I believe in second chances..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Dude, that's more reason to move to another job. I love my mom and my sister, but working with them would make me insane Mom, sister and ex sounds like a bad reality show.

 

As for wanting to know what she is feeling, you really don't. Odds are it would confuse or anger you, probably even both. Now is the time to concentrate on what you are feeling. But yeah, I'd go to job websites and see what else is out there, for your sanity if nothing else.

 

reality bites.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

thanks romeo, i do have faith that i can get her back tho, i have had a few weeks to think about things too and she is someone i really want in my life, we have been through too much and had too many good times to just walk away at this point..

 

& because i really have nothing to lose at this point and cant really be hurt any further, i am going to take a chance and email her saying " I really dont like how things went down the past few weeks, and you are truly someone i care about so i was wondering if you wanted to go out to a friendly dinner so we can leave things on good terms?"

 

if she declines, whatever, i already lost her, if she accepts, then i am going to see how things go, keep it light, and depending on how she is feeling and acting, i am going to keep a hand-made book she made me with pictures and poems and a bunch of things about "us" she gave me on our 6 year anniversary in my car, and im a going to try to gauge how the conversation and night goes, and if its good and she is giving me good signs, i am going to tell her I will be right back, and run out to the car and bring it in, and just tell her, i want us to both look through this and remember all the good times and the way we felt before this all happened, and whether or not we get back together, i want this to be what we remember..

 

then i will see how she reacts and feels about it, because if its one thing i know about her, she is a romantic, and if her feelings have changed i feel this would be the perfect way to try to rekindle those feelings...

 

if it doesnt lead to anything else, like i said, i have nothing to lose anyways, i am already crushed but atleast i will know i gave it one last shot and actually did "something" ..

 

but if it does lead to something, atleast another date, then i will feel i have a chance...

[TaraMaiden]

*head-desk*

 

Ooooooh....kay........

[LifeGoesOnMan]

*head-desk*

 

Ooooooh....kay........

 

i know...DAM YOU HEART. but maybe?.. just maybe?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

i do have faith that i can get her back tho, i have had a few weeks to think about things too and she is someone i really want in my life, we have been through too much and had too many good times to just walk away at this point..

 

& because i really have nothing to lose at this point and cant really be hurt any further, i am going to take a chance and email her saying " I really dont like how things went down the past few weeks, and you are truly someone i care about so i was wondering if you wanted to go out to a friendly dinner so we can leave things on good terms?"

 

if she declines, whatever, i already lost her, if she accepts, then i am going to see how things go, keep it light, and depending on how she is feeling and acting, i am going to keep a hand-made book she made me with pictures and poems and a bunch of things about "us" she gave me on our 6 year anniversary in my car, and im a going to try to gauge how the conversation and night goes, and if its good and she is giving me good signs, i am going to tell her I will be right back, and run out to the car and bring it in, and just tell her, i want us to both look through this and remember all the good times and the way we felt before this all happened, and whether or not we get back together, i want this to be what we remember..

 

then i will see how she reacts and feels about it, because if its one thing i know about her, she is a romantic, and if her feelings have changed i feel this would be the perfect way to try to rekindle those feelings...

 

if it doesnt lead to anything else, like i said, i have nothing to lose anyways, i am already crushed but atleast i will know i gave it one last shot and actually did "something" ..

 

but if it does lead to something, atleast another date, then i will feel i have a chance...

[BC1980]

If it has a chance for working out, it won't be right now. Too much has happened, and there are too many emotions. As hard as it is, you have to step back. I know the natural inclination is to hold on tighter, but it's really not going to work. You are dooming it if you try harder right now.

[TaraMaiden]

i know...DAM YOU HEART. but maybe?.. just maybe?

 

You know what?

Dafuq I care.

I spent time on here answering your questions, giving you - apparently - awesome advice, I've been great, what would you have done without me...

 

Blah blah blah.

very nice.

Most kind of you.

