LADYWOLFE Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Ok, I know this is an old age issue but I am new to all this and I really trying to understand why i feel so badly wronged and nobody seems to feel its an issue. Why would my partner's self-masturbation, in private, affect me so much, like i had the breath sucked right now my lungs? We had a conversation only a few months ago and we talked openly about it about what happened previously before we got together and he stated that he us to 'relieve' himself periodically since he was alone (understandable, i did it to) but he also then proceeded to state that since he and I have been together, over a year now, that he hasnt had to. Well, i have been suspecting it lately (over the past month really) so i just asked him the direct question. He avoided it at first but then when he state yes when i became upset that he wouldnt talk. Now i feel like its my fault and that I am not doing enough to please him. I mean we have sex a good 5-7 times a week -- minus the week of inaccessbility -- and even then I provide him relief (suffering on my own mind you........no relief possible for me....) why is it a man cannot wait for 7 friggin days-- if i woman can do it, a man can...esp when i am there to help out when needed. Just interested in trying to get a grip and believe me, i realize most of you will say its ok -- just explain to me why its hurting right now?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 I had a UTI the other day, and the urologist told me that I should try to ejaculate EVERY DAY of my life. People just don't realise that men are biologically designed to ejaculate at least once a day. It's critical for prostate health to ejaculate regularly. Besides, a self-orgasm is the most intense orgasm, ever. Surely you masturbate yourself? Just because someone masturbates, doesn't mean that they find you unattractive, or that sex with you is unfulfilling. Masturbation is a pure physical release, and you can get it off whenever. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 just explain to me why its hurting right now?????? Now i feel like its my fault and that I am not doing enough to please him. Asked and answered. You have decided that you know the reason and that the reason is a failure on your part. That's incorrect, but as long as you choose to believe it, you will continue to make your own self feel bad. Change the belief and you'll change the feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon Besides, a self-orgasm is the most intense orgasm, ever. huh? now that has surprised me. never as intense with a woman? go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hmm... let me rephrase - it's not the orgasm itself, but getting there that is physically the most intense. Each movement is perfect, simply because it's YOU making it. Yes. I'm still here Link to post Share on other sites
Proto Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 *sigh It's not the end of the world because your husband masturbates. Your husband still loves you. Your husband still has sex with you 5-7 times a week. Your husband masturbates because it is natural. If you're having such a hard time when you're not around him, why don't you masturbate too? You will feel much better and realize that there's nothing morally wrong with doing something that is 100% natural. It is not your fault and because you are having sex 5-7 times a week you clearly are meeting his needs, so just calm down. Everything will be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
bluetuesday Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 what a pretty way to say it, each movement is perfect. reminds me of why i like watching this glorious act sooo much. Link to post Share on other sites
marie337 Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 I know exactly how you feel. I have been dealing with this for about 4 years by letting my feelings quietly stir and not burdening my husband. A few weeks ago some things happened in our relationship which brought all my feelings front and center to the disappointment of both myself and my husband. We've just been talking a lot together about why it bothers me and what about it makes me upset. Talking about it really helps me. I don't expect my husband to understand but I do expect myself to not hold it over his head for doing something that pleases him. I'm just trying to figure out a way to accept what he does and turn it into a positive for me. For instance, I get really upset when I'm away at class and I think about him home masturbating. I'm beginning to realize that I'm upset because I'm not there and can't be apart of the action. So, I'm going to try letting the action turn me on and go with that feeling instead of being angry about it. I hope that makes sense. Trust me, there is no quick fix for your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LADYWOLFE Posted October 12, 2004 Author Share Posted October 12, 2004 That is what i am trying to do -- deal with it -- I actually think i might be around when he is doing it but as I am just discovering it, I am not really sure anymore. I guess I just like to think that if I am providing the services for him, why does he have to continue to do it himself, i make a point of making sure he is getting relief when I am unavailable because i know that would not be pleasant -- I know women feel different about it and he made a joke about me doing it because he misunderstood me and I said I WOULD NEVER DO THAT -- like betraying him -- you know???? I think if i honestly told him i do the same thing, he would then understand because he makes a point to determine whether he has satisfied me -- and its not always -- so if i tell him i can do myself that way -- he would then feel the failure. But i dont want to do that to him because i am fine with it. A man always comes away satisified, a woman, not quite so many times!! ;-) thanks for the input -- if you survived 4 years, I am sure we can do too -- we are going to talk about it tonight and i am sure he will make me all bubbly inside -- or rather, i will just bite my tongue and deal with it because its obviously my issue anyways Thanks!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Your partner will not stop masturbating unless he suffers some form of physical damage which prevents him from doing so. Masturbating is not cheating, and when your partner masturbates, it is not an indicative that you are lacking in the area of sexual performance Masturbation is a very private thing, and it is very enjoyable. It makes no sense to stop doing something that we as individuals can always look to, at any time, which makes us feel amazing. I sense that if you make a big deal out of your partner's masturbation, you will succeed in severely damaging, if not ruining, your relationship. There are far more important things to worry about, such as legitimate arguments. Link to post Share on other sites
