Issues with my Friend and my Lover...

[aanderson088]

I wasn't sure which category to put this in so I thought I would try this forum.

 

I'm gonna list the facts then talk about the issues...

 

-I have a girlfriend who is best friends with my roommate.

-They have known each other for as long as I've known my girlfriend (my roommate met her the same night that I did).

-We (gf and me) were on and off for about 2 years and we have been really good for almost a year solid, now.

-During a break-up, about a year-and-a-half ago, my roommate and girlfriend hooked up to an extent that I am not aware of, nor do I want to be.

-I forgave them both because I had my fair share of hook-ups during the breaks.

-There haven't been any issues for 2 months, since my roommate moved into my house (I don't own it, but I invited him to live there and share the rent).

 

Now for the issues:

 

My girlfriend is over at my house A LOT. We have a rabbit together, and we hang out at my house most of the time that we are together. We had a pretty rocky relationship and for certain reasons (mostly stupid) we were broken up a little over two months ago. We got back together and I had her promise that we would have boundaries. She had gone to my house while I wasn't home (my old roommates were) without my permission, a few times. She has done the same recently, while I am not home, but she is invited by my roommate. So when I come home from work she is there and pretty much is on me, immediately. I can't walk to the bathroom alone, I can't take a shower alone, I can't change alone. I'm shadowed. Not all the time, but some of the time.

 

Once or twice she has done that same bit while I am home. Roommate invites her, she comes over and doesn't ask me or tell me, she just comes.

So I address it to her. I mentioned that I feel like the boundaries we set are being disrespected and it is making me frustrated and I feel choked. I enjoy my alone time and I believe that time apart is healthy. It isn't for sadistic or insidious reasons that I want to be alone, I just enjoy the ability to get out of boyfriend-mode sometimes and have a night to myself and some friends, mabye.

 

A few weeks have gone by and she now asks (or tells me that she's going over) and it's fine. We have spent the last... I think... two weeks together, every day, straight. Now I need a break. So I plan on having a night to myself and my gf texts me to tell me that she is going over to my house with a girl friend of her's. I didn't know how to deal with the situation, because she was already on her way and I didn't want to get in a fight or have her be mad at me.

 

So I talked to my roommate. I told him what was going on and I asked if he could just run it by me, before he invites my gf over. He wasn't inclined to do so and said that he'll "hang out with my(his) friend when he wants to". I told him I didn't care if they went somewhere else, but just a little consideration for the boyfriend of the girl he is inviting over. Now, my roommate has several other problems with me: I used too much paper towels, I make the fridge too cold, I open the blinds when he's watching TV - you know, roommate stuff, so he is already pretty disrespectful toward me in general. An issue I hadn't had time to work on yet.

 

I'm feeling trapped. I feel like I can't have any time to myself unless I leave the house (which I did the night the happened) and I don't think that's right. My gf was breaking the rules again and I was going to bring it to her, but I also wanted to make things easier on myself, so I approached my roommate about it.

 

Am I wrong for feeling wronged, here? Should I just put up with this? Is it too much to ask of a friend to just ask first before inviting my girlfriend over? It isn't in an attempt to control or anything, but it is my house and what if I'm not in the mood for her to be over? I just don't know what I should do. I plan on speaking to my roommate about this tonight, but I can hopefully get one or two different opinions.

 

Thanks.