 

And then you play this schytt card on me.

 

What do you expect me to say?

 

Well, go for it.

Do what you want.

You'll probably feel a whole lot better.

 

 

 

To begin with.

[BC1980]

The reality is hitting him since he's seen her at work. Can you switch jobs? I'm serious. Don't contact her or ask her to dinner. I can guarantee that will end in disaster, and you will start from point A in dealing with your emotions.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You know what?

Dafuq I care.

I spent time on here answering your questions, giving you - apparently - awesome advice, I've been great, what would you have done without me...

 

Blah blah blah.

very nice.

Most kind of you.

 

And then you play this schytt card on me.

 

What do you expect me to say?

 

Well, go for it.

Do what you want.

You'll probably feel a whole lot better.

 

 

 

To begin with.

 

lol i know, the only thing is, i know her better than anyone, i know she still loves me, and i know the feelings are still there but buried down, i think she is confused & little hurt, & i feel like i should have tried to give her a little more time before i forced the end on her, i actually forced the end twice, & i believe she would have come around.

 

i do appreciate all your advice, i do, your awesome, and for some one who just wants to move on & heal, your 100% spot on, but i dont want too, i want to atleast try and i dont expect you to keep holding my hand through this, (i am a big boy afterall, just torn)

 

and its harder for me because i see her everday at work, if i didnt see her everyday at work it would be easier for me to try and let it go, but she is here, everday with me, so i feel like this has to work to some advantage, i am not gonna beg her to come back or anything, maybe it would be good if we dont live together for awhile, and im gonna try to steer this toward starting over from the beginning as if we where dating, she even suggested this before and i refused because i didnt want to go backwards at the time, now i would rather try that then just let her go completely, and if she doesnt want too, then she doesnt want too.

 

sorry my heart makes me an idiot.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

The reality is hitting him since he's seen her at work. Can you switch jobs? I'm serious. Don't contact her or ask her to dinner. I can guarantee that will end in disaster, and you will start from point A in dealing with your emotions.

 

im pretty much still at point A to be honest. I cant switch jobs at the moment, and to be honest, i was the one who got her a job here, my mom and my sister also work here, ive been here for 7 years as well, and its good pay, if anyone was to leave it should be her (out of respect)

 

but i dont want her to leave & i dont want to leave either.

 

I know this goes against everything everyone has said about NC and moving on, but i am gonna throw it out there and see what happens, i am not expecting her to come right back to me, move back in, etc, but i want to try before she is gone for good or with another guy.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

she said apologized for the way she acted the past week or so too, with the hurtful things she said to me , and she agreed to go out to a friendly dinner.

 

cha-ching!

 

so now what?

[TaraMaiden]

Don't ask me.

I'm good at amputating the rotten limb.

 

I'm not so good at resurrecting the dead.

 

Or something that should be allowed to just lie dormant for a while.....

 

A bit like forcing roses to flower in December.

 

Looks like a neat trick, but horticulturally speaking, just so wrong on so many levels.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

she said apologized for the way she acted the past week or so too, with the hurtful things she said to me , and she agreed to go out to a friendly dinner.

 

cha-ching!

 

so now what?

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Don't ask me.

I'm good at amputating the rotten limb.

 

I'm not so good at resurrecting the dead.

 

Or something that should be allowed to just lie dormant for a while.....

 

A bit like forcing roses to flower in December.

 

Looks like a neat trick, but horticulturally speaking, just so wrong on so many levels.

 

dam you tara, your like the grim reaper of break ups, although death is easier to accept because there is nothing you can do about it, relationships/break ups however are a different beast because of the eternal uncertainity.

 

i got nothing to lose, might as well try, she did say yes =]

[TaraMaiden]

'Yes' to dinner.

 

For goodness' sake, don't get your hopes up.

 

Play it cool.

She broke up with you for a reason, remember?

[all_cats_rgray]

I always like to ask.

 

HOW LONG SINCE Break UP?

