all that but I kept trying with her and that's where I messed up. If you give someone the opportunity to take advantage of you, they will. It's human nature.

 

The second time my ex tried coming back again I made it MUCH harder for her and made her work for it. I really put her through the wringer to make her prove she was serious. I can guarantee that if I confessed my feelings, told her how much I care, or told her I wanted to date her anytime during that time period where I was making her prove it to me then we would not be together today. So again if you decide to go through with this and meet with her, barely talk at all. Seem interesting but don't explain yourself or be too eager to give out information. Always be vague. If I were you I would probably cancel the meetup and say another time because you're busy. It would probably leave her thinking..

 

This is sound advice should you go through with the meeting.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm all for canceling the meeting. If you are truly wanting to see how interested she is, making yourself unavailable will do just that. You still hopped right into a meet up right away. I mean, if she wants to be part of your life, she should have to work for it. You let her come and go out of your life as she pleases. For all you've said you learned, the first moment she re-engaged you you jumped right back.

[BC1980]

I'm all for canceling the meeting. If you are truly wanting to see how interested she is, making yourself unavailable will do just that. You still hopped right into a meet up right away. I mean, if she wants to be part of your life, she should have to work for it. You let her come and go out of your life as she pleases. For all you've said you learned, the first moment she re-engaged you you jumped right back.

 

I agree. As much as I want things to work out for people, his ex has proved to be all over the place. It's really bad to engage with these people as I found out. You actually end up getting sick of them after awhile.

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree. As much as I want things to work out for people, his ex has proved to be all over the place. It's really bad to engage with these people as I found out. You actually end up getting sick of them after awhile.

 

Yep, push-pull. I actually did this to my high school girlfriend because I knew that whenever I wanted, she'd be there. I would take that back if I could because it's BS, but that's exactly what's happening to the OP.

[golk]

I'm all for canceling the meeting. If you are truly wanting to see how interested she is, making yourself unavailable will do just that. You still hopped right into a meet up right away. I mean, if she wants to be part of your life, she should have to work for it. You let her come and go out of your life as she pleases. For all you've said you learned, the first moment she re-engaged you you jumped right back.

 

Yes exactly. The OP jumping into agreeing to meet with her automatically sends her the wrong message. That if she calls, he comes without hesitation. That's not the kind of message she needs. She's already proven that she is playing games with him even if it is unintentionally. I cancelled and delayed meeting with my ex (girlfriend again) for three weeks before I actually went through with it and I completely ignored her first attempt. But she kept at it which showed me there was potential.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well I took some of your advice and just emailed her and told her straight up that I have no interest in being friends with her nor did I have anything else to say to her after we last spoke..that I was done playing games with her and needed to do what was best for me...

 

I do want to speak with her tho and told her that if talking to me is so important to her then I suggest she find time to do it as soon as possible. I also told her that I am in no way a backup plan or anything like that and if that's what she thinks than she is mistaken. Told her to give me a break and just be real with me or seriously don't talk to me again.

 

I understand what you guys are saying, that I shouldn't even talk to her or meet with her, but to be honest, I feel I need to hear whatever she is going to say.. If she even agrees to meet with me still, which may or may not be a good thing.

 

I wouldn't make any rash decisions anyways if she says she does want to work things out, and if she doesn't, like I said, I really have nothing else to say to her.

 

Believe it or not, I will be fine either way, I want to see what she says to this email first and then I will take it from there.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well I took some of your advice and just emailed her and told her straight up that I have no interest in being friends with her nor did I have anything else to say to her after we last spoke..that I was done playing games with her and needed to do what was best for me...

 

I do want to speak with her tho and told her that if talking to me is so important to her then I suggest she find time to do it as soon as possible. I also told her that I am in no way a backup plan or anything like that and if that's what she thinks than she is mistaken. Told her to give me a break and just be real with me or seriously don't talk to me again.

 

I understand what you guys are saying, that I shouldn't even talk to her or meet with her, but to be honest, I feel I need to hear whatever she is going to say.. If she even agrees to meet with me still, which may or may not be a good thing.

 

I wouldn't make any rash decisions anyways if she says she does want to work things out, and if she doesn't, like I said, I really have nothing else to say to her.

 

Believe it or not, I will be fine either way, I want to see what she says to this email first and then I will take it from there.

 

She'll convince you to meet with her again, which you will agree to, then she'll send you mixed signals, which you'll overanalyze, and you'll end up being in limbo until you decide to go NC again, which you'll keep for about a month until she contacts you again, which you'll respond to. Then this cycle will continue.

 

Sorry, I'm just skeptical because we've seen this movie before. If you had actually listened to us, you wouldn't have said a word until she came back at you, then you would have canceled the meeting. You basically just poured your heart on the table again.

[flight E]

Don't know y established member of L'S like simeon phoenix will continue posting for this OP who thinks we are all losers, his relationship is special and he does not listen to any advise but time and time over his strategy fails to achieve results. Worst of all he takes on our own beloved tara::mad.

 

Op there is truly nothing different about you relatnship. Go cold turkey on this girl if you wish 4 any hope of a chance. I noticed you keep analysing every incident logically. It's not a logical game. It's emotional and counter intuitive

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I don't believe you are all losers, and if you read through the past couple pages I apologized for what I said.

 

 

Will let you all know what happens from here.

[flight E]

Admitted, I didn't read the last pages. The thread is quite long but it doesn't make my advise less valid. Let her go at least 4 now until you get to a place where she can't yank your chains and you have to analyze everything. We have all been there and you will gain notin from keepin contact with her forr now. It makes you look weak and makes it easier 4 her to transit to somoneelse. Sory if am harsh

[LifeGoesOnMan]

no worries, guys I am in a such a better position in mind & state that this **** doesn't phase me like it did in the beginning or even a month ago..believe it or not.

 

& she replied 1st thing when she woke up, apologizing for making me wait, just said she had a lot of things going on and said as long as im free we can try for this Saturday if that's ok with me.

 

im not taking anymore ****, im gonna let her say what she wants to say and I will see what I want to do from there.