Vacation without the other half?

[lostone8]

Would you let your other half go on vacation without you?

 

I won a trip, filled out his info for my guest, and his background didn't pass. They offered me a chance to take someone else, so I wouldn't have to do it solo.

I decided it would be the best and less..messy if I took my sister. Not a girl friend or a guy friend, just my sister.

Well needless to say, this was not okay with him. To him, I should have forfeited the trip. It is selfish for me to go and leave him here by himself.

He has told me that he may not be here when I get back.

 

Is it usual for adults to go on girls trips or guys trips?

 

To me it always was. To him it isn't right, for some reason. He says that people don't do that sort of thing.

I have gone back and forth for months on weather what I am doing is right or not...

Decided to finally get an opinion. Please let me know what you honestly think.

Also it is only 3 days!

Thanks!

[Silly_Girl]

Would you let your other half go on vacation without you?

 

I won a trip, filled out his info for my guest, and his background didn't pass. They offered me a chance to take someone else, so I wouldn't have to do it solo.

I decided it would be the best and less..messy if I took my sister. Not a girl friend or a guy friend, just my sister.

Well needless to say, this was not okay with him. To him, I should have forfeited the trip. It is selfish for me to go and leave him here by himself.

He has told me that he may not be here when I get back.

 

Is it usual for adults to go on girls trips or guys trips?

 

To me it always was. To him it isn't right, for some reason. He says that people don't do that sort of thing.

I have gone back and forth for months on weather what I am doing is right or not...

Decided to finally get an opinion. Please let me know what you honestly think.

Also it is only 3 days!

Thanks!

 

I have frequently taken trips with my son and not my partner. Oh, and vice versa. I think a trip with your sister sounds lovely.

 

Why doesn't he trust you to be away from him?

[hotgurl]

I take trips with my girlfriends, without my husband. I also see my family without him sometimes. We take trips together as well. I think it is fine.

 

What is in his background that he didn't pass. that is odd.

[veggirl]

It's his fault. Maybe he shouldn't have a shady background that excludes him!

 

So yes if I was not allowed cause I had a criminal background i would understand my man taking a buddy or whatever.

[lostone8]

I am really not sure. He acts like it is going to be a really long time, and he can't survive with out me. He survived 20 something years before we got together, but can't last 3 days now. We have been together almost 3 years and it bothers me that he still doesn't act like he trusts me. Whenever the conversation comes up, He says that he trusts me, its the other people he doesn't trust.. Which I don't believe. He goes through my phone and facebook. Whenever Im talking or texting someone its "who the **** is that?" Anyone who pops up from the past automatically wants to "steal me". Along with all males are only around and only talk to you for one thing... I've been friends with males more than females my entire life, and I can honestly say out of all of them only 2 of them turned into something more.

[lostone8]

It was just a bad check. To be eligible to go you couldn't have any misdemeanors or felonies.

 

Has anyone else ever dealt with someone like this? Any tips?

[MidwestUSA]

It was just a bad check. To be eligible to go you couldn't have any misdemeanors or felonies.

 

Has anyone else ever dealt with someone like this? Any tips?

Sorry, but he is a control freak. You have to ask yourself if you want to spend the rest of your life living the way you have the last three years. Going thru your phone and Facebook? This is only okay if you've both agreed to have all of your stuff open to each other. IME, possessive, jealous, controlling guys like this are the first to turn around and cheat, justifying it as a refreshing break from the horrible fatigue caused by years of keeping tabs on you!

 

 

Of course you should be able to go on three day trip with your sister! But, you've got much bigger issues.

[jphcbpa]

I can see both sides of it. He is hurt that he can't go and is taking it out on you.

 

I think it is normal to take trips without partner. My g/f is going to Mexico this summer with her son and his friend.

 

Now girl trips to Vegas to party...ummmm that might be another story...

[jphcbpa]

I am really not sure. He acts like it is going to be a really long time, and he can't survive with out me. He survived 20 something years before we got together, but can't last 3 days now. We have been together almost 3 years and it bothers me that he still doesn't act like he trusts me. Whenever the conversation comes up, He says that he trusts me, its the other people he doesn't trust.. Which I don't believe. He goes through my phone and facebook. Whenever Im talking or texting someone its "who the **** is that?" Anyone who pops up from the past automatically wants to "steal me". Along with all males are only around and only talk to you for one thing... I've been friends with males more than females my entire life, and I can honestly say out of all of them only 2 of them turned into something more.

