I believe in second chances..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Try to talk to him as little as possible. You had a good long talk with him yesterday. There's not much more you can add, or discuss.

Tell him, if he starts discussing it, "Really dude, I can't add much more to what I said yesterday. I just want to get this over, and go on with my life. She had 7 years of me. Let's just do this, and then maybe I can try to move on...."

Just load up his vehicle, thank him, and tell him, "ok. I'm done."

 

Yea exactly. Just for ****s and giggles , what do you think are the chances she snaps out of it today? Slim to none? Because this really is the end now and I don't think she realizes that by her reaction to me wanting all her **** out yesterday

[TaraMaiden]

worse than those.....

 

[LifeGoesOnMan]

worse than those.....

 

 

Lol sigh. Whatever then, so ready to move on at this point.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well her brother couldn't make it up to the house apparently, so I ended up bringing down almost all her **** to her house myself, she wasnt there, her brother and father where there and received her ****, no drama (I'm tight with her brother) and then I texted her to let her know all her stuff was there except a few things I will have to get to her later this week, went over some other details about what was still at the house and that was that...

 

Relieved and sad at the same time. This really is the end, but who knows what will happen in the future..

 

Im finding a new apartment with my best friend and two other roommates, looking into getting a nice new dodge charger, a new tattoo and I'm going to keep moving forward

 

I take comfort knowing she is the one going backwards, back to her dads house (@ 24 years old) back to uncertainty and I'm sure it's gonna be awkward at work for her , but I'm gonna keep smiling, not talk to her and just do me for awhile.

 

Here's to new beginnings! And I will keep this updated, thank you for all your support!

[TaraMaiden]

Good.

Another page turned.

The more pages you turn, the further on you go from the drama that was....

 

Pretty soon, I hope you'll be able to close this one for good.

 

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Good.

Another page turned.

The more pages you turn, the further on you go from the drama that was....

 

Pretty soon, I hope you'll be able to close this one for good.

 

 

Yes exactly, you've been great, not sure what I woulda done past few days without ya, thanks so much =]

[TaraMaiden]

My pleasure.

Sorry it's been a bit of a tough ride for you....

 

Hang in there.

Hopefully the worst is over.

If more crap happens - well, you know how to find me!

 

 

[LifeGoesOnMan]

My pleasure.

Sorry it's been a bit of a tough ride for you....

 

Hang in there.

Hopefully the worst is over.

If more crap happens - well, you know how to find me!

 

 

 

Yea not sure how much worst it can get, the last 7 years of my life is over lol but again...new beginning!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Today is the first day I will see her at work...first time I've seen her in 4 days..not gonna be easy, I won't talk to her but I'm sure as hell gonna smile!

[TaraMaiden]

Okay...

Bounce, but like a rubber ball on a wave, not like a superball thrown with force against a concrete floor.

 

Smile, like the Mona Lisa not like the Joker.

 

be cool, like George Clooney, not Robert Downey Jr.

 

'Like a Boss' but understated.

 

Got it?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

ok so this may be a total 180 of what i have been trying to tell myself but..

 

i love this girl, she was my best friend and partner for 7 years, i will be angry at myself for a long long time if i dont at least try to get her back...

 

so before you berate me with NC NC NC NC, which i have been doing my best to stick too, i need to know how long i should wait before i attempt anything and what would be the best way of going about it?

 

my heart has been ripped out of my chest, i cannot possibly be hurt anymore than i already have..

 

i work with her everyday, i see her everyday, i dont know how the fxck i will be able to ever get over her and i really do want to try to make it work someway somehow..i had big plans for us!

 

i believe in second chances, or atleast an attempt at it, so yea, what would you do if you where in my shoes?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

ok so here it is, i posted a thread about my 7 year relationship in limbo

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/399429-7-year-relationship-limbo

 

i have been trying to tell myself to just get over her, stick to NC and try and move on, problem is, we work together, I SEE HER EVERDAY AT WORK, she was my best friend, companion and lover for 7 years, i understand why everyone says NC is the way to go to heal, but everytime i see her, hear her, it rips me right open again, over and over..

 

i do not believe after 7 years, after all the things we have been through and all the GOOD times, that she can just simply walk away forever and have no feelings whatsoever, nor do i think that i can just NC the death out of it and move on..

 

i dont want to move on, i dont want another girl, i want this girl, i thought i was gonna marry her..maybe i still will (even her sister broke up with her current husband for months and they got back together and are now married and have a kid)

 

i just would like to know how much time i should wait before trying to atleast try to get her back, whether or not thats just asking her out to a simple no-pressure date, or whatever ..

