iouaname Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 this is not an "I'm going to kill myself" sort of thread, but I felt like I could use an outlet to talk about this. Over the past few months, I have begun to think more and more about suicide. At first, I thought the feelings were normal and would pass with time. Instead, they have only increased. It has gotten to the point where I get through days simply by telling myself that eventually I will be dead and none of this will matter. I have not come up with a plan to commit suicide and I don't, in my heart, believe that I could ever go through with it. My concern, however, is the people around me. It is something that I find hard to talk about. I feel that if someone knows I am suicidal, they feel a personal emotional burden. I don't want to worry or stress anyone. This has led to a lot of feelings of isolation. Has anyone else experienced coping with being suicidal or having suicidal thoughts and still attempting to go about a normal life? (I am in therapy and on medication.) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 Yes........and telling people about it when i am ...is not something i do.....ill work through it .......by myself........it is a burden on those who love you....if it gets bad enough that i have set a time and place and i am sane....ill simply say ...i have to go to hospital......when i am suicidal it is pretty noticeable by those who love me....i get a bit erratic....and I shut off...then they know......ill isolate myself...I wont do the things i love.........ill internalize all my thoughts and wotn open up.....in saying that.......the way i go on and i have attempted suicide si to realize if i were to go.....a lot of lives will be affected...thos ewho love me, and those lives i havent got to touch yet........i am a ripple......and i need to be here.....we all do.....we all are ripples and if one ripple isnt there ....the ripple behind that ripple loses direction....so mediatation when i feel suicidal helps.....i love the ocean and water....so ripples are what works for me....that and faith god put the deb ripple here on earth for a reason......hugs.............deb Link to post Share on other sites
dtj567 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I have the same problem. You have to find something to help you relax. I like to be alone and listen music, and watch movies/tv. I really hard because a lot don't know what it is like. Although you may be surprised how many do have suicidal thoughts. It may help to find someone you can talk to. But either way find that thing to relax. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I have the same problem. You have to find something to help you relax. I like to be alone and listen music, and watch movies/tv. I really hard because a lot don't know what it is like. Although you may be surprised how many do have suicidal thoughts. It may help to find someone you can talk to. But either way find that thing to relax. i agree, ill spend time watching old movies, music,and this is a bti embarrassing but ill read childrens stories.......old fairy tales.....the brothers grimm.....ill write peotry that is pretty dark but it needs to be out of my head.......when i know its time for me to seek outside help is when i stare at the ceiling unable to do any thing or find pleasure in the simple things i love.......i try to take it back to basics.......and if i cant....thats not good...if i stop praying and seeing the beauty around me....i know i need help..my family are not the right ones to give me the help i need, they are too invested on me living they are actually dependent.....it needs to be an outsider who wont be hurt by what i say or disclose... ..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Giraffe1 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I can relate. I've had a rough couple months and I feel as though nothing will improve. I don't want to be a burden on anyone or make my friends/family worry. I do think about suicide but I know deep down I will never actually do it. It is a difficult place to be in, I wish I could give you advice... But I need some myself. Link to post Share on other sites
dtj567 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I would also add that of you are religious that can help. But if you aren't, meditation is still available and is scientifcally proven to help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cosmic Ray Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 this is not an "I'm going to kill myself" sort of thread, but I felt like I could use an outlet to talk about this. Over the past few months, I have begun to think more and more about suicide. At first, I thought the feelings were normal and would pass with time. Instead, they have only increased. It has gotten to the point where I get through days simply by telling myself that eventually I will be dead and none of this will matter. I have not come up with a plan to commit suicide and I don't, in my heart, believe that I could ever go through with it. My concern, however, is the people around me. It is something that I find hard to talk about. I feel that if someone knows I am suicidal, they feel a personal emotional burden. I don't want to worry or stress anyone. This has led to a lot of feelings of isolation. Has anyone else experienced coping with being suicidal or having suicidal thoughts and still attempting to go about a normal life? (I am in therapy and on medication.) Two months ago I was going through one of the many life crisis. The phone call from the company where i was working and their words that i was undisciplined worker and i might not work for them was a trigger for me. It was sort of out of the body experience, I did not have control over me and my thughts. I filled in the bath, entered the bath, took a knife and putted it on my wrist. I wrote farewell letter and sent farewell sms to my closest friends. Then, bam!! Like I woke up from some bad dream and I was in the bath. I realized the pain which would strike my family and friends would be enormous for them to cope with because I was a coward and weak and not able to be stronger. I had my close friends around me those days and decided that no one but me is the owner of my life and my happiness. We all possess that strenght within ourselves. You have to find a reason not to do anything stupid. Is that your cat? Let it be your cat. Your mother, brother, girlfriend or a friend. They need you, they need your presence. Without you the world will not be the same place anymore. You have the power to change things. Change it. Start from yourself! Have you heard for Nick Vujichic? A guy without limbs, he has no arms and legs and is one of the most inspirational persons this world have now. He has tonnes of very thoughtfull videos around the internet. Start with those. That can be very helpful. But the most important thing to know is that IT IS YOU WHO HAS THE POWER TO CHANGE THE THINGS ON BETTER, NO ONE ELSE. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iouaname Posted June 13, 2013 Author Share Posted June 13, 2013 all of the feedback has been great, thank you! Last night was difficult. I was in emotional distress for most of the night and haven't slept at all, but I am feeling much calmer this morning. It's weird how the thoughts seem to come so quickly but take so long to leave. The people in my life are growing tired of it, I'm to the point where I no longer want to speak to them about it and would prefer to just withdraw. My mother is obnoxious and has taken the route of "Get over it/get yourself together/act like an adult." Needless to say, I'm no longer seeking her counsel I'm planning on making today a bit better! I figure if one day is awful then I'll cancel it out by making the next great 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pisces13 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I think it is quite common to be honest. I've never been one to think about suicide, but I'd be lying if I said my head hadn't been in some pretty dark places over the last 3 months since my ex broke up with me... I haven't ever proactively thought about it though, and I would never actually do it (I believe it is a cowards way out and not to mention the distress it would cause my family) but I do sometimes find myself questioning the meaning of life, and is it really all worth it? As hard as it can be sometimes, you just need to try your best to focus on the positives in your life. At the end of the day, the only person who can improve how you feel is yourself, and that is the truth. Life changes when you least expect it, one moment everything is going to sh*t, the next you're winning. It's funny like that. Just remember, things do always get better Link to post Share on other sites
dtj567 Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I attempted suicide two months ago, I took so many pills and didn't even throw up. I do not recommend suiucide, its too hard. Much better to ride out your depression with activities an other things. Etc Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 13, 2013 Share Posted June 13, 2013 I had a tough run at the beginning of the century. It is said not to seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Recovering fully I agree. But it took quite a bit of time to reconnect with the self I had been before where the thought never entered my mind. For a couple of years I'd see getting dead as a good thing--no more boom boom for that baby san. But you can and will recover if you open your mind to it in bigger frames. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 It's worth reviewing your medication with your doctor. Some medications don't work as well as others. Personally, I've found medications make a lot of difference, though suicide is something I think about a lot too. I think it does help to talk about it. Do you talk to your therapist about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author iouaname Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Do you talk to your therapist about it? I was always very hesitant with my therapist at school. I felt like getting through the semester with decent marks was my main goal - so I never wanted to bring up feeling suicidal because I thought it would lead to me being hospitalized. I'm realizing now that, while I did find it helpful, I was not getting as much out of therapy as I could have been because I was not putting my all into it. When I begin seeing my new therapist this summer, I plan on being a lot more open and honest and I'm pretty optimistic about it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 this is not an "I'm going to kill myself" sort of thread, but I felt like I could use an outlet to talk about this. Over the past few months, I have begun to think more and more about suicide. At first, I thought the feelings were normal and would pass with time. Instead, they have only increased. It has gotten to the point where I get through days simply by telling myself that eventually I will be dead and none of this will matter. I have not come up with a plan to commit suicide and I don't, in my heart, believe that I could ever go through with it. My concern, however, is the people around me. It is something that I find hard to talk about. I feel that if someone knows I am suicidal, they feel a personal emotional burden. I don't want to worry or stress anyone. This has led to a lot of feelings of isolation. Has anyone else experienced coping with being suicidal or having suicidal thoughts and still attempting to go about a normal life? (I am in therapy and on medication.) How often do you see your therapist? And, can you get a hold of her at any time? When I first started having anxiety and panic attacks, there was some mild depression too. I didn't have vivid or detailed thoughts of offing myself, but my mind DID go to some pretty dark places and I did think about death. Scared the shi.t out of me, hated how it made me feel. That's when I knew it was time to get help. Thoughts are a really powerful thing so just remember that when your mind starts to wander, distract yourself. Have a few trusted friends or family members you can talk to if need be. You need to let people in to help. don't be afraid and it's OK for others to be concerned about you. They do care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 I attempted suicide two months ago, I took so many pills and didn't even throw up. I do not recommend suiucide, its too hard. Much better to ride out your depression with activities an other things. Etc WHAT?????? Oh my...I am sooooo glad you didn't succeed! With all of those pills did it mess up your stomach???? ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 15, 2013 Share Posted June 15, 2013 How often do you see your therapist? And, can you get a hold of her at any time? When I first started having anxiety and panic attacks, there was some mild depression too. I didn't have vivid or detailed thoughts of offing myself, but my mind DID go to some pretty dark places and I did think about death. Scared the shi.t out of me, hated how it made me feel. That's when I knew it was time to get help. Thoughts are a really powerful thing so just remember that when your mind starts to wander, distract yourself. Have a few trusted friends or family members you can talk to if need be. You need to let people in to help. don't be afraid and it's OK for others to be concerned about you. They do care. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) OP and ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) WWIU ....I love you guys...k... Link to post Share on other sites
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