DaiseyEyes Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Masturbation also helps most men to last longer in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
SeaShells Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 I disagree Daisy - when my man masturbates too much his erection doesn't seem near as big or as rock hard as it does if he goes without doing it for several days and saves up for me. He tends to lose his erection quicker when he masturbates too much. I think men who jack off too much to porn don't enjoy regular lovemaking. They get addicted to the raunchy images and normal sex just doesn't seem as exciting. Therefore they jack off in private and rely on that for quickies or thrills rather than rely on their partners. This is why so many women complain about their men and porn. If women started doing this and relied more on vibrators and hot naked firemen - I'm sure guys would be complaining just like the women! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 In these discussions, it is critical to distinguish between people who masturbate but do not affect their sex lives and those whose masturbating does create a negative impact on the relationship. This thread is about the former sort of situation. Your situation is somewhat different in that you find sex is rarer when he spends too much time with himself. This could be a budding addiction or it could be symbolic of trouble in the relationship. Have you tried talking to him about what's wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by LADYWOLFE Now i feel like its my fault and that I am not doing enough to please him. I mean we have sex a good 5-7 times a week -- minus the week of inaccessbility -- and even then I provide him relief (suffering on my own mind you........no relief possible for me....) why is it a man cannot wait for 7 friggin days-- if i woman can do it, a man can...esp when i am there to help out when needed. ::Blink:: Inaccessible? That sounds very prim and proper! Is it him that minds the blood or you? Nevermind. Let me just say that there is no medical reason what so ever to refrain from sex during your menses. It actually helps with cramps. If its freaking you out that badly, that he masturbates during that week, get on the pill that stops your period. You only have four a year. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Papillon Besides, a self-orgasm is the most intense orgasm, ever. Surely you masturbate yourself? Just because someone masturbates, doesn't mean that they find you unattractive, or that sex with you is unfulfilling. Masturbation is a pure physical release, and you can get it off whenever. I agree with above 100%. Many women don't understand men's need to masturbate. WE've been doing it since an early age and will continue to do it. It is normal for men and has little to do with our relationship. As long as a guy is not spankin' the monkey 8 times per day there is no problem. A female friend of mine told me a whle a go she found porno mags under the mattress of her 15 yr old son's bed. I told her it is normall and to thank god they were not copies of gay porno mags or architechural digest. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustard Bomb Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Agreed, mastrubation, good. For both sexes. A female friend of mine told me a whle a go she found porno mags under the mattress of her 15 yr old son's bed. I told her it is normall and to thank god they were not copies of gay porno mags or architechural digest. Er - so neither homosexuals nor the tasteful should masturbate? How very surprising. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Mustard Bomb Agreed, mastrubation, good. For both sexes. Er - so neither homosexuals nor the tasteful should masturbate? How very surprising. there is nothing wrong with being gay but it would just have been antoher thing for my friend to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Originally posted by Papillon I had a UTI the other day, and the urologist told me that I should try to ejaculate EVERY DAY of my life. People just don't realise that men are biologically designed to ejaculate at least once a day. It's critical for prostate health to ejaculate regularly. Besides, a self-orgasm is the most intense orgasm, ever. Surely you masturbate yourself? Just because someone masturbates, doesn't mean that they find you unattractive, or that sex with you is unfulfilling. Masturbation is a pure physical release, and you can get it off whenever. wait wait... prostate health? eeeeh I might be worried as I don't masturbate. sure sometimes I wake up only to find I ejaculated - but I don't consciously masturbate. Never enjoyed it much I guess... Now if I'm not healthy I may have to check with a doctor. Should I? Link to post Share on other sites
Jason 2003 Posted January 9, 2005 Share Posted January 9, 2005 Men like masturbating because the orgasm you get is way better and more intense than with partner sex. Married men especially want to have this kind of intense orgasm every now and then for a change. Just as long as he doesn't end up preferring it, I wouldn't worry. Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl26 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Maybe I am wrong but this is just my 2cents. My husband and I grew up in two very different environments. His tons of kids and their was no talking about anything, mine I am an only child talked about everything. When we got married the issue came up several times starting an arguement everytime. He would do it constantly but very secretively with porn and without. This really frustrates me as I am a really open person and would prefer that he just not lie about it but it has to do with the way he was raised. He will never change about it and still argues with me when I try to discuss it. It bothers you like it bothers me, to me it means that he cannot be open and honest about it. Being honest with me is more sexy than anything, if I walked in on him doing it that is a huge turn on, but since he cannot be open with me about it than it is an immediate turn off and quite frankly hurts my feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
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