 

I myself have come from a 7 year break up. And this is how my stages went.

 

1 Month; WHAT happen, I thought things where FINE. I HAD NO IDEA THINGS HE FELT LIKE THIS. OVER THE TOP EMOTIONS.

 

2: I wish he would just call so we could talk about it.

 

3: **** this, **** him, im going on a trip. ( He has a new gf)

 

4-6; He will be back, they always come back.

 

7-8: I can't believe this *******. (remember all the bad things) If he just gave us a shot, if he just tried.

 

9-10: Well why do I really want him. Its not like it will/was working.

 

11-12: I don't want the type of relationship I had. I don't want to be with him, He is not who I thought he was.

 

As you can see all the stages of grief.

 

It takes time for you to look at this objectively.

[totallylost5040]

Best advice.

 

Keep it friendly. Don't make her feel uncomfortable. Hopefully you have upgraded yourself. Be cool, confident, awesome, get some swag underneath your feet man. Your old relationship is dead, build a new one if you must... there must have been something wrong in a 7 year relationship, figure out what it was and STAY away from it. Don't bring up the old relationship at all. You want to put positive emotions in her head. Women are very emotional creatures and they feed off that stuff.

 

Keep her interested in conversation but always keep yourself a mystery, never give her all the information. Be nice but don't be TOO nice.

 

I wish I had this chance as well. Maybe after its done you can give some pointers.

 

Point being, dont be negative, or look for a pity party. What helps sometimes is if you meditate before you go. You know her well so develop a game plan of what you are going to do... the longer you talk, the longer you risk your emotions coming back....

 

In all. Be a man. Dont be a former shell of yourself, she'll see right through that.

 

Good luck homie.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

'Yes' to dinner.

 

For goodness' sake, don't get your hopes up.

 

Play it cool.

She broke up with you for a reason, remember?

 

well its a weird situation, because she never actually broke up with me, i was the one who broke up with her, because i couldnt deal with her needing space, and i kinda forced an end to it, which i sort of regret and sort of dont, because talking to her brother, he said she was thinking about coming back but didnt want to jump the gun, and then i snapped and packed up all her ****, but this could still be a good thing because this is a chance to start fresh in both aspects, maybe we get back together, but dont live together for awhile and try and start fresh, thats how i hope to see it..

Edited June 13, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

You had to break up with her. She wanted a relationship on her terms. You can't have such an unequal balance of power. She wanted you to stick around until her feelings became clear, which is unfair to ask of anyone. My situation almost directly mirrors yours, so I do understand it.

 

Sadly, people's feelings usually don't become clear. They usually just stay in limbo until someone breaks it off for good. The best shot you have of making this work is to back way off, don't mention the relationship. Let her see what it is like not to have the little things. Distance either makes you realize what you are missing, or it pulls you further apart. But you cannot force either to happen. It happens naturally. The harder you try to make it work, the more distant the person becomes. Let all this drama die down, and keep your distance for the time being if you want a fighting chance.

[TaraMaiden]

Yeah, as you can tell from the thread, I did try to persuade him to back off, but you know...

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I always like to ask.

 

HOW LONG SINCE Break UP?

 

I myself have come from a 7 year break up. And this is how my stages went.

 

1 Month; WHAT happen, I thought things where FINE. I HAD NO IDEA THINGS HE FELT LIKE THIS. OVER THE TOP EMOTIONS.

 

2: I wish he would just call so we could talk about it.

 

3: **** this, **** him, im going on a trip. ( He has a new gf)

 

4-6; He will be back, they always come back.

 

7-8: I can't believe this *******. (remember all the bad things) If he just gave us a shot, if he just tried.

 

9-10: Well why do I really want him. Its not like it will/was working.

 

11-12: I don't want the type of relationship I had. I don't want to be with him, He is not who I thought he was.

 

As you can see all the stages of grief.

 

It takes time for you to look at this objectively.

