marrage

[muse(unloveheart)]

[color=violet][/color]

Help I am in a marrage i wish i could say was a loving one on both sides.

I love him very much but he i am not sure about anymore. I have talk may times to him but get no responce. or he gets mad at what i have said and says is i feel that way then things wont work leave.

I just dont know. he say he wants me to stay then if things get to going the way he dont want them to go he bales.

I think he needs help but he says i do. I cant trust him, he is a compute porn junky and talk sex and talks me down to him computer singlesfriends(the ones he has already slept with and dated and didnt stay with but still chats with.

I have been tols he web cams with them and say and does things his kids dont feel are what a married man should be doing.

so I just cant trust him. He changed his password on messanger so i cant read his mail he gets.

well if I had not saw that he got sex mail and him lie about it i would never have read it in the first place.

I had divorced my first husband for just this same thing. I had told him about this before we got married he said that was a crappy thing for my formor spouse to do to me, since i am so nice.

then why is he doing the same thing? I dont know if he is cheating on me in the flesh. I want to beleive him but its so hard when so much is pointing to the other.

I what kind of man is inside of him i just dont know why he is putting up a wall.

He is afraid of failing, So i feel he is putting up a wall to drive me away so he dont fail this time i leave so he dont look like the bad man a 3rd time and he can keep his head high.

Well he is fooling NO one. his kids his family all know he is being stupid and cant see what he is about to loose.

He is not tring to work on our marrage he is maken me do all the work so it looks like i failed.

Our sex life is good I just wish it had LOVE in it. I feel we have sex to make love you need to be in love and hes not with me.

and I was for the first time hurt last nite. and he didnt act like he felt bad and all just mad cuase i didnt stay in bed i got up and did crosswords to calm down.

I wish for the times we held hands and walked around the yard, to sit together on the sofa and watch a movies,to have his hand on my knee when we drive,to talk to each other longer then 5 min. and to have loving moment before sex not just do it and get done.

well I have said enough to make others mad sad or to have them think I am full of myself and look at the real world, live with what i have and be happy.

But I hope to get some help. I am NOT looking to leave my spouse nor cheat on him. Just want help. email me.

Thanks

with blessings. beth

[SoleMate]

Beth, my sympathies on your troubled marriage. If it helps, lots of people are in the same boat. The best help I know of is available at http://www.marriagebuilders.com. Please try that.

 

I wish for the times we held hands and walked around the yard, to sit together on the sofa and watch a movies,to have his hand on my knee when we drive,to talk to each other longer then 5 min. and to have loving moment before sex

Those are your emotional needs. His may be different. Can you talk honestly and ask him what he craves from you? He may want more praise and encouragement in the things he does. And then tell him what you are longing for, and suggest that you both start satisfying each other in these ways.

 

Please also consider the possibility that he may be depressed. Here are the 9 symptoms to look for (from http://www.pennhealth.com/health_info/tips/depression/what_is_depress.html):

 

• 
  Depressed mood for most of the day
  Disturbed appetite or change in weight
  Disturbed sleep
  Psychomotor retardation or agitation
  Loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities; inability to enjoy usual hobbies or activities
  Fatigue or loss of energy
  Feelings of worthlessness; excessive and/or inappropriate guilt
  Difficulty concentrating or thinking clearly
  Morbid or suicidal thoughts or actions
  

Good luck, Beth. Please keep posting so we can help you!

[muse(unloveheart)]

I am still haven alot of troubles, and it looks as if I am heading for a split up or divorce, and this hurts me very much because I know if really given a chance of an open mind it would work out.

But I just dont see it. I have been so deprest for so long now its hard to remember when I wasnt. I can if I try but on a day to day level its hard.

I LOVE him VERY much and have given up so much for him that I have none of my life left. But he dont see that, he only sees that things are not going the way HE wants them to go. I am being unruley and diffecult, bossy and butting in where I dont belong.

So its time to call it all to an end. It is easyer to end it then to work on it and compromise and try to see the others side. Its my side or NO side.

So now love is lost and I have failed yet another marrage and husband cause I cant give everything up and do things his way only.

I am to independant to do that I do have a mind,feelings and a heart but it dont matter.

I pray t god I am wrong and things get worked out.

with love beth

[muse(unloveheart)]

I am haven troubles getting all the things to work on here. how to you join a foram. OK i suck at spelling. lol please help.

[Ladyjane14]

My husband was doing the same thing six months ago. And he is still talking to friends and flirting a bit, but NOTHING like it was.

 

Before, it was bad. He was building up emotional affairs with people that he talked to on-line and by phone every day and having cyber-sex with strangers. Initially, he was looking for casual sex, but he's not a casual sex person. It's not his personnality, so he was getting to know them first. By the time I caught on, he was within days of meeting one of these cam-whores.

 

It's an addiction and they will not give it up willingly. My compromise solution was to allow him to continue with the friendships, but to keep these 'friends' in cyber-space only. NO CONTACT. The ones who were looking for more than jokes and talking had to be kicked to the curb. I'm still not in-love with our solution, but I gave up as much as I could part with. I can't stand the idea of imposing control over other people, but I had to draw the line on how much I could absolutely live with. My preference would still to this day be to run over his computer with my truck a couple of times!!!

 

This worked for us, because he was motivated to save the marriage. I'm not sure it will work for you. After reading all your posts, I'm not sure he sees this as something that is hurting you. He may just think you're a control freak who's trying to run his life. Some men don't think it's cheating unless his d*ck actually touches some other woman!

 

Anyway, you may have to up the ante to get him to see this as serious. He needs to know that you're not willing to live with this. It may be okay for some people, but not for you. If it was okay for you, you wouldn't have a problem with it, and be this upset. If it was okay for you, than this wouldn't be altering your feelings for him.

 

Good luck.

[muse(unloveheart)]

yes i feel very strongly that he is gong to meet up with or already has. he get emails with cell numbers in them and i dont know yet if he has called them but the web sex cams hurts. i have told him how i feel. he said he is not looking for anyone but it still hurts.

Now he has told me if I dont like it things will not work out and i can leave they are his friends and if I cant trust him then we cant work things out.

But he dont show me much reason to trust him. I get very little love at home he dont tell me he loves me its been 35 days since i have heard it.

I feel very alone and unloved. I have told him ihe makes me feel second to his somputer friends and his x-wife.

he said he dont mean to but its the way it is.

he loved his x-wife for 22yrs and messed up and started cheating on her, for how long he did i dont know,but he said he would stop and she didnt beleive him and left, he said he still really cant get over her. well i see he didnt love her at all if he cheated on her so much.

it is an accuse for what he is doing and his addition to cybor-sex and other women.

He then did it again i found out to his second wife but she did it first.

Now I feel he is doing it to me.

I have tried to talk to him about it but he dont want to hear me. he dont want me to leave either.

I can stil see the love in his eyes that he had the day we got married, but he has a wall up.

Its like he dont want to beleive he is the one that has a problem. it everyone else.

but I really should stop whinen and just call it quits and just hurt everyone else in the family and go.

if he dont care why should i.

It dont do me any good to think of everyone but me.so maybe i should just falow his footsteps and do what he is doing and see if he thinks its ok.\

Yes i realize it may cause a divoce but i feel at this point its going to end up thier anyways.

god bless

beth

thanks for your input and help.