Jasmine Anjum Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 (edited) Hi . My name is J , actually its Y. I was born and bred in England . My parents are Pakistan origin . and very conservative. I live now in the Middle east now, as my father works here. I have 3 older brothers, one of them who lives in the same country as we do my eldest brother. I am mute by birth. A defect which happened during the time my mother was pregnant with me. Just to tell u about myself before i start telling u my love story. My parents do not allow me to have a video camera and im restricted in many things.. which made me an indoor girl who did not have many friends and i started playing online games.. that is where i met I the love of my life. when i met him , he was polite nice and caring not like other guys u meet online who are perverts and only want u know what.. i was an attention seeker girl before i fell in love with Ivan. I was not allowed to have my picture online or posted for that matter. so when he asked for my facebook i gave it to him but it did not have my real picture as i was afraid of my parents and what they would do to me as i have an abusive father, who never wanted a daughter who always wanted sons and nothing more he also tried to have me aborted when my mother was pregnant. and also when i was born tried to give me up for adoption but if it werent for my brothers i wudve been. after some days of talking to him flirting with him getting to be more than friends, one day he found out those were not my pictures. and he got upset and said he was going to leave me. i then showed him my actual picture.. and next day we were k again.I had told him that i still live in london and that im normal and my father is a conservative christian , and i told him im not allowed to have a video cam which was true. the reason i lied to him was because i was afraid he wud leave me knowing that i was middle eastern origin and was mute ... days passed weeks . then spoke the a truth to him, first truth to him .. I was raped when i was 13. and for the first time someone stayed and cared for me. he didnt leave me thinking i was disgusting or revolting as i was used.. days passed , weeks. then he asked me for a webcam i said i cudnt. and he said ok. but then a week passed and he got frustrated which i dont blame him. and i then lied again saying that i will let him see me cause i needed him in life . I fell in love with him. it was the month of july when we met for the first time , then came november , during those months we fought argued loved and were going to break up twice due one for the webcam thingy and second due to the fact i lied to him that i was healthy. December came and i still hadnt told him the truth about me. he still thought i was living in london and that my dad was christian.but as we were getting anxious to meet each other i took a decision on the 25th of december to run away and go to him . (he lives in america) which i actually did. i ran away from home . to be with him and he thought i was running away from England. but i got caught cause women in the middle east are not allowed to leave alone anywhere especially to the airport. when i came home i was beaten by my father for running away from home. i didnt tell I about the beating but i told him i was slapped. i was grounded for 4 days including new years eve. they took away the plug of my computer but i had an extra one so we still talked.. i thought he wud stay with me at home so i wud not feel alone while i was grounded. but he went out to party on new years eve.. which broke my heart. while i was grounded due to runnung away from home for to be with him he had gone out to party. i felt hurt so i told him when he came back that i was grounded for a month cause i didnt want to talk to him i was hurt .. how cud he go out to party when he knew i was grounded for running away to him. and when he came back he told me he met a girl who wanted to take her back to a place and have a night one stand she didnt say it but her way of saying it was the same , this is what he told me. i was taken aback... i was here hurting that was grounded and ''slapped '' for running away and he was telling me about another girl. so i told him i was grounded for a month. and in that month of january we talked less and less and i had started playing another online game which he didnt know about . we started growing cold to each other .. parting.. then one day he told me about a night he was coming back with his friend in a bus and there were girls in that bus who started flirting with him and telling how handsome he was . he told me that moment he wished he wasnt in a relationship and wished he was single. that broke my heart. i felt hurt and angry. i didnt say anything to him. then he asked me if a girl cud stay with him at his home in his room , an exchange student from another country. uff i didnt know what to say not to seem narrow minded and start an arguement i said yes its ok.. then i felt hurt and betrayed. in the online game i met a guy J from chicago. he started flirting with me giving me attention and making me feel good about myself, i was broken and hurt i didnt stop his advances and then 3 days later i started flirting back with him. i thought I did not love me anymore . i didnt tell J about I. and i didnt tell I about J i was going to break up with I cause he was being too cold with me and i thought he stopped loving me and i thought it was best to break up.. then the mess started ... I found out about J. i saw the wrong i did. trying to be nice to both not to hurt the other i lied to both telling them something opposite of what i was telling the other. i hurt myself and them both in the process... i felt bad at what i did so i cut off from I and J from facebook I and J talked to eachother and found out the truth that i was still in a relationship with I.. :/ i didnt meant to hurt anyone . it was the biggest mistake of my life. I broke up with me and J didnt want anything to do with me. the next day J asked to be with me again... i said no due to the reason i knew i cudnt live without I and i loved him so much but i hurt him. I had also found out about my gaming when he thought i was grounded. then i got a message from him on my msn asking for the truth of who i really was and if i was using him as a toy .that is when i told him the real truth about me my muteness my parents where i live my real name. he asked me all of our past times when i lied and stuff.. this went on for 2-3 days when he told me again that he loved me and he didnt want to let go of me. i was the happiest girl on this planet. I promised him i would never hurt him again and lie to him . and we have been happy but sometimes we have our days and weeks were we argue and days where he gets frustrated by lack of pictures and video cam. on the month of may last year he said that he wud leave me due to the fact that he cudnt just love words and a pic he needed more. and then i tried all i cud and did all to get him latest pictures and old.. and i did during this time my eldest brother had came into the picture and started conversing with I and then one day my brother had found about my cheating on I. and he didnt take it well . and was angry and mad at me and called me a slut... to make things better btw me and my brother , I took all the blame dont know how but he did. My brother was also going to help us in having a video call but now he wont.and he is blaming I for everything... I is worried about our problems and when they will end. Im worried of losing him. and he thinks of leaving me due to the problems were having. and i dont want to lose him What do you guys think ? Any advice ? Edited June 12, 2013 by Jasmine Anjum did not want my name in it Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 How old are all of you? Best, TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Too much to read. Too many extraneous details. Please summarize, be concise, put in outline form or use bullet points. Then you might get more responses. We have short attention spans here! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasmine Anjum Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 How old are all of you? Best, TMichaels Im 18 , I is 19 and J is 24 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasmine Anjum Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 (edited) HI . Every little detail i wrote is important due to the fact that without that detail no one one would understand why and how it happened. so I would appreciate it and much obliged if u could advise me on what i wrote about all. Thank you Edited June 13, 2013 by Jasmine Anjum Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasmine Anjum Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 actually that was last year. Now im about to be 19 in a month or so and I will be 20 . I dont know if J's birthday came and went but last year he was 24. Link to post Share on other sites
Demosa Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Oh boy.... What a mess... First of all i'm sorry about your family situation. No child should grow up with an abusive parent. It is quite clear that you crave for attention. I have actually done many of the same things as you, for similar reasons. I was also looking for attention from guys online. So I understand where you are coming from. It however doesn't make it right, many of the things you have done. But you probably already know that. No matter how good they make your feel - then I would stop talking to both of these guys. As i see it, they are not really the issue. Ivan just make you feel good, because he is giving you attention. I don't think that would qualify as a healthy relationship. It also sounds like you would have trouble making it work in the long run. He has already said he wanted to cheat on you. No, i'd stop talking to him. That being said, I understand that you probably wont be able to do that. I just don't think the attention you will get from him, will make up for the inevitable heartache - and problems - you will get from being in this relationship. Normally I would advice a person in your situation to seek out help. I mean finding someone who can help you with the issues you have in your real life. If you are in school, then talking to a counselor. You acting like this on the internet is because of issues elsewhere. As I said it's pretty clear you are in dire need of attention - and probably some help. I just have a hard time figuring out how much your background complicates the matter. I know there is some cultural differences, especially since now you are actually living in Pakistan (yes?). So I don't know how difficult it would be to ask for help, without potentially being in trouble with your parents... Also, remember real life is, no matter what, always more important. It can not be used as a substitute. Try not to be too sucked up in your games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasmine Anjum Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Oh boy.... What a mess... First of all i'm sorry about your family situation. No child should grow up with an abusive parent. It is quite clear that you crave for attention. I have actually done many of the same things as you, for similar reasons. I was also looking for attention from guys online. So I understand where you are coming from. It however doesn't make it right, many of the things you have done. But you probably already know that. No matter how good they make your feel - then I would stop talking to both of these guys. As i see it, they are not really the issue. Ivan just make you feel good, because he is giving you attention. I don't think that would qualify as a healthy relationship. It also sounds like you would have trouble making it work in the long run. He has already said he wanted to cheat on you. No, i'd stop talking to him. That being said, I understand that you probably wont be able to do that. I just don't think the attention you will get from him, will make up for the inevitable heartache - and problems - you will get from being in this relationship. Normally I would advice a person in your situation to seek out help. I mean finding someone who can help you with the issues you have in your real life. If you are in school, then talking to a counselor. You acting like this on the internet is because of issues elsewhere. As I said it's pretty clear you are in dire need of attention - and probably some help. I just have a hard time figuring out how much your background complicates the matter. I know there is some cultural differences, especially since now you are actually living in Pakistan (yes?). So I don't know how difficult it would be to ask for help, without potentially being in trouble with your parents... Also, remember real life is, no matter what, always more important. It can not be used as a substitute. Try not to be too sucked up in your games. he never said he would cheat on me , he was just frustrated on not being with me and felt alone. he just said that he wished he was single. not cheating or anything. and i cant live without him its not that he gives me attention its that hes the only one who cares what i think and what i want than anyone even my family. Im just torn between being selfish and not letting him go or letting him go cause his love and interest for me is dying cause of all our problems we are having.. Link to post Share on other sites
Demosa Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 Ah, i misunderstood about the other girl. I understand why it is hard, but if he is loosing interest in the relationship, then there is not much you can do, sadly... He has to make that decision by himself. I'm sure you wouldn't want to be with someone who is not really interested in it. Being in a long distance relationship is hard, and not for everyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasmine Anjum Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 Yes ure right... but what about our problems ? My brother the way hes treating him.. My brother is the only one in my family who is willing to help. but at what cost ? blaming and raging out on my bf. that isnt fair..... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 What I'd like to know is how you speak to the guys if you are MUTE? Link to post Share on other sites
Mute Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 by chat of course... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jasmine Anjum Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 yes i communicated with them by chat. Link to post Share on other sites
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