Where do I go now

[Questioning]

Help!! My ex-boyfriend and I dated for almost a year when I began having problems with alcohol. We broke up while I was seeking treatment. Now that I am off the stuff, we have been talking and even going out a little. I'm just not sure of what he wants. He says we didn't do it right the first time (ie got involved too quick) and that now we should try dating for awhile and that he doesn't want to go from the "pan to the fire". He states he doesn't mind if I date anyone but that he isn't. That he doesn't want a committed or an exclusive relationship with me at this time but Saturday night we went out, he stopped at my house on Sunday to give my dog a bone, called Sunday night for plans for New years and then plans on stopping off at my house on Christmas day. I'm not sure I know what to do at this point. I really screwed up with this relationship, and really love him, but I don't want to get sucked into something that isn't there and I really don't know how to read the signs he is givening me. Help.

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

It sounds to me that you ex is really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. He has made some plans with you on some serious holidays. Of course, any man who would make a special trip to bring your dog a bone has got to be dead serious about you.

 

My opinion is that you should play it by ear and earn his confidence. He probably wants to make really sure you don't go back on the alcohol. If he ever smells it on your breath and senses you are a little tipsy, you can kiss his butt goodbye. If you have completely dried out and are willing to show him your committment to that over a period of time, I think you've got something here.

 

To me, he sounds pretty nice and understanding. I think he is acting absolutely appropriate considering what the two of you have been through. Do what you can to keep this guy around. He seems like a very decent guy. It sounds like he really cares for you and is very sincere. Give this one some time and hang in there.

[Taressa]

There's a line from a movie about not being a hopeless romantic but rather a hopeful one... I believe this very nice sounding gentleman is expressing hope for you.

 

He's been very expressive of what he wants from what you've written below. He's also being very cautious of his feelings and yours.

 

I believe if you'll take his pace, slow and sure, you will end up in a very grand, lasting love. Congratulations on overcoming the alcohol problems! Show the same persistence with this relationship and it will bloom for you.