I believe in second chances..

[TaraMaiden]

Well, you can't. But sadly, it seemed that we managed that better than you did....

Oh, my life....if only you'd listened, hun....

 

Then you wouldn't be looking at this prolonging of the agony....

[BC1980]

She is waffling. That is what is going on inside if her head right now. Do not go for a goodbye dinner. That would be really painful and no need to put yourself through that.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Well, you can't. But sadly, it seemed that we managed that better than you did....

Oh, my life....if only you'd listened, hun....

 

Then you wouldn't be looking at this prolonging of the agony....

 

I know, ive been dumbed down by my own false hopes, plus I'm impossibly stubborn to begin with.

 

my heart and my brain have been in an endless tug-o-war since the beginning of this.

 

its hurts because it seems to have been so easy for her to disconnect from me, after all these years, I just cannot grasp how she isn't even interested or seem to care what what I have been up too...

 

I use to be such a confident, no worry, charismatic guy, and then I got lost in this relationship, now I feel like I don't even know who I am or where to start..

[LifeGoesOnMan]

She is waffling. That is what is going on inside if her head right now. Do not go for a goodbye dinner. That would be really painful and no need to put yourself through that.

 

i know, half the day it eats me up wondering what she is thinking/feeling/doing without me, the other half of the day I hate her and remind myself of everything i don't like about her, then i get a wave of anxiety and i feel like i cant breathe, then i settle down again, ugh.

 

in your own opinion do you think she is having the same struggles? or is she just out having a good time with friends and not even thinking about me?

[BC1980]

She's probably having the same struggles, but it doesn't really change anything in the end. You still aren't together. Waffling doesn't equal wanting to be with you. Only time will tell that, but do you really want to be in the state until she decides. That's giving her all the power. No one is worth it in my opinion. To be mentally effed up all day. So not worth it.

 

You either cut it off, or sign up for this. I suggest cutting it off, at least for now.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

She's probably having the same struggles, but it doesn't really change anything in the end. You still aren't together. Waffling doesn't equal wanting to be with you. Only time will tell that, but do you really want to be in the state until she decides. That's giving her all the power. No one is worth it in my opinion. To be mentally effed up all day. So not worth it.

 

You either cut it off, or sign up for this. I suggest cutting it off, at least for now.

 

 

I guess ill see how dinner goes tomorrow, granted she doesn't blow me off or want to reschedule, should I email/text her asking "still down for dinner tomorrow?" to make sure?

 

and if it goes well, wondering how I should go about asking for a 2nd date, if at all?

 

and im curious to know why she doesn't want to talk to me at all outside of work really, is she just NC'ing me right back?

Edited June 19, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[BC1980]

Here's the thing. I don't know why she does what she does or what she thinks, and it's a waste and unfair for you to be constantly analyzing. It will drive you crazy, and you still won't know. So now in addition to not knowing, you are anxious and going crazy. See what I mean about it not being worth it? Concentrate on yourself.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Here's the thing. I don't know why she does what she does or what she thinks, and it's a waste and unfair for you to be constantly analyzing. It will drive you crazy, and you still won't know. So now in addition to not knowing, you are anxious and going crazy. See what I mean about it not being worth it? Concentrate on yourself.

 

dam you BC, GIVE ME ANSWERS lol but really I understand, and yes its killing me.. will just have to wait another day or so to see what happens.

 

on a positive note, I am getting a 2010 dodge charger in the next week or so to replace my 2005 ford explorer, and also getting a new tattoo, some things to look forward too =]

Edited June 19, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I just emailed her asking "still down for dinner tomorrow?"

 

will see what she says... gulp.

[Simon Phoenix]

I use to be such a confident, no worry, charismatic guy, and then I got lost in this relationship, now I feel like I don't even know who I am or where to start..

 

Honestly, you need to figure this out before doing this ex thing. You are doing this ass-backwards and I really don't see a good solution. Work on you first, then work with her if you choose after that.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Honestly, you need to figure this out before doing this ex thing. You are doing this ass-backwards and I really don't see a good solution. Work on you first, then work with her if you choose after that.

 

**** man, and its been 1/2 hour since I emailed asking her and no reply..

 

why.

[veggies]

I just read the whole thread... and wow, I am so sorry you're going through this. I know the pain is absolute, unmitigated agony.

 

A lot of people have told you to go NC, which isn't totally possible for you because of the work thing. I personally don't know if NC is right for every single situation, as everyone is different and every relationship is different. But for you I honestly think NC would be your best shot. Yes, fighting for the relationship is all well and good in cases such as neglect or even cheating... but it seems like you've already fought really, really hard and you're only hurting worse.

 

I know the feeling of "I need them back right now, I KNOW I can fix this if I just talked to them, etc." because I'm going through the same thing. You've already tried so hard and not a whole lot has come of it. Could you possibly try NC for maybe like 30 days and see how you feel then? I feel like both of you are SO emotionally charged. You don't have to be a a jerk to her, if she asks, just say you're taking a little bit of time for yourself but you'd like to talk again when you're ready. Be friendly, but don't be her friend.

