Girlfriend too hot to get over.

[blakeatron]

Hey, I am new to this forum but hopefully I can get advice.

 

I am a 21 year old college student who made a pretty bad decision. When I was 18 (freshman year) I met an incredibly hot girl at a party. Everyone at the party was telling me she had a boyfriend but we still talked. Apparently she didn't care about her 3 year boyfriend because she started to make out with me and telling me they were breaking up. We had sex that night and a couple nights that week. After about a month I noticed that she wasn't breaking up with her boyfriend any time soon.

 

So after 2 years of random sex and she was off and on with her boyfriend. There was no doubt in my mind that she was having sex with other people as well.

 

About 4.5 months ago, we were both single. We started hanging out a couple of times a week and she started talking about dating. Of course, my first reaction was HELL NO. There was no way I could trust her. After saying no, we had 2 separate 2-3 hour conversations about how she was "going to turn over a new leaf" and she "talked with her parents and felt bad about what she did" and stuff. Overall, I guess she convinced me to date her.

 

I am a poker player who is doing very well so the first 4 months that we dated went insanely well. I purposely was making sure I was an amazing boyfriend to her so she would have no reason to even think about cheating. We went out to expensive restaurants, etc. She was also very satisfied in bed (I won't go into too much detail but she was saying I was the best she ever had and the details were confirming her beliefs )

 

So she gets a job at a theme park. Near the 4 month mark, I go to her house and right when I sit on her bed she breaks up with me. We previously had no fights or anything and everything seemed fantastic. She told me "I don't want to waste your time" and "I don't feel the same way". After about an hour of me trying to dissect the situation, we eventually got back together.

 

For a week following this event, she was very distant. I went over about 3 nights ago and asked her what the real reason was. At first she said "I just don't feel the same way". When I told her that doesn't make sense because she was so incredibly happy for the first four months, she told me "I have urges for some guy at work and I don't want to cheat." Right then I knew. I asked, "Did you cheat on me already?". She said "No I didn't." I said, "Yes, you did." And she just nodded her head and started crying. She cheated on me a month ago. She also let me take her to nice restaurants and told me how much she liked me within this month period.

 

This girl is AMAZINGLY hot. Seriously a 9 if not a perfect 10. She has the same body dimensions as Kim Kardashian and has an amazing face and beautiful eyes. Sorry but her ass and boobs are literally perfect.

 

I am a good looking college student with a good income and I have always had a girl by my side for the last 7 years. I have never been alone and there was always someone there. Now that she is gone, I have nobody. (I do have friends but I have no girl)

 

I haven't eaten in 2 days and I have slept probably 10 hours in the last 3. I am going insane with fury and jealousy and just everything sucks so much. I am so disturbed and sick to my stomach.

 

How can I get over this girl knowing that I will more than likely have to downgrade in physical attractiveness with the next girl I date? Sorry if that seems shallow but it's all that is going through my mind.

 

Not only that, she was just a great person to be around and was slightly awkward at times but I didn't mind. I didn't know where else to turn so I came here. All of these "tips on how to get over a breakup" sites are saying.. "MAKE SURE TO UPGRADE!!". I just don't know if I can upgrade. This is killing me so much. Please help :/

 

I have never NOT had someone there in 7 years and I don't know how to handle it. It feels so insanely terrible.

Edited June 14, 2013 by blakeatron

[flitzanu]

not sure it matters how hot she is when she cheated on you and dumped you, does it?

 

i'd figure that would be enough for you to not want to chase a girl...a girl that wanted to bang other dudes while she was dating you.

[blakeatron]

I don't want her back whatsoever. I just can't get over her. I can't get her out of my head and I am afraid I will never find a girl as attractive as her and that drives me crazy.

[Sneaky]

Ehm, honestly she sounds like a horribly person. I can't see how you'd possibly be "downgrading" from someone like that.

[blakeatron]

This is a really shallow post and I apologize for that. I know there are girls with WAY better personalities out there and I am confident I can find one.

 

I just feel like there is no way to find a girl who is a 9 or a 10 that has a good personality or who isn't a total slut. Especially in college.

[mammasita]

Hotness shouldn't be your deciding factor. Honestly hotness should be a plus and shouldn't be the reason why you feel bad that you aren't with her anymore.

 

Seriously sit down and make a list of her pros and cons.....and be honest with yourself. I bet the cons list it 3x longer than the pros.

[forgetmenot75]

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting.

she obviously doesn't want to have a serious relationship with you at the moment. You are sexually attracted to her, and you probably are emotionally attached to her. Break ups are tough, and you need to move on.

She probably will contact you, but you need to keep in mind, she's not looking for something serious and you might be hurt again.

 

You see her as a 10, but it's your perception (I am a woman, and I particularly think K Kardashian is cute but there are million other women more attractive than her). You'll find other girl, even more attractive than her. You're hurt because she dumped you and you think you'll never find anyone else like her, but keep in mind, this is only your perception.

[blakeatron]

I'd like to clear up that hotness is definitely not my deciding factor in dating girls. I have gotten past that a while ago.

 

I just feel like that if I downgrade in physical attractiveness, I will always have this idea in the back of my mind of this girl who is just stupid beautiful. In turn, I am afraid that I might feel less physically attracted to the good girl that I am with and that will cause problems in our relationship.

[blakeatron]

Enjoy the pain, buddy. Shouldn't of been sleeping with this skeezy whore to begin with, she had a boyfriend in the beginning of your friendship.

 

I agree. It was a terrible thing to do because that kid probably felt the same way that I do now but worse.

 

The reason I dated her, like I said, was because she convinced me through a couple really intense and intimate conversations that she wanted to turn over a new leaf. I couldn't resist.

[flitzanu]

This is a really shallow post and I apologize for that. I know there are girls with WAY better personalities out there and I am confident I can find one.

 

I just feel like there is no way to find a girl who is a 9 or a 10 that has a good personality or who isn't a total slut. Especially in college.

 

heh, as a dater of MOSTLY fine women, all i can say is, be prepared and patient to be single. there's no harm in being shallow or picky, but you may have very dry spells. but i can tell you, it can happen more than once to land 9s or 10s.

[Sneaky]

She's a liar and a cheater, who cares what she looks like? She is rotten inside.

 

You really need to look past this imaginary rating system, people are not just a set of numbers or "upgrades/downgrades." Try to find someone that's honest and makes you happy, someone worth building a relationship with.

[GB25]

dime a dozen bro

 

shes always looking for the next best thing to boost her poor self esteem

 

she will learn her lesson when some guy does the same to her and leaves her in pieces

 

it will happen

[blakeatron]

heh, as a dater of MOSTLY fine women, all i can say is, be prepared and patient to be single. there's no harm in being shallow or picky, but you may have very dry spells. but i can tell you, it can happen more than once to land 9s or 10s.

 

Well I have a question. I am not usually picky (although of course I prefer a hotter girl all other factors excluded), but does me dating this girl and going through this mean that I need to be?

 

Am I going to be physically shallow towards any girl that isn't a 9 or a 10 from now on? Idk if anyone has experience in this particular situation or if I am just being insanely shallow.

[McGriff]

I get the "she's so hot" thing. When I was younger, I dated what I considered a 10, her name was Shelby. OMG, I couldn't stop looking at her. But she was a HORRIBLE person. Flaky, slutty, untrustworthy, shallow, the whole nine yards. We only dated a couple months, before she was on to the next guy. That's the thing with "10's". They are constantly being hit on by guys, and it feeds those bad qualities about them. They get away with it, because there is always gonna be a guy willing to put up with their sh*t. Like you, I was devastated at first, and then I started dating a girl who was about a 7. Was the love of my life. We dated for 5 years. She was SOOOOO much better than Shelby in every way. I guess what I'm saying is---yeah, you'll be down for a bit, but just know that she did you a favor. That girl is gonna give a lot of guys a lot of problems. Be glad you're off the train. Looks are fleeting. It's just the packaging, it's what's inside that really counts. Think of it like a toy. One box is really cool looking, but when you open it the toy breaks or doesn't even work properly. Sucks. Then there's the box that's so-so, but it's a toy you love and play with for many years. I know that's kinda basic, but it's really true. You'll be fine I promise.

[blakeatron]

I get the "she's so hot" thing. When I was younger, I dated what I considered a 10, her name was Shelby. OMG, I couldn't stop looking at her. But she was a HORRIBLE person. Flaky, slutty, untrustworthy, shallow, the whole nine yards. We only dated a couple months, before she was on to the next guy. That's the thing with "10's". They are constantly being hit on by guys, and it feeds those bad qualities about them. They get away with it, because there is always gonna be a guy willing to put up with their sh*t. Like you, I was devastated at first, and then I started dating a girl who was about a 7. Was the love of my life. We dated for 5 years. She was SOOOOO much better than Shelby in every way. I guess what I'm saying is---yeah, you'll be down for a bit, but just know that she did you a favor. That girl is gonna give a lot of guys a lot of problems. Be glad you're off the train. Looks are fleeting. It's just the packaging, it's what's inside that really counts. Think of it like a toy. One box is really cool looking, but when you open it the toy breaks or doesn't even work properly. Sucks. Then there's the box that's so-so, but it's a toy you love and play with for many years. I know that's kinda basic, but it's really true. You'll be fine I promise.

 

Thank you very much for your response.

[McGriff]

No problem. One more thing---and this sounds really bad, but hey, you're trying to get over it so anything goes right? Just look at her her like an object, not a person. Beautiful women like that who just go with the next penis that comes despite being in a relationship or whatever, are just being treated as objects. Guys look at her, and without knowing a thing about her, they want to have sex with her, and after a couple drinks and an hour of conversation, she lets them. They treat her like an object, and she deserves it. You enjoyed her, you had her sexually. That's about all she's good for right? I mean, she's not gonna commit to anybody, so you had your turn. I'm not trying to be mean, but I think you dodged a bullet. I said it before, and it usually takes us guys many years to figure this out, but the outside is a temporary thing, it drives the reptilian part of our brains, but it is probably 10% of what drives a long term, happy relationship, which is what we all want. What's inside a woman, is what determines long term happiness for you. If you don't hear anything else, hear that. Good luck, my young friend.

[KatZee]

Wow, you're extremely shallow. I'll let it slide for now because you're just a kid. You have yet to really grasp what matters in a relationship.

 

And honestly, I don't care how hot someone is. The second you cheat, that 9 or 10 rating goes down to a zero.

 

She's a zero.

 

She cheated on her ex, she cheated on you, and she'll cheat on the next. That to me is disgusting. Go get an STD test.

[SimonSerenade]

I've been there man, it's horrible when there hot, id sooner be geting over a hot girl though than a fat ugly one, my last girlfriend was hot, not everyone's cup of tea but to me she had all the right moves in all the right places, I swear sometimes I STILL bust nutts all over myself thinking about her, she was one in a million.

[thefooloftheyear]

I get the "she's so hot" thing. When I was younger, I dated what I considered a 10, her name was Shelby. OMG, I couldn't stop looking at her. But she was a HORRIBLE person. Flaky, slutty, untrustworthy, shallow, the whole nine yards. We only dated a couple months, before she was on to the next guy. That's the thing with "10's". They are constantly being hit on by guys, and it feeds those bad qualities about them. They get away with it, because there is always gonna be a guy willing to put up with their sh*t. Like you, I was devastated at first, and then I started dating a girl who was about a 7. Was the love of my life. We dated for 5 years. She was SOOOOO much better than Shelby in every way. I guess what I'm saying is---yeah, you'll be down for a bit, but just know that she did you a favor. That girl is gonna give a lot of guys a lot of problems. Be glad you're off the train. Looks are fleeting. It's just the packaging, it's what's inside that really counts. Think of it like a toy. One box is really cool looking, but when you open it the toy breaks or doesn't even work properly. Sucks. Then there's the box that's so-so, but it's a toy you love and play with for many years. I know that's kinda basic, but it's really true. You'll be fine I promise.

 

 

My thoughts precisely....

 

As much as I hate the fact that I have some miles on me, no way would I like to go back to the times when I made dumb mistakes as a young man.

 

Women are so much more than a pretty face, a pair of tits and a vagina.. Look at the whole package..Id much rather have a 7 that is an all around awesome woman than a 10 thats a damaged pain in the ass.

 

TFY

[bluegreen]

Am not sure whom I feel more sorry for you or her.

But as someone said you are young it will take a years for you to get to where you need to be.

[LOSTnMT]

Enjoy the pain, buddy. Shouldn't of been sleeping with this skeezy whore to begin with, .

 

Skeezy whore = Kim Kardashian

[frostythesnowman]

I know the same feeling. I'm more attracted to my ex than any girl I know, making it 10x harder. Perfect body, pretty much my dream girl regarding looks. My advice is to obviously block her on all social media sites so you don't have to see her, and MAKE SURE you just don't see her at all. When I haven't seen my ex in a while, it makes this side of the pain a lot easier.

 

Even though we might think there aren't hotter girls out there, there definitely are... Just haven't met them yet

[coltsfan1]

Enjoy the pain, buddy. Shouldn't of been sleeping with this skeezy whore to begin with, she had a boyfriend in the beginning of your friendship.

 

This is to true!!! If she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you!!!!

[johan]

This is lesson #1 in becoming a man: looks mean nothing if you want a quality woman. The better looking a woman is, the more likely she is to rely on her looks to get what she wants from men. Including you. She may not even know she's doing it.

[flitzanu]

Well I have a question. I am not usually picky (although of course I prefer a hotter girl all other factors excluded), but does me dating this girl and going through this mean that I need to be?

 

Am I going to be physically shallow towards any girl that isn't a 9 or a 10 from now on? Idk if anyone has experience in this particular situation or if I am just being insanely shallow.

 

not necessarily. i'm pretty shallow about looks, but there are instances that personality is going to outshine her being "under your rating system". i mean, yes it sounds incredibly sexist to girls that hate men being shallow....but EVERYONE is first going to need physical attraction. if you can't be physically attracted to someone, you aren't going to want to date them.

 

however, you may find that there are girls that based on emotional or intellectual attraction...you find yourself more attracted to them because of those things rather than beauty alone.