 

just would like some opinions how you would go about this?

(please dont judge, love is a mother****er)

[Simon Phoenix]

ok so here it is, i posted a thread about my 7 year relationship in limbo

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/399429-7-year-relationship-limbo

 

i have been trying to tell myself to just get over her, stick to NC and try and move on, problem is, we work together, I SEE HER EVERDAY AT WORK, she was my best friend, companion and lover for 7 years, i understand why everyone says NC is the way to go to heal, but everytime i see her, hear her, it rips me right open again, over and over..

 

i do not believe after 7 years, after all the things we have been through and all the GOOD times, that she can just simply walk away forever and have no feelings whatsoever, nor do i think that i can just NC the death out of it and move on..

 

i dont want to move on, i dont want another girl, i want this girl, i thought i was gonna marry her..maybe i still will (even her sister broke up with her current husband for months and they got back together and are now married and have a kid)

 

i just would like to know how much time i should wait before trying to atleast try to get her back, whether or not thats just asking her out to a simple no-pressure date, or whatever ..

 

just would like some opinions how you would go about this?

(please dont judge, love is a mother****er)

 

It doesn't matter if you believe in second chances if she doesn't. That being said, the first thing you have to do is find a job where you don't see her every day. You will never get to the point where you are able to be level-headed enough to repursue her if you see her every day at work.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

It doesn't matter if you believe in second chances if she doesn't. That being said, the first thing you have to do is find a job where you don't see her every day. You will never get to the point where you are able to be level-headed enough to repursue her if you see her every day at work.

 

problem is, i cant just leave this job, its a good paying job and i have also been here 7 years, and i was stupidley in love with her so much that i got her a job here (5 years ago), i cant just pick up & leave, i live on my own and got bills to pay.

 

i also dont want to look like i copped out and go get a new job while she was strong enough to stay...when i was the one who got her a job here

[TaraMaiden]

You know, a successful relationship is a bit like a dollop of face cream.

 

Pour some into your hand.

Now squeeze it tight, to hold it as fast as you can...

 

What happens?

 

It squeezes out of every possible crack or gap in your hand, that it can... and when you open your hand to check it? It's all gone.

 

How to hold it for good?

 

Cradle it, gently. Just leave it be, without holding it restrictively.

 

So:

Be gentle with yourself.

let yourself heal.

But be dignified, and stay calm.

 

"It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most."

If you appear distant and unhurt, this will intrigue her more than anything you could actively do, any approaches or attempts you could make, to get closer to her.

 

But you need to make it real.

you need to grow, mature and heal.

 

The more distant, mature and dignified you are, the more she will be fascinated by your behaviour.

 

Breathe.

look after yourself.

genuinely strive to move on.

 

If anything is to come of this, it will.

But not if you force it, or try to manipulate it.

 

"If you love it, let it go," so they say.

 

There are many clichés.

But the thing about clichés is that they're clichés for a reason.

Because they're tried, tested and true.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

and although she was the one who wanted space or whatever, it seems to have affected her at work more than it has me, first week or so of this drama, her productivity and sales numbers are down, she was in the bathroom crying every hour, she told me her heart is breaking, and when no one is looking tears roll down her face, etc etc.

 

i know it affects her, im guessing because she still loves me (somewhat)..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You know, a successful relationship is a bit like a dollop of face cream.

 

Pour some into your hand.

Now squeeze it tight, to hold it as fast as you can...

 

What happens?

 

It squeezes out of every possible crack or gap in your hand, that it can... and when you open your hand to check it? It's all gone.

 

How to hold it for good?

 

Cradle it, gently. Just leave it be, without holding it restrictively.

 

So:

Be gentle with yourself.

let yourself heal.

But be dignified, and stay calm.

 

"It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most."

If you appear distant and unhurt, this will intrigue her more than anything you could actively do, any approaches or attempts you could make, to get closer to her.

 

But you need to make it real.

you need to grow, mature and heal.

 

The more distant, mature and dignified you are, the more she will be fascinated by your behaviour.

 

Breathe.

look after yourself.

genuinely strive to move on.

 

If anything is to come of this, it will.

But not if you force it, or try to manipulate it.

 

"If you love it, let it go," so they say.

 

There are many clichés.

But the thing about clichés is that they're clichés for a reason.

Because they're tried, tested and true.

 

tara, you are awesome, and i hope your right, so do i just wait it out for now? and how long should i wait before i just really give up hope?

[TaraMaiden]

Sadly - the approach isn't up to you, it's up to her.

 

What you have to learn to establish is how to distinguish between 'breadcrumbs' and a genuine approach.