 

In all seriousness, he could benefit from seeing a therapist. Does he have childhood abandonment issues? He views other men/your networking/trips ect as threats, predators and poison. Trust me, this is very emotionally painful for him. Also, he might be a love addict.

[jphcbpa]

IME, possessive, jealous, controlling guys like this are the first to turn around and cheat, justifying it as a refreshing break from the horrible fatigue caused by years of keeping tabs on you! .

 

This is spot on...he will "act out" eventually and justify it in his head. He is either going to cling or run (and running looks like cheating ect)..there is no middle ground with this.

[lostone8]

Yes he has lots of problems with his childhood. I've tried to talk to him about talking to someone, like a counselor. He views talking to counselors as a weakness.

[jphcbpa]

Yes he has lots of problems with his childhood. I've tried to talk to him about talking to someone, like a counselor. He views talking to counselors as a weakness.

 

When he feels a threat (losing you is the ultimate fear), he copes like an 8 year old because this is all he knows. At this age we would stomp our feet, cry, rebel, run away ect. Pia Mellody "Facing Love Addition" will give some clarity.

 

He should view your trip as a growing experience for him to face this childhood fear, process it and grow from it. While you are gone, he should write as much as possible about how he feels, what he is afraid of, why he feels this way ect.

[lostone8]

Thank you! Hopefully that can help me understand this a little better. I will try to ease him into it somehow. Any other things that you can think of that would help, will be greatly appreciated.

[Ursa]

I can understand being a little hurt or disappointed, but his level of reaction is not normal, IMO. It's not really rational to expect somebody to give up a few days of free vacation altogether--I could understand if you had an infant at home and would be sticking him with 100% of the childcare, or if you had a history of infidelity marring your relationship history, or if you were planning on going away with a guy friend. But three days with your sister, provoking an "I won't be here when you get back"? That is definitely a sign of something deeper. As PP have said, he sounds very controlling and reactionary. Something is pushing a button for him, and he is irrationally taking it out on you and throwing up all kinds of warning flags you should pay attention to. How long have you been together? How old is he?

 

My husband and I prefer to take vacations together, but sometimes things come up. He recently took a week-long, semi-work related trip with some colleagues who are also friends. I would have loved to have gone, as they went to a city I really enjoy, but their work only paid for the trip if they doubled up on hotel rooms so I stayed home with the kids. I recently went off to the mountains for a week with our young son and my parents, and my husband would have loved to have come but he had to work. In July, I am going away for a weekend with a girlfriend, to get a little "me" time away from the kids. Last year, my husband went away for a weekend roadtrip with his best buddy after his buddy's dad died. This is all pretty normal stuff. We still have our major vacations together as a couple or as an entire family when we can, at least twice a year.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Would you let your other half go on vacation without you?

 

I won a trip, filled out his info for my guest, and his background didn't pass. They offered me a chance to take someone else, so I wouldn't have to do it solo.

I decided it would be the best and less..messy if I took my sister. Not a girl friend or a guy friend, just my sister.

Well needless to say, this was not okay with him. To him, I should have forfeited the trip. It is selfish for me to go and leave him here by himself.

He has told me that he may not be here when I get back.

 

Is it usual for adults to go on girls trips or guys trips?

 

To me it always was. To him it isn't right, for some reason. He says that people don't do that sort of thing.

I have gone back and forth for months on weather what I am doing is right or not...

Decided to finally get an opinion. Please let me know what you honestly think.

Also it is only 3 days!

Thanks!

 

 

Selfish behavior.

It isn't like you said "Oh well screw you! I'm going with my sister!"

You TRIED to take him, he is being ridiculous for getting upset at you for still wanting to go.

[marriedman321]

I think all relationships are different.

 

Some have boys night, girls night, separate trips, open relationships etc etc.

 

Is this the entire story? I know if my wife was asking advice she might leave out many important details.. For example, is this the only time you might have for a trip all year? Would you mind if he left you home for a few days and went on a trip without you? I know my wife likes to see her family, but she would hate the idea of me leaving somewhere without her. A bit of a double standard.

[Nyla]

Would you let your other half go on vacation without you?

 

I won a trip, filled out his info for my guest, and his background didn't pass. They offered me a chance to take someone else, so I wouldn't have to do it solo.

I decided it would be the best and less..messy if I took my sister. Not a girl friend or a guy friend, just my sister.

Well needless to say, this was not okay with him. To him, I should have forfeited the trip. It is selfish for me to go and leave him here by himself.

He has told me that he may not be here when I get back.

 

Is it usual for adults to go on girls trips or guys trips?

 

To me it always was. To him it isn't right, for some reason. He says that people don't do that sort of thing.

