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I Need to Make a Decision: I have feelings for my ex-wife


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Disclaimer: I read only the original post, but hope this post is something people will find generally useful:

 

I absolutely do not want to be with my soon-to-be-ex anymore, but when I feel blue about our failed marriage and the dissolution of our family I look at this list. I had almost none of these things with her. If you didn't have these with your spouse, you should wait until you find somebody who will provide them.

 

Basic Rights in a Relationship

 

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. Evans (1992) suggests the following as basic rights in a relationship for you and your partner:

 

  • The right to good will from the other.
  • The right to emotional support.
  • The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
  • The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
  • The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
  • The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
  • The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
  • The right to live free from accusation and blame.
  • The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
  • The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
  • The right to encouragement.
  • The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
  • The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
  • The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
  • The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

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marqueemoon4
Disclaimer: I read only the original post, but hope this post is something people will find generally useful:

 

I absolutely do not want to be with my soon-to-be-ex anymore, but when I feel blue about our failed marriage and the dissolution of our family I look at this list. I had almost none of these things with her. If you didn't have these with your spouse, you should wait until you find somebody who will provide them.

 

Basic Rights in a Relationship

 

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. Evans (1992) suggests the following as basic rights in a relationship for you and your partner:

 

  • The right to good will from the other.
  • The right to emotional support.
  • The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.
  • The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.
  • The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.
  • The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.
  • The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.
  • The right to live free from accusation and blame.
  • The right to live free from criticism and judgment.
  • The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.
  • The right to encouragement.
  • The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.
  • The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.
  • The right to be called by no name that devalues you.
  • The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

 

 

I've seen this list before, and it's so on point. If/when I get into another ltr I'm printing this out and posting it somewhere I'll see it a lot.

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