 

But the further you relax into NC, and the more you focus on putting yourself first, the easier it will be for you to evaluate it.

 

The more relaxed and confident you become, the more you project, develop, cultivate and embody confidence and self-assurance, the more you will see things as they really are.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Sadly - the approach isn't up to you, it's up to her.

 

What you have to learn to establish is how to distinguish between 'breadcrumbs' and a genuine approach.

 

But the further you relax into NC, and the more you focus on putting yourself first, the easier it will be for you to evaluate it.

 

The more relaxed and confident you become, the more you project, develop, cultivate and embody confidence and self-assurance, the more you will see things as they really are.

 

 

yes i understand, my brain says do one thing, my heart says to do another, its just tearing me up inside, i lost not only my girlfriend , but my best friend & companion, we did anything and everything together, i dont understand how that just doesnt matter anymore.

 

i will just keep trying to play joe cool i guess.

[Simon Phoenix]

problem is, i cant just leave this job, its a good paying job and i have also been here 7 years, and i was stupidley in love with her so much that i got her a job here (5 years ago), i cant just pick up & leave, i live on my own and got bills to pay.

 

i also dont want to look like i copped out and go get a new job while she was strong enough to stay...when i was the one who got her a job here

 

I seriously doubt it's the only job in your field that will pay you good money. Obviously don't quit cold turkey, but look around to see what else is out there and jump if you can find something else.

 

And quite frankly, the second part of your post is foolish. Do you care more about saving face, or do you care more about moving forward, possibly with your ex?

[jukeboxromeo]

I read through this whole post, all 5 or so pages- and I gotta hand it to you, my friend - You are handling this break up pretty well. Good for you dude!

 

Life does truly go on, and you're brave as hell for facing it the way you did. Bravo.

 

And Tara - You give some pretty awesome advice as well, and I took a few notes on your comments for future reference. Just in case I should ever need them.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I read through this whole post, all 5 or so pages- and I gotta hand it to you, my friend - You are handling this break up pretty well. Good for you dude!

 

Life does truly go on, and you're brave as hell for facing it the way you did. Bravo.

 

And Tara - You give some pretty awesome advice as well, and I took a few notes on your comments for future reference. Just in case I should ever need them.

 

I appreciate this dude, I do, and im glad you read through the whole thing, it really has been comparable to a nightmare, but one of these days im gonna just wake up!

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I seriously doubt it's the only job in your field that will pay you good money. Obviously don't quit cold turkey, but look around to see what else is out there and jump if you can find something else.

 

And quite frankly, the second part of your post is foolish. Do you care more about saving face, or do you care more about moving forward, possibly with your ex?

 

sigh, I feel ya, but to make things more complicated, my mom & my sister also work there, makes it even more difficult to leave.

 

see how fxcked up this situation is? lol

 

we haven't talked at work last 2 days & we work in close proximity too each other, very close. Im trying to NC the best I can, and she also heard me talking about getting a nice new black 2010 dodge charger so she knows im trying to make changes for myself, I just wish I knew exactly how she was feeling...I cannot believe she just has no interest in me at all now after 7 years together (5 living together, 5 working together)

[Simon Phoenix]

sigh, I feel ya, but to make things more complicated, my mom & my sister also work there, makes it even more difficult to leave.

 

see how fxcked up this situation is? lol

 

we haven't talked at work last 2 days & we work in close proximity too each other, very close. Im trying to NC the best I can, and she also heard me talking about getting a nice new black 2010 dodge charger so she knows im trying to make changes for myself, I just wish I knew exactly how she was feeling...I cannot believe she just has no interest in me at all now after 7 years together (5 living together, 5 working together)

 

Dude, that's more reason to move to another job. I love my mom and my sister, but working with them would make me insane Mom, sister and ex sounds like a bad reality show.

 

As for wanting to know what she is feeling, you really don't. Odds are it would confuse or anger you, probably even both. Now is the time to concentrate on what you are feeling. But yeah, I'd go to job websites and see what else is out there, for your sanity if nothing else.

[jukeboxromeo]

It always gets easier with time. I've been through 2 year-long relationships - and although it's not the same length of time, one of those was a definite match for me - We even broke NC to hook up later on after we'd both absolutely moved on from the relationship and I knew even then that it was past me, that I wasn't going back down that road because I knew what happened before would come around again.

 

She'll always have a special place in my heart, but I know someone else, someday, will have a bigger one. One that I won't be able to let go of.

 

You're taking it very well, all things considered. I don't know if I could have handled it the way you did. Again, bravo sir. Bravo. /salute