LDR: I've been cheated :(

[bahaghari]

Well, I dunno if this is the right spot to post my thread but I'm really in a hard spot right now. I'm not really the type of person to get advice online but I can't talk about this problem with anyone who knows me and her personally so I'll give it try here.

 

So here's the story. I'm 27. Me and her were living together for almost 6 years now. We have minor fights but no history of something major like this one. Last November, she needed to go to overseas to work there. Our only means of communication was chat through IMs and via phone. We had fights sometimes on chat and phone while she's there. But its really minor fights like most couples do experience. We have happy moments as well. But just this last April, I felt something different. I felt something's not right... She's always been busy on her work and always go to dinner with her co-workers and stuffs like that. She never wonders about me anymore unlike before. So I decided to read articles about cheating and found almost all the signs perfect on her. I investigated deeper for months until last week I finally able to confront her when I was like 70% sure there something wrong going on. I bluffed her that I bugged her phone before she left so I know what she's doing on me. She called me and burst in tears. That's when I finally realized I was right. She told me everything in detail. The hardest thing is she's been seeing a married guy. They had sex 3 times over the past 2 months. It really hurts me badly. Been broken to pieces. I can't stop crying and couldn't eat for more than 30 hours.

 

The day after she told me everything. She rushed and flew home to try to talk to me. She was really sorry and said she was out of her right mind on those days when she did that. We talked and talked and cried and you know what's funny? I can't get mad on her. I'm like a hot headed guy but I don't know. I just want to hold her more tightly than before. I really really love her so much. She begged me to start everything again... I can see how sincere she is, how sorry, and how hurt she is for what happened. I told her not to go back there anymore and live her life with me now. I told her to drop everything and start again with me. She said just give her a couple of days to settle everything there like her resignation, etc. She said it will only take two weeks to settle everything there. But her boss told her she needs to stay until they find a replacement for her and render a month to train the replacement which is too long for me... I'm afraid that if I pick the pieces of myself without her helping me I will forget about her and move on alone. I really wanted to grow old with her. I'm also scared that the things she have done will haunt our future. Will we be able to rebuild trust? Can we go back to the untainted happy days like back then?

 

Oh and btw, she really loves her work. Its like her dream. It pains her to drop that job. But she's willing to drop that just to be with me. I dunno what to do right now. Should I wait for more than a month? What if I am healed and have moved on when she gets back? Please I need your advice and opinions. And sorry for my english.

[JessieJ08]

Well I think personally you guys should call it quit. I get you love each other but in this situation if you really love her the best you can do is let her go. I mean she was there just to work and ended up cheating on her life partner... I just feel some people can handle being separate Im with a guy in the military and I never have a weak moment to cheat when he is away we have children together I love him. Another thing she prob wants to come back to you because she slept with a married man who was prob always cheating on his wife and she was just another fling to him. She isnt going to get a relationship out of him specially if he knows she is cheating on a guy which I'm guessing he does if she knows he is married.

 

You were good to her you really love her and she noticed the mistake she made but did she really learn? its hard to say and how can you trust the situation for all you know the married man dropped her and she doesn't want to be alone physically which kinda sounds like the issue.

 

You can forgive her but you cant if she stays working her job thats not really forgiving her. your already dont trust her so I think you should move on and you know this it may hurt but since she pulled something like this I think you will be just fine without her go meet a girl who if you guys weren't in the same state you know she would be thinking about you and missing only you not cheating with any man specially married.

[Space Ritual]

Bahaghari your English is just fine...

 

I don't come here often anymore but I just wanted to say that Long distance relationships rarely work unless their is a major level of trust that can be backed up by action. Temptations are too powerful for too many people when they are physically separated from their S.O. or spouses and that is why I am not a believer in LDR's at all...

 

Having said that, I would have to say to you that your relationship with this girl is probably at an end. If you had to use a ruse to get her to confirm what you already knew, it will be difficult at best for you to ever regain the trust that you crave. I know you say you love her, but you are still a bit in shock right now. Even if you stay with her, you are going to hit the Anger stage at some point. There will be no more untainted happy days in the future, for the relationship you had is long dead. If she was able to rush home the next day after you busted her, then I would be very suspect as to her motivations for having to get back there and perhaps wait up to a month for her employment to end.

 

Your girlfriend has been having sex with a married man, not some teenage co-worker. Her excuses of not being in her right mind are just that-- excuses. She knew what she was doing and made the conscious choice to have sex with a married man 3 times, and because she was Long distance from you, probably had you not had to resort to bluffing her you would have never been the wiser.

 

So do what you want, but long term relationships are a dress rehearsal for a possible future life together. Some work, some don't but please do yourself a favor and please run from this girl now while you have the chance to find someone that won't cheat on you. Otherwise your will be back here in 6 months stunned that you got cheated on again....

 

Good Luck.

[ChessPieceFace]

I posted on this thread before, where is my post ...

 

Basically, I just said that you're better off moving on. You're selling yourself a fantasy; the reality is that you are now with a cheater who is likely to cheat again.