 

I know it goes against every instinct you're feeling right now. But the only way she is REALLY going to want you back is if she feels that void. And it's possible that she may never feel that void... unfortunately not all of us are going to get our second chances. Sometimes life gives you one shot. But something you have going for you is that you guys have 7 years of history... that's a long time. She's not going to forget you in a month.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I just read the whole thread... and wow, I am so sorry you're going through this. I know the pain is absolute, unmitigated agony.

 

A lot of people have told you to go NC, which isn't totally possible for you because of the work thing. I personally don't know if NC is right for every single situation, as everyone is different and every relationship is different. But for you I honestly think NC would be your best shot. Yes, fighting for the relationship is all well and good in cases such as neglect or even cheating... but it seems like you've already fought really, really hard and you're only hurting worse.

 

I know the feeling of "I need them back right now, I KNOW I can fix this if I just talked to them, etc." because I'm going through the same thing. You've already tried so hard and not a whole lot has come of it. Could you possibly try NC for maybe like 30 days and see how you feel then? I feel like both of you are SO emotionally charged. You don't have to be a a jerk to her, if she asks, just say you're taking a little bit of time for yourself but you'd like to talk again when you're ready. Be friendly, but don't be her friend.

 

I know it goes against every instinct you're feeling right now. But the only way she is REALLY going to want you back is if she feels that void. And it's possible that she may never feel that void... unfortunately not all of us are going to get our second chances. Sometimes life gives you one shot. But something you have going for you is that you guys have 7 years of history... that's a long time. She's not going to forget you in a month.

 

thanks for reading man, the current story of my life lol the thing is, when I try not to talk to her at all, she contacts me, and to be honest, the main reason we are where we are now is because of a lack of affection/attention/interest, and I feel in this situation, NC is just going to enforce what she already feels and what made her leave in the 1st place... so im sorta going LC but it has been oh-so painful.

 

and she replied back, said she didn't see the email, had a ton of them, and said yes we can still do dinner tomorrow, so that's a good thing lol

 

im such a spazz sometimes.

[Simon Phoenix]

**** man, and its been 1/2 hour since I emailed asking her and no reply..

 

why.

 

Meh, you can't control her. Maybe she's busy. But yeah, if you are hitting refresh on your email, you aren't ready for this. You need to step way the hell back.

[veggies]

thanks for reading man, the current story of my life lol the thing is, when I try not to talk to her at all, she contacts me, and to be honest, the main reason we are where we are now is because of a lack of affection/attention/interest, and I feel in this situation, NC is just going to enforce what she already feels and what made her leave in the 1st place... so im sorta going LC but it has been oh-so painful.

 

and she replied back, said she didn't see the email, had a ton of them, and said yes we can still do dinner tomorrow, so that's a good thing lol

 

im such a spazz sometimes.

 

Okay... yeah like I said everyone's situation is different. Also, I'm a girl and I've been in the same position as your ex, but I was the dumper because my exes were abusive and just terrible guys.

 

Anyway, good luck on your dinner. Don't push too hard and have fun. It's all about building attraction.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Okay... yeah like I said everyone's situation is different. Also, I'm a girl and I've been in the same position as your ex, but I was the dumper because my exes were abusive and just terrible guys.

 

Anyway, good luck on your dinner. Don't push too hard and have fun. It's all about building attraction.

 

thanks for your input, will hope for the best...

 

almost lost it today, listening to her flirty chit chat with one of our co-workers, seriously had to get up and walk away, thought I was gonna pop him in the head, fat ****ing 30 yr old who lives with his mom trying to be a funny guy making her laugh, wanna ****ing strangle him now. and everyone knows of our relationship, have some respect.

Edited June 19, 2013 by LifeGoesOnMan

[TaraMaiden]

thanks for your input, will hope for the best...

 

almost lost it today, listening to her flirty chit chat with one of our co-workers, seriously had to get up and walk away, thought I was gonna pop him in the head, fat ****ing 30 yr old who lives with his mom trying to be a funny guy making her laugh, wanna ****ing strangle him now. and everyone knows of our relationship, have some respect.

This isn't his fault. And frankly,it's not hers either.

Your jealousy is misplaced, and to be honest, you don't have any rights to it, because YOU'RE BROKEN UP!!

 

She's a free agent - as are you.

If your relationship is over, there's no reason at all why other people should "respect" that. if anyone should, she should - but she clearly doesn't.

 

That's another clear signal, isn't it? Don't you think?

[Simon Phoenix]

thanks for your input, will hope for the best...

 

almost lost it today, listening to her flirty chit chat with one of our co-workers, seriously had to get up and walk away, thought I was gonna pop him in the head, fat ****ing 30 yr old who lives with his mom trying to be a funny guy making her laugh, wanna ****ing strangle him now. and everyone knows of our relationship, have some respect.