 

well its been about a month since she needed "space" , if you read the thread i linked in the first post youll get the whole story, but heres the run down:

 

its been about 3 weeks since we have seen each other outside of work

 

since then i had packed up all her stuff and brough it to her house (she wasnt there) that was about a week ago

 

we have had limited contact back and forth mainly informative taking care of loose ties

 

things got interesting at work on monday, with me trying to explain myself to her and her doing the same, and trying to get on good terms, however she saw an email from me to my sister calling her a "selfish bitch" so she didnt talk to me the next 2 days (lol big fail)

 

 

 

i emailed her this morning "Hey, just wanted to say good morning."

 

she emailed back "good morning :)"

 

we made small talk about some stuff that had been going on

 

then i got up enough nerve to say " I don’t like how things wentdown the past week between us, and I want you to know I truly care about youand want us to leave things on good terms, so I was wondering if you wanted togo out to a nice, friendly dinner so I can make up for the drama of the past weekor so? No pressure, but thought it may be nice.."

 

and she agreed, and now we are going to dinner next thursday after work..

 

so well see!

 

what do i got to lose? im already crushed anyways, this is better than doing nothing at all and waiting for another dude to scoop her up.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Best advice.

 

Keep it friendly. Don't make her feel uncomfortable. Hopefully you have upgraded yourself. Be cool, confident, awesome, get some swag underneath your feet man. Your old relationship is dead, build a new one if you must... there must have been something wrong in a 7 year relationship, figure out what it was and STAY away from it. Don't bring up the old relationship at all. You want to put positive emotions in her head. Women are very emotional creatures and they feed off that stuff.

 

Keep her interested in conversation but always keep yourself a mystery, never give her all the information. Be nice but don't be TOO nice.

 

I wish I had this chance as well. Maybe after its done you can give some pointers.

 

Point being, dont be negative, or look for a pity party. What helps sometimes is if you meditate before you go. You know her well so develop a game plan of what you are going to do... the longer you talk, the longer you risk your emotions coming back....

 

In all. Be a man. Dont be a former shell of yourself, she'll see right through that.

 

Good luck homie.

 

i appreciate this and yea im going to do my best to think of this as a potential 1st date...

 

will keep this updated

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You had to break up with her. She wanted a relationship on her terms. You can't have such an unequal balance of power. She wanted you to stick around until her feelings became clear, which is unfair to ask of anyone. My situation almost directly mirrors yours, so I do understand it.

 

Sadly, people's feelings usually don't become clear. They usually just stay in limbo until someone breaks it off for good. The best shot you have of making this work is to back way off, don't mention the relationship. Let her see what it is like not to have the little things. Distance either makes you realize what you are missing, or it pulls you further apart. But you cannot force either to happen. It happens naturally. The harder you try to make it work, the more distant the person becomes. Let all this drama die down, and keep your distance for the time being if you want a fighting chance.

 

thanks man, and i know, like i said, my head says do one thing, my heart says do another, i am going to go to dinner with her tho, next thursday, i know its not smart but i am gonna be cool and calm, act like its a 1st date almost, and see where it goes, it has been about 3 weeks since we saw each other outside of work, a month since it started, i feel like it gotta give a try... i love her man. (*crys*)

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Yeah, as you can tell from the thread, I did try to persuade him to back off, but you know...

 

 

i know..you warned me. but i also believe in the power of positive thinking, and that we make our own destiny. (corny i know, but thats how i feel)

 

again, you've been great, and i do appreciate your advice, im sorta thick-headed tho.

 

like you said, your an expert in amputating the rotten limb, i believe i just have a bad case of frostbite, but not gangrene.. yet!

Edited June 13, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

Okay, but don't bring up the relationship during the dinner. That would be the absolute best way to kill any chances of getting back together. But it's really hard not to bring up the relationship at only 3 weeks out, which is why you have to back off for awhile. It's really awkward because you don't know where to draw lines, and it's not happening organically. Be prepared.