After all these years.......

[IsItPossible]

I was in a relationship 9 years ago with someone that was "the one". I have not felt that way about anyone else and doubt I will ever. We had bought a farm and were planning to get married. She came home from work one day and told me that she was leaving me....for one of my friends. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach by a mule. I had no idea. Looking back now, I think maybe there were a few signs but none that I could have used to put two and two together.

I told her that I did not want to be together if she did not love me. I thought that was the biggest thing I could do at the time. I did not want to fight for her, ruin a friendship, and get caught in an ugly triangle.

Just like that-she moved out and move in with my friend. She cut off all contact with me and kept everything to cordial hellos. She refused to talk to me about anything. I was left with a mortgage payment that I could not afford on my own (boy was I stupid). At that point, I was so love sick that I would have promised to do anything. I thought I would be respected for taking responsibility and saving our credit etc. (not) I had to get a second job to make ends meet until I could sell the farm. During the nine months that the farm was on the market, I was subjected to seeing them together a lot. I tried to avoid all I could but would alway end up where they were. I was just so emotionally destroyed-I wanted to get out of town as fast as I could but had to wait until the farm sold.

When it did, I moved to another city and tried to get on with things. Now I am in a great, loving relationship but I am haunted by thoughts of my ex. I can not figure out why I keep thinking about her. I guess I have some unresolved feelings. I have been thinking about writing her a letter, but ultimately, there are things that I want to know from her, answers etc. I am not sure if I will ever be able to get those answers, but somehow I think that this will allow me to put everything to rest finally.

I want to know why she left me? How could I think we had it made, joy, bliss and she not feel the same. Did she ever love me? Did our relationship mean anything to her? Did I make a difference in her life?

If I write her a letter and include my return address, and ask her to please try to answer these questions...do you think she would? I guess no-one likes to rehash or reopen old wounds, but somehow hope that she would do this for me and not be selfish for one time in her life.

 

My main goal is to get these thoughts of her out of my head. If I could be hypnotized to forget her--I would. I get angry that I still think about her and feelings can still be conjured up.

Any advice you have would be very helpful.

Thanks

[Quilly]

Perhaps you should consider counseling... it's been 9 years and you're in another relationship... it doesn't seem like you should be concerned with her reasons anymore.

[dorothys]

I understand how you feel Isitpossible, because I was in your same situation. Don't want to give you false hope. But 16yrs ago my high school boyfriend broke up with me. I continued to think about him over the years, and wonder what had gone wrong. Later I found out that it was really just one big misunderstanding. Fast foward 12yrs a marriage, and 3 kids. I wrote him a letter just to see how he was doing. He called me back, and then we started talking to each other. A few months later I came out for a visit, and then moved out there. We were together for 4yrs, and most were very loving. Unfornately, we broke up 3 mths ago, and I am not sure we will ever get back together. I know he does love me, but he suffers from depression and that clouds his depression. So, here I wait for more answers as to why we really broke up this time, and what if anything we can do to repair it.