Has anyone been in this situation

[New_to_this]

I just ended an EA with a man I have known and respected for more than 10 years (see previous post). It is hard, and it sucks, but at the same time I feel a sense of pride by showing him that I deserve more in my life than waiting around to hear from him.

Has anyone else been in this situation (on either side)? Any thoughts or passed experience?

I ended it because it was affecting me and it was an emotional roller coaster (the guilt, the loneliness, excitement when I hear from him, etc).

I hope he realizes that I found that I deserve more that what he was willing to give me.

Any thoughts or experiences? Also, how long will it take for me to move on and forget about him?

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[whichwayisup]

Good for you for ending it. That takes courage and strength, and also realizing that you are worth more, deserve much more than he is able to give you.

 

How do you get over him? Start by not caring what he thinks or feels. Focus on your own path-Grieving and letting go, keeping busy with good friends and family, doing things that make you feel happy.

[New_to_this]

Thank you for your reply. I will be honest, I can't believe that I did it. I miss him, but there is a part of me that feels great about it.

I have decided to start doing things to feel better about myself and continue on. It is hard because I will miss his friendship, but I am so tired of focusing on him all the time. I do think he cares for me, I never wanted to hurt him but hanging on was only hurting me.

[Realist3]

I will just say this, it is much harder to sever an emotional attachment than a sexual attachment.

 

It is one thing to say, "I'm not having sex with your anymore.". It is quite another to say, "I'm not going to care about you anymore. I'm not going to want to hear what you have to say. I'm going to abandon the friendship we have developed."

 

While most people here have taken it physical; what is the driving force of conversation on this board? The emotional side of the A.

[whichwayisup]

Thank you for your reply. I will be honest, I can't believe that I did it. I miss him, but there is a part of me that feels great about it.

I have decided to start doing things to feel better about myself and continue on. It is hard because I will miss his friendship, but I am so tired of focusing on him all the time. I do think he cares for me, I never wanted to hurt him but hanging on was only hurting me.

 

You will miss him and you'll hurt. Be OK with that. You will have some bad days but you'll have some good days too. Just let yourself grieve the loss, DO stay in no contact mode, it really is the only way to get over someone that you love. you need to allow yourself to detach and teach yourself not to care about him and what goes on in his life. delete and block him on facebook/twitter etc, this way you won't lurk. All that does is cause you more pain.

 

You are strong, and you'll be even stronger once you pull through this.

 

Keep posting and go take a look at the thread (pinned) in the coping section by no foolin', the guide to no contact. It's helpful!

[New_to_this]

You are right, it is hard. I know I am not going to hear from him first thing in the morning like I have been. It is hard and something to get used to. We have been friends for a long time. He was someone who respected me and I respected him. He was the first to ever believe in me years ago and it changed my life. We live a long distance from each other, but throughout the years he always has been in touch. Last year, I separated from my husband. He knew us both well and I know it hurt him that I was hurting and he wanted to be there for me. That was how it all started. So there is so much to our story. He has always been my most special friend so this really hurts. I know that he doesn't want to do this to his wife, but I also know that he would never leave me just hanging. I hope that maybe this will be a relief for the both of us, but I do know we will miss each other. I appreciate the responses. I supposed I don't talk about this to anyone so it feels good to finally get it off of my chest.

[whichwayisup]

Check out the site mindful construct. Pay attention to the blog bit about mending a broken heart.

 

it isn't just for grieving the loss of a loved one in a relationship, but also applies to life pains, hurts and losing someone to death.

[New_to_this]

Thank you! I will look that up right now. I will say that I haven't been in contact, but I was lurking a bit on FB. It just reminded me of why this makes me feel so awful. So I changed my settings so that I do not see his feed and he can't see mine. I need to keep away from the FB for sure!

[whichwayisup]

Thank you! I will look that up right now. I will say that I haven't been in contact, but I was lurking a bit on FB. It just reminded me of why this makes me feel so awful. So I changed my settings so that I do not see his feed and he can't see mine. I need to keep away from the FB for sure!

 

You're very welcome!

 

As soon as you're ready (aka, PUSH yourself within a week) delete him off of your facebook completely. And then block him. It's the only way.

 

Lurking his page IS breaking contact on your end, even if he is unaware.

And, as you say, it makes you feel worse. So, don't do it!

[New_to_this]

Got it. You are absolutely right. I appreciate all of your advice!!

[mheartbroken]

i am in a somewhat similar rule. I dated a man last year that I thought I would try something different for once in my life. I was not physically attracted to him at first but he was more of my $20 dollar table (im a waitress). he came to the restaurant several times before he came for my number. from than on we on a few dates and we were off. this repeated cycle went on for three years until last year when I fell in love with him because I was going thru a rough time in my life and he was there for me.

 

Now I just don't know what to do. last year during the holidays all i wanted was to spend the holidays with someone I loved.

 

He had no time for me and I broke it off because I was upset for not being able to spend time with him during the holidays. I said a few ugly things and now he can't forgive me.

[New_to_this]

Though it is tough, I think it is best that you are moving on. Let's do this together! It is true, why should you be alone during the Holidays? You do deserve more than that. The longer you spend letting him take up your time and emotions, you are denying yourself the opportunity to let someone else in. Someone that can give you all of his time and attention like you deserve. I know it is hard, trust me. I am going through it now myself. I just think when we finally say enough is enough and move forward, the healing process will begin and we can move on and be much happier. Best of luck to you.

[zevahc]

Thank you for your reply. I will be honest, I can't believe that I did it. I miss him, but there is a part of me that feels great about it.

I have decided to start doing things to feel better about myself and continue on. It is hard because I will miss his friendship, but I am so tired of focusing on him all the time. I do think he cares for me, I never wanted to hurt him but hanging on was only hurting me.

 

This is precisely how I feel (and many of us)...which is why NC and focusing on yourself is so important. I go through more days than not recently where I realize I'm only hurting myself hanging onto the love I have for her....which will go nowhere. I love her and cherish the friendship, but it's a dead end and torturous...

[Goodbye]

Yes, I can relate to what you are going through.

 

I've been NC for one month with a man I had known for 27 years. I miss him terribly, but I do have a sense of pride for ending it (well, I'm not entirely sure who ended it at this point). It is still very difficult every day. I go through a wide range of emotions...tonight I'm very angry that I gave him my heart and he misled me.

 

You are right, hanging on only prolongs the hurt.

Edited June 16, 2013 by Goodbye