Immorality of Leaving Spouse for Another

[Eggplant]

for those who base their morality on religion I can understand that leaving for someone else may be seen as immoral, however, you if you don't believe in god then that's not much of a deterrent.

 

My personal common denominator or litmus test for immorality has to do with unjustly harming another person. The reason for morality, for me, can't merely be because the book says so, although I'm sure the Bible and other religious texts follow up their teachings with explanations...

[gaius]

Life is short. Expecting people to stay with partners they don't want to be with simply because it's the moral thing to do is a little outdated I think.

[Eggplant]

Life is short. Expecting people to stay with partners they don't want to be with simply because it's the moral thing to do is a little outdated I think.

 

Thanks for answering. You prioritize personal freedom over commitment. Do you think marriage is unreasonable? And if so, what should a woman looking to have children do?

[JustJoe]

Morality is irrelevant in romance. The term all is fair in love and war applies absolutely. Winning is the most important thing. I have seen many people leave or be left by a SO for another. The person left alone is often heartbroken and suffers while the leaver is happily with someone they like more.

 

If you have kids they may hate you if you screw over your SO, something to consider.

I completely disagree. Morality has it's place in romance as in any other human activity. Morality may be subjective , but that doesn't lessen it's importance or validity.

[JustJoe]

Life is short. Expecting people to stay with partners they don't want to be with simply because it's the moral thing to do is a little outdated I think.

It isn't immoral if the person leaving follows the accepted rules for doing so. An example would be that it is generally accepted that you can divorce in order to be with someone else. It is NOT generally accepted that you run away without due process.

[D-Lish]

I have to cringe when people talk about morality as a religious construction. Morality is more secular than religious. Besides the odd deviation, the majority of us are born with a conscience. An Atheist in any given society is as morally aware as his religious counterpart. Guilt exists in secular communities as much as it does in religious arenas when it comes to affairs of the heart.

 

My exH and I were on rocky ground when he had an affair and got another woman pregnant. We were staying together for a lot of reasons- but the bottom line was we weren't fulfilling each other's needs, and neither of us were fulfilled. He chose to have an affair and his mistress got pregnant. He went on to have 3 children with her- and he's happy now. I'm living a different life and I'm happy now.

 

Is what he did immoral? Of course! Cheating on your partner is the definition of immorality. Is it forgivable? Yes. Even if I couldn't forgive him (which I did long ago)- he went on to live that fulfilling life he was missing with me.

 

You can't help who you fall in love with. Leaving your spouse for someone else is immoral by both secular and religious standards. I also think that if you love someone you should be with them.

[tbf]

As long as there was no cheating, it's not immoral based on my concept of morality. Whether married, in a relationship or dating, the last thing I'd want is to hold onto anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

[Eggplant]

the last thing I'd want is to hold onto anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

I agree 300%.

[gaius]

Thanks for answering. You prioritize personal freedom over commitment. Do you think marriage is unreasonable? And if so, what should a woman looking to have children do?

I like the idea of marriage! But I think the whole till death do us part is a holdover from when women weren't able to support themselves and there wasn't much of a welfare state. It was in society's best interest to make sure couples stayed together.

 

My mom stayed with my step-dad way too long and it ended up hurting the kids. I don't think parents staying together when they're unhappy is good for the kids in anyway shape or form. It just sets a bad example for their own relationships to come. I guess women who want kids just have to do the best they can to pick a partner to have kids with, and if that ever breaks down beyond repair then move on to someone else who can please her and help show the kids what a healthy, loving relationship looks like.

It isn't immoral if the person leaving follows the accepted rules for doing so. An example would be that it is generally accepted that you can divorce in order to be with someone else. It is NOT generally accepted that you run away without due process.

Sure, but I don't know many people who just run away and don't deal with the process at all. Some that may cheat first or something like that but in general the process always gets worked through eventually. I got the vibe this thread was more about leaving in general, because there are a good amount of women who consider getting married being permanent and don't look at divorce as much of an option. My girlfriend is one of them.

[Emilia]

As long as there was no cheating, it's not immoral based on my concept of morality. Whether married, in a relationship or dating, the last thing I'd want is to hold onto anyone who doesn't want to be with me.

Yes. As long as there is no stringing along it can be fine. It's the concept of habitually lining up another person before leaving a relationship that appals me.