This has become a nightmare

[Prettybones]

I was in a "relationship" for almost a year with a man that was completely toxic, cheated, lied, and it finally ended. Our whole relationship was a secret and involved him seeing other women. Our relationship was a secret because his best friend and roommate is my ex bf from high school. The man I was dating wanted it a secret and constantly threatened me if anyone found out. He is a very good liar and 2 weeks ago I found out (no surprise) that he was dating another girl after telling me he wasnt. I ended things over text but he made it worse by insisting he come over to talk to me. He completely broke my heart and made things worse and told me never to tell anyone. He threatened me and pushed me up against a wall and told me, "look at me while I talk to you". I was so scared I decided not to tell anyone.

 

He then said he was changing his phone number because he wanted to fix his issues on his own and not be tempted to text me and there was "no one else" (lies). I havent heard from him in four days. I decided it was time to be honest with my ex bf (his roommate) and let him know that his friend (the guy I was dating) has been lying to him. I told him the whole story and now I feel like its backfired on me. I don't think he believes his friend would lie to him this bad ( he would though, he lies to everyone). I am just trying to deal with this break up but its very difficult because of all the secrets and lies I feel like I have to undo.

 

I'm not sure what to do. I feel like no one believes me. The past year of my life has been a lie even thought this man told me he loved me. A few of my friends know about this "relationship" but I thought telling my ex (his roommate) would be the icing on the cake. I was honest with everyone I could possibly be honest with but I'm left with emptiness and no closure. This relationship was very rocky, dishonest, toxic, and full of lies. I have a lot of pieces to pick up and I'm not sure where to start. Its even worse because he has chosen to change his number and left everything on his terms even though I ended it first.

[pteromom]

its very difficult because of all the secrets and lies I feel like I have to undo.

 

You don't have to undo anything. It really doesn't matter if people believe you or not. YOU know the truth, and that's all that matters.

 

Its even worse because he has chosen to change his number and left everything on his terms even though I ended it first.

 

And? You are free of him. Just be grateful for that. The winner here is you, because you are FREE.

 

This relationship was very rocky, dishonest, toxic, and full of lies. I have a lot of pieces to pick up and I'm not sure where to start.

 

1. Be grateful it is over.

2. Distance yourself from his friends or from people who don't believe you.

3. Surround yourself with your friends and family and people who love you.

4. Don't count on HIM to keep up no-contact. When he gets lonely or horny, he'll come sniffing around. Block him. Block his number, his Facebook, anything else he can use to contact you.

5. Start the hard work of replacing all his criticisms and insults in your head with positive loving thoughts, and get to a place where you are able to love yourself before you start trying to move on to a new relationship.

[Prettybones]

Thank you, honestly I feel crazy. Like the past year just went by and I'm left alone with nothing. I want to get back to the place I was at before I met him and he turned everything upside down. I am so anxious right now I hope this passes.