I have gone back and forth for months on weather what I am doing is right or not...

Decided to finally get an opinion. Please let me know what you honestly think.

Also it is only 3 days!

Thanks!

 

There is no "letting" a grown adult do anything. Our spouses are free to do what they want, as long as they know how their partners feel about their actions and hopefully take that into consideration.

 

My husband and I have never gone away without each other, unless I am going to spend a night or two at a girlfriend's house. My husband wouldn't mind me taking a girls trip without him, as long as I let him know I was okay. He trusts that nothing inappropriate is going to happen.

 

I think your husband is being dramatic, unfair and controlling. It is only THREE days and you are bringing your sister. Does your husband have any reason not to trust you?

[lostone8]

He is 25, I am 24. Not married yet, No kids. He still has a week of vacation to take this year.

[MissBee]

Would you let your other half go on vacation without you?

 

I won a trip, filled out his info for my guest, and his background didn't pass. They offered me a chance to take someone else, so I wouldn't have to do it solo.

I decided it would be the best and less..messy if I took my sister. Not a girl friend or a guy friend, just my sister.

Well needless to say, this was not okay with him. To him, I should have forfeited the trip. It is selfish for me to go and leave him here by himself.

He has told me that he may not be here when I get back.

 

Is it usual for adults to go on girls trips or guys trips?

 

To me it always was. To him it isn't right, for some reason. He says that people don't do that sort of thing.

I have gone back and forth for months on weather what I am doing is right or not...

Decided to finally get an opinion. Please let me know what you honestly think.

Also it is only 3 days!

Thanks!

 

I don't think couples should use other people as a barometer for what is normal and comfortable for them. Every relationship is unique and the couple has to decide for themselves what is acceptable or not. It's up to you and your bf/husband to come to some kind of compromise about this.

 

For me: girls trips and guys trips are normal. However, I'm not married. I think when married, I'd probably prefer couples' trips, as I guess girls or guys trips seem more like something singles do. But it also depends. I should be able to go over it with my spouse and he me, if such a trip comes up, and come to some decision we're both comfortable with. Your husband having a problem with you taking your sister is a bit much IMO. I wouldn't expect my spouse to have a problem with me going on a trip with my sister or mom or aunt or something.

[Star Gazer]

I've had a couple of checks returned for insufficient funds over the years when I've paid too many bills at once. That never lead, however, to having a record. Methinks it's a little more than "just" a bad check that Romeo passed.

 

Indeed. To be charged, never mind convicted, it has to be intentionally fraudulent.

[MissBee]

Except we don't really know anything about the OP or her sister.

 

You're right--why would a man worry about his gf going on a trip with her sister UNLESS he had good reason to worry?

 

What is the purpose of the trip? OP hasn't said. Typically these trips are to get away from the bf and have the freedom to bang other men.

 

Are you secretly the OP's paranoid boyfriend?

 

Based on his past behavior of being jealous of any and everyone and checking her emails, FB, etc...it seems the insecurity and control freak mentality lies with him and is his regular mode of being.

 

She said she won this trip and his background didn't check out so he couldn't go, did you miss that part? Clearly, it wasn't a case of her planning to run off to bang other men , she very well planned on taking him, but his own criminal record prevented him from going, so now she's taking her sister.

 

To the OP: you are not married and don't have kids. In my opinion, life is too short to be wasted dating controlling, jealous, paranoid, man-children.

[RAN65]

It is not about Trust, controlling, jealousy, selfishness or unfairness about your BF. It is only his EGO for him to say not ok, because he was REJECTED for the trip.

 

As mentioned in this thread about guys only, girls only & business trips, those are totally different. Here your BF was REJECTED so is the problem.

 

As you have said that he has a full week of vacation left for him, let go the 3 DAY(only) trip, instead ask your BF to take you for a vacation wherein both of you would have a nice time.

 

I had the same problem, my wife was rejected for a free 1week trip & I did not take the free trip. My wife is more important to me than the TRIP. I took her on a Trip the same time the free trip was offered. She was very happy & we as a family are now even more happy than ever before.

Edited June 27, 2013 by RAN65

[Sparty97]

If my wife wanted to go on a vacation without me I would drive her to the airport...

 

That said, this guy sounds like a complete doosh.

[LimeBlue]

He is a control freak. But then again, I hate any type of "keeping a person under thumb" behavior. If I were you, I would go on the trip and hope he sticks to his word that he won't be there when you get back - he will only get worse over the years to come. Run away now.

[TropicalMango]

The trip is the least of your worries here. He goes through your emails and FB? What the?