My ex is bugging the crap out of me

[Weird]

After over a year of not talking my ex called me up ast month to apologize for how she treated me in the few months before we quit talking in early 2003. In addition to her apologizing she said that she can't do a relationship right now cuz she is so busy with other stuff but wanted to hang out as friends. I thought it over and told her the next day I would be willing to try that because I'd rather have her in my lfie in any way than not.

 

For the next few weeks we chat on an IM program whenever we had the chance but she just didn't seem to be the way she was. She also never made an effort to make plans to hang so I confront her about this and in typical fashion, she avoids trying to resolve the issue except to say she does want to hang and that she wanted to hang a couple days before but thought I was busy. Keep in mind, she is telling me this after the day went by and never made any mention before the day she wanted ot get together. So we start up talking again and sure enough, nothing semed to have change with how she was acting towards me (not a bad way but just didn't seem to be herself) and there was again no mention of hanging out so last Sunday I told her what I thought about all this and said that her apology last month was for her own peace of mind, not for me. She kept insisting it was for me but i said if that was the case she would want to hang out like she said she wanted to. She again said she does want to hang out and again said she wanted to hang out 2 days before but thought I was busy. Again, she did not make an attempt to set pans before the day rather tells me after the fact she wanted to get together. So I just said that if she really wants to hang out then to start making an effort to do so or at the very elast, even if she is too busy to hang out tell me she would like to hang out but can't because she is busy with work and stuff. My whole point was that I just wanted her to show me she wants to hang out even if she can't. I told her that I didn't want to end up getting screwed ver by her telling me this but never acting on it. I also told her I had a concern that she may pull away if we start hanging out more because she may start to think about me a lot and won't know how to deal with that again and also deal with work and such because her not being able to handle me and school and the rets of her life is what broke us up in the first place....she put me against the rest of her life in early 2003 and chose that stuff over me even though I NEVER did anything for that to happen. What I mean is she just coudln't handle stuff so she decided to get rid of me rather than try and learn how to manage everything. I always was supportive and never told her to blow off other things in her life for me. So we end that convo and I thought things were cleared

 

Last week she didn't come on the IM program at all which made me know something was up because for over the last month she was on there everyday and would actually watch her screen while she did other stuff in her room to see when I cam back form an idle state. So if I had an away emssage up and was idle she would monitor this and when I came back from idle (but still had my away message up) she would message me to see if I was there. Most of the time she woudl be idle when she did this so that emant she was not at her comp and every time she messaged me when this happend it was within 15 seconds. I called her out on this last week and she admitted to doing it.

 

Yesterday I sent her an email asking if she was ok since I hadn't seen her onlien for a week. I got no email back but she came onto the IM program last night and did the same thing (messaging me when I came back from idle despite my away message) she used to do. I was actually coming back online this time so we chatted. The chat was weird...

 

First we talked about jsut clearing the air and ending the arguing junk we sorta had still hanging above us. We both agreed it is silly and something we didn't want so we agreed that it is done.

 

She started out saying she has thought about things and is not cautious to hang out for fear I will get screwed over again and was implying she is thinking maybe it is better we dont hang. I told her that would screw me over and hurt me more than hanging out. She said she just doesnt want us to hang and be cool like we used to and then me think it will lead to us getting back together. I told her that isn't what I am thinking and said I just want to hang to see what happens. She said she is just worried if we start hanging out things between us will go sour like they did in early 2003 when we were still hanging out. I told her that there is no way to know how things will be between us if we dont even try to hang out. She kept going on about how she didn't want me to get hurt yet at one poitn she said she didn't want us to end up getting hurt again. Weird.

 

I told her that I think this has mroe to do with her than me and that she has started to think about what might happen if we hang and are cool and she starts to care about memre than she intended to. I told her it seems to me like she was afraid of what may happen so she is trying to avoid it all together. She did not deny this. She then went on about how she honestly did apolgize/come to me last month for my sake but she is now thinking she may have made a mistake because it may have opened up a new can of worms. I think that is silly to think because stuff just doesnt come out of nowhere so whatever is going on now was in our minds before and if she didn't apologize/contact me then we would still be thinking the same stuff but wouldn't be talking to each other about it. She then started to go on about maybe waiting a few months and seeing how things are then but then after that said a few weeks. She then said she wanted to take me out for dinner on my bday next month and I said fine.

 

I then told her that she has issues with how to handle humans and that it isn't right to just avoid stuff. I told ehr that people can't just run away every time rough spots occur because if we all did that we'd have no long friendships, romantic relationships and family relationships. I told her she seems to do this runnign away whenever something bad happens and it sucks. She agreed she does.

 

That is basically it. I started to write an email to her last night continuing this and telling her we should hang out just to see how things are but I didn't send it and am debating if I should. She is so frustrating because she can't deal wiht stuff head on. We have known each other for like 8 years and were together for like 2. She has never been an open person and she kept stuff in rather than tell me until one day it all blew up and she told me she had problems wiht this or that and didn't think I would ever be able to do this or that which she needed me to do. It was all a big shock. The thing is, she NEVER gave the opportunity to see if I could do the things she needed me to do and now, it seems like she is still being stubborn like that. I swear, I truly do think she is worried that I have changed in the ways she needed me to and if she starts hanging out and sees that then she won't know what to do.

