shortbus74 Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Well, I finally have a problem and I am not quite sure how I should deal with it....I have been engaged for about 6 months now and living together for a year and a half..... We have our ups and downs like any couple, but we do get along wonderfully.... Well, this weekend he decided to go out with a friend, I was invited to go but I did not want to because I have been feeling sick. So he went without me (I was fine with that).... So the next day he comes home and I do his laundry.... and I find a phone number of a girl!! I did ask questions to the fiance about this and his attitude is "I dont know who it is and I dont remember, so it is not big deal" Well, I am kinda pissed about this! I am very tempted to call this girl and probe for information about how this number appeared into his wallet...... I know that some may think of this as kinda childish... but I had a very odd feeling in the gut of my stomache the night he went out (ladies you know that feeling...something is wrong, you just do not know what)..... So should I call this girl and probe? Or should I be grown up...and just dismiss this as some girl hitting on him at the bar? Help!! Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I am very tempted to call this girl and probe for information about how this number appeared into his wallet...... Yeap he claims "he doesn't remember" Call her and find out the truth but don't be rude, just explain that you found her number in (his name)'s pocket and you'd like to know who he is to her. He didn't come home that night? So the next day he comes home and I do his laundry.... Could he have spent the night with her?? I would call for sure!!! On the other hand maybe he met her and she slipped him the number and he wasn't interested so he forgot about it.??! Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 GO WITH YOUR GUT INSTINCT!!! He is your fiance you know, I think that entitles you to know who this chick is! How can he not remember? That's what strikes me as odd. Ask him again and if he does not know then you will have to find out on your own. Before you do let me tell you about a bad experience I had a while back. I found a number on my back then bf. Well I got p*ssed and asked him who's # that was. He tells me, "Mmmmmm... I don't know, it's probably my friends. He probably put it in there". Well this sounded fishy to me. So I called the number and start asking this Jane Doe do you know so and so and she says "yeah" so I ask in a rude way "how the hell do you know him" and she says, "I am his Aunt". Needless to say I was mortified When I told him what happen he said that of course he knew who's number it was, but he was mad that I went through his things so he decided to not tell me. However, if you think there is something up with that I say call the darn number and get it over with. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I'd probe. And the fact that he completely denied it, makes it even worse. I'd attempt to get an honest answer from him too. Sorry about your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 However- I would still call- I would just take it as an example of why you should be polite when you call (she may not even know he's engaged ya know) Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by naive_2001 let me tell you about a bad experience I had a while back. I found a number on my back then bf. Well I got p*ssed and asked him who's # that was. He tells me, "Mmmmmm... I don't know, it's probably my friends. He probably put it in there". Well this sounded fishy to me. So I called the number and start asking this Jane Doe do you know so and so and she says "yeah" so I ask in a rude way "how the hell do you know him" and she says, "I am his Aunt". Needless to say I was mortified When I told him what happen he said that of course he knew who's number it was, but he was mad that I went through his things so he decided to not tell me. You don't think that guy covered his ass and told her to cover for him and SAY that she was his aunt? Did you ever meet this 'aunt'? I think if you call her and are nice, you'd be thankful for the info....I'd want to help out another woman like that if I was in that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Oh yeak like Barby said, don't be rude. You never know who she can be or if she did anything wrong. If turns out to be something bad the one that has to get all the attitude is him. Hopefully it's not anything bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by tikibrandy You don't think that guy covered his ass and told her to cover for him and SAY that she was his aunt? Did you ever meet this 'aunt'? {/QUOTE] Actually I had already met her before so that made it more embarrassing because she was like, "****** is that you?" I think if you call her and are nice, you'd be thankful for the info....I'd want to help out another woman like that if I was in that situation. Yeah you can get more bees with honey than lemon. Is that how it goes??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortbus74 Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 Thanks for all the input... I guess I needed some reassurance that I was not overreacting to this situation.... There have been times that I have overreacted before and it was not pretty.... I feel part of this stems from my first marriage...he had a "friendship" with his best friends wife and I ended up finding out that he had an affair with her a year after it happen....What makes this story worse..is that I encouraged him to have female friends in his life... From this bad experience I will tell you I am not to fond of any female friendships now... *YOU KILL MORE FLIES WITH HONEY THAN YOU DO WITH VINEGAR* Guys, I learned the art of minipulation from the master.... My mother.... Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 What is it with people in committed relationships going out and staying out all night? Take a cab. Call the gf or bf to pick you up - anything but I can't imagine any circumstance that I would go out and stay out all night when I had a partner at home. That is so bizarre! How did he even figure that would be ok? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I agree with Moi. I thought a commited relationship meant something different than the usual club scene. I must be old fashioned. Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Give us an update.. Find another reason to call her, wrong number, make up a survey, or simply ask for him... maby you can say your his sister and you can't find him and you saw this number on his dresser... yep that will work Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by shortbus74 *YOU KILL MORE FLIES WITH HONEY THAN YOU DO WITH VINEGAR* Guys, I learned the art of minipulation from the master.... My mother.... Oh ok Almost the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortbus74 Posted October 11, 2004 Author Share Posted October 11, 2004 I called..... I got voice mail..... so I left the message.... Hi, I was doing my fiance's laundry and I found your name and number on a piece of paper.....I was wondering if you could possibly shed some light on why he would have your phone number? Please call me at ### and please shed some light on this situation...His name is Joe and he was hanging out with Jim and they were in Hilton Head this weekend... Thanks..... Guess I will just wait for her to call me back.... If not I will try again later.... Thank God I have some patience in my old age.... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Awesome! You did the right thing. Now just wait patiently to beat his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 A message with a message hmm..... Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 You HAVE TO TELL US WHO THIS IS! Pls be in touch! ASAP!!! Umm..it seems to me like it's your right to call and find out. Are you being overprotected, implusive, and possessive? Not in the slightest! Once you are in any type of "commited relationship" with anyone, whether it's engaged, married, exclusivley dating...it's your right to know. I understand your hesistation b/c you don't want to look like a possessive domineering shrew type of gal, but in this situation, you DON'T. Remember, you don't want to look like a fool either...I mean, you don't want people and him thinking how foolish you are for not seeing the writing on the wall IF something is going on or he's planning on it soon. Def call and see who this is and why he has her number. It may be nothing. It could be a teacher, student, or co-worker type that did that regarding a project. Or a sales lady attempting to sell him something, or maybe some girl flirted with him in a bar and he wasn't paying much attention and she slipped it in his pocket somewhere. There are many innocent reasons. But if somethings up, leave, this is forever! Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 Shorty, I hope this all turns out okay for you. Am I the only one who thinks this whole thing is wacky? Look, I agree that he deserves all the suspicion in the world, especially claiming he doesn't know what the number is about. Pure crap. In fact he's got Prick written all over him. You want to know if he got naked, sure. Then you can have a huge fight, and then what? But hell, isn't there really a bigger question here?? Look, I'm a businessman when I'm not wasting untold hours on this forum. When I make a deal in business, by gosh we put it on paper and sign it. If they panic when they see the paper, I know they are not for real. Funny thing, Shorty, but once I have ink on paper the negotiation ends -- everybody quits looking for ways to screw one another. Been living together 1 1/2 yrs, engaged 6 months? From where I'm sitting that says you rejected the marriage commitment (or just sold it for half-price rent.) And now you're engaged? So in what, 6 months or so you plan to embrace the committment you rejected 18 months back? So your live-in jackass gets 6 months to perfect his infidelity skills? And you wonder why he doesn't respect his obligations? Partial commitment is no commitment. Shorty, I wish you the absolute best. I hope you stumble into the sort of love I've been blessed with for these last 20 years. And here's my advice: Come in out of the rain instead of complaining about your wet clothes. You made a bad deal for yourself and I hope next time you'll play smarter. You've been gettin' your tires kicked for 18 months. Marriage sifts out the tire kickers. Print this out and let Prick-boy find it in your pocket, okay? (Okay girls, pile on and call me names. It's worth it if someone out there smells the coffee.) Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 I don't think she is going to call back after that message... but keep us posted Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortbus74 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Share Posted October 12, 2004 Nope....no call back yet....I did leave another message for her today......(it was nice) I did tell her in my message that I was not mad or upset (I lied) but I was wondering if this situation is something that I should worry about... As for the honey....well....lets just say he kisses butt very well.....(he knows that I am mad at him) Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortbus74 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Share Posted October 12, 2004 flavius... I thank you for your point of view... I am happy just living with someone right now.... I sold myself short on my last marriage and it ended in divorce... I really do not want to EVER deal with that kind of pain and heartbreak again.... I thank God that I actually survived it! A long time ago my Grandma told me I should live with someone before I decide to get married (keep in mind she is old school Luthuren) I value her opinion on this because of her life experience..... This whole situation could be harmless, then on the other hand it be a horrible situation... Right now I do not know, only time will tell on this matter (and one phone call back later). If this turns out to be harmless then I will deal with him on this matter.... If this turns out to be something more than a phone number you could bet your first born children that there is no forgiveness on my part....It is my house and he will be asked to leave.. There is a lot of things that happen in my last marriage, and I learned from the mistakes that I made and I do not care to repeat history all over.... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 How about reverse phone lookup? You could get a name and address. It wouldn't be stalking - it would just be fact gathering. But I would be strongly tempted to kick him to the curb, and throw that big basket of smelly laundry after him. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 I don't think it works on cell phones, but home phones definitely. Try that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author shortbus74 Posted October 12, 2004 Author Share Posted October 12, 2004 UPDATE!! Well, she finally called back and she does not remember giving her phone out to my fiance... I told her that I was not mad or upset with her, and she understood why I was calling her... But the honey is still on my poo list.... There should be no reason why he should have taken this number if it was not related to work... Thanks to everyone!! hope you all have a great day..... Link to post Share on other sites
Bea77 Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 He Dosen't remember? Sounds fishy to me. Is there anyone you know that he went out with that night that could possibly fill you in on what happened? Maybe one of his friend's girlfriend knows. You could call the girl if you want, but I don't think you'll get anywhere, she could have gotten a hundred phone numbers that night. You never know, he could have been being the wingman for one of his single friends, and forgot to throw the number away Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts