BF of 2 months is leaving for 6 months. How to proceed?

[inaya42]

if i were you, i would enjoy the time you have now and begin to emotionally detach. prepare to wish him well on his journey and ask him to find you when he is again on your side of the ocean. alternately, you could let him go and, once he is settled there, see if he reaches out to you.

 

if he is not explicitly planning how to build the relationship while away, then chances are it will fizzle. having the LDR fail slowly is more painful, i think, than a warm goodbye now. so save yourself the heartache. enjoy your beau now. wish him well when it's time for him to leave, and ask him to find you when he is again stateside. good luck.

Edited June 14, 2013 by inaya42

[lamaga]

if i were you, i would enjoy the time you have now and begin to emotionally detach. prepare to wish him well on his journey and ask him to find you when he is again on your side of the ocean. alternately, you could let him go and, once he is settled there, see if he reaches out to you.

 

if he is not explicitly planning how to build the relationship while away, then chances are it will fizzle. having the LDR fail slowly is more painful, i think, than a warm goodbye now. so save yourself the heartache. enjoy your beau now. wish him well when it's time for him to leave, and ask him to find you when he is again stateside. good luck.

 

I know this is a rational option but it's easier said than done.

[lamaga]

Yeah, Haiti is very far and at the moment no chance to get there as he doesn't have his own flat nor money (and the only two hotels I found are 150€/night! Impossible )...

 

Well, are you working? With a student's job one visit in the USA could be possible, couldn't it? urlaubsguru.de (also on fb) often has quite good offers to go to the U.S., for example.

Although maybe you shouldn't talk about visiting to him now if that might stress him? There's still time to talk about that...

 

And 6 months really are manageable! I mean, you would have all the opportunities to skype, chat, phone, mail etc. If you're keeping yourself busy time will fly. And you will be in a new country, too, so you can concentrate on discovering it instead of crying and missing him

I haven't been able to do a skype to my bf since 3rd of january nor does he have internet connection so it's only just phone calls for months now. And it does work It's hard but one grows accostumed to everything You probably will discover you are stronger than you ever thought you could be!

 

 

 

Well, I think if you tell him these things you won't put too much pressure on him. If you tell him that you would like to TRY (not be in) a LDR. If you tell him that you want to support him and that you will understand it when you won't hear from him for a week (or two) or sth because he's busy you're giving him a lot of freedom but safety at the same time. Because he will feel there's someone caring about him. And that's, actually, one of the most beautiful feelings in a relationship, isn't it: knowing there is somebody who really cares about you:love:

 

I think I must tell him I love him, that's the only way for me to get closure.

Unsure how, maybe if I next see him I can cook for him... I keep inviting him to my house when my parents are away but he is too busy to come over It sucks, but maybe he will still come tonight and I will cook for him and see what happens.

Usually it's me staying over at his house and he does only have a kitchenette, not really much space to cook

[lamaga]

 

Well, I think if you tell him these things you won't put too much pressure on him. If you tell him that you would like to TRY (not be in) a LDR. If you tell him that you want to support him and that you will understand it when you won't hear from him for a week (or two) or sth because he's busy you're giving him a lot of freedom but safety at the same time. Because he will feel there's someone caring about him. And that's, actually, one of the most beautiful feelings in a relationship, isn't it: knowing there is somebody who really cares about you:love:

 

 

Update: We finally had our talk today. 2,5 hours of tears... on both sides.

We decided to stay in touch, not pretend like this never happened, and see where it goes. After all we have extreme feelings for each other and this won't just go away. But the uncertainty of his return would make a LDR extremely difficult and put pressure on both of us.

I am glad he was finally so open with me about everything. He says he is not closed off to a LDR but is scared as to how things will progress once he is back in the US. I guess he is afraid to have his heart broken, and I told him I wont go away and that the only way for me to show is over time. He agreed. I am happy that we talked though, it makes it easier to know he feels the same..

[amayana]

Hi there, I thought I might post something because I was in a similar situation slightly over a year ago with my current BF, who's American.

 

My BF was an exchange student at my university in London for a short semester. Long story short, we met at a bar and fell in love. We had been in a relationship for 2 1/2 months when he had to go back to the States.

 

However, we decided to stay together despite the distance. At that time we were both only halfway done with university and we had no clue when we would be able to be with each other. All we knew is that maybe we could figure sth out after we both graduated. It turns out I'm going to the US now for a couple of months so we'll be that much closer. It truly feels like we're slowly coming closer to overcoming this LDR.

 

LDRs are scary and difficult. We both didn't go into this relationship with a whole lot of hope but we're still together. It takes a lot of commitment and trust. The sacrifices my bf and I made for each other are countless and I'm broke all the time because I spend all my money on my studies and seeing him. It's worth it though. I wouldn't change a thing if I could.

 

It's always good to try things. We just have this one life. Don't let fear block your true feelings if that's what you think is happening. 6 months wouldn't be too bad if he found a job, like the others said. If you decide you don't want to rush into anything, keep in touch with him, yes. But you might run he risk of it petering out. Best of luck to you!

[lamaga]

Hi there, I thought I might post something because I was in a similar situation slightly over a year ago with my current BF, who's American.

 

My BF was an exchange student at my university in London for a short semester. Long story short, we met at a bar and fell in love. We had been in a relationship for 2 1/2 months when he had to go back to the States.

 

However, we decided to stay together despite the distance. At that time we were both only halfway done with university and we had no clue when we would be able to be with each other. All we knew is that maybe we could figure sth out after we both graduated. It turns out I'm going to the US now for a couple of months so we'll be that much closer. It truly feels like we're slowly coming closer to overcoming this LDR.

 

LDRs are scary and difficult. We both didn't go into this relationship with a whole lot of hope but we're still together. It takes a lot of commitment and trust. The sacrifices my bf and I made for each other are countless and I'm broke all the time because I spend all my money on my studies and seeing him. It's worth it though. I wouldn't change a thing if I could.

 

It's always good to try things. We just have this one life. Don't let fear block your true feelings if that's what you think is happening. 6 months wouldn't be too bad if he found a job, like the others said. If you decide you don't want to rush into anything, keep in touch with him, yes. But you might run he risk of it petering out. Best of luck to you!

 

 

Thanks for your reply.

He has been gone for a day now.

We chatted a bit yesterday, but he is so so so bad at technology... and always cold when we chat. So I hope he will call me later because I haven't seen his face in two days and it is driving me insane...

I wonder how things will be... I am scared he will stop being in touch. But then again, if he feels as strongly as me, I am sure he is thinking of me as much as I am of him. He just arrived last night, so I am sure he has a lot to take care of today - since he just moved back home after having lived abroad, here where we met, for 4 months. So I hope we will develop some sort of routine - it would make things so much easier...

I am scared.. really scared..