 

Right now I have no idea what to do. This stuff bugs me so much I want to just unload on her but at the same time I just want to say fug it. To me it seems like she is a really confused chick and she has some serious issues of how to deal with me and just runs away...for the last year she has thought about me probbaly as much as I have thought about her and no matter what she decides to do, I know she will continue to think about me and that just makes me not understand even more why she wouldn't jsut hang out now since the opportunity is there.

 

All I know is that unless she changes, she will never have a meaningful relationship with another dude (we were each others' first real loves) because she can't handle rough spots and most people who have been up to date on my situation with her think she is weird and has issues with handling stuff and they all cant believe I deal wiht this crap. She will never become a mother either with the way she is or at least for the sake of the child I would hope not since she would just run away whenever the kid did something bad. For some reason I love this crazy broad and I keep having hope she will learn how to deal with things rather than run away.

 

Any advice? Do I just let her deal with the confusions she has and talk to ehr in whatever time when she sets for herself (3 weeks, 2 months, wtf knows) or do I send this email and tell her I think we should really hang now and just see how things happen.

 

Thanks for any advcie and sorry for any typos in this long ass post..I'm too lazy to proof read it.

[Weird]

oh and I just want to say I have not pressed getting back together or talked in that way. I merely say I am cool with hanging out as friends.

 

Oh and she made some weird comments during the chat. Like she would go from talking about me being hurt and stuff to us being hurt again. I mean I won't read that much into it but she did make some comments that had some implication of us ending up together again butthen would go back to talking about stuff in a diff way. It was like she could see it happening if we started to hang out but she was trying to justify it not happening by saying things could go sour again like before. At times it almost felt like she was saying she wanted to gives things a second chance but that she felt it wouldn't work, not that she just had no desire for that. It was odd.

 

I also should say that while this bugs me it isn't controlling my life. I went over a year of not talking to her and if I end up going more time not talking to her then I can deal with that. The issue though is that this just bugs me and seems like added mickey mouse BS that I shouldn't have to deal with and I hate when people say one thing and dont act on it or they say one thing then a week later they say another. I mean who is to say in a week she wont be changing her tune again whihc is something I can see happening. I guess I just want this crap to go down one path and stay down that path so it quits frustrating me.

[Ilovehertodeath]

omg Im going through the same thing dude....when I read your post I was like OMG WTF...TWINS!

 

My ex tells me the same bs "I just want to be friends right now because I dont want to go through a break up again...I dont want to hurt you . Im such a bitch and I know I will do something stupid again."

 

but she always promised me that we'd get back together...

 

Weird thing about this is that she told me that its ok if I date other girls...she doesnt want me to be her "backup". She said she doesnt want me waiting for her.

 

If she loved me soo much why would she be okay with me seeing other women?

 

Anyway, I told her that I really liked one of her friends.....she got really mad and made me promise to never date her friend. Now my ex is always trying to be around me whenever possible...lol.

 

 

Always calling me and inviting herself over to my house.

 

I think she wants me to date other girls for her sake....maybe give her a reason to date me again. I guess its true about girls liking guys that are in demand. =)

 

Im going to **** with her head just like she messed me up after the break up...I know I promised her that I wouldnt hook up with her friend but she never said I couldnt BANG HER BRAINS OUT. LOL j/k

 

Dude, just tell her this "You know I love you and I would do anything to be with you again but I know that you dont feel the same way about me....so, Im going to recast and catch another "fish" in the sea. I tried my best with you."

 

End all contact with her and she'll be trying to contact you like crazy (if she really does love you). If she doesnt oh well, SHES MISSING OUT ON AN AMAZING GUY. I bet you when she sees you with another girl shes going to regret letting you go(women want what they cant have). We arent going to be on this earth forever....stop wasting your time on her and enjoy your life to its fullest. Take care! I've read your past posts and I know your a ****ING COOL GUY! PEACE

[Weird]

haha she brought up something sort of like that. She made some comment about what would happen if down the line I met some chick and would I tell her about it or would I keep it a secret cuz I would think it would make her mad. My reply was I didnt know cuz the situation hasn't come up. But truthfully I know if we started hanging and I did meet some new broad and told my ex about her she would be jealous. There is no doubt in my mind about that.

 

I almost did start seeing someone earlier this year but she started to go a lil weird so I decided to not do that. Plus, I have yet to meet a woman who is as cool as my ex even if my ex has some serious issues with how to handle things. She really is a cool chick and honestly, I have have yet to meet a female who is as good all around as she is. Right now I am fine being single and unless soemone amazing just dropped into my lap I plan to stay single. I like it as I can do whatever I want with my time and don't have someone nagging me about it...and that is the thing with my ex. I just want to hang out with her again cuz we have fun together.

 

Bugs me that she is trying to act like me being hurt is the reason she is hesitant to hang out despite me telling her I wouldn't get hurt and if I started to feel hurt I would just tell her.

 

LOVE when people try and find an excuse to justify taking a course of action. I also love when people are too afraid to do something for fear of the outcome. With my ex I think she fears more that we'd click again rather than fear we wouldn't. At least if we hung out and didn't get along and stuff there could be closure because we both would know we just don't get along anymore. By her doing what she is doing with avoding hanging out there is no closure...she is just trying to take the pussy way out, IMO.