 

Dude, this needs to stop. There is no way you are going to be successful if this stuff bothers you like this. Your woman is single, she can flirt and be flirted with. But yeah, you need to go NC, you need to find a different job, you need to do a lot of stuff before you are anywhere near where you need to be. This just seems like disaster right now.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I just needed to vent, I'm cool, I'm cool (not really but whatever) I didn't let it show,I just got up and went down stairs for a couple min and came back.

 

I just feel like everyone knows we broke up, I'm friends with the guy, and they gotta be loud and flirty and ****, it makes me mad. Sorry, it will probably make me mad forever..and I will start to look for a new job, I just fear she will be out of my life forever if either of us goes =[ I know, something I may have to accept but scary and painful.

 

God grant me the serenity...

 

However, I bought a nice new shirt for dinner lol

 

Shoot me now.

[Simon Phoenix]

I just needed to vent, I'm cool, I'm cool (not really but whatever) I didn't let it show,I just got up and went down stairs for a couple min and came back.

 

I just feel like everyone knows we broke up, I'm friends with the guy, and they gotta be loud and flirty and ****, it makes me mad. Sorry, it will probably make me mad forever..and I will start to look for a new job, I just fear she will be out of my life forever if either of us goes =[ I know, something I may have to accept but scary and painful.

 

God grant me the serenity...

 

However, I bought a nice new shirt for dinner lol

 

Shoot me now.

 

You are operating 100 percent out of fear when it comes to her. Do you really think you are going to reattract her this way?

[BC1980]

I feel so badly for you because I have been in this same situation with my ex boyfriend. It's daily torture. I ended up realizing that no one was worth making me feel like an emotional wreck most days. I didn't need to be in a situation where I was constantly analyzing or deciding when to contact him or when to leave him alone. It's emotionally draining, and it shouldn't be like that.

 

Relationships should happen organically, and the problem here (and with my past situation) is that you are regressing in a sense. You are also unable to figure out where you should draw the line at times. It's not natural anymore, so it ends up being a total mind f*ckkk. It's too much work, and, frankly, it's not worth it. In the end, I looked up one day and thought, how did I allow someone to make me so weak? How did I allow someone to control my life? The kicker is that it was my fault.

 

I'm not saying that you should never try to rekindle this relationship because I do believe second chances can happen. But you need to focus on yourself. You can't sit around wondering why someone waited an entire half hour to email you back (note sarcasm there). Find a new hobby, go to the gym. The more she sees you as an independent and happy person, the more attractive you become.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

You are operating 100 percent out of fear when it comes to her. Do you really think you are going to reattract her this way?

 

I don't know what Im doing anymore =[

[LifeGoesOnMan]

I feel so badly for you because I have been in this same situation with my ex boyfriend. It's daily torture. I ended up realizing that no one was worth making me feel like an emotional wreck most days. I didn't need to be in a situation where I was constantly analyzing or deciding when to contact him or when to leave him alone. It's emotionally draining, and it shouldn't be like that.

 

Relationships should happen organically, and the problem here (and with my past situation) is that you are regressing in a sense. You are also unable to figure out where you should draw the line at times. It's not natural anymore, so it ends up being a total mind f*ckkk. It's too much work, and, frankly, it's not worth it. In the end, I looked up one day and thought, how did I allow someone to make me so weak? How did I allow someone to control my life? The kicker is that it was my fault.

 

I'm not saying that you should never try to rekindle this relationship because I do believe second chances can happen. But you need to focus on yourself. You can't sit around wondering why someone waited an entire half hour to email you back (note sarcasm there). Find a new hobby, go to the gym. The more she sees you as an independent and happy person, the more attractive you become.

 

I know, I really do gotta let this go for now

 

After dinner I am just gonna go NC and accept this as the end for now

 

It's too much.

 

(Unless some miracle occurs )

[BC1980]

It's so hard, but look at the alternative. I wasted months trying to get the clown of an ex boyfriend I had back. I feel so foolish now because he was so not worth it with the things he did. The best I ever felt was when I ignored him. Then, I would get weak and see him again. I would be on a temporary high and then be depressed for the next few days. Who wants to live like that? Live and learn, but I guarantee you I won't do that again.

 

I'll be d*amned if I am going to ever let another person make me that miserable again. The thing is that they can't do it without your consent, so, in the end, you can't even be angry with them. I feel your pain, and I am truly sorry. There's no easy fix unfortunately. There's no "meant to be" in it. You can make it having meaning, and there is a certain freedom in that.

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't know what Im doing anymore =[

 

That's why NC is a good thing. It's not to make your ex miss you (though it can do that) and while it's primarily for moving on, it can also prevent you from going into a tank battle with a butter knife. It allows you to reset your emotions and have a chance to really put your best foot forward.

 

If I were you I'd punt this dinner. Just say something came up and apologize. I just don't see this going in your favor. Emotions are just way too raw and I'm afraid you are either going to smother her with them or you are going to get angry and not be able to express yourself the way you want to.

 

I'm not trying to be a negative Nancy. I just don't think now is the time. I mean, if it's worth being with her and staying with her, then why the rush? It's not checkers, it's chess.